Introduction To All Posts:
Black women’s problems with Black men started in Africa LONG before the arrival of the Arab man and the White man.
Black men have been betraying Black women since BEFORE the White man ever came to Africa. If you haven’t already done so, please read the following 2 posts:
Blog readers have brought the latest BW-related
social media kerfuffle to my attention. I’ve seen various references to it
online, but I didn’t see anything that I felt was worth additional commentary
regarding this debacle until I watched Breukelen Bleu’s latest YouTube video WHO WAS AT THE GATE: A CASE STUDY, (which is an educational case study about the MUCH larger
issues behind the latest debacle).
At the end of the video, Bleu makes the very real
point that the first betrayal—that began thousands of years ago—that set Black
women (BW) up to be in the extremely vulnerable, despised and oppressed
position that we are now collectively in was BW’s betrayal of the sisterhood.
It was BW’s mass betrayal of other BW in favor of Black males that set BW up
for what Bleu refers to as “the Pimparchy”
(BM pimp BW instead of doing the hard work of protecting, providing, producing
and problem-solving that actual patriarchs do).
THIS
IS TRUE. And the question that Bleu asks throughout the
video is on point: Yes, “who WAS at the
gate?” in terms of protecting BW. And internally, far too many times, BW
have NOT “been at the gate” to protect
other BW from attacks. As I’ll explain later in this post, this failure/refusal
to “be at the gate” protecting the other
BW who have protected you is one of the dots that can be connected to this
latest social media debacle “dot.”
I’ll add another spiritual law tagline that I think
BW need to keep in mind: Lessons repeat until they are learned.
For the purposes of this post, I’ve decided to
imitate certain aspects of the way Bleu discusses this debacle. I believe there
were specific behavior patterns (as demonstrated in specific incidents that I’ll
mention and give “receipts” to in links) that led up to this debacle. But my
point is about the larger lessons to be learned, as opposed to the specific
incidents themselves.
So, in light of this decision, in this post I’ll
make references to “the Girl Who Swirls”
instead of calling out her name. Additionally, there’s no need to recite the
details of the “debacle” because everybody knows what happened with that.
*As the first point of bookkeeping, please note that
Evia, blog host of Black Female Interracial Marriage ezine was the blogger who
came up with the very descriptive phrase “perpetually surprised.” A phrase that
perfectly sums up how many African-American BW react to BM’s repeated transgressions against BW.
**As the second point of bookkeeping, let me note
for the record that I’m not a friend or supporter OR enemy of “the Girl Who Swirls.” I’m
not her friend or supporter because she backstabbed me and some other early BWE
writers several years back.
Many of y’all in the reading audience are fans of “dark
wisdom.” Given that fact, I just know that you won’t come at me with any
of that silly “lightworker” mess (as you call it) expecting me to forgive the Girl
Who Swirls’ betrayal of the early BWE bloggers—the same BW bloggers who
helped her (in front and behind the scenes) promote her No Wedding No Womb campaign. Ummm, NO. You can’t possibly expect me
to be dumb enough to do that. And you don’t have to be a dark wisdom supporter
in order to reject being a patsy and a mark. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught
that “a believer does not allow
himself to be stung twice from one (and the same) hole.”
I’m not a friend or supporter of “the Girl
Who Swirls,” but I’m also not an enemy of hers. If I were an enemy, I wouldn’t have done the post This is NOT Legal Advice. As I’ve said over the years when it’s come up, I’m indifferent to
her.
So, with all of the above in mind, here’s my 2₵
about the “the debacle.”
I don’t feel that “the debacle” was that huge a
mistake in the overall scheme of things
I’ve seen the headlines to the seemingly zillions of gloating YouTube videos
that those who hate “the Girl Who Swirls” have made in the
aftermath of her recent error in judgment. Yes, the decisions she made that led
up to the debacle were some bad choices that ultimately led to a racist WM
being “put on.” Maybe I’m missing something about this, but I don’t
feel that this error in judgment or the related fallout constitute any sort of “comeuppance”
or defeat. Here’s why:
First, seeing BM race to reward some WM bum for
bashing BW has been eye-opening for those BW who were still confused about
whether or not BM as a collective are mortal enemies to BW.
Second, NOBODY
has done more to uplift, promote and make possible a proverbial king’s ransom
of money for nonblacks than Black males. For just one example, many younger
African-Americans don’t even know that Jennifer Lopez ($300 million net worth) and Jim Carrey ($150 million net worth) were
given their first big break by a negro male—Keenan Ivory Wayans ($65 million net worth), co-creator of In Living Color.
I won’t even get into the countless additional
examples of the negro males who “put on” and made Fergie ($45 million net worth), Pink ($70 million net worth) and a slew of other nonblacks very, VERY rich. The list is endless. There’s
no comparison between the extreme wealth that negro males have consistently made possible for
J.Lo, Jim Carrey and the rest of them versus whatever coins some WM bum has
been able to get from YouTube after being publicized by “the Girl Who Swirls.”
Come
on, now. The bitter BM haters and BW handmaidens are reaching when they try to
blow this incident up out of proportion to negro males’ long-term, documented
track record of creating riches for
nonblacks who denigrate Blacks.
Refusal to accept feedback and correction
leads to repeating lessons
Effective activism requires mentors, or at minimum
peers. Not fangirls who will cheerlead any goofy decision one makes (and who will usually turn on you later down the road). It also
requires a willingness to take correction. When you refuse to take correction,
you set yourself up to repeat various lessons over and over again.
