This essay is contained in my new book. I'm delighted to announce that The Sojourner's Passport site has launched! You can visit it at http://www.sojournerspassport.com/.
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
An effort to stand for justice and oppose the "ruinous traits" listed by Muslim scholars in all their forms: rancor, unhealthy attachments, malice, jealousy, vanity, stinginess, avarice, cowardice, indolence, arrogance, ostentation, heedlessness, anxiety, depression, and oppression.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
59 comments:
Thanks for stopping by! {excited waving}
Please understand that this is not a free speech zone. Profanity and hate speech are not welcome and will not be posted. This blog seeks to foster a courteous, reasoned exchange of ideas. I would ask that before posting, everyone (myself included) seriously consider whether the proposed comment helps or hurts the cause of opposing the ruinous traits listed on the masthead.
Please feel free to add your input to any post at any time. There's no "expiration date" for the issues that are discussed here. I welcome, value, and learn from your contribution! Thank you in advance for your cooperation and your input.
Khadija,
ReplyDeleteThat was pure poetry in motion.
As angry as the foaming at the mouth trolls (both online and off) AND the supposedly "upstanding" black folks in the "community" get at the mere suggestion that there is trouble in "paradise" (the so called "bc" that obviously does not truly exist in any tangible form for BW and black girls) , deep down they KNOW that what you've stated - in the majority of cases - is TRUE.
And people are effected (either negatively or positively) by what PREDOMINATES in a community.
What is the exception to the rule - statistically speaking - on an individual basis is virtually worthless.
Life - and what happens in it - often boils down to a NUMBERS game.
BW who refuse to concentrate on attracting QUALITY men from the global village in favor of males of NO quality from their immediate environments, will CONTINUE to have staggeringly high percentages of OOW children, poverty, AIDS, and a whole host of pathologies.
And conversely, those BW who ONLY associate with QUALITY men in the global village regardless of "race"/ethnicity/national origin will naturally have HIGHER percentages when it comes to marriage, safer surroundings to raise ones children in, better health, you name it.
It's no "mystery" why BW on average live less quality lives (70% single rate, higher rates of obesity caused by overeating due to stress, 70% OOW birth rate, higher rate of AIDS often due to sexual relations with prisoners and/or DL types, etc...) than non BW.
IT'S BECAUSE OF THE CHOICE OF MEN (the non quality types) MOST BW HAVE HITCHED THEIR WAGONS TO.
Either out of desperation, indoctrination, or a combination of the two. OR other factors that have been discussed ad nauseam.
Basically MOST women the WORLD over RISE or FALL (along with their children) based on the CHARACTER of the man they choose to date, mate, and procreate with.
If these haters TRULY thought you, Evia, Me, Sara, Halima, Delish, CW, PVW, Lisa etc.. etc... Basically ALL of us BW empowerment bloggers and commenters on these various sites were just whistling in the dark they would shut up and stop the harassing, and stalking.
If they TRULY felt we were just flapping our chops, then they would treat us as if we were harmless.
They would simply IGNORE us. Because they'd believe we don't have swaying power anyway.
RIGHT?
BUT, they KNOW that we're causing sistas to THINK. Causing them to put those pieces of the puzzle together.
And this makes us DANGEROUS in their minds.
Because indeed most BW CAN "pull the plug" anytime they choose.
And we're giving sistas the GO AHEAD.
I say, if these violent type DBRBM start acting up, BW can start bringing the COPS into the situation.
And start following through on charges.
Heaven KNOWS scores of BW have been protecting abusive DBRBM for fear of what the "de evil WM" will do to the po' SOB.SMH
Basically BW have been BRAINWASHED into believing they are powerless.
SISTAS YOU'RE NOT.
You don't have to accept the "status quo" in the "community".
There are HEALTHY communities that would be more than happy to have you.
And healthy, non color-struck, successful, decent, family oriented, and attractive men in the global community just WAITING for the go ahead sign.
Just waiting for the green light.
Only YOU can give it to them.
Ladies, when it comes to the "community" let the chips fall where they may...
YOU worry about YOURSELF and YOUR future. Because honestly, these days NO one in the "community" is thinking about you.
They just want you as a "vessel" to propagate "the race".
Nothing more. And the "community" won't be there to help you raise these fatherless children once they're here.
And you KNOW that.
Felicia,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words about the post. I truly appreciate it. I only write blog posts when I have something to say that's been tugging at me.
What prompted this particular post was the "shocked, shocked I say" outrage about the latest atrocity on Black Exploitation Television. I hesitated to say this before for fear of giving offense, but I feel compelled to say it openly now:
I feel that this particular outrage (the apparent airing of child pornography during the 2009 BET Awards show) was yet another sign.
There were those people who could still be lured to turn back and look upon Sodom/BET. Just like Lot's wife looked back at Sodom in the Bible. She was supposedly running from the impending destruction of Sodom to save her life. But then she looked back; and was turned into a pillar of salt. I guess the point of that story is that, in order to survive, she was supposed to run away from that place and NEVER look back.-
I believe that the disgusting spectacle that BET tricked these folks into watching (with false promises of some sort of tribute to Michael Jackson) was a warning that God gave out of His mercy. One of the FINAL warnings that will be given about the folly of continuing to "look back" and consume popular "Black" culture. For ANY reason whatsoever.
And then there were other people who cannot be lured to turn back and look upon Sodom/BET. People who fled/are running from Sodom and REFUSE to look back. For any reason.
I would strongly urge folks to STOP looking back at "Sodom":
Don't look back at BET-Sodom.
Don't look back at the "White Girl Song"-Sodom that Sara talks about in her latest post.
Don't look back at the Internet Ike Turner's blogs-Sodom.
Don't look back at entertainment products from DBRBM-Sodom.
Stop looking back at Sodom! God has let you slide for now. In His Grace, He has granted you a few more moments to make it out to safety. A few more moments to get clear of Sodom. But eventually you will be turned into a metaphorical pillar of salt if you continue to look back at what HE does NOT want you to take in. You can't run forward while looking backward!-
{wiping the agitated sweat from my brow; and settling down}
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
I think the war against the minds of BW is really insidious. I don't watch BET, so didn't hear about the show except from here. But I guarantee that a big source of their ad revenue comes from women (hair care products.)
ReplyDeleteI'm just thinking of the way in which BW's dollars are converted into tools of our destruction. It makes me so angry.
A hallmark of successful entities is it's ability to self-perpetuate. And although it's negative, BET is successful (profitable.) So their bad imagery and media is self-perpetuating: exposure to these shows promotes products that are used to fund the media source. It's like the payoff for bad behavior, that I mentioned earlier.
In addition, a successful campaign is one that uses the group to reinforce the overall message, and BET succeeds here as well: by using young girls as part of the promotion scheme, it makes this kind of participation and consumption of this media more attractive to a demographic of young girls. So the bar goes lower and lower.
I firmly believe that all resources are finite, and that includes mental resistance to negative imagery.
There are literally millions of dollars and some of the sharpest minds focused on how to incite people to consume a product. One key way is to sell a "lifestyle": you're a better person if you buy this stuff. However, the definition of what is a "better person" isn't given in the context of an uplifting culture or good social values. It is pure artifice, and at worst (like BET) is often founded on some of our baser human traits. And I think this is primarily a function of how media operates, especially when it is not checked by the community at large. As an example, consider banned advertisements, and the circumstances under which that happens.
Consuming this negative media is like deliberately planting weeds with poison roots: even if you don't see the flowers, you are still ruining the soil. It builds a tolerance for negativity and debasement, and it becomes harder to distinguish what is normal from what is purely insulting, not just in the ads, but in your life. And then it's easier for the weeds to take root, perpetuating the cycle.
There is a documentary called "merchants of cool" that talks about the way that imagery and marketing shape culture. But ultimately, if a society allows itself to be preyed upon in the name of entertainment, the situation will never rectify itself. It won't implode - people will either have to leave (easier), or destroy it from within (a little harder because the weak spots here are the advertisers, and this requires an organized, sustained and visible boycott from people who could just leave the venue and achieve the same result for themselves.)
"The camp fires and hearths that our ancestors kept burning, the cultural warmth that protected us from absolute madness, violence and depravity, are about to go out. For the last time. They won't be reignited."
ReplyDeleteI think that maybe one strategy is to light beacon fires - like how lighthouses cast beacons to direct lost ships to shore. These beaconfires would include popular, accessible cultural media that reinforces the cultural lessons and values that are needed to uplift and sustain us, not just for a journey out of danger (although this is important) but to keep the safe havens safe. Kind of like parables for the modern age.
