tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post3806753470321475680..comments2023-08-23T03:51:55.709-05:00Comments on Muslim Bushido: True Fellowship, Part 3: An Extended Reader's Money Quote From EviaUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-28822388325781121612009-10-18T21:00:19.553-05:002009-10-18T21:00:19.553-05:00I really, really love this blog. I am soaking up...I really, really love this blog. I am soaking up sooo much information, and haven't even gone through all of the topics btw. My DP and I have two daughters, and while he has made a few friends from work, I still haven't made any(unless you count my 73 year old neighbor). We've been in Vegas for a year now, and it would be such a delight if I could befriend people who are similar minded like the ladies here. It also doesn't help that I'm a scorpio, introvert, and hate feeling as though I'm "bothering" someone. <br /><br />Thanks for the encouragement though as I struggle to gain new friendships.vegasturkeymomnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-69488978332131257092009-08-18T16:29:53.139-05:002009-08-18T16:29:53.139-05:00AK,
It sounds like you have me confused with Fait...AK,<br /><br />It sounds like you have me confused with Faith (who is the one who's been breaking down the statistics).<br /><br />Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-65920924085066559642009-08-18T13:18:35.124-05:002009-08-18T13:18:35.124-05:00Oh my goodness Khadija, I bow down to you for brea...Oh my goodness Khadija, I bow down to you for breaking the problems of OOW-ness down in numbers!aknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-17270576732076893812009-08-18T08:52:06.892-05:002009-08-18T08:52:06.892-05:00(3) many times modern AAs who do listen REFUSE to ...<i>(3) many times modern AAs who do listen REFUSE to reciprocate---they just want to take and take and take from the speaker.<br /><br />Standard AA Situation #3 above is the reason why I stopped being helpful with the less senior AAs at work. I was irritated enough to actually come out and tell a couple of individuals, "For future reference, it would be better for you if you learned how to help the people who help YOU." This was in response to their observations (subtle whinings) that I wasn't being very responsive to their questions. </i><br /><br />This is one reason why more of us CANNOT afford to do things for each other. <b>ALL of us need support sometimes,</b> yet many AAs no longer know how to reciprocate or be supportive or friends or allies or refuse to do it. This is why I've said many of them seem to feel ***ENTITLED***--for some mysterious reason.<br /><br />Even my own children know they HAVE TO say "thank you" to me and their Dad and to anyone else who does something for them because no one has to do anything for anybody. Yet strange AAs online and offline will expect for me to bend over backwards for them and won't even think about reciprocating, as if they are royalty. LOL! This is why it's a mystery. I mean, I don't know the basis for why they think others should just do and do and do for them without reciprocity.<br /><br />I've never encountered anyone from other groups who expect this kind of royal treatment. In my experience, a continental African will keep thanking and thanking you until you feel like telling them to shut up--LOL!, and can be counted on to reciprocate when they get the chance. In social transactions with white folks, they definitely know they have to reciprocate and to not give away anything for free.<br /><br />Let me repeat:<b> We ALL need support sometimes,</b> but this type of non-reciprocal behavior makes me wary of AAs. It's as if you're dealing with very young children; you have to tell them EVERYTHING, and when you tell them that you expect something from them, that's usually when the argument breaks out. It really is ironic because so many AAs are constantly talking about why AAs need to stick together and all of that "black" talk, but these same folks will NOT reciprocate. <br /><br />Instead of doing all of that talking, they need to start DOING. Let their ACTIONS speak. I mean, how do they think that folks can stick together if they don't support each other?Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03807361585300096844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-91739025132631445362009-08-18T07:57:14.383-05:002009-08-18T07:57:14.383-05:00Part 3
