Praise God, we're at a point where it's all coming together. Clarity is spreading throughout our ranks. Faith, the blog host of Acts of Faith In Love And Life (which is on my sidebar blogroll), has really brought it ALL together in her latest post. Ladies, I strongly urge you to read it:
http://actsoffaithinloveandlife.blogspot.com/2009/06/toure-trying-to-pull-perez-hilton.html
I'm not involved in the Obama-ssiah worship that most of us have succumbed to. I'm also not particularly interested in protecting Michelle Obama. I've never cared for either one of the Obamas. I have actively disliked him, and not cared much for her, from the very beginning of his political career here in Chicago.
My reaction to this hit piece is definitely not about Obama worship or protectionism. For me, this is about opposing the skin shade racism, and wanna-be classism underlying this hit piece. If Michelle Obama was light-skinned, these Negro (and White) bigots would NOT say many of the things they're saying. Faith breaks it all down and sums it all up in her post!
In addition to the above, the following quote from this Negro male's hit piece ticked me off as a native Black Chicagoan:
"Obama is more a man of the people,” says a Vineyarder who’s part of black high society. “He doesn’t seem to identify with affluent black people. His wife definitely doesn’t; she is basically a ghetto girl. That’s what she says—I’m just being sociological. She grew up in the same place Jennifer Hudson did. She hasn’t reached out to the social community of Washington, and people are waiting to see what they’ll do about that.”
Jennifer Hudson is from a southwest Chicago neighborhood called Englewood. Michelle Obama grew up in a southeast neighborhood called South Shore. Englewood is a poor African-American neighborhood. South Shore is a working class/middle class African-American neighborhood. Englewood is MILES away from South Shore. In geographical distance and in neighborhood quality of life. I know this because I grew up in South Shore. And I worked in a police station courtroom in Englewood. [For locals who are in the know, I worked there when Branch 49 was located in a police station-courtroom at 61st and Racine. That was back in the day! LOL!]
[For those who don't know, east-west is another axis of neighborhood division in Chicago in addition to the South Side-North Side axis.]
The anonymous person that this Negro claims to have quoted (I suspect that he made up the quote himself) is doing the same thing that the racist local Chicago media do---conflating these two very different neighborhoods into one giant slum. I hate that. I hate the way local tv news stations deliberately misreport every crime that takes place anywhere south of downtown as happening in "South Shore." They do this when the crimes are in OTHER neighborhoods that are literally MILES away from South Shore.
In the case of the local, racist, White media, it makes me wonder what their ulterior motive is. Young, urban, professional Whites have been in the process of trying to gentrify South Shore for several years now.
And while I'm doing my Chicago-centric rant, let me also point out that South Side does NOT equal poor/slum/ghetto. The Hyde Park neighborhood (where the University of Chicago is located) is on the South Side of Chicago. Several historical Black middle class neighborhoods (such as South Shore, "Pill Hill"---so nicknamed because many Black doctors lived there---and Chatham) are located on the South Side of Chicago.
The foul underpinning of this one small quote is a microcosm of what's wrong with the whole hit piece.
Here's a round of applause and a standing ovation for Faith!
An effort to stand for justice and oppose the "ruinous traits" listed by Muslim scholars in all their forms: rancor, unhealthy attachments, malice, jealousy, vanity, stinginess, avarice, cowardice, indolence, arrogance, ostentation, heedlessness, anxiety, depression, and oppression.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
51 comments:
Thanks for stopping by! {excited waving}
Please understand that this is not a free speech zone. Profanity and hate speech are not welcome and will not be posted. This blog seeks to foster a courteous, reasoned exchange of ideas. I would ask that before posting, everyone (myself included) seriously consider whether the proposed comment helps or hurts the cause of opposing the ruinous traits listed on the masthead.
Please feel free to add your input to any post at any time. There's no "expiration date" for the issues that are discussed here. I welcome, value, and learn from your contribution! Thank you in advance for your cooperation and your input.
There are no words sufficient for this subversive behaviour. Both you and Faith have covered all the key points.
ReplyDeleteThe "paper bag" test is alive, well and thriving to our detriment.
We need more of us to get out of the Matrix (to borrow from Faith). I am out and refuse to go back.
C4L,
ReplyDeleteI'm pleased to see that awareness of these underhanded tricks (White rags bringing in colored writers for the purpose of doing hit pieces on Black women) is spreading.
I'm also happy to see that folks aren't deceived about the continued existence and escalation of Negro males' "paper bag" test. [Which has actually escalated into a "manila folder and Whiter" test.]
And I specifically say "Negro males" because they are ones driving this phenomenon. They are the ones making public colorist statements (Ne-Yo, Yung Berg). They are the ones with a long history of chasing lighter, Whiter women. Negro males spawned the VAST majority of the White/other non-Black women's children that are lifted up over our heads. Negro males created Kimora Lee Simmons, Tiger Woods, Jennifer Beals, Halle Barry, Alicia Keys, Vin Diesel, Shemar Moore, Mario Van Peebles, etc., etc., etc.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Khadija,
ReplyDeleteAny many of those children you quoted have had fathers who were absent either from their childhood or were absent to the other children they had prior to being involved with their non-BW mothers.
Just my observation.
I thanked you at my blog but I'll just say it over here as well: I still have a lot to learn but I've had a huge shift in perspective since last summer. My choices will better reflect what is most beneficial because of it. It just proves that when we are ready for serious change and put forth the effort we will get help, knowledge, etc from numerous sources. I'm just passing along what others have so generously shared with me: clarity.
ReplyDeleteFaith,
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome! And THANK YOU for all of your work! I believe that we've all got a lot to learn. For the most part, much of this is uncharted mental territory. At least I know it is for me.
I've learned so much from the conversations here and at other blogs, especially yours.
Mini-Shout-Out to Hagar's Daughter and Ensayn1/Victor:
You two have set excellent examples regarding nutrition, juicing, etc. As a result, I've been slowly working up to following in your footsteps. I'm still not ready for juicing (I refuse to go without chewing---LOL!). But starting tomorrow, I'm going to do all raw food for a month! Please say a little prayer for me. *Smile*
[*Audience Note* Both blogs, Hagar's Daughter and Journal/The World of Ensayn Reality are listed on my sidebar blogroll. I suggest you check them out. Ensayn1/Victor also has another blog called Supreme Ultimate. It's also worth a visit.]
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
That really was an excellent blog post.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing it Khadija.
Felicia,
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome! *Smile* {another round of wild cheering for Faith} I'm delighted with how Faith is doing her thing with her blog. It's good to know that she's there.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Khadija,
ReplyDeleteYes, very good points. On another board, a woman raised a very interesting observation. She said, The word "biracial" only really came into vogue when non-BW en masse started having children from Negroes. Before that, if a BW had a child from a non-BM, the child was "just" Black and we all pretty much marched on with it.
In a perverse way, many (not all) of these non-BW mothers want to find ways not to fully identify with whom they slept with. At least that is my take on it.
Re:
ReplyDelete(2) Anti-Black BLACK racists who want to run from Blackness any way they can.
Khadija, bear in mind that some folks will claim that those of us on the Sojourners Path (SPs)are also trying to escape other black folks. There's a critical distinction here that is lost on some folks and I think we need to make that distinction clear at every opportunity. The distinction is that some of us ARE indeed trying to escape or have escaped the ABCs (a very large portion of AAs) and then there are those blacks who you rightly condemn for trying to escape because they devalue anyone who is not white or not white-ish.