Anna,
ReplyDeleteYou said, "Consuming this negative media is like deliberately planting weeds with poison roots: even if you don't see the flowers, you are still ruining the soil. It builds a tolerance for negativity and debasement, and it becomes harder to distinguish what is normal from what is purely insulting, not just in the ads, but in your life. And then it's easier for the weeds to take root, perpetuating the cycle."-
This is what worried me about the fact that so many members of our "vanguard" actually tuned into BET for that show. They know better. They KNOW how foul BET is. They KNOW that those who run BET have pure hatred and contempt for their audience. If they are so easily deceived into "turning back" and looking upon Sodom, how can any of us talk about "the masses"? We need to make sure that our steps are firm upon the path into abundant life.
Not that I'm ever talking about the masses. I've made that clear in my earlier comments that I'm only really addressing the vanguard when I speak. I'm only really addressing other aspiring Sojourners. Well, folks are NOT going to make it unless they make a CLEAN BREAK from Sodom in ALL of its forms.
You said, "I think that maybe one strategy is to light beacon fires - like how lighthouses cast beacons to direct lost ships to shore. These beaconfires would include popular, accessible cultural media that reinforces the cultural lessons and values that are needed to uplift and sustain us, not just for a journey out of danger (although this is important) but to keep the safe havens safe. Kind of like parables for the modern age."-
I LIKE that mental picture! A vivid mental picture is worth thousands of explanatory words. Anna, I like the way you think! *Smile* This is what I hope to do with my fiction. This is what I want to see happen with the works of other Sojourner-Artists. This is the whole point of having an African-American Women's Arts Movement.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Everyone,
ReplyDeletePlease understand that I'm not ranting about Sodom-BET to scold or insult anyone who chose to tune into that Awards show. I'm saying all of this to emphasize just how DANGEROUS it is to keep "turning back" and looking back at Sodom. Even for those who think they're healthy enough and well-equipped to safely handle radioactive materials.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Yes, I have made it out (Thank God) and I will continue to "live well".
ReplyDeleteEven though I haven't watched BET in years, I was one of the people who tuned in to watch BET's tribute to MJ, and walked away terribly disappointed. (What more can I possibly say about that?)
I also understand why it's so important to my survival to just walk away from the destruction and chaos of AA's and continue on with my life. As many of you already mentioned, it is not wise to go back to help someone, when we still have some internal work that needs to be addressed and sorted out.
Khadija, you said, "Once you STOP interacting with African-American males unless they are contributing something of value to your life, you'll have more peace of mind. You won't be subjected to their verbal abuse and denigration of African-American women. Once you stop consuming entertainment products from African-American males in general (for example, some of you are still listening to music from Damaged Beyond Repair African-American male artists, and watching their videos), your spirits will naturally rise. Cutting the cord on the vast majority of African-American males will naturally solve most of African-American women's problems. The rest will be solved by some intensive introspection and internal work."
This really needs to be highlighted though (it stood out to me) because as soon as I cut the cords with certain members of my family, my home phone stopped ringing. (I spent far to much time interacting with people who had nothing to offer, just because they were family.) As soon as I made the decision to cut certain folks off, my life became "mines".
It took me some time to adjust to this change, but I can not tell you how correct you are. Peace, peace, peace comes with dropping some of our dead weight.
And (as you already mentioned) the rest can be solved by doing some internal work.
May I say thank you Felicia, for including "little ole me" in your partial list of BW empowerment bloggers...(although in my "real" life I am hardly a modest person. It started a long time ago when as a grade schooler, I held up my report card to show everyone my A...of course that does not mean I always get an A if I take a class, but if I do, I gladly tell everyone EXCEPT my classmates...I am not a fool..lol)
ReplyDeleteok....
Here's my truth...I AM ALL ABOUT THE BLACK WOMAN...AND I ALWAYS HAVE BEEN...I am especially transfixed by those BW who go west when everyone else is going east..We are a really special (meaning FANTASTIC) group of women!!!!! (bing bing bing bing) I have never seen anything more magnificent than US when we are thriving and LIVING...it is a sight to behold..a really powerful image.
Just a quick(ish) comment...something that Khadija said that really resonated with me...here it is (in part of course. I like to be accurate when I quote someone)
Khadijah said:
I would strongly urge folks to STOP looking back at "Sodom":
You know, I VERY MUCH like this information. For some time, I have looked, on occasion into the "mouth of madness" as it were, by going (as I said before, it is rare indeed) to the damaged lairs and snares of the IIT's...mostly to amuse myself as I read the incoherency (and may I say the poor grammar is maddening.) I told myself that I should look in from time to time to see how the "other side" is thinking. Although I am hardly a person who is susceptible to being swayed by "them," (lol) I now think it is completely pointless to "visit" (albeit rarely.)It serves NO PURPOSE for me to read such ridiculous, inane statements. It is, as Khadija says, literally looking "back at Sodom." When last I checked, I had not turned into a pillar of stone (thankfully) but I can't help but think that to constantly willingly expose myself to this "radioactivity" could NOT be a good thing. As we have discussed before, we should all be practicing the "Eastern Approach" in regards to our well being. Here, this means we are going to make SERIOUS efforts to stop looking back at Sodom before the radioactivity attaches to any part of our psyche.
With that statement, I do declare that I have stopped looking back (even if under the guise of seeing how the other half thinks.) The truth is, they are NOT the other half. They are just a ragtag group of hideous individuals (presumably) determined to have everything remain the same, or deteriorate FURTHER...I still can't get over one commenter who insists in his/her every post, that BW are the "last choice" for every group. I suspect THAT person is the last choice for every group, and misery DOES love lots of company...
Of course, no one can really know what I do, BUT I will know. For me that is sufficient. "To thine own self be true." We must ALL stop looking back. That should also be a motto for life in general. We cannot change the past, nor can any of us change mistakes we have made in the past. We CAN change the now. This is where we are.
Ladies (small bow and a nod of the head....)
Khadija,
ReplyDeleteWell said. I commend you. I truly hope that those who are receptive to this message "hear" it, "internalize" and "take appropriate action".
THE TIME IS NOW.
Greetings, Khadija!
ReplyDeleteWhat you said here is of overwhelming importance, because it might be easy for those who are unaware of the nuances of your arguments to miscontrue, purposefully or not:
Once you STOP interacting with African-American males unless they are contributing something of value to your life, you'll have more peace of mind.
My reply:
Part of the problem is that many black women don't think in terms of what value others bring to their lives.
It is one thing, to cherish the black men who are are loving and caring, supportive relatives, family friends, etc., but it is another to presume that just because black women share the same racial heritage with black men, that they are all of value and importance.
This is basic common sense, that many women are socialized from girlhood to know and understand in dealing with men: men of unknown quality are just that, strange men who have to prove themselves.
But black women, hoodwinked by the unity at all costs, lost that message, by seeing all black men as "brothers," even those who have not proven themselves to be.
Khadija:
ReplyDeleteI would strongly urge folks to STOP looking back at "Sodom":
Don't look back at BET-Sodom.
Don't look back at the "White Girl Song"-Sodom that Sara talks about in her latest post.
Don't look back at the Internet Ike Turner's blogs-Sodom.
Don't look back at entertainment products from DBRBM-Sodom.
Stop looking back at Sodom! God has let you slide for now. In His Grace, He has granted you a few more moments to make it out to safety. A few more moments to get clear of Sodom. But eventually you will be turned into a metaphorical pillar of salt if you continue to look back at what HE does NOT want you to take in. You can't run forward while looking backward!-
My reply:
I love the metaphorical imagery you have used here--quite powerful.
Even if no one sees this in the sense discussed in the Bible, it is important to remember several things.
These images are spirit-murdering. They encourage the debasement of black women and girls. These images numb them by robbing them of all ability to sense what is wrong, thus moving them to accept this spirit murder as the norm.
They in effect become a "pillar of salt", numbed and dead inside, if not already primed to accept their degradation at the hands of the next whomever--rap star, random man on the street, etc.
This is what worried me about the fact that so many members of our "vanguard" actually tuned into BET for that show.
ReplyDeleteI think this happens sometimes because there are so few alternatives actively promoted, which means that the alternatives are not readily available. The alternatives are there, but they're not promoted nearly enough.
