tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post6824697633336314135..comments2023-08-23T03:51:55.709-05:00Comments on Muslim Bushido: The Art of Majesty, Part 2: The Imploding Black Middle ClassUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger56125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-6587478190362022832008-10-22T12:37:00.000-05:002008-10-22T12:37:00.000-05:00Evia,I had to step back and think for a minute. I'...Evia,<BR/><BR/>I had to step back and think for a minute. I'm still shocked when confronted with details that show how far out of touch with human norms our people have become. <BR/><BR/>After catching my breath, I realized that you're right: I can't think of a <EM>single</EM> human society that has entrusted the socialization of its males to women. Even societies that were traditionally less patriarchal than most (like some of the Native American nations) had their boys socialized BY MEN.<BR/><BR/>Because women socializing boys <STRONG>does NOT work. Certainly not on any mass level.</STRONG> The exceptions are still the exceptions, not the rule.<BR/><BR/>Another thing that we need to factor in is that the oasis would need a team of lawyers to fend off gender discrimination lawsuits. Even though residence in the oasis is voluntary, there would still be plenty of BW who would want to live there AND sue to have their teenage (& adult) sons live there too.<BR/><BR/>I remember the colored girls who raised a ruckus when Min. Farrakhan had a series of Black men-only lectures. They just couldn't understand that the Minister <EM>needed</EM> to talk to BM alone to get some of the BM in the audience to "Stop the Killing" in Black communities.<BR/><BR/>In terms of the BF Resident/Plaintiffs, many Black folks have an established habit of wanting something for nothing. There are many BW who would want the benefits of the oasis (security, sanctuary) without being willing to follow the rules that make these benefits possible (no teenage or adult males on the premises). <BR/><BR/>This behavior pattern is what makes housing projects into violent hellholes. I'm also sure that the prospective Resident/Plaintiffs would be able to find Black "grassroots" organizations that would back them in suing the oasis to allow their teenage sons to live there.<BR/><BR/>The oasis would need a legal team to find loopholes around a discrimination suit (to make the oasis "lawsuit bulletproof").<BR/><BR/>Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-29280227471397496902008-10-22T11:13:00.000-05:002008-10-22T11:13:00.000-05:00I am reminded of older black women (in their 60s a...<I>I am reminded of older black women (in their 60s and up) I know who in their younger days were raising children on their own, either due to an early out of wedlock pregnancy, separation or divorce. Their sons are now in their late 30s.<BR/><BR/>Now these women raised their children in a different time, before the detrimental forces of today.<BR/><BR/>How did they do it, raise their boys on their own?<BR/><BR/><BR/>1. They raised their sons among their extended family of sisters and brothers, so that their young sons had male influences notwithstanding the fact that the father was not around.<BR/><BR/>2. The men they married and then became separated from or became divorced from maintained some role in their sons' lives while the young men (of high school age by this time) made the transition into adulthood.<BR/><BR/>3. The mothers kept their sons away from the popular culture, made sure the boys went to schools where they were less exposed to black underclass culture. <BR/><BR/>The boys grew up being very close to their mothers and sisters; they are definitely non-sexist. Today, they are married family men.<BR/></I><BR/><BR/>As you pointed out, these women had extended families to help them. They were not ALONE. I was raised in an extended family, so I know what you're talking about. It was a safe, supportive, encouraging environment.<BR/><BR/>The popular black culture IS the MAIN cultural piece for most young black folks these days. The popular culture used to be more on the periphery of a black child's life, but not now. <BR/><BR/>Today's typical single, younger black mother is ALONE or virtually alone. Her family members--if she has a reasonably healthy and productive family--no longer feel committed or obligated to do anything for her child. They have their own lives and their own problems. So she's usually all on her own. Many people today are not willing to sacrifice time to help to fill in another person's life even if it's a relative. <BR/><BR/>However, many of these women are a part of a broke-down family with members struggling in various ways.<BR/><BR/>One reason why some relatives don't help out is is because some relatives disapprove of the bw having children by these "no-good" baby-daddy type men. Yet this is unfair to the women even if she's more selective because--let's be honest--many times, there are barely any other type of men in the woman's vicinity IF she remains in black social circles. <BR/><BR/>Even many more middle class, or more educated bm these days are straight-up DBRs OR are taking advantage of the number of bw available to them. As one such man pointed out, there are 40 bw PLUS other women for every bm of his type.<BR/><BR/>Definitely in many poorer black neighborhoods or social circles, the number of quality bm who seek long-relationships, committed relationship with a bw is almost ZERO. I constantly look at the situation in the black community near me. If you can find more than 2-3 such men in that area of thousands this morning, I'd give you my house. Since I write about this topic so much, I spend time looking for and asking about these men. LOL! <BR/><BR/>Many of these bw are surrounded by MOSTLY DBR men or user type men, but no one teaches or WARNS the girls and women that these men will use them and throw them and the children away, so they foolishly allow these men to sex them and impregnate them. I can see this happening every time I go into the black community near me. I STILL don't hear anyone saying this to these females. So, the baby-daddy types roam free there looking for another girl or woman. <BR/><BR/>As most of us know, the system from those days has overwhelmingly broken down. That extended family pitching in was/is a great model, but it's not available to most of these women.<BR/><BR/>People MUST adapt to changed conditions or else. <BR/><BR/>And PVW, I think many magically thinking black folks have quietly made a decision not to even try to adapt. While talking to a more-conscious bw recently who lives in that poor community, she said "If it's meant for blacks there to survive, then they will and if it's not, then--oh well."Eviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06606364424958560351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-17193436886838071192008-10-22T06:42:00.000-05:002008-10-22T06:42:00.000-05:00I am reminded of older black women (in their 60s a...I am reminded of older black women (in their 60s and up) I know who in their younger days were raising children on their own, either due to an early out of wedlock pregnancy, separation or divorce. Their sons are now in their late 30s.<BR/><BR/>Now these women raised their children in a different time, before the detrimental forces of today.