I'm most DEFINITELY trying to get away from "black" folks who comprise the ABCs and DBRs and are proud, banner-waving members of that cadre of black folks because they are not progressive. Most of them are magical thinkers, stumbling around, angry, feeling entitled, thinking that somebody else should give them something, complaining about how this and that's not fair, and that somebody somewhere will come along and make things all better for them. I'd like to burn all the bridges between myself and them because these folks have hijacked what was formerly known as black American culture and have turned it into a circus at the zoo. Those black folks are sinking the whole ship for AAs. Those folks are aiding, abetting, reinforcing, solidifying, and sealing the formation of that permanent underclass of AAs that you mention sometimes.
I realize that these folks are lost and that SOME would be receptive to making a serious effort to re-train themselves, but many of them are not interested in changing at all if it'll take any discipline or effort on their part. They're satisfied; arrogant in their complacency. They do not want to change, no matter how eloquently some folks want to argue their case. And not only are these ABCs not receptive to re-training, they would do their utmost to keep the rest of us right (who have escaped or are trying to escape) where they are. They want us all to have the same fate and if they're going to sink, they want us all to sink TOGETHER.
Khadija,
ReplyDeleteWe totally agree on this issue. I see quite a bit of it here too (I no longer live in the U.S.), they truly don't know what to do with the child's hair and often the child is a result of a "vacation" in Africa or the Dominican republic. If I see a bird's nest and the mother is around I will ask if they want advice on how to do their hair, most say yes with gratefulness as the men usually are no longer in the picture.
I have rarely seen a girl's head that was truly well-groomed.
As for all the racist behaviour among us, does not surprise me at all. I have been around a while and remember when I moved to the southern states and was called a "high-yella gal". It was clear then that "who I was as a person" was not of interest, just how close I was to the paper-bag.
Self-hatred is corrosive poison that ultimately kills the soul of its host...
I have actually heard BM's from the civil rights era state "we" need to get lighter... I first heard that 20+ years ago. Doesn't surprise me that they passed this racial self-hatred to the current generation...
Khadija,
ReplyDeleteYou are spot on regarding white women refusing to learn how to comb their children's hair. I see it every so often when I'm out and about and it makes me sick.
I can't tell you how many talk shows I've seen where they are doing "makeovers" and they bring out the biracial girl with the hornet's nest on her head with her white mother and the girl is just sitting there in tears because her hair is all over the place. Meanwhile, her mom sits there looking stupid talking about "I don't know what to do with it! Nobody knows!"
In fact, on a recently canceled black sitcom, one of the running jokes on the show was the biracial daughter of the black football player and his white wife never having her hair combed. They literally had the child actress running around on camera with her hair uncombed.
On a positive note, I absolutely love this story of this white man who adopted a black girl and TOOK THE TIME TO LEARN how to comb his daughter's hair.
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/06/24/bia.black.hair/
Evia,
ReplyDeleteYou said, "Khadija, bear in mind that some folks will claim that those of us on the Sojourners Path (SPs)are also trying to escape other black folks. There's a critical distinction here that is lost on some folks and I think we need to make that distinction clear at every opportunity. The distinction is that some of us ARE indeed trying to escape or have escaped the ABCs (a very large portion of AAs) and then there are those blacks who you rightly condemn for trying to escape because they devalue anyone who is not white or not white-ish."-
100% co-sign. I don't care about the ABCs, or what they think of the Sojourner's Path (SP). Not one bit. But I also don't want anti-Black BLACK racists tarnishing the good name of the SP. That's why I'm quick to pause and refute anybody who comes to these discussions making skin shade racist statements. Including BW who come with that mess.
You said, "I realize that these folks are lost and that SOME would be receptive to making a serious effort to re-train themselves, but many of them are not interested in changing at all if it'll take any discipline or effort on their part. They're satisfied; arrogant in their complacency. They do not want to change, no matter how eloquently some folks want to argue their case."-
Again, 100% co-sign this, as well as the "I want you to die with me" spite that you described from the ABCs. All of this is why I've recently decided that I'm only going to dialogue so far with folks who want to wallow in entitlement and/or pity party thoughts.
I'm not going to keep expending energy on them past a certain point. They can remain in their complacent, distorted thought patterns. They'll just have to "die" in their self-imposed cognitive wilderness. The rest of us have things to do, and progress to make.
_________________________
C4L,
Oh yes, the "bird's nest" hair is the first tip-off that an unlucky Black girl has a non-Black mother. Ashy skin is another sign.
The expression that I've heard Negroes "jokingly" say is "working the Black out." Whatever. As I mentioned in the first Self-Determination post, I've also been disgusted by having some Negro males make a fetish out of my light skin and brown hair. It's sickening.
It's also interesting how that same fetish point becomes a point of attack when I say/do something that irritates these clowns. The most recent example is when a Negro male beggar took offense at my refusal to give him money or engage in a conversation with him. THEN, I instantly went from being a "pretty woman" to being a "half-White-looking b". And suddenly whatever so-called nearer-to-Whitish appearance became a negative thing. LOL! One could get whiplash trying to keep up with the many neurotic tracks of many Negro males' minds.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
..."(1) These women are usually VERY angry if their children come out looking indistinguishable from "generic" Black children...I've seen this over and over...
ReplyDeleteThis is FACT Khadija. I've had this experience plenty of times when I'm out with my sons.
Quite often WW (American anyway) with kids who are indistinguishable from many black folks DO feel theatend/nervous/angry when confronted with BW with children who are whiter in appearance than theirs.
It's just not "fair" in their racist minds.
And I do think a certain percentage of BM feel a tinge of disappointment when their children look too much like them which is sad.
Children sense when they're not being accepted completely. And if you can't be accepted (loved) COMPLETELY from your own mother and father, this can serious damage.
I personally believe that's why poor Michael Jackson who had a tortured soul (and was a musical GENIUS) paid Debbie Rowe (and she's admitted to this) to be inseminated with an anonymous white donors sperm. Michael KNEW that any biological children he would have had with ANY woman regardless of "race" would have at least some of his likeness. You can bleach yourself but you can't bleach your GENES.
I don't think he could have ever loved/bonded with a black/biracial child because the child would have reminded him of himself or his father Joe Jackson who abused him.
SMH Just a tragic situation...
Back to the topic, when your white husband shows up (for those of us BW who are IR married) that's the "last straw" for some of these anti-black (and especially anti-BW) WW/BM couples.
Because that "verifies" the children's "racial" make-up, and "confirms the suspicion" (yes this BW is IR married). It takes away ALL doubt.lol SMH
Because of their own insecurities, some WW/BM couples are uncomfortable around BW who don't play the angry/hurt/complaining role.
Those of us sistas who are happy, content, at peace, successful, well loved, with successful children, yada yada... We are their (those WW and BM who are racist and damaged) WORST NIGHTMARE.
Especially if you're considered attractive (regardless of skin-tone). Because then you're considered a "threat" to a white supremacist oriented female beauty standard which bothers the racists WW.
AND you've "crossed over" and bore children by the "evil" "oppressive" WM, even if this supposedly "evil" "opressive" WM HONORED you with marriage, love, respect, and a comfortable safe lifestyle for you and his children.