This is why the AA womens's arts movement (AAWAM) must have an arm that actively PROMOTES, PROMOTES, PROMOTES it because marketing is everything. Production and distribution are the key activities of any entity like this. Thanks to the internet, distribution is less of a concern, but if our target group doesn't know that our works are available, then it won't matter how inspiring and uplifting our work is.
For ex., Amazon and other such distributors will publish and spread your books, cds, dvds,etc. all over the known world, but if these are not promoted as coming from us towards our target group, the vast bulk of the target group will not know of their existence.
There are so many opportunities out there for us these days, but we're not organized effectively to use them. There needs to be a division of labor, so that we each can specialize in doing what we do best. For ex., there are some bw who read our sites who are excellent at marketing. They need to focus mainly on marketing the works of the rest of us who keep the movement going, artists, writers, musicians, filmmakers, etc. In turn, there needs to be a way for all involved to benefit.
For ex., I know I'm seen as one of the figureheads of this so-called "movement," but I'm also a writer. Other figureheads may also be writers or producers of art, film, music. Most of the women who will produce are non-figureheads. We shouldn't have to do the marketing. We should be organized effectively so that the labor is spread. Also, IMO, some of the people involved don't have to be bw.
But this is what frequently happens among AAs. There is a tendency among AAs to EXPECT one or two people to do EVERYTHING because it seems to me that AAs tend to have--for lack of a better term--a messiah complex. This is why I get so many notes from bw saying, "Evia, can YOU talk about ________ or do _________?" This is why some people see me as being a leader--not because I ever set out to be a leader of anything. In essence, some bw have put me up there as a leader and I think they do this because they feel they need a leader and/or because it relieves them of having to do much. Don't get me wrong--leadership is very important but followship is even MORE important. The behavior of the followers is the most critical component of success.
The bottom line is that if AAWAM is not organized, this is not going to be nearly as effective as it could be because those competiting entities that grab the attention of AA women are very organized. With the internet at our fingertips, we need minimal money to get organized. As a matter of fact, we could set up a very effective FREE marketing campaign using many of the freebies available--IF the marketing heads would spring into action.
Khadija,
ReplyDeleteYour post saddens me because I agree with it. I grew up in a middle-class Black community where Black males cared and poured their lives into the community.
As a child, my track coach, swim coach and strings teacher were all Black males. This is not even to mention the influence of my dad, uncles and granddads.
So, it has taken me a while to get with the program and realize that not all Black males have my best interest at heart.
My turning point came when I became friends with a girl who regularly dates outside the race. She convinced me to go to an Irish pub. Lo and behold I got hit on. In a nice way.
Please keep doing what you're doing. If my friend had not opened my eyes, I would still be limiting myself to Black males as potential mates. But everyone doesn't have friends like that. Your blog and others serve that purpose.
Part 1
ReplyDeleteDeStouet,
You said, "This really needs to be highlighted though (it stood out to me) because as soon as I cut the cords with certain members of my family, my home phone stopped ringing. (I spent far to much time interacting with people who had nothing to offer, just because they were family.) As soon as I made the decision to cut certain folks off, my life became "mines".
It took me some time to adjust to this change, but I can not tell you how correct you are. Peace, peace, peace comes with dropping some of our dead weight."-
I remember when you announced that you were cutting the cord from certain folks. I also recall how happy I was for you when you reported back on how improved things were WITHOUT these toxic people taking up your time. I'm still happy for you. I praise God that you made that move. To often, we encourage (really pressure) each other to hang onto biologically-related poison.
_______________________
Delishmish,
You said, "With that statement, I do declare that I have stopped looking back (even if under the guise of seeing how the other half thinks.) The truth is, they are NOT the other half. They are just a ragtag group of hideous individuals (presumably) determined to have everything remain the same, or deteriorate FURTHER..."-
Praise God! No, the lunatic, stalker DBRBM are not the other half, or counterparts to ANYTHING. They are the same as the undead, flesh-eating zombies in horror movies----Mindless, toxic, NON-SENTIENT creatures that have to be kept AWAY from healthy people.
________________________
C4L,
Thank you for your kind words about the post. I truly appreciate it. Well, we're in the LAST few seconds of flickering light. It's about to go out. Anybody who doesn't make it out will be destroyed. So, yes, I also hope those folks who are receptive start to run.
Part 2
ReplyDeletePioneerValleyWoman,
You said, "This is basic common sense, that many women are socialized from girlhood to know and understand in dealing with men: men of unknown quality are just that, strange men who have to prove themselves.
But black women, hoodwinked by the unity at all costs, lost that message, by seeing all black men as "brothers," even those who have not proven themselves to be."-
Yes, and NORMAL men understand and welcome the opportunity to prove that they bring value to the table. They welcome the opportunity to, by their actions, move themselves out of the "strange, unknown man" category to somebody who is granted some trust. Real men KNOW what they're supposed to do. They don't have to be told or coached.
You said, "These images are spirit-murdering. They encourage the debasement of black women and girls. These images numb them by robbing them of all ability to sense what is wrong, thus moving them to accept this spirit murder as the norm.
They in effect become a "pillar of salt", numbed and dead inside, if not already primed to accept their degradation at the hands of the next whomever--rap star, random man on the street, etc."-
Lot's wife (and her destruction) was the very first thought that came to mind as I read all these expressions of outrage over BET's latest atrocity. It worried me that so many people were "looking back at Sodom" in the first place.
_________________________
Evia,
You said, "I think this happens sometimes because there are so few alternatives actively promoted, which means that the alternatives are not readily available. The alternatives are there, but they're not promoted nearly enough."-
I think that this applies to the masses. But one would expect the vanguard to actively seek out healthier alternatives. Not to mention that BET is such an egregious, KNOWN source of PURE POISON that one would've expected the vanguard to be clear about NEVER watching it. No matter what false promises they make about any particular program.
_______________________
Anonymous,
You said, "Your post saddens me because I agree with it. I grew up in a middle-class Black community where Black males cared and poured their lives into the community.
As a child, my track coach, swim coach and strings teacher were all Black males. This is not even to mention the influence of my dad, uncles and granddads."-
I come from a similar background. I mourned after I realized that the wholesome, nurturing AA world I grew up in is gone forever.
You said, "So, it has taken me a while to get with the program and realize that not all Black males have my best interest at heart."-
The harsh reality is that MOST AA males do NOT have any AA woman's interest at heart. What was the Chris Rock observation that somebody repeated to me? Something to the effect that "(AA) men are only as faithful as their options." Because most AA women are scrambling over an ever-dwindling number of (on the surface) "eligible" AA males, these guys' options for exploitation have skyrocketed.
This is why AA male/female interactions are so lopsided and toxic. AA women's decision to limit themselves to AA males has ARTIFICIALLY inflated the perceived value of these toxic males.
The answer is very simple. There's NO shortage of QUALITY, loving, lovable men in the outer world! AAW just need to STOP restricting themselves to all-Black social environments.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
It is one thing, to cherish the black men who are are loving and caring, supportive relatives, family friends, etc., but it is another to presume that just because black women share the same racial heritage with black men, that they are all of value and importance.
ReplyDeleteThis is basic common sense, that many women are socialized from girlhood to know and understand in dealing with men: men of unknown quality are just that, strange men who have to prove themselves.
PVW, this is a major nuance in this whole discussion of DBRbm vs the good bm that is so often totally overlooked. Since the beginning of time, all groups of folks have warned their girls and women to stay away from the "bad" men in their group. Yet, when we AA women try to warn our girls and unsuspecting women, we are considered as 'bashers' of bm. There are some lowdown, mutated-slime bm out there and we know that, just as there are in other groups. So why is it that AAs don't do everything in their power to warn their innocent, gullible females about this menace? This is another social indicator that points to a severe abnormality in AA thinking that is WAY out of step with normal functioning of other groups in the world. As African women have asked me, "Why is it that so many of you AA women have anything to do with those useless men?"
These women NEVER say that ALL AA men are 'useless' and NEVER have I said that either. Yet there seems to be a conspiracy out there of those who REFUSE to differentiate the bad, useless AA men from the rest of AA men. Why? And the irony of all ironies is that I have folks out there who get angry at me these days when I point out that there are good AA and other bm out there. LOL! It's as if some people love to think in terms of opposites: good-bad, white-black, evil-angelic, etc. It's much easier to do that, but life is not like that.
But black women, hoodwinked by the unity at all costs, lost that message, by seeing all black men as "brothers," even those who have not proven themselves to be.