<BR/><BR/>How did they do it, raise their boys on their own?<BR/><BR/>1. They raised their sons among their extended family of sisters and brothers, so that their young sons had male influences notwithstanding the fact that the father was not around.<BR/><BR/>2. The men they married and then became separated from or became divorced from maintained some role in their sons' lives while the young men (of high school age by this time) made the transition into adulthood.<BR/><BR/>3. The mothers kept their sons away from the popular culture, made sure the boys went to schools where they were less exposed to black underclass culture. <BR/><BR/>The boys grew up being very close to their mothers and sisters; they are definitely non-sexist. Today, they are married family men.PVWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12410310404539584350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-43622733167347522492008-10-21T20:43:00.000-05:002008-10-21T20:43:00.000-05:00I read Anonymous' post as raising the question of ...<I>I read Anonymous' post as raising the question of what to do regarding those women raising boys who are not yet into the damaged mindset/lifestyle. How are they to raise upstanding boys in an oasis type environment, where there might be few positive men (especially if the damaged men are kept at bay)?</I><BR/><BR/> Allowing for a few exceptions here and there, based on my social science and comparative culture readings, observations, and discussions, the evidence shows that women, alone, cannot raise male children successfully. <BR/><BR/> This is all the more so because we live in a patriarchial world where men have designed and enforced the various systems and women are generally regarded as less-than, weaker, lacking in authority, not regarded as competent as men and of lower status in much of the world. Thus boys do not want to grow up to be like 'dear old mom.' Boys want to grow up to be like dad or other men, whether these men are good or bad role models because people tend to want to emulate those with higher status. Men,in general, have higher status everywhere in the world, compared to women.<BR/><BR/> We have lived under the patriarchy for thousands of years now. There is no culture in recorded history that I'm aware of where the socialization of male children has been entrusted to women--EXCEPT among AAs. In ALL traditional cultures and even now in modern societies in the West and other places, male children, who are past a certain age, are MAINLY socialized directly and indirectly by adult MALES--or expected to be, except among AAs.<BR/><BR/>The overwhelming majority of social scientists are NOT surprised that AA males are running amuck in black neighborhoods and enclaves. It could have almost been predicted with 100% certainty that this would happen and will continue to happen because it goes directly against all customary norms under the patriarchy to expect or believe that women can raise male children successfully all by themselves or to be able to control these males past a certain age.<BR/><BR/>In the Oasis I envision, male children, beginning at age 8 would be sent out to get male-"finishing" instruction and be prepared for manhood, just like is done in some older, traditional societies, though less formally. At any point in time, there exists enough non-sexist, non racist males who would be able to provide this instruction, guidance, and modelling to prepare these males for life--even if the women in the Oasis must pay for it. <BR/><BR/> As a mother living in the Oasis system where expenses will be much lower, due to combing resources, I'm sure many mothers wouldn't mind paying a male "finishing" school to provide this training for her son(s). <BR/><BR/> I'm sure many of you know how Jewish children who attend regular public and private schools are sent out for Hebrew instruction. At my youngest son's school, I watched how all the Jewish boys would leave the school on various afternoons on their way to their Hebrew instruction classes. Other ethnic groups also provide cultural and language classes to their youths. Likewise, the Oasis women could contract out this type of critical task since we know by now that the women CANNOT do it. It's like anything else--if you can't do it, you'd hire someone else to do it.<BR/><BR/>However, young male children would be mothered JUST LIKE females because boys need mothering just like girls until they reach a certain age. So they would be fine in the Oasis as **little** boys or until they start getting close to puberty. That's when they'd have to start going out and once they start, they can't ever live in the Oasis again because there are no adult males in the Oasis to protect the females from these young males. <BR/><BR/>Young males of any group and EVERY culture are kept under control by older males. Look into any other cultural group and you'll see how this works. <BR/><BR/> I'm not suggesting that the Oasis is THE solution or the only solution, but if AAs are not going to provide for and protect these girls and women--and we know by now that most AAs engage in magical thinking to solve their problems--then at least alternatives need to be available. <BR/><BR/>Back to the young males-- at puberty, the boys would begin to get pre-vocational and pre-professional education in schools similar to boarding schools until they graduate from high school. This already happens in some other countries (but for different reasons). The boys could have visits with their mothers BUT outside the Oasis. No one would try to stop these mothers from visiting with or being with their sons OUTSIDE the Oasis as long as she wants. If a mother could not bear to be separated from her son(s) at all, she would have to leave the Oasis or never come to live there. <BR/><BR/>We're talking about **survival** here and offering a better quality of life to **some** AA women, so some very hard decisions would have to be made. However, any woman is free to leave whenever she wants. <BR/><BR/>This is just a rough sketch of what I'm thinking. There are various ways this could be handled and in the U.S., this would not be that difficult. First of all, it would REQUIRE different **thinking.** That's the most important part of this. <BR/><BR/> This type of system would not be for everyone. I have to say that because frequently, some people think that when something is said on these bw sites, that someone is trying to FORCE other bw to do something against their will. So the Oasis-if it ever jelled, would be totally voluntary.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03807361585300096844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-13824417490959986912008-10-21T19:55:00.000-05:002008-10-21T19:55:00.000-05:00I read Anonymous' post as raising the question of ...<I>I read Anonymous' post as raising the question of what to do regarding those women raising boys who are not yet into the damaged mindset/lifestyle. How are they to raise upstanding boys in an oasis type environment, where there might be few positive men (especially if the damaged men are kept at bay)?</I><BR/>I saw an interesting short documentary that stated that many black boys, in the absence of fathers/uncles/etc., are developing their ideas of black manhood based on hip videos, mags, etc.