You said, "I'm so happy that I wa...Part 3<br /><br />You said, <em>"I'm so happy that I was forced to listen when I was a very young person! Lawdy! I hear folks saying "You shouldn't make your kids do this or that," but 'children are children.' DUH! Why would any adult with common sense expect for a CHILD to know what's best for them??"</em><br /><br />I'm also happy that my parents were old-school and never contemplated the madness that so many modern AAs have bought into. As a teenager, I recall my Dad repeatedly telling me that I didn't know enough to be able to have an opinion that mattered! He also went on to comment that our family was NOT a democracy for the children invovlved, and that my brother and I did NOT get to "vote" on family policies. And that any child who doesn't like it needs to live somewhere (ELSE) where they are paying somebody rent.<br /><br />And he was right! And I got to see how right he was as a teenager by contrasting our home life with that of a slightly older cousin (whose parents had bought into some strange, "White" childrearing ideas). To make a long story short, my cousin's family had moved out into a White suburb and started mimicking the (bad) cultural habits of the people around them. Such as not disciplining one's children, giving your children "votes" about family policy, "respecting your children's so-called privacy", and other failing ideas. <br /><br />[Even as a teenager, I found this last bit about child "privacy" to be a strange idea. How can you have "privacy" <em>in your parents' house?</em> "Privacy" is for people who pay rent or a mortgage to have their privacy. When you're living on <em>somebody else's dime</em> and in <em>somebody else's space---particularly your PARENTS' space</em> you can't "do" like you would "do" on your OWN dime and space. That just seemed to be COMMON SENSE to me. But then again, I was raised "old-school." LOL!]<br /><br />Anyhoo, back to this particular cousin. Well, the end result of all that new-school madness was a teenage boy who felt that it was appropriate to smoke reefer in his parents' house. And was disprespectful enough to have fist fights with his father over this (over his "right" to smoke reefer in "his" home).<br /><br />I recall him complaining to me about all of this once. He said that <em>"it was his house too."</em> I said, <em>"How is it your house when you don't pay the mortgage or bills? And you actually FIGHT your Dad? What's wrong with you?"</em> I was around 15 and he was around 17.<br /><br />Craaa-zeee. And he's been estranged from his parents ever since.<br /><br />Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-28544849088820727102009-08-18T07:55:20.858-05:002009-08-18T07:55:20.858-05:00Part 2
You said, "I was listening to testimo...Part 2<br /><br />You said, <em>"I was listening to testimonies at church on Sunday and I noticed that the bulk of the AA women who gave testimonies didn't wake up until they were in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s!! So they stood there talking about how they're now insisting on respect in their social lives and are trying to start college or go back to college! This is fine, but they've already lost SO MUCH time."</em><br /><br /><strong>That's ridiculous. And I don't believe that these women gave honest or accurate descriptions of their journey from absolute foolishness to some semblance of sanity. <br /><br />I've noticed that EVERY single battered woman I've talked to was warned by at least one person against taking up with her future batterer. <br /><br />These battered women CHOSE to ignore those warnings (that often came from multiple people---I'm thinking of one woman whose own brother had warned her against her future battering boyfriend---<em>"Can't you see the hate in his eyes when he looks at you?"</em>). Many of these battered women CHOSE to characterize the warners as people who were "jealous" of their relationship with their soon-to-be batterers.<br /><br />All of these battered women then pretended to be "surprised" and "shocked" when these men (that others warned them against) boxed their heads.<br /><br />I believe that it's a similar thing with all these decades-later claims of <em>"I didn't know that I could/should insist upon respect in my social life."</em> What I suspect is that at least one person around these women told them that at an earlier point in their lives, and they CHOSE to ignore this good counsel. And they probably CHOSE to characterize the person(s) who warned against tolerating mistreatment as "stuck up," "think she White," etc.<br /><br />Back to shades of gray. These women who only got a clue decades later probably messed over folks who tried to advise them to require better for themselves.</strong>Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-20547581257611441832009-08-18T07:53:31.268-05:002009-08-18T07:53:31.268-05:00Evia,