The fact is that there are SOME wonderful bm in my own family and then there are those in my family who have mutated to way beyond the DBR point. It is ***VERY*** easy for me to distinguish between the two, and I long ago cut off the DBRs. I cannot repair them, so what's the point in allowing a destructive person or entity (in ANY form) to remain around you and those you care about? It is suicidal to do so. If I brought no value to others, I'd expect for them to cut me off.
And for each of us, there are people out there who don't consider us to be of value to them, and so they've cut us off and refuse to allow us to mingle with them. This is REALITY. We need to get with reality! No person is included and embraced by everybody, everywhere, so why is it that AA women are moaning and groaning about not being able to embrace and include 'airbody.' LOL! That's that self-sacrificing 'save alla our people' and save the world complex that so many AA women have.
This is NOT rocket science. All a bw has to do is determine who brings VALUE (the Vs) or some significant degree of value (the SVs)to her and other bw and/or to the children and who brings No VALUE (the NVs) or poison and pain.
Must the NVs have the NV label stamped on their foreheads for a typical bw to identify the NVs in their social circle or family? Lawdy!
Pioneer Valley Woman said...
ReplyDelete...It is one thing, to cherish the black men who are loving and caring, supportive relatives, family friends, etc., but it is another to presume that just because black women share the same racial heritage with black men, that they are all of value and importance.
This is basic common sense, that many women are socialized from girlhood to know and understand in dealing with men: men of unknown quality are just that, strange men who have to prove themselves.
But black women, hoodwinked by the unity at all costs, lost that message, by seeing all black men as "brothers," even those who have not proven themselves to be...
That was an EXCELLENT and truthful comment PVW!
THANK YOU for making it. It's just plain common sense.
I LOVE the BM in my family and those personal BM family friends. Because they've proven to be LOVABLE people.
The love is RECIPROCAL.
It's really simple. Love those who are lovable. And forget those who aren't.
Those who aren't shouldn't have any place in your heart, mind, or life.
Judge ALL people ("black", "white", and other) on the content of their CHARACTER. Not the color of their skin.
If more BW could do that simple thing, MANY problems plaguing BW would be eliminated just like that.
Hello Ladies (and Gents..:-))
ReplyDeleteThis seems timely. I just signed "it" and added a scathing comment for full effect.
I urge all to sign this petition AGAINST the treatment of US on this supposedly black network. The tomfoolery and buffoonery HAS to stop.
Make your voice heard.
It IS your Constitutional right.
http://www.gopetition.com/online/29096.html
@Evia
ReplyDelete"But this is what frequently happens among AAs. There is a tendency among AAs to EXPECT one or two people to do EVERYTHING because it seems to me that AAs tend to have--for lack of a better term--a messiah complex."
I (respectfully) disagree...I think a big problem is that we're so socialized to be the person that handles all tasks w/o support, that we're not groomed to lead successfully. We don't know how or when to delegate. So we fail to use a supporters interest in our cause in a way that reduces our efforts. So the followers aren't tasked out when they should be, but they still keep coming because the natural tendency is for like-minded people to aggregate.
Successful leadership must include the ability to triage tasks and to delegate. Any plan that requires one person or a limited amount of key people to be the primary actors is a fundamentally flawed plan. The ability to delegate has to be fostered at the initial level of leadership. So even if you're flipping burgers, you've gotten a chance to lead and to follow. And if you ever get to the point where you own the shop, you're fully vested in your ability to lead a group of people who have also been taught to lead. So it spreads the burden of moving the group forward across all members.
But because we've been historically asked to take tasks that aren't really our responsibility or are understaffed to start, it sets us up for two kinds of failure: failure to learn how to efficiently perpetuate/share/foster power and (more importantly) failure to drop the mindset that presumes that leadership means one person shouldering the burden. This is independent of whether or not we've actually completed the task.
There are many damaging mindsets in the BW community, and the definitions of successful leadership, followership, mentorship and power handling are definitely included.
There are other viewpoints and strategies that are more effective in the long term. If the current status of BW leadership includes self-destruction, the answer isn't to abandon the fact of leadership. Instead, it's a signal to look at the communities and institutions that do this well, and compare our tactics and definitions to theirs. My favorite models are from the military and the DIY ethic.
I've commented on this same concept twice in under 8 hours. I am not a writer, but at this point, I think I might make a post detailing some of the other models and how they might be of use.
@ Khadija, thank you so much for your compliment.
Evia,
ReplyDeleteEven if "NO VALUE" was stamped on DBRBM's foreheads, there are still many AAW who would start talking about "redemption," and "people can change." I see these Black women all the time at work. They're the ones hooked up to many of the felons I've represented (including the registered sex offenders).
____________________
Delishmish,
Respectfully, I think it would be more effective to follow Gina's suggestion at What About Our Daughters and bring GOVERNMENT HEAT down on BET. She suggested that folks call the child labor enforcement people on BET:
Bureau of Field Enforcement
Division of Labor Standards and Enforcement
320 West Fourth St. Suite 450
Los Angeles, CA 90013
213-620-6330
The first questions I usually ask regarding petitions are: (1) Who are the organizers going to submit these petitions to? And (2) Why should the target of the petitions care about this?
BET does NOT care if anyone is offended. BET has nothing but hatred and contempt for all who watch their programming.
Sometimes, the enemies of a social justice movement will pass around petitions that they KNOW aren't going to have any discernable effect. It's a way to allow aggrieved people to blow off steam without having them do anything that really hurts the target.
________________________
Anna,
You're welcome!
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
I (respectfully) disagree...I think a big problem is that we're so socialized to be the person that handles all tasks w/o support, that we're not groomed to lead successfully.
ReplyDeleteOkay, Anna, your points have been noted, hopefully by bw out there who want to be leaders. However, that is not me. I did my mini-rant about people who constantly try to foist their need for a leader off on me or anyone else within reach, it seems, who expresses an opinion. I'm not anyone's leader. If I'd planned to be a leader, I would have done a bunch of things differently.
I'm an artist who expresses her opinions. That's how I see myself. My responsibility is primarily to myself and my family and with the little bit I have left over, I give to other bw.
I'm not looking for anyone to delegate tasks to or do any of the other functions you mentioned.
However, since the time I started blogging, I've gotten notes to the effect that "Thank, God, we've finally got a leader!" when all I was doing was expressing my opinions. LOL!
The fact is that if AA women would just turn loose these losers men and put their own interests first and foremost, that would be the end of any "movement" that anyone is talking about.
After 50 trillion words, we're back at the same point I started out with exactly 3 years ago: Cut the cord on these LOSER men, expand your options to only include Quality, loving and loveable men from the global village, and don't hate on bw who have good men and live well--because you too can have the same things.
In the post entitled "A Heartfelt And Public "Thank You" To Evia For Her Latest Blog Post"
ReplyDeleteKhadija said...
...These OTHER communities only exist as communities because the majority of these other men are individually fulfilling their roles as individual husbands and fathers.
The ONLY reason why this works with these other people is because a VAST MAJORITY of these other men are doing what they're supposed to do as individual men who are individual husbands and fathers.
A real community is made up of a collection of stable, real families. At the core of a stable, real family is a married couple taking care of their children.
Stable families create stable communities. Stable communities create a stable ethnic group. MEN functioning as men are the foundation of this. MEN regulate and police the behavior of other males. MEN rear their individual boys into healthy manhood. MEN prevent anarchy from breaking out. This is what makes a civilized lifestyle possible. A civilized lifestyle is what makes individual, and therefore group, advancement possible.
When there are a critical mass of enough MEN individually functioning as men, then there's no social anarchy. It's nipped in the bud by the prevalence of married, in-home husbands and fathers preventing the mass creation of sociopathic, savage males. Each husband and father is preventing HIS children from being savages. With enough separate individual men doing this for their individual families, then there are very FEW savages in that group.
In a stable race/group created by these individual MEN's behavior as husbands and fathers, there's enough "extra" left over to mentor those relatively FEW males in the group who had incompetent/absent/idiot sperm donors. They don't have to worry about protecting their children from total savages.
In the AA group there's nothing left over to spare for these unraised children. This is because there's not enough AA MEN functioning as men. This is how these unraised, barbaric AAs overran everybody else.
The few AA MEN that exist have their hands full just protecting their individual families from the effects and influence of unraised, savage AAs. There's nothing left over to spare for the children of random AA sperm donors...