<BR/>In that case, a mother in the "oasis" will have to cut off all such influences, and stock books/dvds/music that shows positivity, responsibility, etc.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-20769868240588112002008-10-21T19:08:00.000-05:002008-10-21T19:08:00.000-05:00Hello there, Sister Seeking/Miriam!As you can see,...Hello there, Sister Seeking/Miriam!<BR/><BR/>As you can see, I'm still struggling to deprogram myself from the typical Black-male-centered dogma I soaked up while I was in a Black Nationalist trance. <BR/><BR/>I'm <EM>still</EM> sometimes apologetic when putting BW & girls first. {humming: that's really gotta stop}<BR/><BR/>I'm happy you claritied what you meant by "system." I totally misunderstood what you were saying and thought you meant a theological system of thought. You're talking about an actual, structured process for "training up" capable men. Yes, the Jesuits and the old NOI <EM>are</EM> excellent examples of this!<BR/>____________________________<BR/><BR/>Hello there, Pioneer Valley Woman!<BR/><BR/>Oh...I see. I didn't "get it" at first. Hmmm...I still don't have any real thoughts about that. Although, I do think that it would be worthwhile to look into the exact structures and procedure the Jesuits & old NOI established to train capable men.<BR/><BR/>Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-83569642017957352062008-10-21T14:02:00.000-05:002008-10-21T14:02:00.000-05:00Anonymous:Regarding the oasis idea: What about the...Anonymous:<BR/><BR/>Regarding the oasis idea: What about the black male children growing up in such an oasis? How could you avoid teaching the male children (subtly, if not deliberately) that adult men/males are incidental to family life (except as "sperm donors")?<BR/><BR/>Khadija:<BR/><BR/>Most of the immediate problems I see revolve around the type of males in these BW's lives (be they sperm donors/criminally-inclined boyfriends/criminally-inclined & gangbanging sons). <BR/><BR/><BR/>My reply:<BR/><BR/>I read Anonymous' post as raising the question of what to do regarding those women raising boys who are not yet into the damaged mindset/lifestyle. How are they to raise upstanding boys in an oasis type environment, where there might be few positive men (especially if the damaged men are kept at bay)?PVWhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12410310404539584350noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-43875764314534685932008-10-21T09:39:00.000-05:002008-10-21T09:39:00.000-05:00Okay, I’m jumping around here, bear with me please...Okay, I’m jumping around here, bear with me please:<BR/><BR/>The only two religious groups I’ve ever seen with the infrastructure, resources, and highly skilled masters are the Jesuits and the OLD Nation of Islam. I say this with not as much emphasis on their (theology or creed) but degree of education, discipline, and commitment it takes to produce a Jesuit or one of the old men from the NOI. <BR/><BR/>This is why I kept bringing up “system” perhaps I’m using the wrong word? I don’t know, but both groups of MEN have a system that is used to humanize and socialize men.<BR/><BR/>I’m not convinced that any bw no matter how educated or skilled can compete with an institution ( this is why I’m hell bent on encouraging them to pull their sons out of public school because they cant compete with a state institution either)<BR/><BR/>I’m not sure if the black American masses realize that every civilization has always had a distinct system for training men (to preserve the supremacy of their nation or tribe).<BR/><BR/>My husband, farther in law, and grand farther in law are born Muslims. They were all sent to madrassa's, and than to the military before marrying and becoming parents. Classical Islam was not the only discipline being taught to them, and so they had reinforcement from several worthy male role models other than their own farther. <BR/><BR/>When Evia presented her Oasis theory, I too, wondered how this would work for the black male children as well, and this is one of many reasons why I kept asking about a system. But then Evia mentioned that there would things in place to teach children how to think straight! Alhamdilal ( Praise be to G-d) for that because not knowing how to think critically and logically in a non-academic or non-professional setting is one of the major causes of our collective madness.<BR/><BR/>How are we going to cut off this dysfunction once, and for all. Marrying out to become something else is an option) but I’m a firm believer in going to the root of the problem, and destroying right, then, and there. Enough is enough.<BR/><BR/>Peace<BR/>MiriamAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-22648968593859711902008-10-21T09:37:00.000-05:002008-10-21T09:37:00.000-05:00Peace & BlessingsOkay, I’ve now had an epiphan...Peace & Blessings<BR/><BR/>Okay, I’ve now had an epiphany too…<BR/>I'm going to half to reach out and talk to somebody man...<BR/><BR/>: (<BR/><BR/><BR/>In terms of the message sent to these women's sons, quite frankly Black boys are NOT my priority. My priority is what's going on (health-wise, security-wise, mentally, spiritually, etc.) with the BW and girls involved. Khadija<BR/><BR/>SS: I personally don’t see anything morally or ethically wrong with this Khadija? Why don’t I? What I’ve seen of most black American civil rights organizations is that their main priority is black male teens, and young men.<BR/>Nobody from these organizations is becoming hypersensitive or apologetic about that? What I’ve seen in the last five years is an intensive almost aggressive fight for the preservation of the black male—at the cost of black women and ALL children. It’s a shame it’s come to this but it what it is…<BR/><BR/>This is going to sound as cold as ice: I suspect that most of these boys are already ruined. I'm thinking in terms of triage. I'm thinking in terms of who is capable of getting the most benefit out of extremely limited resources. Khadija<BR/><BR/>SS: I personally came to this conclusion in foster care! It does sound cold Khadija, it really does, but you can’t change what you don’t acknowledge.<BR/><BR/>When I look at the last part of your statement as to why, it actually doesn’t bring a person to ask “why” anymore but more along the lines of “why not” what else was going to happen given the series of events that have transpired over CENTURIES<BR/><BR/>What I’m beginning to realize is that there is a great deal of confusion or uncertainty in the black community concerning the role of the black mother to her son:<BR/><BR/>Can black women home educate (not referring to homeschooling here) and train black boys?<BR/><BR/>Is there a difference between home educating and training versus surviving?<BR/><BR/>Is it acceptable that survival is the only litmus test and is it acceptable to the entire society who is affected the by the destruction of these boys who become men that the survival is the standard?<BR/><BR/>continued..Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-17224281235842752592008-10-20T20:50:00.000-05:002008-10-20T20:50:00.000-05:00Welcome, JS!Please feel free to put all concerns o...Welcome, JS!<BR/><BR/>Please feel free to put all concerns on the table! We CAN'T afford wishful thinking that is out of touch with reality.