You said, "Khadija, this goes back to ...Evia,<br /><br />You said, <em>"Khadija, this goes back to notions of "ALL or NONE" that some AAs tend to want to cling to, and the seeming inability of some AAs to realize that most of life operates in the middle and is very nuanced."</em><br /><br />Yes, I find it scary to see just how primitive and childlike many of our thought processes are. I don't understand how so many AAs get to (physical) adulthood without understand that life is filled with ever-shifting "shades of gray."<br /><br />You said, <em>"Also, due to the fragmentation of AAs, over time many tried-and-true tips or much valuable knowledge has been lost and isn't getting passed down or passed around among AAs the way it occurs in other groups and the way it used to occur among AAs. This is a MAJOR loss for a typical younger AA woman because in many cases these days, she has to start at square 1, whereas her white, Asian, or African counterpart can start at square 292."</em><br /><br />Well, as you've noted: (1) the information isn't being disseminated; (2) many times when people DO try to tell folks stuff, modern AAs refuse to listen; and (3) many times modern AAs who do listen REFUSE to reciprocate---they just want to take and take and take from the speaker. <br /><br />Standard AA Situation #3 above is the reason why I stopped being helpful with the less senior AAs at work. I was irritated enough to actually come out and tell a couple of individuals, <em>"For future reference, it would be better for you if you learned how to help the people who help YOU."</em> This was in response to their observations (subtle whinings) that I wasn't being very responsive to their questions. <br /><br />One fool told me that it didn't occur to her that there was anything she could do for a senior coworker. I told her that obviously she didn't understand the concept of MUTUAL support. I went on to say: <em>"You know, MUTUAL support like these White people and others on this job do with each other that you complain about. You know, the MUTUAL support that they give to each other that y'all complain that they WON'T give to AAs."</em>Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-42457036802754117632009-08-18T06:57:25.706-05:002009-08-18T06:57:25.706-05:00Part 2
The social world is increasingly sophistic...Part 2<br /><br />The social world is increasingly sophisticated and NUANCED. Some people in <b>ALL</b> groups are going to like you and some aren't. Some of the ones who don't like you--for whatever reason--are going to act out that dislike. So of course, SOME of them going to try to sabotage. This is simply human nature. AA women need to court allies in ALL groups and both genders. You don't have to be likeminded with or totally in sync with someone or even like them much in order to have them as an ally. We need people for many different reasons in our lives. <b>I think AA women MUST go across those ethnic and racial lines for allies because unfortunately lots of AAs do not know how to be friends or allies.</b><br /><br />Also, I think that AA women need to sometimes be much less direct in ***certain situations*** in what they say and do because it leaves them little "wiggle room." The idea is to be more subtle in order to increase that 'wiggle room,' if and when it's needed. <br /><br />Some AA women trap themselves with their mouths with the first statements out of their mouths! In other words, there's a lot to be gained from learning how to talk like a diplomat or talk without saying anything that can be used against you. LOL! What's the point in giving others ammunition to use against you? Why create hostile others for no reason?<br /><br />I am direct online ON PURPOSE, and I can be very direct in certain situations in my offline life because I'm already secure in critical ways. Many AA women CANNOT afford to run off at the mouth, however. Also, I've noticed that many AA women are very quiet when they ought to be talking. This is just indication of their anti-bw indoctrination.<br /> <br />I think MANY AA women have been indoctrinated by the church and church teachings to 'love thy neighbor' and 'be your brother's keeper' LITERALLY. They want to love everybody, save folks, and to get everybody to like/love them. Are AA women the only Christians on earth? I say this because I notice that MOST other folks who say they're Christians or "saved" apparently have and practice a very different interpretation of those scriptures.<br /><br />Much of what AA girls and women are being fed that is supposedly coming from the Bible is nothing more than "AA-Woman INDOCTRINATION." That's what's involved in many of the black churches these days. Many of the teaching's lay heavy emphasis on "giving selflessly." LOL! I was in church on Sunday and the minister actually said that people (85% women in the church) must give without expecting anything back. <br /><br />SMH--It keeps morphing, but it's still the same anti-bw teachings, and most bw go to church, in part, because it's the ONLY support system or the most workable support system they have.Eviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06606364424958560351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-418118294342186212009-08-18T06:47:11.663-05:002009-08-18T06:47:11.663-05:00What I am saying is that AA women have to keep the...