To visually illustrate what is SUPPOSED to happen in a working community, I present a video that may be familiar with some.
(WARNING not suitable for children contains violence)
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video
/living/2009/05/21/lynch.wa.bus.attack.kcpq
These MEN jumped into action immediately and neutralized the threat.
They didn't try to "analyze" the maniac or feel "sorry" for him.
They just stopped him.
If women and children aren't safe, you basically have a jungle atmosphere.
Kill or be killed.
Because civilization ONLY exists if the majority of men are right and are ACTIVELY policing the behavior of other men.
Without that you have CHAOS. And enough chaos naturally leads to death.
In the so called "bc" what is often the reaction when BW and black children are abused (like what happened to this blind woman) and sometimes even killed by these black male demons?
What is the reaction when BW are verbally and visually pummeled to a pulp in black popular culture and cr*p "music"?
SILENCE I tell you.
YET, the "bc" expects protest marches and letter writing campaigns (that BW are supposed to partake in?) on behalf of the "po bm" who's supposedly "under siege"?SMH and a big WTH
PUHLEEZE...
BW need to LEAVE these physical and cultural WASTELANDS for greener pastures.
ASAP
They need to leave these po DBRBM alone to their own devices.
If a BW doesn't feel ASSURED that the males in her immediate environment will spring into action to help her at a moments notice if needed, she needs to LEAVE whatever Hell Hole she's in.
And join the OUTER world.
Because OUTSIDE of the "bc" most males WILL do that.
Because it's the normal masculine thing to do.
Something DBR's no nothing about.
@ Khadija:
ReplyDeleteAlso, the advertisers. SoftSheen-Carson is a major advertiser on BET. And they are one of the leading producers of women's haircare products.
They (or similar advertisers) can be targeted by saying something like "when women's beauty makes little girls ugly" (or something along those lines.) The advertisers can be aggressively targeted, with the objective of threating a boycott unless they remove support from media and entertainment that reinforces the sexualization of young girls.
In this case, there doesn't need to be a direct link between offense*** and action because boycotts aren't effective because of sales drops, but by focused, relentless, and publicly negative press. The advertisers don't even need to be breaking laws or violating their own policies for the negative press to be effective. There just needs to be an easily understood setup: victim, villain, hero.
The victim here is little girls, the villain here is BET, and the hero is all the people who support the protection of little girls. Then you state the relationship between the advertisers and BET, which implicates them as the villains also, unless they take public action against BET.
When it becomes clear to the advertisers that investing in BET will garner them negative press to their core demographic, then they'll be more likely to use their clout to influence BET (in a way that regular people can't do: BET is influenced by their demographic, but they are dependent on their advertisers.
***BET can defend themselves on the strict legality of their actions. If the song on BET was the clean version, children may not have been legally misused. BET can say that because they didn't book the girls, the issue is one of on-stage security: it's not illegal to have fans spontaneously come on stage. If the song weren't the clean version, then BET could still sidestep the problems by saying that the children were accompanied by their parents, who then hold the primary responsibility for restricting their behavior and exposure.
But the advertisers can't defend themselves on the legality of their actions. They have to defend against public perception, and this can be lowered even if they've done everything strictly by the book.
That is GREAT information Khadija...I will add that to my roster of things to do on Monday..
ReplyDeleteSince you are always wishing it upon us all, may I also wish YOU Khadija, peace, blessings and continued good health. (Thought I would mix it up :-) )
@Evia
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying -- I wasn't trying to say that you personally should be doing the things I mentioned (you do a ton already!) but that the concept of leadership in the BW community is so skewed that people said this to you:
""Thank, God, we've finally got a leader!" when all I was doing was expressing my opinions. LOL!"" I find this utterly baffling. I believe that you're getting it, but it's...a counterproductive tactic.
Also, that the model is so skewed that when someone does take them up on the offer of leadership, the leader ends up being one totally burnt out woman.
I've really got to think about the best way to explain myself, because there's an image of what it means to be a leader, but that model isn't what I'm talking about at all....I just don't have the right vocabulary at this point to pull apart the stereotypical image from the one that I'm referencing, and it makes my comments ineffective.
Some strong debate going on here Khadija!
ReplyDeleteJust to come in on issue of leadership. We keep coming right back to a need to organize ourselves more effectively over and over (which is indeed an issue of leadership). I think we all sense it is crucial, but there is hesitation and side stepping and for good reason.
For one, we cant guage if there is committment for the long haul, if there is also maturity among the ranks of bw (there have been some occurences to suggest that we have a problem here). Also there are time constraints for many of us as well as a fear if becoming targets for any backlash and sabotage.
also pulling together the work and deciding strategy and direction looks like it will be a real task.
our individual 'gigs' arnt without effect (i think critical work is beign done actually) however there is no getting round the fact that the black female empowernment/SP work, has reached a point where it needs that kind of co-operative working and pulling together.
I can at least acknowledge this without knowing what the answer is.
Felicia,
ReplyDeleteLord have mercy. If that had happened in a bus in a Black residential area, that demon would have been allowed to literally beat the blind woman TO DEATH.
This reminds me of something I saw while riding a CTA bus on my way home from a (law school) summer internship at a legal aid clinic. The bus was eastbound on 47th Street [at that time an overt, physically obvious by its appearance border between a Negro slum and the integrated Hyde Park neighborhood (which contains the Univ. of Chicago)].
It was late afternoon. I was sitting in a seat next to the window. The bus had stopped to pick up a crowd of people at a corner. There were even larger crowds of AAs standing around. Within the standing crowd, a Negro male tried to snatch the gold chain off a woman's neck, but it wouldn't break. So, he's tugging and slapping at her while her 2 small daughters scream and cry.
Not a single Negro male intervened. Not even the BM bus driver who pretended that he didn't see what was happening. [The driver didn't bother to call anybody, etc.]
Ultimately, a...middle aged...KOREAN...MAN/shopkeeper ran out of his shop and fought with the Negro male criminal. After a few punches back & forth, the Negro ran off.-
I looked into the faces of some of the Negroes standing around. Several of them were smirking.
At that point, I realized that most modern Negro males had NOTHING but color and anatomy in common with my Dad, or the other REAL BM in my neighborhood growing up.
When I was a teenager, I saw my Dad and some of the BM neighbors physically attack the ONE teenage/young adult Negro male criminal who was foolish enough to try to rob a neighbor's small child of his bike. The Negro had KICKED the small boy off his own bike, and was arrogant enough to slowly WALK the freshly stolen bike down the street. I guess this ghetto invader was not used to the presence of real men. He apparently didn't know that you can't do things like that when real men are around.
I saw my Dad RUN out the house and immediately start punching the Negro in the head. The Negro criminal started to lose the fight, and so he ran. I saw other BM in the neighborhood spontaneously come out of their houses and chase the Negro criminal down several blocks.
Nothing like that ever happened again on that block. Not until decades later when the REAL BM were mostly deceased, elderly, or ill, and had been replaced by a generation of colored non-men with male anatomy.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Khadija,
ReplyDeleteI realize I may have gone on a tangent with that last comment of mine - but the more I think about it - the more I'm BAFFALAED by the current mental state of large numbers of folks in the "bc".
I guess I just needed to vent somewhere...
Even though my comment was in reference to a former post of yours, I dropped it here in the current post because I just wanted to remind the readers again of how accurate and succinct your assessment of the current reality is.
Your comment about what makes these other communities actual communities was just deserving of being BOLDED.
You broke it DOWN.
When I first saw that sickening video on CNN months ago, it made me think of all of the countless defenseless BW and black children, and black elderly women and men, who are suffering at the hands of maniacs not unlike the fool on the bus.
And it made me realize that BW (and their children) DON'T STAND A CHANCE in these God forsaken places.
Anyway, back to the CURRENT post...
I'd like to share an article related to BET that I came across recently.
It's a VERY good read...
Black Bloggers Are Sick of BET and 'Gangsta Crap' Music
http://www.nowpublic.com/entertainment
/black-bloggers-are-sick-bet-and-gangsta-crap-music
Anna,
ReplyDeleteI'm not trying to discourage anybody else from participating in efforts to pressure BET's advertisers. I'm just not willing to do THAT anymore. It feels like a merry-go-round. We educate/pressure the advertisers regarding one foul BET show. Okay, that particular show is changed or dropped. And then BET does it all over again with another show.