<BR/><BR/><STRONG>I think the matchmaker idea is GREAT! People need to be screened & vetted. And matchmakers have plenty of real-world experience in such matters.</STRONG> <BR/><BR/>Thank you sooo much for sharing that! Do you see how our reasoning together is much greater than the sum of its parts? Synergy is a wonderful thing!<BR/><BR/>Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-26809315169728128402008-10-20T20:43:00.000-05:002008-10-20T20:43:00.000-05:00Khadija,I know you are human. I do not expect anyt...Khadija,<BR/><BR/>I know you are human. I do not expect anything from you but I will learn from you (and everyone else) while I can because one day I will be a voice to someone else, and "excellence is a habit."DeStouethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02411518412229632680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-26939439253283049052008-10-20T20:42:00.000-05:002008-10-20T20:42:00.000-05:00Welcome, Lisa!Thank you for your kind words about ...Welcome, Lisa!<BR/><BR/>Thank you for your kind words about this discussion! Like I mentioned earlier, I think some of you in the audience have no idea how much you've impacted my thinking. I'm truly grateful for every reader comment that has opened my eyes to previously-unfamiliar (to me) angles.<BR/><BR/>This walking on egg shells is a luxury item that we can NO LONGER afford! It's grounded in dishonesty. This walking on eggshells-induced dishonesty is part of how AAs got in such dire straits.<BR/><BR/>I'm thinking of how Black folks howled about the Moynihan Report from the 1960s that sounded the alarm about the rise of single-parent families among AAs. We didn't want to hear it because it hurt our "itty-bitty" feelings. Well, look where we are now in terms of the disintegration of the Black family!<BR/><BR/>I <EM>was</EM> going to write a post about this insane scholarly article that Felicia (one of Evia's top-notch researchers) sent me. It's entitled <EM>"The Emerging Black Middle Class: Single and Living Alone."</EM> In retrospect, I've decided not to waste our collective time dedicating a post to such madness. We're too busy working on solutions.<BR/><BR/>Synopsis for the curious: <BR/><BR/>I first looked up & read the news release for the article. I wanted to see the "spin" the head researcher was putting on this. Well, I found out (to my disgust). Then I read the scholarly article, and was <EM>really</EM> disgusted! <BR/><BR/>Her underlying gripe seems to be with anything "which presents marriage as an anti-poverty strategy." She views this common-sense idea as "consistent with neo-conservative ideology." Which seems to mean that is HAS to be refuted. Even if it's true.<BR/><BR/>This Ph.D. post-doctoral scholar also feels that the rise of what she calls "The Love Jones Cohort" does NOT create an alarming problem in terms of the intergenerational transference of wealth. She says that this is NOT an "alarming problem" because such people "might transfer their wealth to nieces and nephews, cousins or even siblings."<BR/><BR/>Yeah. Right. The whole point of her article is to spin the growing percentage of single, living alone, NEVER married people among the Black middle class as a GOOD thing. <BR/><BR/>You see, according to her, it's actually okay for the Black community that we're having more & more talented BW like Oprah, Condi Rice, etc. NOT marrying and NOT reproducing!<BR/><BR/>At a minimum, the article tries to spin this as something other than the unmitigated social disaster that this phenomenon actually represents.<BR/><BR/>This is utterly insane. And it's where decades of intellectually walking on eggshells about our people's problems has led us.<BR/><BR/>Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-83675997795596778532008-10-20T19:44:00.000-05:002008-10-20T19:44:00.000-05:00foreverloyal said:Perhaps some women with close fr...foreverloyal said:<BR/><BR/>Perhaps some women with close friends could set up a "Kate and Allie" type situation for themselves.<BR/><BR/>For those of you unfamiliar with the reference, it is an 80s TV show. Two moms with children shared a house, bills, babysitting, chores, cooking etc. and were also emotional support for one another.<BR/><BR/>(I think at the end of the series 1 or both of them got married, but the show did a good job of showing the benefits of this arrangement)<BR/>-----------------------------------<BR/>Great idea, but then the problem boomerangs back to the dilemma of many black women being unable to form close relationships with other black women.<BR/><BR/>When I was a child, my mother tried to do a “Kate and Allie” situation with other black women and it was a complete failure. To make a long story short, the arrangements turned parasitic with my mom, my brother, and me the hosts.<BR/><BR/>I hope I don’t sound foolish suggesting this, but, perhaps we need a match maker situation set up to weed out certain families and match the appropriate families together based on things such as familial personalities, age of the children, etc. Of course this would have to happen after the Oasis idea is completed and in action in the real world.JShttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06754776470019202557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-31626563810697577102008-10-20T19:27:00.000-05:002008-10-20T19:27:00.000-05:00@ AllThank you for this wonderful exchange! I am j...@ All<BR/><BR/>Thank you for this wonderful exchange! I am just catching up on this conversation!<BR/><BR/>There are many fantastic points that were raised. Thank you for sharing! {smiles}<BR/><BR/>@ Khadija<BR/><BR/>Thanks for this excellent conversation!<BR/><BR/>I think it is true that we need to stop coddling the hypersensitive. I made a conscious decision to NOT coddle those who want to fly off of the handle and take everything personally that is being discussed. I will address issues very candidly and I will not "walk on egg shells" to keep the peace with other black women.<BR/><BR/>This does not mean that I will speak without sensitivity about the pain of other women. I think we need to make sure we are clear in making that distinction.<BR/><BR/>One sista was upset when I said that I will not marry a gay or lesbian couple. She was a lesbian. She was deeply offended to learn my position. <BR/><BR/>I have lesbian and gay friends who know I do not marry gays or lesbians - even in "symbolic" ceremonies. <BR/><BR/>This does not mean that I believe that the laws in this country should be different for homosexual or heterosexual persons. I believe the laws should be the same for all citizens in this country because I don't think that it should be ILLEGAL to make choices that do not align with the Bible or the Q'uran.<BR/><BR/>I don't think that America IS a Christian nation. The laws are not based on the Bible...and I don't feel they have to be.<BR/><BR/>Would I like America to be a Christian nation? That all depends.<BR/><BR/>I am still wondering WHY she was so offended. If someone tells me that they will not marry blacks, I am not offended. Their decision does not impact my existence on any level.<BR/><BR/>Sorry if I veered off topic. I just wanted to mention the whole issue about some women who take everthing personally that they don't agree with.