BW/WM couples are considered the "eternal arch enemies" of racist WW and BM. Anything positive related to us, is considered a threat to them.
Because IR dating/marriage is something anti-BW WW and ESPECIALLY BM think they can "hold over" BW.
BUT, if BW start expanding their options TOO, well...LOL then EVERYONE is on "equal footing" so to speak.
And BM aren't "special"/"unique" when it comes to anything then.
DBRBM want to "stand out" when it comes to something after all. They can't/refuse to stand out in POSITIVE IMPORTANT ways like men of other "races".
They therefor believe that IR dating/married BW are trying to "steal" the limelight from them.LOL SMH
That's what's behind some of these observations you've made Khadija.
Anyway, as you explain yourself a little further, I sense that you've perhaps based your opinion about biracial people overall on the confused offspring of confused self hating BM and racist WW couples.(I'm not saying they comprise ALL BM/WW unions but they do comprise a certain percentage)
People are individuals and I DO believe that there are generally speaking different parenting styles between different "races".
Therefor, the biracial children of BW could on average be raised differently in some way (on average) then the biracial children of WW.
Which leads me to this interesting article I came across entitled WOMEN OF COLOR IN AN OBAMA ERA
http://taralconley.wordpress.com/tag/susan-rice/
It's written by a young woman who hails from a BW/WM relationship.
Evia said...
ReplyDelete"I'm most DEFINITELY trying to get away from "black" folks who comprise the ABCs and DBRs and are proud, banner-waving members of that cadre of black folks because they are not progressive. Most of them are magical thinkers, stumbling around, angry, feeling entitled, thinking that somebody else should give them something, complaining about how this and that's not fair, and that somebody somewhere will come along and make things all better for them. I'd like to burn all the bridges between myself and them because these folks have hijacked what was formerly known as black American culture and have turned it into a circus at the zoo. Those black folks are sinking the whole ship for AAs. Those folks are aiding, abetting, reinforcing, solidifying, and sealing the formation of that permanent underclass of AAs that you mention sometimes."
All I can do is borrow a phrase that Halima uses quiet often. Some of us remember the term from the 80's.
It is short, sweet, and succinct.
WORD.
Felicia,
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate, I am in a IR relationship (BW/WM) and some of the nastiest looks and comments and snide remarks have come from BMs.
It shatters their paradigm that I am not worrying about them. The looks have often come when they are walking with their WW.
I can only SMH. After all, you are supposed to be with who you wanted to be with, why are you even looking at me. Why? Because it burns you to know that I am not thinking about you.
I am happy and it shows in the way I walk and carry myself.
I have met and been involved with a few BMs that had their act together but they were far and few between.
Too many are in the trap of what can you do for me instead of what do I bring to the party. I was young enough and wise enough to recognize that game and walked away from it.
Instead focusing on quality regardless of colour or cultural background.
WW in those dysfunctional relationships totally do not understand a BW that could care less about who they are with, it is too funny to observe. Mostly the reaction is being extremely uncomfortable. I have laughed on more than one occasion.
Anyway, life is way to short to not strive for the best in life, but the journey cannot even begin if you don't love yourself first and foremost. Too many BWs don't and therefore end up with "Welcome" etched on their forehead for any BM to walk all over on his way to something or someone else.
Goodmorning Khadija, and all the Ladies (and Gentlemen..at least the ones who actually ARE Gentlemen and who read this blog. My greetings are meant for no one else. I am not as polite as Khadija)
ReplyDeleteFelicia..You (as usual) are ON POINT with your commentary. You have REALLY broken that down.
It IS all true. I was having lunch with some WW some time ago, and a little girl ran up to ME specifically (no need for descriptions) and just started talking animatedly abut all kinds of things. I LOVE to see a happy adjusted child of ANY race and I gladly engaged in conversation about the sky, the weather, and what I was eating and wearing. I complimented the little munchkin on her outfit, and asked her about books she was reading etc (I always like to emphasize the mind to little ones) I could not see "Mommy and Daddy," but I knew without a doubt that I was looking at either a lovely black child OR a lovely biracial child WITH A BLACK MOTHER....for some time, I have been having these discussions with friends. I do believe the children of such a union to be many times INFINITELY better adjusted and more cared for (as ALL CHILDREN SHOULD BE.) I feel very strongly about this. As much as I adore MOST (lol) children, I will generally GO OUT of my way to praise the ALL black (or seemingly all black) child and encourage activities related to the mind AND I always praise their "beauty" in case they have not heard such affirmations about themselves often enough. I too intensely dislike this active fawning of ONLY white or biracial children... ALL children are special..SOME ARE NOT MORE SPECIAL THAN OTHERS...(Thanks Geroge Orwell)
Anyhoo...back to the story, as Felicia would undoubtedly say (:-)
The WW were fawning over the color of the child's hair and the "sea like" color of her eyes, (whatever..I think our dusky beauty is GORGEOUS)..anyhoo..I did agree, the child was quite a little beauty, and then I said the comment that plunged a knife into the shallow depths of their lily white hearts (harsh imagery I know..) "Her MOTHER is black, and her mother looks like me"...They did not like this information ONE bit..and swore up and down this could not be true based on the child's appearance ....but I knew..it was obvious to me, and her level of comfort with me was telling too.
Shortly after, the mother appeared, and as I predicted, she looked very much like me. The father was in the background (paying the bill..lol) He looked very much like THEM. The mother apologized profusely, and hoped the tyke had not been bothering me. The WW were silent..lol. Now, this "affair" took place within a matter of minutes obviously, and clearly the child was being observed by her parents, so please no one misconstrue that she was running wild (and uncared for) around a restaurant. On the contrary, she was a well behaved lovely child with a curious mind...but the point is...I KNEW she was either black or had a BLACK MOTHER...there is a difference in the contentment of the child (most of the time) when the mother is black in such a union. I think it could be borne out by a real study. The child (in all likelihood) grows up with an extremely POSITIVE image of a black woman,(and the other "half" that she is) which leads her to make good choices for herself because she has seen (and lived) how her mother is/has been loved.
Ladies...enjoy the day..it looks lke a scorcher where I am..time to quickly hit the treadmill, and then do my work.
Salaam Alaikum Khadija,
ReplyDeleteHatred is NOT what comes to mind when I reflect on the skin shade racism, DBR black men, IKK's, and ABC crew. Envy is NOT the word that comes to mind either.
--Evil-- just pure --EVIL--
Faith mentioned how her perspectives/beliefs on issues have changed last summer: I too, have changed since the conversation we had on this blog in which Evia intelligently explained our historical situation in context. When I think about that discussion, and how I mentioned certian orders socializing capable men--my heart drops.
Khadija,
The Honorable Minister Farrakhan spoke at the State of the Black Union, and mentioned that our ethnic collective was “on fire, and burning”.
The Honorable Minister Farrakhan toward the latter part of his speech, said that” some of our leaders are on the road to hell, and if he had anything to do it with it, he would push them right in.”
Well, that’s how I feel at this point too about the skin shade racists, and the DBR bm, and the ABC crew as well (especially after the situation on my last job by one of their strivers).
I don’t say that out of anger but out of what I believe to be Allah’s laws of justice.
All of this is just utter evil and insanity.