The other concern I have (in terms of my participation only, I'm NOT talking about what others choose to do) is the following question: What sense does it make for me to spend my time chasing BET (or its sponsors) when vanguard members are STILL willing to watch shows on that channel? That fact by itself makes me doubt that it's worth my time to do that.
At this point, I feel that the only efforts that are worth my time are in support of heavy, crippling blows against BET. Much of which revolve around various government entities. The child labor angle. And the angle of removing BET from the cable "bundle" set-up that has enabled its existence. If folks had to actively choose to invite BET into their homes, then it would surely fall. End of story.
Again, I'm NOT trying to discourage others from taking any action that they feel is helpful. I'm just explaining what I'm willing to spend my energy on.
My thoughts on the leadership tip are that AAW don't need "leaders" in this context. We need consciousness-raising. We need to learn how to have minds that are open enough to re-think what we've been doing.
These ideas are really quite simple and founded on common sense. All that's required to put them into use is a willingness to reconsider some things, and change some behaviors.
I'm somewhat confused by the mental resistance and the "stuck points" that so many AAW seem to have with all of this. I took time to re-examine my ideology (and what I was doing) shortly after I was presented with new information (the Dunbar Village Atrocity & Aftermath, various blog essays, etc.). After reviewing all the new ideas and new information I had come across, I decided to change course. It was painful, and I grieved over the loss of the previous ideas I had found certainty in. But I'm better off for it.
It's one thing to carefully consider new ideas or information and THEN reject them after thinking it over. It's something else to keep going around a mental "spin cycle" with the same stale thoughts---as if one had never seen or heard the new information. I don't understand that sort of behavior. Especially when the status quo is NOT doing anything positive for a person.
______________________
Delishmish,
Oh no, I'm not providing any information---it's straight from Gina's blog post about all of that. Gina did all the information gathering! LOL! I'm just repeating the information that she provided.
Thank you so much for your kind wishes! I truly appreciate it.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
I totally agree w/this post. It's so sad, yet so true, that AA women are better off if they keep AA men out of their lives. From my own experience, I've noted that non-BM have been WAY more supportive of me than BM. Actually, it seems as though BM always sought a way/reason/excuse to try to hold me down. I dislike beliefs in black inferiority/white superiority, which is why it's hard for me to leave BM completely behind. But, I can see clearly that my well-being and the well-being of my children is at stake, and my family will probably be much better off with a male influence from a different culture. So, now, that's what I'm seeking, even though it breaks my heart that this is necessary.
ReplyDeleteHalima,
ReplyDeleteYou said, "Some strong debate going on here Khadija!"-
It's only as strong as commenters like you make it! LOL!
You said, "Just to come in on issue of leadership. We keep coming right back to a need to organize ourselves more effectively over and over (which is indeed an issue of leadership). I think we all sense it is crucial, but there is hesitation and side stepping and for good reason.
For one, we cant guage if there is committment for the long haul, if there is also maturity among the ranks of bw (there have been some occurences to suggest that we have a problem here). Also there are time constraints for many of us as well as a fear if becoming targets for any backlash and sabotage.
also pulling together the work and deciding strategy and direction looks like it will be a real task."-
Halima, I think that our people's previous models of "leadership" are obsolete and frankly, unworkable in our particular context. In terms of our empowerment/consciousness-raising activism, I think what would be best is an "open source" model of activism.
I'm going to put up a separate open panel discussion post tonight to talk about this in detail.
__________________________
Anna,
Please hold your thoughts about leadership for the post I'm about to put up. I think that needs to be a separate discussion.
___________________________
Felicia,
Oh no, you didn't go on a tangent. This is all directly related (and really, intertwined) with what we're talking about here.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteYou said, "I dislike beliefs in black inferiority/white superiority, which is why it's hard for me to leave BM completely behind."-
Nobody's talking about "black inferiority/white superiority." I'm talking about a group of males, the vast majority of whom are no longer functional on any level. This isn't about inherent "inferiority." It's about functional, productive cultures VERSUS dysfunctional, destructive cultures.
New-school AA culture has morphed into something that CANNOT sustain life (majority bastard child rate, mass family abandonment by AA males, etc.). Over the past 40 years, AA men morphed into "males-not men" who CANNOT and WILL NOT provide a decent life for AA women and children. It wasn't always like this---old-school AA men were MEN. And it didn't have to end up like this. But it has, for a variety of reasons that no longer matter very much.
The situation is what it is. We either face it and move forward. Or we continue to indulge in magical thinking about the situation, and perish.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
@ Khadija,
ReplyDelete"At this point, I feel that the only efforts that are worth my time are in support of heavy, crippling blows against BET. Much of which revolve around various government entities. The child labor angle. And the angle of removing BET from the cable "bundle" set-up that has enabled its existence."
I totally appreciate you explaining it in these terms. It clarifies the various action-goal relationships for me in a huge way.
This post & the comments have given me a lot to think about, and again, I really appreciate it.
@ Khadija
ReplyDeleteI think my last post came in under a different google account: it should be "anna (tertiary#anna)", regarldless of whatever label it comes under. If it's mislabled, can it just be deleted or renamed?
I had commented on the clarification of why the gov't agencies were a better tactic than the advertisers.
My apologies for the confusion, I've got more than one gmail account (but I only use anna/tertiaryanna for blogs.)
Anna,
ReplyDeleteThe previous comment is under the name "anna (tertiary#anna)." So, I left it up.
Oh no, I'm not saying that the government angle is necessarily "better." I'm ONLY explaining what I'm willing to consider investing my energy into regarding BET. I'm NOT trying to discourage others from pursuing whatever angles they want to pursue. It doesn't have to be "either/or," it can be "both/and."
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
On the weight issue, I just have one thing to add. The black women I've encountered come up with every excuse in the book not to work out from cycles, to crazy ex-boyfriends, to gas money, to injuries, to you name it. I've decided that I will not choose work out partners among black women who are not already losing weight and commited to a fitness regimine. I just don't have time for all the excuses...
ReplyDeleteKay
Salaam alaykum Khadija:
ReplyDeleteI think YOU deserve a standing ovation, IMHO. 100% co-sign to everything you articulated. May Allah s.w.t. reward you in this life, and the hereafter. –Ameen.
1.My family, and I do not watch much TV. We do not have cable by choice.(We use that $150 a month to pay for Amina’s 529 fund) I stopped watching allot of television including both the mono-racial and multicultural music channels when I converted to Islam, sincerely believing that it’s harram to watch pornography, rape, murder, robbery, and idolatry. I was not’t even aware of B.E.T’s decline or deterioration until reading here. They claimed it would be tribute to MJ--look at this Khadija-- MJ NEVER portrayed children in that manner. They were always angelic, loving, mannered, and even docile! What an extreme!
“ In China, since time immemorial, they had achieved refinement in a special art and industry: the molding of living man. One takes a child two or three years old, grotesque in shape, without cover for bottom, so that the head and feet protrude. In the day time, one keeps this vase standing upright; at night, one lays it down, so that the child can sleep. Thus the child expands without growing, slowly filling the contours of the vase with his compressed flesh and twisted bones. This certain point, it becomes irreparable. When one judges that this has occurred and the monster is made, one breaks the vase, the child comes out, and one has a man in the shape of a pot. –Victor Hugo, the Man Who Laughs
“ He thought of all the living species that train their young in the art of survival, the cats who teach their kittens to hunt, the birds who spend such strident effort on teaching their fledglings to fly-yet man, whose tool of survival is the mind, does not merely fail to teach a child to think, but devotes the child’s education to the purpose of destroying his brain, of convincing him that thought is futile, and evil, before he has started to think.”- Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged
2.You said: “What prompted this particular post was the "shocked, shocked I say" outrage about the latest atrocity on Black Exploitation Television. I hesitated to say this before for fear of giving offense, but I feel compelled to say it openly now”
Khadija, this is YOUR house, and if people are outraged at what you want to express in YOUR house, I’d say that’s their personal problem. Furthermore, you and no one else should have to fight with someone to save their own life. Sr. Khadija, you’ve gone above and BEYOND in reaching out to people who are sincere in their desire to be upright, and live well. Every one isn’t going to like every one or have some emotional attachment/investment—it would be FOOLISH to discard the wisdom being shared over that! It’s called growing up! Allah s.w.t. is enough for me. The fact that Allah s.w.t. guided me is enough for me. I don’t need “lovey dovey” hugs and kisses to save my own life. Can’t people see that the situation has been past that point?