<BR/><BR/>I also think black women need to stop having children out of wedlock. Yes, I know it takes two to make a baby but we all realize just WHO IS left raising the children now don't we?<BR/><BR/>Thanks so much for this rich dialogue!<BR/><BR/>Peace, blessings and DUNAMIS!<BR/>LisaLISA VAZQUEZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13583559303233985031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-80870211225655007282008-10-20T19:20:00.000-05:002008-10-20T19:20:00.000-05:00Welcome, DeStouet!Thank you for your kind words. W...Welcome, DeStouet!<BR/><BR/>Thank you for your kind words. Whatever is of value is from God. Only the mistakes are mine. Please keep "watching [how I handle things] like a hawk!" Reciprocity means that <EM>I'm accountable too!</EM> <BR/><BR/>Specifically, I'm accountable for at least <EM>trying</EM> to follow the aspirations I originally set out for this blog: standing for justice and opposing "the ruinous traits" listed on the masthead.<BR/><BR/>As I read the <EM>"Creating a Life Together"</EM> book, I can also see that those of us who are of like minds about wanting to help BW & girls to "survive and thrive" are going to have to produce a "vision statement" at some point. Evia has mentioned this on her blog, in slightly different terms.<BR/><BR/>I admire your commitment to "first, do NO harm." I share this concern. As I've said before, I'm NOT trying to act like I've got it all together. I've got my own problems (and character flaws) like everybody else. <BR/><BR/>This is why I truly appreciate the fact that you're willing and able to hold me accountable by carefully watching how I handle dissent, disagreement, etc. Your position takes courage, and a real commitment to seeing positive change. Most people won't bother to do all that. Which is a large part of why so many things go so wrong.<BR/><BR/>In my life in the "real world," it scares me how so many people give an inordinate weight to my opinion simply because I'm an attorney. Don't get me wrong: I'm an expert in my OWN field. But when it comes to everything else, I'm a lay person. Just. Like. Everybody. Else.<BR/><BR/>Listening to you and the other discussion participants has deeply affected and influenced me. When I first started this blog, the best I could think to hope for was to encourage individuals to do random helpful things with a monthly <EM>"Howard Beale Reminder Day."</EM><BR/><BR/><STRONG>You ladies (and gentlemen who have participated) have shown me that TOGETHER we can do so much more than that! Together, we can create a ripple effect that will radiate outward and literally change BW's & girls' lives. Truly, God is Great. Allahu Akbar! </STRONG><BR/>_______________________<BR/><BR/>Welcome, Forever Loyal!<BR/><BR/>"Kate and Allie." Yeah, I vaguely remember that show. I'll have to read up on it to jog my memory some more. Sounds like something worth looking into! Thanks!<BR/>________________________<BR/><BR/>Welcome, Sister Seeking/Miriam!<BR/><BR/>I hadn't even thought of doing a book review about the intentional-community-building books. That's a great idea. Thanks! I think I will!<BR/>__________________________<BR/><BR/>Welcome, Anonymous!<BR/><BR/>You've brought up an excellent point. I've been thinking about the many, many negatives that would have to be planned for, and eliminated (or minimized as much as possible). <BR/><BR/>Most of the immediate problems I see revolve around the type of males in these BW's lives (be they sperm donors/criminally-inclined boyfriends/criminally-inclined & gangbanging sons). <BR/><BR/>BW bringing outside male predators onto the premises (or raising teenage male predators within the premises) is what causes housing projects to be violent hellholes.<BR/><BR/>In terms of the message sent to these women's sons, quite frankly Black boys are NOT my priority. My priority is what's going on (health-wise, security-wise, mentally, spiritually, etc.) with the BW and girls involved.<BR/><BR/>This is going to sound as cold as ice: I suspect that most of these boy are already ruined. I'm thinking in terms of triage. I'm thinking in terms of who is capable of getting the most benefit out of extremely limited resources.<BR/><BR/>I'm not trying to stop or discourage anybody else from thinking of things that would send the right messages to such boys. I'm just saying that this isn't the project for me. Others are free to figure out this angle, and I encourage people to do so.<BR/><BR/>Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-54059412035792462312008-10-20T14:36:00.000-05:002008-10-20T14:36:00.000-05:00Regarding the oasis idea: What about the black mal...Regarding the oasis idea: What about the black male children growing up in such an oasis? How could you avoid teaching the male children (subtly, if not deliberately) that adult men/males are incidental to family life (except as "sperm donors")?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-33325819312559613522008-10-20T13:19:00.000-05:002008-10-20T13:19:00.000-05:00Peace and blessings:@ EviaThank you for your patie...Peace and blessings:<BR/><BR/>@ Evia<BR/><BR/>Thank you for your patience, and understanding in responding. Now that you have totally broken it down in dummy terms for me, I realize I misunderstood you. I also realized we are basically saying the same thing with a few variations.<BR/>My apologies, I’m a little slow at this…<BR/><BR/>@Khadija<BR/>Are you going to review the books you are reading about creating new communities?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-57109057453940818062008-10-20T12:51:00.000-05:002008-10-20T12:51:00.000-05:00Perhaps some women with close friends could set up...Perhaps some women with close friends could set up a "Kate and Allie" type situation for themselves.<BR/><BR/>For those of you unfamiliar with the reference, it is an 80s TV show. Two moms with children shared a house, bills, babysitting, chores, cooking etc. and were also emotional support for one another.<BR/><BR/>(I think at the end of the series 1 or both of them got married, but the show did a good job of showing the benefits of this arrangement)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-85117097571308375262008-10-20T11:52:00.000-05:002008-10-20T11:52:00.000-05:00"I think we need to lay the mental groundwork..."I think we need to lay the mental groundwork for this idea. As shown by the experiences that many of us described in terms of seeking out sistafriends, many BW who need an "oasis" wouldn't know how to act within one. Truth be told, some of us don't know how to fellowship on any meaningful level.<BR/><BR/>I believe we all need to redouble our efforts to model the behavior we want to see take root among our sisters."<BR/><BR/>This is where I will start and I also look forward to your True Fellowship blog (which I will forward to everyone I know).<BR/><BR/>Right now I am taking the necessary time to decompress from some issues but I will be up and running again in no time.