<i>What I am saying is that AA women have to keep their eyes open. And not wander out into other environments blindly assuming that everything is cool. Sometimes it is; sometimes it's not. And sometimes there are people in whatever environments we're in who are trying to sabotage us. It's similar to the mental awareness that I was referring to in the "Racial Discipline" post. </i><br /><br />Khadija, this goes back to notions of "ALL or NONE" that some AAs tend to want to cling to, and the seeming inability of some AAs to realize that most of life operates in the middle and is very nuanced. It is a lot easier to think,for ex., that ALL people are a certain way or that NONE of them are, but that's NOT the way life actually is. There's barely anything about life that is an absolute. AA women MUST learn to navigate nuances.<br /><br />Also, due to the fragmentation of AAs, over time many tried-and-true tips or much valuable knowledge has been lost and isn't getting passed down or passed around among AAs the way it occurs in other groups and the way it used to occur among AAs. This is a MAJOR loss for a typical younger AA woman because in many cases these days, she has to start at square 1, whereas her white, Asian, or African counterpart can start at square 292. <br /><br />I was listening to testimonies at church on Sunday and I noticed that the bulk of the AA women who gave testimonies didn't wake up until they were in their late 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s!! So they stood there talking about how they're now insisting on respect in their social lives and are trying to start college or go back to college! This is fine, but they've already lost SO MUCH time. <br /><br />I'm so happy that I was forced to listen when I was a very young person! Lawdy! I hear folks saying "You shouldn't make your kids do this or that," but <b>'children are children.'</b> DUH! Why would any adult with common sense expect for a CHILD to know what's best for them??<br /><br />Anyway, I constantly compare the way AAs function with each other to the ways that other people function with people in their own group. Knowledge-holders in these other groups provide the info to the less-knowledgeable ones of them and those in the latter group reciprocate in various ways. <br /><br />This is yet another social indicator as to why so many AAs are struggling, collapsing and are actually, in general, NO competition when trying to compete against other groups for the better resources. Other groups are ORGANIZED, whether loosely or formally, even though these threads and networks may not be visible.<br /><br />We live in the Information Age, but AAs do not have vehicles to carry the information to each other and many AAs haven't learned to reciprocate in return for getting vital info.Eviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06606364424958560351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-6245336233507056162009-08-17T13:51:20.998-05:002009-08-17T13:51:20.998-05:00AK,
Onward and forward!
Peace, blessings and sol...AK,<br /><br />Onward and forward!<br /><br />Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-88971862609269594332009-08-17T12:13:48.275-05:002009-08-17T12:13:48.275-05:00Khadija to be honest. I souned a lot like m'Fr...Khadija to be honest. I souned a lot like m'Freda' Evia's friend in college just from that description alone. It's like I eerily have doppelganger. Freda's familial and environmental sounds so much like mine it's not funny. But thank God I was never molested as a child.aknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-37371760301868474792009-08-08T10:35:57.053-05:002009-08-08T10:35:57.053-05:00Thank you Ifetayo.Thank you Ifetayo.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-16038018354780633082009-08-08T03:31:07.830-05:002009-08-08T03:31:07.830-05:00Aphrodite,
It took me a while to harmonize the di...Aphrodite,<br /><br />It took me a while to harmonize the different ideologies of equality and dominance. My take:<br /><br />We are all equal in the eyes of God.<br /><br />Aim to dominate in the eyes of (wo)man.lunanoirehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15234728492809758474noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-20573094227307300912009-08-05T07:02:11.421-05:002009-08-05T07:02:11.421-05:00PioneerValleyWoman,
Thanks for the info!