Salaam
Michael Jackson who had a tortured soul (and was a musical GENIUS) paid Debbie Rowe (and she's admitted to this) to be inseminated with an anonymous white donors sperm. Michael KNEW that any biological children he would have had with ANY woman regardless of "race" would have at least some of his likeness. You can bleach yourself but you can't bleach your GENES.
ReplyDeleteOMG! I NEVER realized that those children aren't his biological children. Wow! I knew they were the result of artificial insemination, but I thought he was their bio father. After all, some children don't have the phenotype of either of their parents or not at certain ages.
So his entire fame and fortune will land in the hands of white people who are of no blood connection to him. Lawdy! I LOVED his artistry, but I didn't keep up with his personal life. That's a tragedy beyond words.
It fits the pattern though. It's just another reason why AAs, as a group, are not respected--because bm in general do not command respect--even when they're in the position to do so. It's the men of every group in the world who sets the tone and commands the respect for the group. When AA men willingly hand over their power to the folks who these bm are always demonizing as their "evil Enemy," they become laughingstocks. It's mindboggling to me how these same men then turn around and expect for AA women to respect them. PLEASE!
So many fortunes of black male artists, entertainers, sports figures, and even black businessmen (like Reginald Lewis who left his $400 million fortune to his Asian wife) end up in the hands of 'de evil wm' or similar others because so many self-hating bm eagerly GIVE it over to the women, and I don't blame these non-black women for accepting these fortunes. Yet typical AA men have the nerve to get angry at any bw who dares to ask an AA man whether he has a job. LOL! And y'all, a lot of bw are SCARED these days to ask a bm whether he has a job.
And it is definitely true that many American people (whites and blacks) do NOT know how to relate to an AA woman who is married to a wm when you defy that stereotype of being the jovial, hugging-everybody bw who tries to solve everybody's problem or save everybody's children or when you're non-Oprah-ish. Respect to Oprah, but I'm not that type of AA woman.
Some white people, in particular, are quite uncomfortable around me for that reason when I'm introduced as Darren's wife. Wm usually recover quickly and become very friendly, but often ww don't recover at all. They don't know exactly what to say or do. It can get very interesting when I don't make a joke or especially when I don't say anything. And Darren expresses his affection towards me whereever we are. That really throws both black and white folks that he can really be that into me--a nappy headed, very obviously African descended woman.
Khadija, long time. When I first read the article, it just came across to me as a bunch of predominantly middle-class and upper-middle class negroes who are trying to convince everyone else that they are upper class. The fact of the matter is that compared to the elite classes in other parts of the world be it Europe, Africa, Eatsern and South-Eastern Asia, and white America, what we refer to as the Black American elite are barely that. That's why nowadays, we see sports stars being referred to as the 'new' black elite. Everywhere else, the elite class usually comprises of the aristrocrats, the wealthiest, the most politically powerfull etc. This so-called Negro 'elite' in America barely measures up. And they know it. That's why they seem to want to keep on reminding everybody else that not only do they exist, but that they are VERY important. Please! The wealthiest AA's do not come from this group (they used to back in the day). A good proportion of the Blacks at the top of the American political scene do not come from this group. Most of the people I know are from the upper classes (I live in U.K now and we are still a very feudal society). Among the upper classes, race plays a much lesser role if one is from the same socio-economic rank. In this class, it is very common to encounter other African aristocrats/royals, and Southern Asian Aristocrats as well. I have met 'a few' eastern Asian ones as well, but they tend to be more the billionaire types than anything else. However, most of the non-white memebrs of the upper classes one encounters in Europe and especially in Britain are almost always African or Arab. The American ones are always white (and funnily enough, usually Republican. From watchin t.v. one gets the impression that most of the wealthy elite in America are Liberals or Democrats). The only times I've met these negroes from the U.S, they were middle-class folks who had money. If one has to convince everyone else that they have 'class', then they probably don't.
ReplyDeleteI was especially disgusted by the tone of the article especially as they seemed to judge it based on where ones ancestor was dropped. I have no doubt that the 'ghetto girl' line was NOT from an anonymous source. This 'Toure' fool made that up himself. No doubt that there are true Black elites amongst this lot, but they are the ones who would never say anything of this sort. The fact of the matter is that Michelle Obama is sleeping on the Linens in the White House that these negroes ancestors were forced to build. What really irks me the most of these group of 'elites' is that they seem so intent on keeping other AA's in a cetain lower economic level just so they can announce to everybody else (mainly white folks) that they are better. They need to get it into their skulls that the whole 'talented tenth' nonsense was just that...nonsense!
I myself despise the ABC crew types. But that's not what these folks are about. It's about middle-class negroes with a bit of money and upper-middle class negroes who deperately want to be upper-class and the only way they think they can achieve that is by feigning classism.
And this 'Toure' creature is married to a non-black woman. His child is biracial. It pisses him off because Michelle Obama being the first lady goes against everything his types stand for when it comes to successful blacks. As far as I know, Michelle had a much better upringing than Barack. She and her family never lived on food stamps, his did. In terms of class (I mean socioeconomicically not manners and such), she came from a better 'stock' than he did. Yet most of their insults was reserved for her. So it is quite obvious that his real disdain is that she is not the type of Black woman that is seen in his circles.
"In fact, my hairdresser has started giving out her business cards to these non-Black women when she sees that their daughters' hair is a unkempt hot mess. She hates to see little Black girls mistreated like that by being forced to run around with their hair looking crazy."
ReplyDeletePersonally, I don't care. If a woman wants to let her child go out with unkempt hair, it is her business, not mine. I suspect that the large number of Black women who are always so keen to offer 'help' to these non-black women who have children with black men are doing it partly as a way to feel good about themselves, as if to say...."well that's what you get for 'taking' a 'brotha', or that's what you get for going with 'becky/min lee" etc. I see plenty of little black girls walking around with busted up and seriously jacked-up hair, and rarely do other Black women get 'moved' to offer help. But let it be a biracial girl, all of a sudden, negro women start lining up to give their opinion. Frankly I don't give a hoot.
__________________________
"Khadija, bear in mind that some folks will claim that those of us on the Sojourners Path (SPs)are also trying to escape other black folks. There's a critical distinction here that is lost on some folks and I think we need to make that distinction clear at every opportunity. The distinction is that some of us ARE indeed trying to escape or have escaped the ABCs (a very large portion of AAs) and then there are those blacks who you rightly condemn for trying to escape because they devalue anyone who is not white or not white-ish."
It's very easy for me to tell into which group someone falls.
________________________
"Because of their own insecurities, some WW/BM couples are uncomfortable around BW who don't play the angry/hurt/complaining role."
That's why alot of these Negro males and their significant other wives get very angry when they are unable to get a negative reaction from you. Throwing a fit over their relationship is the only thing that validates them.
_______________________
"People are individuals and I DO believe that there are generally speaking different parenting styles between different "races".
Therefor, the biracial children of BW could on average be raised differently in some way (on average) then the biracial children of WW."
I have to say that I vehemently disagree. This could have stood say, in the 70's and 80's. But a good proportion of the Black women I see today are no better than the Black men when it comes to these half-other children. Somewhere along the line, something went wrong and these Negro women started to mimick the anti-Black behaviour and sentiments of these Negro males. I do not have much hope for their children. Just witness the nonsense one sees online, even on many of these sites. Lets not pretend that there isn't a real sickness that has afflicted a good number of the posters on these sites. I don't think I've heard the phrase "beautiful black children", but "beatiful biracial babies" is said over and over again in comments. That is not just by chance!