<BR/><BR/>I admire the ideas each of you are coming to the table with but I also agree that we women need to learn better ways to deal with one another. And as Khadija mentions to us here on this site, we must stop walking on "egg shells" with one another & taking everything to heart/personal. <BR/><BR/>We're teachers and should always model the behavior we'd like others to exhibit back to us. Mentally most of you are "light years" ahead of other AA women -especially the ones that are in need of our help. <BR/><BR/>I know I have the tendency to take a lot of things personal, as if every time a person has another thought or idea it is a slight against me or my contribution to the conversation. But since Khadija started this blog, I've watched like a hawk (and will continue to do so) the way she handles issues, disagreements and differing view points and have come to the realization that I can agree to disagree with another person without either person losing any ground.<BR/><BR/>And she gives a lot of people the benefit of the doubt which will be given back to her when the time comes. This is another aspect that I have studied. (Khadija, I know you are not perfect and are only doing God's work)<BR/><BR/>Most of us are in a position to help other women but I know I can use a lot of help as to the character traits a teacher or leader has. I am willing to bet that NOT taking things personal is going to be one of the major things.<BR/><BR/>I will not agree to help another woman if I am not (as Khadija said) mentally prepared. These ideas are great but I know before I accept this challenge I am going to need to see a few more examples of a woman leader and do a lot more homework. <BR/><BR/>I just do not want to be responsible for causing more damage to the hearts of the AA women. And this is where I start.DeStouethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02411518412229632680noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-54945220857503254102008-10-20T08:35:00.000-05:002008-10-20T08:35:00.000-05:00Sister Seeking/Miriam,The problem is (as you noted...Sister Seeking/Miriam,<BR/><BR/>The problem is (as you noted) that our condition as AA women is <STRONG>without precedent</STRONG> in human history.<BR/><BR/>I understand your concern for having some sort of "system" in place. However, where is this "system" going to come from? How long shall we wait for it before we do what we can to provide for BW & children's safety?<BR/><BR/>AA women are <EM>already</EM> mostly unprotected concubines (or "sperm dumps" as I've heard Evia describe it on her blog). The harsh reality is that marriage is NOT going to be available for all of these women (for a variety of reasons). <BR/><BR/>What shall we do about the unmarried women & their children? [The ones that actually want help, & are salvageable.] We can't make men become their protectors. So, now what? So far, the "oasis" is the only semi-concrete idea on the table. I would like to hear some other ideas, if possible, before discarding this one. [By the way, I'm NOT saying that you're discarding the oasis idea.]<BR/><BR/>Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-41031163999315339082008-10-20T08:26:00.000-05:002008-10-20T08:26:00.000-05:00Sister Seeking, excuse me for not being more detai...Sister Seeking, excuse me for not being more detailed in my last comment, but this is not the best medium for this type of heavy duty discussion since it involves volumes of details. LOL! However, as has just occurred, when we take shortcuts and don't provide--as I didn't--we're misunderstood or not clearly understood.<BR/><BR/>Re:<BR/><BR/><I>b-I'm concerned that by creating the Oasis you speak of, we are going to unconsciously end up becoming modern day concubines to all men of all ethnicity becuase we will still lack a system to govern and protect us as well as our offspring.</I><BR/><BR/>In the Oasis of the type I envision, bw would naturally design and **create** the comprehensive system needed to meet their needs. This doesn't have to be a NEW system. It would be common sense to use parts or aspects of other systems that are already 'tried and true.' So, the wheel doesn't need to be re-invented.<BR/><BR/> Young black girls would be TAUGHT how to "think" and create "Living Well" lives for themselves. I realize now that I was mostly taught how to create a "Living Well" life for myself, which includes being exposed to the wherewithawal (attitudes, behaviors, skills, and resources, etc.)and the very basic, but most critical notion that I am VALUABLE. So I know it CAN be taught and without so much difficulty--IF the right input is in this comprehensive Oasis system. <BR/><BR/><I>It doesn't half to be religiously based but there must be a system or you will not have justice.</I><BR/><BR/>I agree wholeheartedly that there must be a system, which I always refer to as a "culture."Eviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06606364424958560351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-135606678156340532008-10-20T07:21:00.000-05:002008-10-20T07:21:00.000-05:00Now you're reading my mind! LOL! I've been thinkin...<I>Now you're reading my mind! LOL! I've been thinking about the "oasis" (as you put it) idea since the first True Fellowship post. Among other books, I'm currently reading "Creating a Life Together: Practical Tools to Grow Ecovillages and Intentional Communities" by Diana Leafe Christian.</I><BR/><BR/>I've thought about this idea for years--since I've seen upclose in my professional capacity how AA women were devolving. So, this is GREAT that you too regard this as a viable idea! I'll get this book. <BR/><BR/>I don't know whether you saw that news story about how a group of Kenyan women set up a "women's town" and forbade any men because Kenyan women were also being used and abused bigtime by Kenyan men. So these women just separated and declared that section to be almost like a "preserve" where women could not be preyed on. SMH Many bm, worldwide, are warring against bw because, as you've pointed out, these men are too cowardly to fight men or figure out how to successfully compete against other men.<BR/><BR/><I>I think we need to lay the mental groundwork for this idea. As shown by the experiences that many of us described in terms of seeking out sistafriends, many BW who need an "oasis" wouldn't know how to act within one.</I><BR/><BR/>Yep! I realize that some wouldn't know how to act but some (not ALL) can be taught and do need the modelling as you've pointed out. I have to say at the outset though, that we have to accept that this is not going to work for **some** bw because some of them are too far gone. Let's keep the "triage" in mind.<BR/><BR/><I>Truth be told, some of us don't know how to fellowship on any meaningful level.</I><BR/><BR/>It has to do with recognizing that a bw is VALUABLE and worthy of the best treatment, and therefore learning to treat each other as valuable people-- that is, if we can do that without being harmed by the next bw. As you can see, I avoid bw who don't know how to treat me as the valuable person that I am, or I will ask them to leave my site, which is my online home.<BR/><BR/><I>I believe we all need to redouble our efforts to model the behavior we want to see take root among our sisters. </I><BR/><BR/>YES! And we ALL need to do that. I don't tolerate abuse from anyone!<BR/><BR/><I>I've been pondering some concrete steps and suggestions for this. I plan to discuss one concrete step we can all commit ourselves to practicing in the next True Fellowship post. Hopefully, I'll have this post up by the end of this week.</I><BR/><BR/>Can't wait to read it. I LOVE it that we're now talking about solutions. As the saying goes: "Great minds talk about IDEAS!"