Peace, ...PioneerValleyWoman,<br /><br />Thanks for the info!<br /><br />Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-65280956552833176042009-08-05T06:01:27.994-05:002009-08-05T06:01:27.994-05:00Information on dying towns and cities--these artic...Information on dying towns and cities--these articles identify common themes that such communities share:<br /><br />http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0405/feature1/fulltext.html<br /><br />http://www.forbes.com/2008/12/08/towns-ten-economy-forbeslife-cx_mw_1209dying.htmlPVWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12410310404539584350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-88627106658051437942009-08-03T21:32:16.359-05:002009-08-03T21:32:16.359-05:00Anonymous,
You said, "Everyone needs friends...Anonymous,<br /><br />You said, <em>"Everyone needs friends and you're going to make a life for yourself outside of the black community hating on white (and other) women will make life harder."</em><br /><br /><strong>Nobody who's commented so far has advocated <em>"hating on White (and other) women."</em> I know that I never advocated that.</strong><br /><br />What I <em>am</em> saying is that AA women have to keep their eyes open. And not wander out into other environments blindly assuming that everything is cool. Sometimes it is; sometimes it's not. And sometimes there are people in whatever environments we're in who are trying to sabotage us. It's similar to the mental awareness that I was referring to in the <em>"Racial Discipline"</em> post. <br /><br /><strong>AA women CAN'T afford to be naive about the dynamics of ANY setting. The stakes are just too high to wander around anywhere oblivious to what might be going on.</strong> Now, I'm not saying that this is what you or anybody else who has commented was advocating. I try to be careful to mention ALL of the angles to the various situations that I discuss.<br /><br />AA women need to be aware of the potential pitfalls of various settings.<br /><br />Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-8303660271055371812009-08-03T13:00:33.697-05:002009-08-03T13:00:33.697-05:00Re. tearing down women of other backgrounds:
All ...Re. tearing down women of other backgrounds:<br /><br />All too often, legitimate criticism is silenced by the "tearing down" metaphor.<br /><br />There is a difference between "tearing down" and recognizing the prejudice that aims to put down black women, whether it comes from men of whatever background or whether it comes from women of non-black backgrounds.<br /><br />All too often, non-black women have been able to hide their racism and act as though there is no such thing, and that myth needs to be shattered, as Khadija said, there are plenty of non-black women who are incredibly racist and who are royally pissed off to see acceptable non-black men of their group with black women. Thus, they and their black male allies are eager to attack black women with non-black men.<br /><br />A typical example that one can see all the time--a black man with a white woman in public will give the "side eye" to a black woman with a white man, and his white female partner will join him in doing so!PVWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12410310404539584350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-63694580281097733822009-08-03T10:16:06.113-05:002009-08-03T10:16:06.113-05:00My comment addresses situations where one is in a ...My comment addresses situations where one is in a safe environment.<br /><br />I agree one cannot attract freedom or human rights when one is enslaved or oppressed, there are situations such as slavery, concentration camps(pick a continent), and oppressive regimes(again, pick a continent) where no matter what you are doing, positive or negative, insanity can be visited upon you. Laws of attraction and basic human decency are abandoned.<br /><br />Even in safe environments some negative, dbr males are attracted to positive women. When approached by these negative males, women have a choice; either entertain or dismiss.<br /><br />PeaceSouthlandDivahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04712054826121949047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-82755174859424264762009-08-03T09:17:19.472-05:002009-08-03T09:17:19.472-05:00I've been reading bw interracial/empowerment b...<i>I've been reading bw interracial/empowerment blogs for a while and although they speak to me in many ways because I have a white husband I've noticed that many (not yours in particular) have an anti-ww bias.</i><br /><br /><b>IMO, this anti-ww bias is SO unflattering and counterproductive for bw. I've campaigned against it on my blog and in my comments on other blogs.</b> <br /><br />I've always made it a point to never blame ww or any non-bw for any of the bm "leaving home" nonsense, because <b>no other woman can convince a man who's worthwhile to "leave home."</b> I've known this since the time I was a young girl and would witness other girls/women squabbling and fighting over a worthless boy/man.<br /><br /> I've also pointed out numerous times that <b> I do NOT blame ww/light women at all when AA men choose them.