To clear up in advance any misunderstandings based on the potentially controversial statements I've made in this post, I would like to say that the behaviors (and the reasons behind the behaviors) I've attributed to racist BM and racist WW really can hold true for ANY POPULATION depending on the right circumstances.
ReplyDeleteANY person, male or female, "white", "black", or other, who feels insecure and that they're losing some "upper hand" (even if it was undeserved to begin with), will naturally feel uncomfortable with the notion of an EQUAL playing field.
EQUAL access ACROSS the board.
Instead of considering it a win win situation (because there's enough love to go around in the world), many folks feel that BW exercising their full options creates losers.
And those who perceive themselves as losing something are naturally going to "act out" from time to time.
I think that's why the trolls/haters online and off go berserk with these discussions we're having at these various blogs.
We're talking about BW having EQUAL access to good husbands and fathers for their children.
EQUAL access to good lives.
The SAME access that other women have.
This is my idea of justice.
Nothing more or less than anyone else.
Just equality.
And BW individually are going to have to TAKE this justice for themselves.
My goodness. You ladies have provided so much high-quality food for thought that there's simply too much for me to respond to in a point-by-point fashion. So, I'll just pick out a few points to touch upon.
ReplyDelete_________________________
Felicia,
With all due respect, and with affection, I've been saying the same things all along.
My impression has been that you weren't able to hear what I was saying because you heard it (and sometimes distorted it) as if what I was saying was part of some "acting Black" script. It's not.
I've found that sometimes we have to walk a few miles down the road with somebody to understand what their "deal" is about.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Khadija,
ReplyDeleteMisunderstandings on both sides are understandable and should be expected.
We're all trying to communicate our points of view on the Internet.
SO MUCH valuable information is simply "lost in translation" due to the limitations of this format.
What's good is, even when we agree to disagree - and this is a general statement not just related to our past discussions - we're always RESPECTFUL to each other and use TACT.
We're providing a VALUABLE service just in proving that BW don't have to resort to "cat fighting" when there's a disagreement.
We can stay focused on our COMMON goal without being sidetracked.
With peace and blessings to you for providing such a WONDERFUL and NEEDED sounding board.
A LOT of valuable and life saving information is being shared here.
(Good thing I can do my work at home today...lol)
ReplyDeleteFelicia said:
ANY person, male or female, "white", "black", or other, who feels insecure and that they're losing some "upper hand" (even if it was undeserved to begin with), will naturally feel uncomfortable with the notion of an EQUAL playing field.
...............
Oh yes Felicia...I believe that MOST of the women who read this blog understand that...but unfortunately, in this forum, one must sometimes hyper-explain all the details and thought processes...
Whenever you see "absolutes" expressed (All, always, never) there is "room" for some other belief sytem)
I didn't see ANY (:-)controversial statements in your comments personally (which leaves room for another interpretation. This should remove any controversy...there are always two sides. I never close out the other side completely because I always want to know what they are thinking).....
All you have to do is read the news to see that many people feel they are losing the upper hand and are determined to get it back. I bring your attention to the news today. A rather important decision coming down from the Supreme Court before they go on vacation. The case involves white firefighters in Connecticut, but obviously because the "Supremes" are involved, it will resonate across the entire country. Here is an excellent example of a group feeling like they are losing the upper hand. They then take it to the highest Court in the land (The Supremes hear few cases by the way) and they get their way, assisted by a self hating negro like Mr. Thomas...anyhoo..
In other news...lol
MJ..oh boy..I am not convinced that the oldest son is not his. I don't know that we have the full story on this affair yet. I have many feelings, too lengthy to go into here...but goodness he certainly picked a hideous woman to "bear" his children as evidenced by her statements that "she did not want them." I guarantee she WILL not get them. EVER. Still, one really wonders about MJ..sigh. No matter what we believe, we have seen a DaVinci or Michelangelo type of person in our time...too bad he was so utterly "messed up." Undoubtedly, one could have said the same about the other two I mentioned, had we lived in those times too.
Part 1
ReplyDeleteEverybody,
I'm going to openly "talk shop" for a moment about some things that have been bubbling underneath the surface.
When I'm speaking about these anti-Black Black racists, I'm not just talking out the side of my neck. I'm speaking based on the observations of (and conversations with) LITERALLY THOUSANDS of our people over an almost 20-year career of defending US in various venues.
This provides a somewhat different vantage point than somebody who's exposure is solely based on personal anecdotes. I see what we're doing up close and IN VOLUME.
And NO, the situation no longer exists that so-called "biracial" children of BW are different than those of non-BW (i.e,. that they're not being raised to become anti-Black racists). That used to be the case. Back in the day. As JaliliMaster has pointed out, that has changed and now many BW are just as slave-minded as Negro males. Just the SAME as these Negroes.
And ALL of these anti-Black Black racists use the same false patter as a cover story for their anti-Black racism: According to these anti-Black racists, it's always about "honoring all of who they/their children are," yadda, yadda, yadda. It's a lie. This is NOT what's motivating their behavior. Not at all.
The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught that actions are judged by intentions/motivations. And the motives behind "biracialism," etc. are animated by anti-Black racism and anti-Black hatred. Plain and simple. No amount of sloganeering is going to erase that. People can kid themselves if they want to, but the anti-Black motives underlying this mess are TRANSPARENT to others.
People can see what we're doing. That's why there can be a sitcom like the one that C4L described. People see that the vast majority of these WW/non-Black women are not learning how to comb their Black daughters' hair. And people know the reasons behind that choice not to learn. The only people that some Black folks are fooling are themselves.
Also, as JaliliMaster observed, I see/hear LOTS of chatter among BW gushing about "beautiful, biracial children." This fawning phrase "beautiful biracial children" is repeated over and over and over yet again. I DON'T hear similar chatter from BW gushing about "beautiful, BLACK children." At least, not until somebody points it out to folks. As JaliliMaster noted, this behavior pattern is NOT random. Not at all.
Part 2
ReplyDeleteAs I said earlier, people see what we do. I've seen this speech pattern (swooning over "biracial" children) from various BW at various blogs. It hasn't gone unnoticed. I just didn't say anything about it until recently. From what I can tell, others haven't been saying anything about it either. Silence doesn't mean that things go unnoticed.
Some of y'all have been assuming that other BW's motives are somehow different (and healthier) than those of the Negro males. Some of y'all have been assuming that other BW generally have YOUR motives and therefore are NOT motivated by anti-Black racism.
Part of the reason why this ILLUSION continues is because very few participants in these sorts of discussions raise certain points or question certain statements.
This is what has previously made it possible for a few BW to "fly under the radar" with their anti-Black racism. Many of y'all assumed that everybody was talking about QUALITY men. You recently discovered that some women were actually talking about/fixated on figuring out "where the WM at?"-
Because I'm coming from a personal history of a different ideology than most of y'all, I can see that sometimes I'm asking questions/making statements that normally aren't asked/said in these forums.
I can tell from some participants' reactions that some of y'all have never talked to anybody who's familiar with actual, legitimate Black Nationalism. All you've been exposed to is "acting Black" as opposed to legitimate, conscious, deliberate AA/Black ethnic pride. Which is what healthy Black Nationalism is about.