3.I’ve been living in a mixed, middle class area for about two years now. My father who is a retired police officer/detective forewarned us prior to Obama being elected that the State had already begun the process of paroling thousands of inmates. Now you see, that many States are bankrupt, and unable to sustain their prison populations.
So you have: 20% unemployment rate in the BC, unmonitored convicts, unsupervised children, and diminished law enforcement supervision. All of this has become WORSE in the recession. This is about… to get REAL…ugly…
Anonymous/Kay,
ReplyDeleteWell, then it's obvious that there's a lot more going on with that particular issue than any of these excuses. Tracy gave some really helpful thoughts about this in her comment to the current Open Panel post.
______________________________
SisterSeeking/Miriam,
Wa Alaikum As Salaam!
Wa Baraka Allahu Feek! ["And may God bless YOU!"] Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers; I truly appreciate it. I generally try to avoid giving unnecessary offense because that's detracting from people's ability to hear the message. In terms of things that just have to be said, I agree with you. Folks will either get over it or they won't. Oh well.
You said, "My father who is a retired police officer/detective forewarned us prior to Obama being elected that the State had already begun the process of paroling thousands of inmates. Now you see, that many States are bankrupt, and unable to sustain their prison populations.
So you have: 20% unemployment rate in the BC, unmonitored convicts, unsupervised children, and diminished law enforcement supervision. All of this has become WORSE in the recession. This is about… to get REAL…ugly…"-
Oh my goodness. I wasn't aware of that angle. I knew that the states are going bankrupt, but I hadn't thought of parolee services being trimmed as a result.
Folks, we're in the LAST few moments before the Endless Night Among AAs. I would strongly urge everyone who hasn't already done so, to GET OUT NOW!
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
it's so simple though, really.
ReplyDeleteBW do not need a "leader", we are our own leaders.
We don't need to protest and make a huge deal of nothing.
Just cut loose the poision and move on!
Jewish people are experts at this.
They don't make any noise or march and go to the media, if they don't like something, they stop supporting it.
Say they didn't like BET for example, they would remove that channel from their television, they would research and get any info they could get about who sponsors BET and make sure to not spend any money on them.
They would do it quick and without actually letting anyone know about it.
BW do not need to shout and scream about "now we are choosing to date OUT!" they just do it.
simple.
I think SOME of us BW have done a good job at that because i think people are some what shocked to see BW/WM couples, like they didn't really see it coming.
I don't care if people think it is shocking to see me and my white bf out and about holding hands , that's their business, i know i'm happy.
I don't have to go on Oprah to whine and cry over how NOW i am choosing to date non BM , hell i've always dated non BM, i never bought into the BM hype.
BW , who cry "Nothing but a you know what" need to be quiet, because it's pathetic - and what i ahve noticed is that these nothing but BM women, are usually the types that BM wouldn't be caught dead with anyways. it's embarrassing.
BW who are in IRR should also stop being defensive about their choice in partner (halle berry comes to mind), no excuses needed.
I just wanted to say i've been out of this mess my whole life and it baffles me that BW...SOME bw, haven't got a damn clue.
As an outsider looking in i have been shaking my head my whole life, i saw this one coming a long time ago.
it saddens me to see BW dressed like video whores in order to attract a BM who has his eyes set on a WW anyways.
BW need to realize that they can't dress in a short mini dress with 5 inch heels, boobs exposed, a WW can, a BW can't. Those are unspoken rules.
if a BW is dressed like a whore she WILL be viewed as one.
I saw a petite indian girl with a black guy the other day and she said something in a joking way that put him, the black guy down and he said with a stiff smile and uncomfortable tone "don't ever say that again, ok?" like he was embarrassed over the fact that she embarrassed him infront of me, a BW. And she looked terriffied, i just looked at her like "honey what did you expect", the looked like a low life thug.
I think more and more people over all are starting to see that BW (decent BW who don't look like they've just come out of lil waynes music video) aren't really that into BM and are starting to venture out.
I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and believe that there is still hope for some BW, i do worry about younger BW/girls though...
I was one of those suckers that watched the BET Awards. I knew better but did it anyway. I was thinking about Lot's wife the entire post but I didn't include it. There is a lack of viable, uplifting yet still interesting entertainment and yes I was hoping for something moving in terms of a tribute. I will be reminded of this moment the next time I feel tempted to do something so foolish and be resolved to not fall for it.
ReplyDeleteS,
ReplyDeleteYou said, "We don't need to protest and make a huge deal of nothing. Just cut loose the poision and move on! Jewish people are experts at this. They don't make any noise or march and go to the media, if they don't like something, they stop supporting it.
Say they didn't like BET for example, they would remove that channel from their television, they would research and get any info they could get about who sponsors BET and make sure to not spend any money on them.
They would do it quick and without actually letting anyone know about it. BW do not need to shout and scream about "now we are choosing to date OUT!" they just do it.
simple."-
In terms of a general principle, I agree with this. However, in this context, I feel that we do need to have some conversations among ourselves as AAW.
The contrast is that Jewish people already KNOW certain things. Unfortunately, most AAW DON'T consciously know certain things. The indoctrination is preventing many AAW from connecting the dots.
Such as the idea that they really DO have other choices than desperately waiting on a AA male. The idea that there are other options literally has not occurred to most AAW. The indoctrination that most of them have been subjected to has blinded them to the existing other options.
________________________
Faith,
We've all had those "Why did I expect anything else?" moments. I've had my share of "looking back at Sodom" in the past. But it's a new day. *Smile* Onward and forward!
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Sister Seeking,
ReplyDeletethank you for your last post. I was extremely moved by what you shared with us, especially that one quote by Mrs. Rand.
Hello Khadija,
ReplyDeleteI will say that I was unaware of the latest fiascos - the white girl song and the BET awards until I came across some blogs that mentioned them.
I didn't bother with wanting to know about the WGS bc well it is what it is, but when I heard about the "performance" at BET I did google that bc Gina and Faith were encouraging action and I wanted to know exactly what happened before reporting.
I eventually did report to CPS and finally was able to get through to the labor standards board.
Re: parolees
I was flying recently and met an old school older BM who said the same thing to me. I can't remember what branch of law enforcement he worked in, but he cautioned me to be careful.
I am grateful for the conversation taking place on this blog and others. I was having a conversation today with a friend who mentioned how she felt at her age (40+) she was finally removing her blinders and understanding what was really important. This blog is that same conversation in an electronic format.
ReplyDeleteI am sure no one underestimates the power of these blogs to educate and motivate. Granted, not everyone will take action. Of course 'everyone' did not participate in the civil right's struggle, but change was affected.
Each woman must take control of her own destiny, blaze her own trail. An enlighten woman rather than led woman.
Peace
Aphrodite,
ReplyDeleteThere's a difference between: (1) clinically watching a replay of something online to decide whether to take action against it, versus (2) actually pulling up a chair to become part of BET's viewing audience.
_____________________
SouthlandDiva,
Thank you for your kind words; I truly appreciate it.
Yes, I agree that "Each woman must take control of her own destiny, blaze her own trail." Every woman has to free herself and reach for her own slice of abundant life. Others can encourage her; but nobody else can do it for her.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
AK,
ReplyDeleteI praise God that a passerby intervened and you weren't harmed. These sorts of incidents illustrate the GRAVE DANGER that BW are in at places where there are only BM around. BM are less likely than other men to intervene to assist a woman who's being attacked. This is the lesson of the incident I witnessed. This is the lesson of the incident that you survived. This is the lesson of the countless horrible news stories that we've all seen and read.
BW better wake up. Let me repeat myself for anybody who didn't catch this on the first bounce.
Black Women:
There is a social and cultural "Katrina" headed toward Black residential areas. From the failing economy, to bankrupt states cutting monitoring of parolees, to criminals being outright released from jails due to overcrowding.
When this "Katrina" hits, and Rwanda-like incidents start breaking out in larger numbers (they're already happening***we're just pretending that these are "isolated incidents"***), the news media is NOT going to cover these stories.
The lesson of The Dunbar Village Atrocity & Aftermath is that NOBODY cares if crimes against humanity are committed against you and your children.
NOBODY is riding to your rescue. Get out while you still can. That is all that's left to say about this.-
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Ak I am so sorry to hear of your attack. I am glad that someone assisted and you were able to get to safety.
ReplyDeleteRecently, a shop owner in another section of town where I live was murdered in a robbery, by two very young BM. They didn't even give him the chance to give him the money in the safe - they just blew his head off and took the jewelry from the cases.