</b> A woman cannot help it if a man prefers her. My husband obviously prefers me and that's not my fault. WW are just taking advantage of bm's white-skin adoration and the bm's feelings of inadequacy when he compares himself to wm. If I were a ww, I would capitalize on that too and get everything I could. LOL! Ww are just using their "skin" card with the men who value it just the way AA women should be using their good cards with the men who are willing to SHOW them that they want them.<br /><br /> I've always known that enough men would want me because I was never indoctrinated to focus on bm ONLY. Therefore, I never wasted time on bm or any man who didn't SHOW me that he knew how to treat me. <br /><br />Being antagonistic towards an individual ww who has done something unethical or vile to you is one thing, but being antagonistic towards a whole group of them simply because bm adore them is not rational to me and more importantly, it's a FAILING strategy.Eviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06606364424958560351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-71615869554123779882009-08-03T08:36:22.703-05:002009-08-03T08:36:22.703-05:00Part 2
You said, "But hating on ww is a reli...Part 2<br /><br />You said, <strong><em>"But hating on ww is a relic from the dysfunctional bc where women scratch each other's eyes out for the few available bm."</em><br /><br />This is a CRITICAL point that AA women need to understand. We need to start responding to people based on their <em>actions,</em> and not their ethnicities, color, etc.</strong><br /><br />For example, I strongly dislike so-called biracial/multicultural/Cablanasian "hairflippers." But it's not because they're so-called "biracial," etc. It's because such people are OPPRESSORS who are busy breaking AA women's spirits. I don't dislike Kimora Lee Simmons because she's half Asian. I dislike her because of her stated negative, demeaning attitudes about BW. I dislike her because she works very hard to demean BW and break their spirits. THAT BEHAVIOR of hers is the source of my animosity toward her (and other creatures like her).<br /><br />You said, <em>"I think that we need to give up that bad attitude when we expand our dating pool because bitterness is not only bad for your soul but unattractive to men."</em><br /><br />This is a very practical point. Bitterness is NOT a good look.<br /><br />Now here's the part where I disagree. Your comment reads to me as if you might have a somewhat Pollyanna view of non-Black women. You're not acknowledging that there are PLENTY of Beckys, Lupes, JLos, Ming Lees, and Fatimas who DON'T want to see BW married to <strong>quality</strong> Brads, Joses, Hectors, Jin Daes, and Alis!<br /><br />There are also a large segment of non-Black women who are only comfortable with BW being in a subordinate, asexual (= non-glamorous, and not found attractive by Brad, etc.) role. <br /><br />A lot of these chicks don't like it at all when they see Brad, etc. responding to BW as attractive women. It upsets their world view; which is based on having BW firmly entrenched in the "m-word" (picture Aunt Jemima) role.<br /><br />Many of these women don't like it at all when AA women are viewed as attractive and glamorous; and many of them will try to sabotage Brad's etc. respectful, attentive interactions with AA women.<br /><br />So, yes, we should treat people based on their actions. But AA women should also keep their eyes open for possible racist hateration and interference from Becky, Lupe, JLo, Ming Lee and Fatima.<br /><br />Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-49829773089502171922009-08-03T08:34:04.293-05:002009-08-03T08:34:04.293-05:00Anonymous,
Thank you for your kind words about th...Anonymous,<br /><br />Thank you for your kind words about the blog; I truly appreciate it.<br /><br />Well, I agree in part, and disagree in part with your comment.<br /><br />You said, <em>"I've been reading bw interracial/empowerment blogs for a while and although they speak to me in many ways because I have a white husband I've noticed that many (not yours in particular) have an anti-ww bias. This is not a good strategy if you want to marry interracially."</em><br /><br />I agree to the extent that I've also noticed that many of the commenters on these blogs are quite preoccupied with tearing down WW. Or, as some of them have put it, seeing WW "snatched off of their pedestals."<br /><br />I've always been uncomfortable with this posture. For several reasons. First of all...it's <em>unseemly.</em> As AA women, we have our own "crowns" and charms that have NOTHING to do with tearing down other women. We don't need to tear down non-Black women in order for our inherent beauty to be recognized.<br /><br />Like I said, I find that "snatch them off their pedestal" posture to be unseemly. It reminds me of how Tonya Harding apparently felt that the ONLY way she could win was by having Nancy Kerrigan physically wounded. This "snatch them off their pedestal" posture makes AA women seem like a group of Tonya Hardings. Like women who can only win if another woman loses.<br /><br /><strong>Coming off like Tonya Harding is NOT a good look.</strong><br /><br />You said, <em>"I love bw and I am very pro-bw. I have a sisterfriend that I grew up from infancy with and will be my sisterfriend for life, but shedding the rest of my black girlfriends was the best thing I ever did. They twisted themselves into pretzels to accomodate bm who just wanted a piece and tried to convince me that no wm would ever want me."</em><br /><br />I only love and care about mentally healthy AA women with "old school" values. The rest of them can bounce.<br /><br />I agree that AA women who want to THRIVE (and not just survive) will probably have to drop most of their current AA female acquaintances. As I said earlier, the AA collective is now mostly composed of poorly-socialized, dysfunctional, toxic people. Toxic people who will do whatever they can to discourage and sabotage AA women who want to thrive. Crabs in a barrel.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-86055689952881053752009-08-03T07:36:12.136-05:002009-08-03T07:36:12.136-05:00Hi Khadijah,