And because you've never been exposed to the healthy aspects of Black Nationalism (which is only the SAME, deliberate ethnic pride that other have for their own groups), some of you often misinterpret it as garbled "acting Black" talk.
I dropped dysfunctional, fake "Black Nationalism." I will NEVER let go of AA/Black-ethnic/racial SELF-LOVE and SELF-RESPECT.
I'm saying all of this to say:
I think that it's important for us to CONSCIOUSLY make the distinctions that Evia talked about in her earlier comment. The distinctions between wanting QUALITY and simply wanting non-Black flesh. I believe we need to make these distinctions perfectly clear. I don't want BF versions of Russell Simmons discrediting the Sojourner's Path by claiming our path is the same as theirs. It's not. Please don't let folks "get this twisted!"-
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Felicia,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words about the blog. I truly appreciate it.
You said, "SO MUCH valuable information is simply "lost in translation" due to the limitations of this format.
What's good is, even when we agree to disagree - and this is a general statement not just related to our past discussions - we're always RESPECTFUL to each other and use TACT.
We're providing a VALUABLE service just in proving that BW don't have to resort to "cat fighting" when there's a disagreement.
We can stay focused on our COMMON goal without being sidetracked."-
Felicia, as usual, you've pointed out another VITAL piece of information. More of us need to learn how to disagree without becoming unnecessarily disagreeable. It bothers me when I see that somebody's opening move regarding a disagreement is to launch a personalized attack of some sort.
As you've pointed out, that's totally nonproductive because it leads to cat-fights and in-fighting. This is because the attacker has unnecessarily backed the other person into a corner where they have to launch a counter-attack in order to save face.
I believe that, if all possible, it's better to describe or criticize the BEHAVIOR and not individual people. And to thereby leave room for somebody to be able to cooperate with mutually beneficial joint efforts in the future.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
And it is definitely true that many American people (whites and blacks) do NOT know how to relate to an AA woman who is married to a wm when you defy that stereotype of being the jovial, hugging-everybody bw who tries to solve everybody's problem or save everybody's children or when you're non-Oprah-ish. Respect to Oprah, but I'm not that type of AA woman
ReplyDeleteEvia,
You know well that whites, blacks, and others are still used to (and more comfortable with) BW being in the mammy position. The side kick who's job it is to make the "leading lady" (white) look MORE "lady like" and desirable.
When we're just being ourselves and not shuckin' n jiven' (which would be unnatural for us anyway) it makes some folks uncomfortable.
Then we're considered acting "white".
It's as if we don't know "our place" and a "role reversal" has taken place in the minds of some of these women.
And if we're (non Oprah like BW) now in the so called "white" position, where does that leave them?
Really, this whole BW/WM IR relationship phenomenon seems to have caught a LOT of folks off guard...
While I'm at it, let me tell one of many work-related stories about the anti-Black BLACK female racists I've encountered. The one starring in this particular tale is a client I represented a few years ago in a criminal case.
ReplyDeleteLet's call her "Sheniqua." She happened to be a Black underclass member, but I've seen less dramatic versions of the SAME behavior with the SAME motives among some of my BF peers.
"Sheniqua" was charged with Domestic Battery. Sheniqua actually was a woman with extremely poor parenting skills. She HAD BEEN beating her children. However, there were differences with the amount of fury that she vented on various children. It was quite apparent to me from talking to her that these differences were based on skin shade racism.
Sheniqua was very dark-skinned. She was a stylishly dressed, VERY attractive woman who was...shall we say..."noticed" by many of the male court personnel.
Sheniqua had 5 kids. Two of them were fraternal twins who had light-brown complexions. You see, Sheniqua had run out and had a one-night stand with a Mexican guy in order to have some lighter children. [As she called them, "prettier" children.] The rest of her children were as dark as her.
Sheniqua was beating all of her children. But she was leaving scratch marks on the lighter-skinned twins' faces. She was NOT leaving marks on her other chidren's faces. By the way, I mean "beat" as in for real beating. I'm not talking about the normal range of "spankings" or "whoopings."
Sheniqua's White social worker and White child-welfare-appointed therapist didn't pick up on what the real deal was with this situation.
There's often hatred, jealousy and resentment mixed in with these skin shade fetishes. Black slaves often feel a combination of desire AND hatred toward the objects of their light-White fetish.
Since none of the White social work "helpers" assigned to her had a clue, I ended up feeling the need to exceed my boundaries of only being involved in keeping her out of jail. So, I had a non-legal discussion with Sheniqua about all of this. And the reasons underlying this, and the REAL reasons why she was making differences between her children. Of course, Sheniqua had lots of excuses and justifications about beating her children.
Interestingly, after much arguing, she did 'fess up to making differences between the twins and the rest of her children.
I had to tell her point blank: "I don't care if you keep on whooping the children when nobody's looking. But I DO care about you leaving marks on their faces out of spite and jealousy.
STOP putting marks on your kids' faces. If you don't, I'll embarass you, and tell your White worker and therapists what I think this is REALLY about. And then they'll order up some new counseling services for you, and it'll take you even longer to get your kids back."-
[Of course, if it had come to that, I would do so in a way that did NOT violate client confidentiality. I was simply going to talk about the general history of the paper bag test, etc. among AAs. And KEEP talking about this generalized history stuff until somebody caught a clue.]
Ultimately, the twins told child welfare people that they did NOT want to return home to their mother. It seems that they were extremely angry with her. Go figure that.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Man... You deal with some DISTURBED folks Khadija.
ReplyDeleteThose POOR children. All of them.
You're seeing and dealing with a slice of life that some of us have NEVER EVER (Thank God) been exposed to.
You are seeing a bigger picture than most.
These disturbed types shouldn't be having ANY kids.
Felicia,
ReplyDeleteThere is a LOT of virulent anti-Black as well as anti-AA HATRED among AAs. This anti-Black hatred crosses economic, educational, and class boundaries. IT'S ACROSS THE BOARD. I've represented middle class Black folks who have demonstrated the SAME attitudes.
The only difference is that those AAs with higher educational and class attainments are usually somewhat more covert with their anti-Black racism. And are more careful to work surface, seemingly pro-Black statements into their "rap."
In fact, I would say that anti-Black/anti-AA hatred is the DEFAULT position of the majority of AAs.-
Part of the problem is that there's no longer any vocabulary to honestly address it. We've replaced honest, accurate descriptions of our motives with a pack of lies.
The truth of what we do ("paper bag test," etc.) has been replaced by the utterly dishonest slogans and patter accompanying the "biracial" scam---"honoring all of who I/my kids are," "I just have a 'preference' for light-skinned women," etc.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Khadija..(in what SHOULD be my last comment of the day..lol. I think I've said enough)
ReplyDeleteI am going to 100 percent believe what you have said..no question...I suppose I was looking at the scenarios through a too narrow eye..
I also stay far away from certain people, but I do remain a very perceptive person (I am NOT Pollyanna) and unfortunately, what you are saying makes a whole lot of sense. That is how corrupted some BW (our focus always) have become. (Ex "Shenequia"- case in point)
It takes a strong mind to withstand such "assaults" regularly. I KNOW that you are not looking for kudos here, but I am glad someone is deciphering What is happening to, and looking out as much as one CAN for the little ones.
And so with that comment, I shall "swim back" to the shallow end of the pool..which is where I tend to get in....:-)
Delishmish,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words, I truly appreciate it.