In response, the Black business owners and many residents in the area along with police encouragement and support are now "strapped" to the teeth. The chief of police went on the news and encouraged gun ownership and use.
The news went around talking to the residents and the owners asking if they felt this was a good solution [you know the whole anti-gun thing] and the majority said yes!
One strip mall has even hired strapped protection.
There was only one lone BW whom they found that said on camera she was against it and said that "education" was the key.
In my neighborhood something similar has been happening. Many of the elderly women {its mostly older peeps now} have been getting together a neighborhood watch group along with our representative {who lives in the neighborhood}. They call and check in on one another and there are meetings about safety and protection actions plans etc. My mom had been to one so far and we still have our guns.
I want to add the disclaimer that I am not sharing this to lull anyone to sleep about leaving the dangerous all black constructs.
But it did make me kind of proud to see that some people around me are using common sense and taking care of business.
Aphrodite,
ReplyDeleteI'm always pleased to hear about Black folks who are waking up to reality. We're in the last moments before full-blown Rwanda breaks out in Black residential areas. As you know, this is what I mean when I talk about the coming Endless Night of Permanent Underclass Status. Black residential areas in America will SOON be as chaotic, violent, AND utterly ignored as Somalia.-
As I recently said in another post's comment section:
"...I'm focused on the practical aspects of encouraging AAW to save their own lives.
I want as many AAW (and children) as possible to escape the emerging Rwanda-zones within Black residential areas. I want AAW and children to find ways to survive and thrive in the current interlocking crises of a failed economy, peak oil, and the increasingly catastrophic weather patterns caused by global warming.
These emerging crises are heaped upon a preexisting African-American context of the near-total absence of stable, married families, sub-Saharan African levels of HIV/AIDS, escalating numbers of diet and lifestyle related health conditions (diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.), and ever-escalating violence against BW and girls. All of this is happening in a mass AA cultural context of various "Radio Rwandas" that are normalizing anarchy---such as BET and various "urban" hip-hop radio stations.-
Our (mis)leaders have NO answers to ANY of this. Neither do the vast majority of our self-proclaimed community activists. Neither do the Internet Ike Turners, their supporting Ikettes, or the assorted other trolls."
All of these people are basically advocating more of the same mantras, more of the same failed strategies that we've been trying for the past few decades, and business as usual while all of the above problems escalate.
Ladies,
The Dunbar Village Atrocity and Aftermath and The Hovey Street Murders are coming soon to a Black residential area near YOU and YOUR children. Get clear of these places while you can.-
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
If you’re in all black residential area, NOW is the time to get out. I live in a mixed working class/middle class area. Since the recession our local law enforcement, neighborhood watch, and community groups have increased their workload! They can do so because of our high property taxes, home owner’s associations’ dues, and the resources individuals bring to the table. This isn’t the case in all black residential areas.
ReplyDeleteI’d also like to briefly share that we only have one AA family on block (they are renters.) My husband had to call the police on them last year. The police went above, and beyond to help us out. The officers that came to our home, actually invited us over to diner with their families, and once officer even offered me a job if we wanted to relocate to another part of Virginia. Don’t let the ABC crew convince you that you wouldn’t be any better off in a mixed setting than you would be in all black residential area. Law enforcement can immediately tell the difference between the blue collar, brown collar, or white collar man that leaves at 5am in the morning, and returns home after sunset-versus the fools who stand outside smoking, drinking, cursing, and harassing folks all day. They don’t classify all black people as thugs, whores, and welfare queens.
Peace and blessings to all
One casualty of the recession: U.S. mobility
People would like to move, but can't, and that prolongs the economic agony
By Roger Fillion
msnbc.com contributor
updated 43 minutes ago
Daniel Arevalo would love to sell his home in southern California, so he could move closer to his three young children. They live 45 minutes to the north, with his ex-wife.
But Arevalo can’t sell his house. The real estate market in Menifee, about 65 miles north of San Diego, is in the tank. Home values “are dropping like a rock,” said Arevalo. And even if he could sell the home that he bought five years ago for about $250,000, Arevalo doubts he would get the $175,000 needed to pay off his mortgage.
“I’m stuck,” he said.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31666870/ns/business-stocks_and_economy/
Thanks Khadija and Aphrodite
ReplyDeleteI'll say one good thing about the US compared to the UK, in the UK now ANY KILLER can be relesed from prison after five years but someone caught with drugs will get 20 years in prison. Whereas in the US if you kill and you're in prison you'd better get comfortable and/or they will kill you eventually.
Don't ever move to Britain Khadija because there are black, white, and mixed DBRs who are out for blood; there's a white Rwanda in Britain already! LOL
AK,
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome!
You said, "I'll say one good thing about the US compared to the UK, in the UK now ANY KILLER can be relesed from prison after five years but someone caught with drugs will get 20 years in prison.
...Don't ever move to Britain Khadija because there are black, white, and mixed DBRs who are out for blood; there's a white Rwanda in Britain already! LOL"-
It's interesting that you should say that. I've never been to the UK; but I have one cardinal rule about traveling: Stay with the herd of tourists! Don't wander off the beaten tourist path! LOL! [Most cities/countries are careful to protect the tourist areas. After all, robbed & murdered tourists will soon = no tourists = no tourist money.]
I've read a couple of books by a UK author named Theodore Dalrymple where he basically describes underclass behavior in the UK. And as he points out to shocked Americans, he's talking about underclass Whites!
Among other things, I was fascinated by his descriptions of the White British soccer hooligans' behavior. And that other countries (like Italy, etc.) have actually had to PLAN AROUND the anticipated violent, drunken antics of these hordes of visiting soccer hooligans during matches.
Incredible.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Thank you for your post. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! I made the decision a few years ago to cut the constant negativity, ignorance, and unhealthiness that comes from DBRBM (and sometimes W).
ReplyDeleteMy life has been so much better I cannot even begin to tell you.
Please keep doing what you are doing. More Black women need to read your posts.
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words; I truly appreciate it. As you noted, there are a LOT of DBRbm-identified BW that also need to be cut loose in order to live a good life.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Khadjia, don't you consider white women your primary opressors too. It is not like they include black women in feminism or talk about race issues.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous (maybe I should call you "Tyrone"),
ReplyDeleteYou said, "Khadjia, don't you consider white women your primary opressors too. It is not like they include black women in feminism or talk about race issues."
Just this once, I'll respond to something like this nonsense.
You must be kidding. How in the world do you compare not being included in somebody else's activism and somebody else's failure to talk about issues that don't pertain to them with:
1-The increasing numbers of physical atrocities (murders, gang rapes, beatings) that AA males commit against AA women and girls;
2-The colorism that AA males inflict upon AA women and girls;
3-The non-stop (and physically threatening) street harassment that AA males inflict upon AA women and girls;
4-Etc., etc., etc....
Your trollish "question" was ridiculous.
Goodbye.
Anonymous (maybe I should call you "Tyrone")
ReplyDeleteOMG! Girl, I almost fell out laughing at this.
Really, if you ever were to write a book about these trollish creatures non-stop attempts to intrude into AA women's discussions about our divestment and departure, THIS would be a perfect name for the book: Anonymous, Maybe I Should Call You Tyrone LOL!!!
Evia,
ReplyDeleteGuuurl, "Tyrone" is craaa-zeee.
You said, "Really, if you ever were to write a book about these trollish creatures non-stop attempts to intrude into AA women's discussions about our divestment and departure, THIS would be a perfect name for the book: Anonymous, Maybe I Should Call You Tyrone LOL!!!"
{loud gales of laughter} That's a good idea!
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Khadjia, I am the anonymous you called Tyrone.
ReplyDeleteI was not trying to imply black men have no responbility in the oppression of black women.
What I was asking was why do you not talk about white women's oppression of black womne and how in feminism white women only want black women around when they need something done and don't want to talk about black women's issues.
Sorry for the late response, I just could not find this post again and finally managed to do so today.
Anonymous/"Tyrone,"
ReplyDeleteRe-read the response I gave on August 26, 2009 at 8:01 AM.
Your priorities---deflecting accountability away from BM for their ongoing attacks on BW---are not the same as my priorities---encouraging other BW to save their own lives by fleeing the presence of toxic and physically dangerous persons.
This difference in priorities is why our attention is focused on different things. Which is why I'm not talking about the things you would like to talk about. I have no interest in deflecting accountability away from BM.
Good day.