I’ve been
blessed during my BWE activism to have some peers that have corrected me behind
the scenes. They’ve caught my hand a couple of times and have prevented me from
making what would have been some extra errors in judgment. [Everybody has made at least a few mistakes in every
endeavor they’ve participated in.] But this worked because I was willing to consider
good-faith critiques and take correction from my peers.
Looking in from the outside, it seems pretty clear
to me that either “the Girl Who Swirls”
doesn’t have any blogging peer advisers that she consults with on a regular
basis before making some of
these decisions or she’s not listening to them (not willing to take critique
and correction from them).
Here’s my train of thought with all of that:
When “the Girl
Who Swirls” engaged in a pattern and practice of sitting back and passively allowing BWE opponents to use her blog comment section to denigrate BWE bloggers’ and our work, she was NOT “standing at the gate” to protect her
BW-centric blogger colleagues. Lessons
repeat until they are learned.
When “the Girl
Who Swirls” refused to accept private feedback and correction about this
behavior pattern, she was NOT “standing at the gate” to protect her
BW-centric blogger colleagues. Lessons
repeat until they are learned.
When “the Girl
Who Swirls” without my permission published a highly-edited (edited by her) portion of my private reply email conversation with her, she was NOT “standing
at the gate” to protect her BW-centric blogger colleagues. Lessons repeat until they are learned.
When “the Girl
Who Swirls” refused to accept feedback and correction about the folly of
giving one-sided support to the Redtails movie that erased BW from their own history, she was NOT “standing at the gate”
to protect her fellow BW. Lessons repeat
until they are learned.
When “the Girl
Who Swirls” did all of the above and put on a big show of publicly playing victim
[with some revisionist history about what had actually happened between
her and several early BWE bloggers] for her blog audience, she was NOT “standing
at the gate” for BW. Lessons repeat
until they are learned.
Most importantly in terms of not having to repeat
lessons:
When “the Girl
Who Swirls” did all of the above, she broke fellowship with multiple
BW-centric blogging peers and THREW AWAY a source of good-faith feedback that would’ve
prevented her from having to learn so many BW-centric activism lessons
the hard way!
Lessons
repeat until they are learned.
Like I said, it seems pretty clear to me that either
“the Girl Who Swirls” doesn’t have
any peers that she consults with on a regular basis before making some of these decisions or she’s not listening
to them. Because if she did, she would STOP
endangering her children’s lives by flossing photos of them and giving her huge
numbers of deranged haters so many personal details about where her children
can be found. Now, THIS is a lesson that I hope and pray does not have to
repeat.
As I said, I’m not a friend, supporter OR enemy to
“the Girl Who Swirls.” I’m indifferent
to her. I’m somebody who will never put myself in a position for her to
backstab me again. She’s never apologized or done anything to try to “make
right” regarding the above-mentioned transgressions. I’m not going to get “stung from the same hole”
twice. But I do care about the
safety of children. Especially the safety of Black girls and young women.
“The
Girl Who Swirls” has already complained in the past
about the male perverts who’ve sent in disgusting comments about her oldest
daughter. Since she knows those malicious freaks are out there, why does she continue
to give them so much information about her children? If any of y’all in the
audience are truly friends with “the Girl
Who Swirls,” then I hope you’ll urge her to STOP putting out so much information about her children. Every time
I see somebody flossing their children online, I say a prayer for those
children’s safety.
Anyhoo, similar dynamics apply across the board. Lessons repeat until they are learned.
I recall being disappointed years back to see a
number of long-time BWE blog readers who ran out to support the Redtails movie that erased BW from their
own history. These readers just couldn’t comprehend why BWE writers took issue
with BW supporting that movie. When the topic came up for discussion, some of
them even played dumb and pretended not to know what basic ideas like
reciprocity and BW putting their interests first meant. Lessons repeat until they are learned.
The lessons repeated with various Anti-BW Hate Campaigns Disguised As Movies
such as Straight Out Of Compton. The
lessons repeated, and some of these same women finally caught a clue by the
time it came to the BM director-rapist’s movie Birth Of A Nation. Praise God!
We
ALL live and hopefully learn. We ALL have human frailties (as I discussed in THIS post).
Sometimes
people don’t have the emotional resources to entertain negative feedback and
correction. Sometimes people are too caught up in youthful arrogance to
entertain negative feedback and correction.
I know for myself that I find the youthful arrogance
routine to be triggering (as they say in modern psychobabble talk). I find it
triggering because it has taken me YEARS to clean up and correct a life-damaging
20+ year detour created by the absence of active guidance from my mother. As
Rev. Della Reese correctly said in one of her sermon podcasts, “Learning life lessons by trial and error is
hard on the body and soul.” It’s
so much better to learn by good guidance and mentoring. So, I don’t understand
the degree of youthful arrogance that Young
(& Usually) Suffering BW display. As a teenager and young woman, I
listened to and was thankful for the few pearls of good guidance that the older
women around me gave.
The
TL;DR version of my my 2₵ about the “the debacle.”
The so-called debacle is not that bad. Not at all
like the way Bitter BM Haters and their Handmaidens want to pretend.
Seems to me that the debacle is most likely the
result of either: (1) not having any blogging peer advisors that she consults
with on a regular basis before
making some decisions; or of (2) not listening to them (an unwillingness to
take critique and correction from them).
Refusal to accept good-faith feedback and correction
leads to repeating lessons.
Lessons
repeat until they are learned.
We
ALL live and hopefully learn.
As
noted in THIS post, The BWE movement’s message has become mainstream and has
WON. There’s no going back to the way things were pre-BWE.