Unfortunately, there's plenty of yuckiness to go around.
Specifically, about children who've been involved in the child welfare system:
Many of them become "system wise." In other words, they learn how to work the child welfare system to threaten and manipulate their caregivers (natural parents, foster parents, guardians).
God help the caregiver who attempts to set "house rules" for children AFTER they've been in foster care. I've heard recordings of many of these children (even small ones) threatening their caregivers with,
1-"If you don't let me do ___________(stay up all night, stay out all night, etc.)...
2-"If you make me do __________ (homework, chores, etc.)...
...then I'll call the caseworker on you. (I'll say that you hit me. I'll say that you touched my privates.)"-
In terms of the smaller ones, they learn this from the constant barrage of caseworkers and child welfare attorneys repeatedly asking them, "Does So & So hit you? Does So & So touch you in bad places?" Many of these people ask these sorts of loaded questions, instead of asking open-ended questions (and following up on the child's response).
The whole situation is quite unfortunate and corrupting.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Oops, correction:
ReplyDeleteEnlightened was the one who mentioned that, "In fact, on a recently canceled black sitcom, one of the running jokes on the show was the biracial daughter of the black football player and his white wife never having her hair combed. They literally had the child actress running around on camera with her hair uncombed."-
A child actress cast in order to run around with uncombed hair in imitation of the REAL LIFE practices of these people. Lord have mercy.
And NO, I'm NOT surprised that those kids have no blood relationship to MJ. I'm not surprised that his money will fall into the hands of White people who have NO blood ties to him. Isn't this almost a tradition with wealthy Negro males at this point?
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
...I believe that, if all possible, it's better to describe or criticize the BEHAVIOR and not individual people...
ReplyDeleteKhadija,
I believe this above statement you've made is truly "on point" as they say.
IMO It's the BEHAVIOR that matters most and tells the TRUTH about where a person is coming from internally.
Regardless of how people identify themselves racially/ethnically, what's MOST important - at least to me - is the behavior.
I realize we're all different individuals and therefor have different lists of important attributes that matter to us personally.
Basically behavior doesn't lie. There are many people proclaiming to be proud to be black/AA/you fill in the nationality/ethnicity, YET their behavior towards others (especially other blacks)- and sometimes towards themselves and loved ones - tell a different and sometimes disturbingly opposite story.
I would rather spend my time around non African-American people, and partially African-American identified folks who have the same VALUES that the majority of old school African-Americans had, (valuing education, discipline, delaying instant gratification, marriage, etc...) than the ABC crew any day of the week.
I allow people into my life based on shared values/world views, not skin-color/ethnicity/race/national origin. And it's served me well because I have a RAINBOW of support that I, my husband, and my children can depend on. At a moments notice they're there.
I do believe that behavior tells the full story in the end.
If what we say - and the way we present ourselves to the world - is not matching what we DO, then there's a clear problem.
Bias, once identified, is pretty consistent and transparent.
Three things:
ReplyDelete1) Re Chicago: I lived in Chicago for many years and I could NOT get over how racist the media was. Nor could I get over how, because of Chicago's history of segregation, everybody was basically allowed to believe the worst about everybody else. From the time I moved there I had white people telling me not to go south of Roosevelt Road. Half of Chicago is south of Roosevelt Road! I knew better than to paint the whole South Side with the same brush, but it was a co-worker who showed me and another bw transplant the huge variety of neighborhoods. I had many reasons to leave Chicago, but the deep racism and DBR behavior of a LOT of people was a big one.
2) Re the notion that biracial daughters of bw are somehow more level-headed: I used to believe that, but in the last few years I've had the misfortune to come across biracial daughters of bw who are virulently anti-black. It has been very difficult for me because I'm already very isolated as a woman of color where I am now. Some days I really do feel like an untouchable...but you would never know it by the way I carry myself. I refuse to give these women (or anybody else for that matter) the satisfaction of seeing me down.
3) The majority of my co-workers are in their 20s and 30s and they really don't know HOW to act around me...because, for the first time in almost 30 years of working, I have not gone out of my way to make myself into a nonthreatening stereotype... specifically Mammy. I'm friendly but I'm not Oprah. Add to this the fact that I have a significant amount of work experience AND, as the only black person in the office, I'm NOT the most broke-down person there...the simple fact is that I scare the *ahem* out of these folks. In fact my contract is up soon and I'm prepared for them to not renew it for some trumped-up reason. But I'd rather be hated for who I am.
Sorry for the long rant but your post and the comments just really spoke to me today. Thank you.
SistaOpinion,
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome! About the racist Chicago (White) media: One of the finest moments of political live television was when former Congressman Gus Savage was interviewed and called some of these people out...by name! On the air!
He made reference to "Racist Mike Royko, Flakey Mike Flannery, and 'Skippy' Jacobsen"! The White reporters' mouths dropped open for a moment. It was hilarious.{warm, fuzzy memory}
Ohhh,...racist White folks hated Gus Savage with a passion. That's why racist Whites in general, and the Jewish community in particular, from AROUND THE COUNTRY raised money to run a hand-picked, Uncle Tom/Crossover Negro named Mel Reynolds against Rep. Savage.
Then, after Rep. Uncle Tom Reynolds served his purpose of replacing Gus Savage, it was "discovered" that Rep. Uncle Tom Reynolds was a pedophile. Well, Rep. Uncle Tom Reynolds went to prison behind this. Jesse Jackson Jr. ultimately won this Congressional seat.
[I believe that several of the White "machine" powers that be knew this about Mel Reynolds all along. I believe that they deliberately pick people with liabilities that can be used to get rid of them after they've served their purpose. Known/rumored proclivities that haven't yet resulted in an indictment are useful.]
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Since I was the one that brought up Oprah yesterday, I want to say that I was NOT trashing Oprah. I have MUCH respect for her, and at the same time I don't agree with SOME of what she does. That's natural. When I look at her sum-total (which is how I evaluate people), the good overwhelms the not-good in her case, so she's alright with me.
ReplyDeleteI was just saying that I'm not the Oprah type. I've never felt I had to be that 'save the world' type. Maybe some victims of trauma are driven to save other people just like some of them inflict trauma on others. I dunno. I think some AA women are Oprah-ish because they don't know any better or think it's normal, and others feel they have to be like that because that was their socialization. Others act out of that mammy role because it's SAFE and others do it mainly because they haven't been re-trained/or haven't re-trained themselves. All of these factors and others can be operating in some cases.
Also Khadija, I think many of these bw who fawn over their biracial or lighter children do so because of their own painful experiences of being rejected because they were too dark or considered "ugly" or somehow unappealing when they were growing up. So I try to cut bw fawners a degree of slack for that reason--as long as they aren't actively harming other folks. I personally know 2 bw who were persecuted due to their dark skin (and features) and BOTH of them did everything they could to get themselves some lightskinned children for that reason. Light-white-bright skin has MANY privileges and it's only normal to want privileges and to want your children not to suffer.
If and since a lot of black girls and bw are going to continue to be persecuted for something that they absolutely cannot change, I think we must cut them some slack. When they're being persecuted, none of us are there to stop their persecutors from inflicting that pain. This is why I go after these persecutors the way I do. I've seen "the remains" after these skin shade racists are finished. There but for the grace of a Higher Power go you and I.