<BR/><BR/><I>Onward to building an oasis wherever it's needed!</I><BR/><BR/>Yes, it's just Common Sense to do this. Many of our AA female ancestors would have seen the need to do this already and figured out how to do it. Maybe I feel differently than other AA women reading this, but I'm very proud to be an AA woman who has come from the bw in my lineage. I'm proud because of the ACCOMPLISHMENTS of those women--and what they stood for and against. They didn't bow down to "foolish, cowardly" men. And I'm being kind with those terms. LOL!Eviahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06606364424958560351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-50777146386722014392008-10-20T05:02:00.000-05:002008-10-20T05:02:00.000-05:00Peace & Blessings@ EviaYou had me worried ther...Peace & Blessings<BR/><BR/>@ Evia<BR/><BR/>You had me worried there for a minute... thought maybe I had offended you or something! Whew! Its so nice to be able to discuss this issue with mature black women. : )<BR/><BR/>"Someone mentioned the option of marrying bm from other countries. That works sometimes, but it's been proven to be problematic for many AA women due to proof that **some** non-citizen bm seek to marry AA women mainly to acquire American permanent residency or citizenship. Although my (African)) ex-husband had permanent residency before we met, I knew of and heard of many other situations where this was not the case and AA women were **used** by continental African men. We have to keep in mind that many of these men are desperate to remain in the U.S. "<BR/><BR/><BR/>SS: That was me Evia. You're correct here. Hands down on this one. I have seen this problem occur many times in the black American Muslim community. I should probably also disclose that upon meeting my husband I had already been an orthodox Muslim for five years, and had a traditional support ( marriage guardian/wali) in place facilitated a bonafide marriage. When I sit back and read this, I'm slapping head saying: duh! Black women don't have any marriage guardians! Duh! lol : )<BR/><BR/><BR/>"Yeah, emotional and physical intimacy with a mate is sublime, but it's not necessary, ESPECIALLY when you don't have a choice."<BR/><BR/>SS: I don't mean to sound insensitive or sectarian but again, you and Rev Lisa are blowing me out of the water with some of your comments. I converted to traditional/classical Islam when I was a sophomore in high school. I converted for mainly theological reasons but one reason was that I gave up on the system I was exposed to in both the black and white foster homes I grew up in. I concluded they were all mis-guided, and left behind my culture, heritage, language, and history--becoming really an Arab I suppose. Saying all this to say, that I do agree with you Evia, and this was actually how my marriage began: we did not marry for love we married for purely religious and contractual reasons only. We have grown to love each other over the past six and half years.<BR/>I'm just shocked to hear a non-Muslim say that: I'm beginning to really see just how much I've been isolated from the pathologies of the black community by re-inventing myself in another...<BR/><BR/>"Also polygamy is NOT a solution to even be considered because the type of polygamy that I hear some AA women and men proposing is another form of slavery and oppression for any AA woman that is foolish enough to fall for it. In true polygamy, the men are financially responsible for their many wives and the households, whereas in the type of fake polygamy that these AAs propose, the women are financially responsible for supporting the man and the household. LOL! This is a scam."<BR/><BR/>SS: Evia, honey, don't even get me started on this one... : (<BR/>Lest Khadija be a tabloid blogger I'm sure she could post just as many true horror stories of polygamy in the Muslim community as I have...<BR/><BR/>"So, my #2 solution would be a solution for **some** AA women. I say this because, as we know, a whopping percentage (73%) of AA children are born out of wedlock, into situations where the vast majority of their sperm donor fathers are not financially AND emotionally committed to their children's lives."<BR/><BR/>SS: Okay, Gotcha you Evia. Now I understand where you are going with this. Thanks for breaking it down in dummy terms. I do agree with you that our condition as BW is unprecedented... <BR/><BR/>"Well, most women of any group can easily get **physical** intimacy/sex, if that's what you mean--LOL!--and many AA women are definitely getting that now IF they want it, but they rarely get EMOTIONAL intimacy from these encounters."<BR/><BR/>SS: Few things here lovely lady:<BR/><BR/>1) We are going to half to disagree to agree on this issue: BUT I still have love for ya! : )<BR/><BR/>I'm feeling ya, believe me I am, but please, please, hear me out here:<BR/><BR/>a- I'm concerned about our sexual and reproductive health: Gwen Effile has been blasting this current administration's "turn the other cheek" approach to dealing with the high rates of PEDIATRIC HIV/AIDS cases, and female HIV/AIDS cases in our ethnic community.<BR/><BR/>b-I'm concerned that by creating the Oasis you speak of, we are going to unconsciously end up becoming modern day concubines to all men of all ethnicity becuase we will still lack a system to govern and protect us as well as our offspring. This is one reason I kept bringing up system. Mankind has used it to oppress each other but we are in unique situation where it can be used to empower each other if we re-invent or re-build it. It doesn't half to be religiously based but there must be a system or you will not have justice. <BR/><BR/>By the way Evia, I'm passing your blog address and Rev Lisa blogg address to fellow BW co-workers who have the itch or are baby crazy like candy. : )<BR/><BR/>Miriam<BR/>p.s. Okay Khadija, now I'm ready to move onward! : )Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-15392463022269222512008-10-19T22:39:00.000-05:002008-10-19T22:39:00.000-05:00Evia,Now you're reading my mind! LOL! I've been th...Evia,<BR/><BR/>Now you're reading <EM>my</EM> mind! LOL! I've been thinking about the "oasis" (as you put it) idea since the first <EM>True Fellowship</EM> post. Among other books, I'm currently reading <EM>"Creating a Life Together: Practical Tools to Grow Ecovillages and Intentional Communities"</EM> by Diana Leafe Christian.<BR/><BR/>I think we need to lay the mental groundwork for this idea. As shown by the experiences that many of us described in terms of seeking out sistafriends, many BW who need an "oasis" wouldn't know how to act within one. Truth be told, some of <EM>us</EM> don't know how to fellowship on any meaningful level.<BR/><BR/>I believe we all need to redouble our efforts to model the behavior we want to see take root among our sisters. <BR/><BR/>I've been pondering some concrete steps and suggestions for this. I plan to discuss one concrete step we can all commit ourselves to practicing in the next <EM>True Fellowship</EM> post. Hopefully, I'll have this post up by the end of this week.<BR/><BR/>Onward to building an oasis wherever it's needed!