I've been lurking for...Hi Khadijah,<br /> I've been lurking for a while and I love how analytically you break everything down. I've been reading bw interracial/empowerment blogs for a while and although they speak to me in many ways because I have a white husband I've noticed that many (not yours in particular) have an anti-ww bias. This is not a good strategy if you want to marry interracially. When I decided a few years ago to concentrate on finding a husband I made a lot of friends of all races, and my white and Hispanic girlfriends introduced me to a lot of non-black men. I met my husband at my white girlfriend's house and I never would have met him otherwise.<br /><br /> Also your white boyfriend will probably have white women in his social circle and most men prefer to marry women who get along with their friends. Some men do marry women that don't get along with their friends but it's never a plus.<br /><br /> Finally if you marry a white man you'll have a white mother-in-law and (probably) white sisters-in-law. Fuming (if only inwardly) towards your in-laws will cause needless problems in your marriage and could well end up causing a divorce. Resentment towards white people who aren't themselves racist is not something that white men, even ones interested in marrying black women, like. Again he might put up with it if he's head over heels in love with you but in most cases he'll choose a black woman who doesn't have those issues.<br /><br /> I love bw and I am very pro-bw. I have a sisterfriend that I grew up from infancy with and will be my sisterfriend for life, but shedding the rest of my black girlfriends was the best thing I ever did. They twisted themselves into pretzels to accomodate bm who just wanted a piece and tried to convince me that no wm would ever want me. I've made a new connection with a bw who has a Latino husband and it's nice to have more bw friends. But hating on ww is a relic from the dysfunctional bc where women scratch each other's eyes out for the few available bm. I think that we need to give up that bad attitude when we expand our dating pool because bitterness is not only bad for your soul but unattractive to men. I have a great relationship with my sister-in-law and it really increases the family bonds and socialization that I want my children to have. And if there's a little initial hesitation on the part of your mother-in-law (as there was with mine) having her daughter love you will help to melt it. My MIL and I now get along great and she's even become friends with my mother!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-16948259112410850792009-08-02T17:29:39.247-05:002009-08-02T17:29:39.247-05:00Part 2
SouthlandDiva,
You said, "I have hea...Part 2<br /><br />SouthlandDiva,<br /><br />You said, <em>"I have heard more than once recently how a good friendship often lasts longer than a lot of marriages (esp. where the relationship was not built on friendship). Women ignore true friendship with other women (or men for that matter) at their peril."</em><br /><br />Correct!<br /><br />You said, <em>"If you continually draw negative people to you, you must change your thought patterns and behaviors! The people around you serve as a mirror. Do you like what you see?"</em><br /><br />I believe that this sort of thing is true in one sense and untrue in another sense. This is where I part company with "law of attraction" type ideology. It tends to ignore the existence of oppression and true evil; with an inclination toward victim-blaming.<br /><br />I've mentioned this before, but it wouldn't make any sense for slaves on a plantation, prisoners in a concentration camp, or African women in mass-rape societies like the Congo to ponder questions such as:<br /><br /><em>"How did I 'attract' the slave owner/Nazi guard/rebel soldier-rapist into my life?"<br /><br />"How can I 'attract' freedom into my life?" <br /><br />"Are the Nazi concentration camp guards/slave owners/rebel soldier-rapists a 'mirror' or reflection of who I am?"</em><br /><br />or any other such esoteric inquiries.<br /><br />I believe that there are a disproportionate number of objectively FOUL people among AAs (this is what I mean when I say "yucky"). I believe that this disproportionate (and ever-rising) number of foul AAs is in large part the result of interlocking measurable pathologies. Pathologies such as the ones that have become ENTRENCHED among AAs, like:<br /><br />1-The absence of marriage.<br /><br />2-Which means the absence of 2-parent parenting.