<BR/><BR/>Peace, blessings and solidarity.Khadijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07732325133964607276noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1752646546511186140.post-69636003213914413742008-10-19T21:58:00.000-05:002008-10-19T21:58:00.000-05:00@ Miriam/Sister Seeking, I'm happy you raised ques...@ Miriam/Sister Seeking, I'm happy you raised questions about my solution #2 where I proposed that AA women need to create a full-fledged system for supporting and protecting each other and for raising and developing their children without dependence on most of these biological fathers. Let's call my #2 idea: "OASIS" since it would be a system of safety/refuge and support. <BR/><BR/>Bw actually could develop LOTS of oases in this country and have them in every locale, where needed. Naturally, I know that some bw would not be a good fit for an oasis, but many AA women would welcome such a haven, though it wouldn't be perfect. Nothing is. But it could be set up and tweaked until it met many of the needs of the women.<BR/><BR/>Other than marrying loving and lovable non-black and/or non AA men (solution #1 and many AA women reject the idea or are not shaped for this solution), I think it has to FIRST be accepted that many AA women have virtually run out of time and other viable options. AA women MUST face reality and take charge of this situation and stop scrounging for scraps and crumbs or pretending that things are going to be alright in the by and by, as they and their children suffer in the here and now.<BR/><BR/>I could be wrong, and would love it if someone can point out other VIABLE options for the masses of AA women. I think that drastic problems require thinking outside the box or sometimes drastic solutions. That's the starting point for any worthwhile discussion about the merits or lack thereof of such a drastic solution as my Oasis idea--because if folks can present several other viable solutions (not band-aids type solutions), then what I've proposed may be unneccesary or premature.<BR/><BR/>Someone mentioned the option of marrying bm from other countries. That works sometimes, but it's been proven to be problematic for many AA women due to proof that **some** non-citizen bm seek to marry AA women mainly to acquire American permanent residency or citizenship. Although my (African)) ex-husband had permanent residency before we met, I knew of and heard of many other situations where this was not the case and AA women were **used** by continental African men. We have to keep in mind that many of these men are desperate to remain in the U.S. <BR/><BR/>So, my #2 solution would be a solution for **some** AA women. I say this because, as we know, a whopping percentage (73%) of AA children are born out of wedlock, into situations where the vast majority of their sperm donor fathers are not financially AND emotionally committed to their children's lives. <BR/><BR/>Don't believe anyone who tells you differently:<B>There really is a severe shortage of of GOOD AA men marriage-material and fatherhood-material out there, available to typical AA women. This is just a fact.</B><BR/><BR/> Many of these AA mothers would be MUCH better off inside an oasis. It's not ideal, but they would be a lot better off. <BR/><BR/>I think that many people don't really understand how devastating it is for typical black children to grow up in a hostile society with one, often ill-equipped, adult fending for them, and sometimes not even one. I know people talk about it being a bad situation, but I don't think that people have fully processed how excruciatingly painful and damaging that is to the typical black child in this situation.<BR/><BR/>Re:<BR/><BR/><I>The last solution mentioned leaves out that very human need for sexual and physical intimacy. The quest to fulfill this very human need can become self-destructive when a female has no protectors or providers to enforce the preservation of her own reproductive health. I'm not saying " hey lets get a few riffles and a mob" lol : ) but I just want to put that out there.</I><BR/><BR/>Well, most women of any group can easily get **physical** intimacy/sex, if that's what you mean--LOL!--and many AA women are definitely getting that now IF they want it, but they rarely get EMOTIONAL intimacy from these encounters. Also, in many cultures, women do not expect to be emotionally intimate with their husbands. That is mostly a western cultural expectation/ideal, and it doesn't happen in many marriages, even in the West. <BR/><BR/>Yeah, emotional and physical intimacy with a mate is sublime, but it's not necessary, ESPECIALLY when you don't have a choice. I repeat: AA women only have a few options and some are better than others, but in general, this is a highly abnormal situation and one that is unparalleled in recorded history--to my knowledge. This is why I've told AA women to prepare themselves to "mate out OR die out!" This sounds terrible, but the fact is that many AA women who are on higher rungs of the social ladder are not having children--for ex. Oprah and Condi. They are, in effect, dying out.<BR/><BR/>Also polygamy is NOT a solution to even be considered because the type of polygamy that I hear some AA women and men proposing is another form of slavery and oppression for any AA woman that is foolish enough to fall for it. In true polygamy, the men are financially responsible for their many wives and the households, whereas in the type of fake polygamy that these AAs propose, the women are financially responsible for supporting the man and the household. LOL! This is a scam.<BR/><BR/>Obviously, my 'oasis' idea is not the ideal solution for ALL bw and their children, however, I bring this solution to the table because I don't see where many AA women have more than a few choices. Notice that I say it's one solution for **some** of the women because many other AA women could marry out into healthier more stable populations to Quality men. Some of us have done that already and many others will do it. One size doesn't have to fit all, but it's very clear to be that the old model where AA girls were indoctrinated up to marry AA men is obsolete and is causing AA women to take devastating hits from AA men as the women try to make this obsolete model work.<BR/><BR/>AA women have the right to exercise their sense of agency to create new, healthy systems for themselves and their children. <BR/><BR/>Many AA women already CAN develop and sustain close-knit relations with other AA women or can learn to do it IF it's made blatantly clear to them that they either do it or they will live a mangy dog's by suffering slowly and painfully before they die all alone--as many of them are already doing. Some of them would opt not to go that way, it they had a choice. Many AAs are not getting the pure, unadulterated truth about their precarious situation, so they have no sense of urgency. They wallow in magical thinking--that somehow things will magically change. Many AAs think, for ex. that IF Obama is elected, their problems will go away without them changing any of their own attitudes or behaviors. LOL! <BR/><BR/>Once again: those AA women who can find and secure loving, suitable and compatible relationships with Quality men of any skin shade wouldn't need an oasis, but others obviously can't and these women and their children definitely need help.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03807361585300096844noreply@blogger.com