<br /><br />3-Which means MASS fatherlessness.<br /><br />4-Which means THE MASSES never having seen what a husband/father does up close and personal.<br /><br />5-Which means THE MASSES never having observed adult male friendships up close.<br /><br />6-Which means THE MASSES never having seen a healthy marriage up close and personal.<br /><br />7-Which means extra (and often extreme) stress on the MASSES of BW who are left to parent alone. <br /><br />8-Which leads to increased MASS likeliness of the BF single parent allowing the tv and Gameboy to babysit their children.<br /><br />9-Which leads to MASSES of poorly-socialized, yucky, AA children who never learned how to share, cooperate with peers, etc.<br /><br />10-MASS single parenting means the normalization of "tele-parenting" and weekend-only parenting by sperm donors.<br /><br />11-Which means MASSES OF AAs who are raised with <strong>strange</strong> ideas about parenting, etc.<br /><br />12-Which means NOT being able to trust THE MASSES of random AAs in terms of letting one's child play with their child.<br /><br />13-Which means ENTIRE blocks composed of single BF mothers.<br /><br />14-Which means less cohesion as a block.<br /><br />15-Which means THE MASSES OF poorly-socialized AA children won't face intervention of any sort by other parents on the block.<br /><br />16-Which means that THE MASSES OF poorly-socialized, yucky, AA children are more free to grow up to be yucky AA adults.<br /><br />All of which adds up to poorly-socialized, dysfunctional SAVAGES who form the MASSES of the AA collective at this point.<br /><br /><strong>You see, I don't believe that "law of attraction" stuff works in situations that are sufficiently bizarre, far-gone, or EVIL. To me, that stuff only works within the context of a reasonably healthy environment. <br /><br />What currently exists within the vast majority of AA biological "families," residential areas, and other social circles is NOT reasonably healthy. The norm among us has become a DEPRAVED, EVIL one. This is what I meant when I said (in Part 1 of the <em>All Colored Folks Who Want To Go To Kansas...</em> series) that the AA "community" is FILLED with Satanic strongholds!</strong><br /><br />Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-59196267544732224422009-08-02T17:25:18.208-05:002009-08-02T17:25:18.208-05:00Rainebeaux,
Yeah, a disgusted "wow" pre...Rainebeaux,<br /><br />Yeah, a disgusted <em>"wow"</em> pretty much sums it up. What I find amazing is that most AAs don't see the connection between having a majority of our people who are poorly-socialized users and/or nuts and the various "official" pathologies that are rampant among us. <br /><br />All the things that are besetting our people from within were only able to <strong>take root</strong> because of our lack of positive connections to each other.<br />___________________________<br /><br />SisterSeeking/Miriam,<br /><br />Wa Alaikum As Salaam!<br /><br />You're welcome; and thank YOU for your kind words about the post. I truly appreciate it.<br /><br />Yes, the facts of Esmin Greene's death ARE terrible and horrifying. <strong>AA women better recognize! This sort of thing can happen to THEM in their hour of need, unless they build some "insurance" for themselves by developing some true friends.</strong>Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-43989874660020956662009-08-02T15:36:01.909-05:002009-08-02T15:36:01.909-05:00I recently had a short stay (a day and a half) in ...I recently had a short stay (a day and a half) in the hospital. My mother was there from the early a.m. the day of the surgery until late p.m. the day of the surgery. She wanted to make sure the anesthesia had worn off and that I was lucid and not in pain. I had one of my best friends stop by early the next day and others calling and planning to come by. Luckily, I was out by early afternoon the day after surgery. <br /><br />The nursing staff treated me with great kindness and attention (they kept waking me up to check temp and bp all night long!!!lol) which I believe was due in part to my mother's presence (she's a nurse). Also, I made it a point to be positive and friendly with the nurses and other hospital staff. I smiled and thanked them for their attention/efforts. What I got in return was really superior service!! <br /><br />I have heard more than once recently how a good friendship often lasts longer than a lot of marriages (esp. where the relationship was not built on friendship). Women ignore true friendship with other women (or men for that matter) at their peril. True friendship is reciprocal, based on shared values, and a similar outlook on life. If you continually draw negative people to you, you must change your thought patterns and behaviors! The people around you serve as a mirror. Do you like what you see?<br /><br />I have a rainbow community of best friends(sisterfriends), good friends, and acquaintances. My best friend circle is very small. My good friend circle only slightly larger. As I have matured, I realize it is not the number of friends you have that matters, rather, it is the quality of the friendships you have that matters.<br /><br />PeaceSouthlandDivahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04712054826121949047noreply@blogger.com