Allrightee, now I have time to go back and respond in order:
ReplyDeletePart 1
Enlightened,
Thanks for your comment. {still shaking my head over that sitcom}
__________________________
SisterSeeking/Miriam,
Wa Alaikum As Salaam!
Oh yes, this skin shade racism is EVIL.
___________________________
JaliliMaster,
You said, "Personally, I don't care. If a woman wants to let her child go out with unkempt hair, it is her business, not mine. I suspect that the large number of Black women who are always so keen to offer 'help' to these non-black women who have children with black men are doing it partly as a way to feel good about themselves, as if to say...."well that's what you get for 'taking' a 'brotha', or that's what you get for going with 'becky/min lee" etc. I see plenty of little black girls walking around with busted up and seriously jacked-up hair, and rarely do other Black women get 'moved' to offer help. But let it be a biracial girl, all of a sudden, negro women start lining up to give their opinion. Frankly I don't give a hoot."-
Let me give some further context to this. My hairdresser is the salon OWNER. She doesn't give out her cards to help "Becky, Ming Lee," etc. She gives them out to help these Black GIRLS avoid the trauma of walking around looking crazy because of their hair.
She also gives her cards out to "Sheniquas" when she sees their all-Black daughters looking crazy with unkempt hair. With some of the Sheniquas, she'll offer a discount. This isn't about helping Sheniqua, either. It's about helping raise the spirits of these various neglected Black girls. Whether they're being neglected by Becky, Ming Lee, or Sheniqua. It's humiliating, especially for a girl, to walk around with a bird's nest on her head.
Part 2
ReplyDeleteEvia,
Here's my take on this:
The source of most AA women's MAJOR, life-damaging, life-threatening problems comes from:
1-AA males;
2-these women's involvement/interactions with AA males; and
3-these women's quest to be involved with/interact with AA males.
As our PRIMARY oppressors, AA males (and our interactions/involvement with them) are the root source of most of our serious problems as AA women. [I will add that AA males are only able to do these things with our complicity and enabling.]-
However, there are a host of secondary oppressors that finish many of us off after AA males have broken our spirits and destroyed our lives.
You said, "Also Khadija, I think many of these bw who fawn over their biracial or lighter children do so because of their own painful experiences of being rejected because they were too dark or considered "ugly" or somehow unappealing when they were growing up."-
Again, DBR AA males are at the root of this. The Russell Simmons, the Ne-Yos, the Yung Bergs, and the many non-famous DBR AA males are at the root of this. I'm clear about that.
You said, "So I try to cut bw fawners a degree of slack for that reason--as long as they aren't actively harming other folks."-
My issue is that the BW fawners ARE harming the Black girls who come behind them. BW fawners are ACCOMPLICES with the Ne-Yos, Yung Bergs, Sean Combs, etc. The BW fawners are spreading and reinforcing the same anti-THEM message put out by AA males.
On top of this, the BW fawners are raising "hair flippers" and anti-Black Black racists.
You said, "I personally know 2 bw who were persecuted due to their dark skin (and features) and BOTH of them did everything they could to get themselves some lightskinned children for that reason. Light-white-bright skin has MANY privileges and it's only normal to want privileges and to want your children not to suffer."-
I do recognize my somewhat priviledged "spot" in all of this. [Although women like me have been replaced as fetishes by Becky, JLo, Lupe, and Ming Lee.] However, I oppose the evils of skin shade racism across the board.
That means opposing it even when the perpetrator has been a victim of it herself. Sometimes, victims are ALSO perpetrators. We've seen this in the sexual abuse context. ANYBODY who is a perpetrator needs to be stopped. Whatever the original source of their EVIL behavior.-
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
It appears that my original post was lost or did not process correctly.
ReplyDeleteSo, I will try it again.
I know colorism first hand having a father that was definitely color-struck. My mother was not as vocal but had her own serious issues as well.
He was very light-skinned but with afro-centric features. My mother was hazelnut brown with euro-centric features.
There was a definite pecking order amongst us siblings based on how we looked. Two of my siblings had blue (think of a younger Vanessa Williams) and hazel eyes with lighter skin and of course were completely fawned over. My youngest sibling was a pretty chocolate brown but she experienced racism at home along with physical and psychological abuse and pure racism at school. I shielded her as long as I could but eventually I had to escape via going to college (self-paid of course). Suffice it to say that she never recovered and leads a very sad life. I was not physically abused as the oldest, I had the "privilege" of being maid, nanny in the house and confidant to my father. Pretty messed up indeed.
I experienced ironically being referred to as high-yella by AAs and not being "high-yella" enough in my own family. I had serious self-hate issues in my teens by the time I left to go to college (predominantly black one). After college, I had had my fill of buffonery and all the mess that went with it. I learned you will get it coming and going so you have to make a choice as to whether what you see in the mirror you love or not. I learned to love me but I can tell you it was a hard journey when every detail of your features were picked apart by your own parents.
The final irony concerning my father is that his father was as dark as they come and I do not make an understatement. They looked just like each other, one extremely light and the other extremely dark skin. As his father at one time rejected him for being so light, the ugly pattern continued of hating on colour. His mother literally passed for white/Asian in her youth and absolutely ignored the two of use that did not pass the "light test". Self-hate is a difficult thing to overcome and it plays out in many ways. I am not giving anyone a pass but I will say most people never take the time or effort to look in the mirror and address the baggage that they have to ensure they do not pass it on to the next generation.
And to follow up my previous thought (because I prefer to keep solutions in the conversation):
ReplyDeleteOnce more of y'all disconnect from AA males, roughly 90% of your serious problems will be solved.
Once you remove yourself from Black residential areas, you'll be physically safer. Because you won't be around AA males who are shooting bullets in all directions. You won't be around AA male carjackers, etc. Your spirit will also be safer because you won't be subjected to AA males' street harassment of BW.
Once you stop socializing in settings filled with AA males, your self-confidence as a woman will probably rise. This is because when you get out into the wider world, you'll see that NORMAL men are attracted to women in general. Including, BW like YOU.
Once you stop supporting AA males' causes (Oscar Grant, scholarships for AA males, etc.), you'll have more time, energy, and money available for your OWN aspirations.
Once you stop interacting with AA males unless they are contributing something of value to your life, you'll have more peace of mind. You won't be subjected to their verbal abuse and denigration of AA women.
Once you stop consuming entertainment products from AA males in general (for example, some of y'all are still listening to music from DBR AA male artists, and watching their videos), your spirits will naturally rise.
Cutting the cord on the vast majority of AA males will naturally solve most of AA women's problems. The rest will be solved by some intensive introspection and internal work.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
Khadija:
ReplyDeleteI can testify to the truth of your words because I have done exactly what you have stated above. Believe me ladies, it makes all the difference in the world to step out of a toxic environment and breathe fresh air.
I can truly co-sign on this.
Khadija, we'll have to agree to somewhat disagree on this one. I'm just so thankful I managed to squeak clear of the hottest part of the fire. LOL! IF not, I may have done the same thing that my 2 friends did. That's why they were in shock when I married a very darkskinned man without even thinking about any negatives about his complexion.
ReplyDeleteOne of the reasons why I was willing to risk it all to go and live permanently in Nigeria was because I'd seen how so many typical AA males turn out here. I definitely didn't want that to happen to my sons. I wanted to give them the best opportunity to stand up straight like MEN who were proud of themselves, their heritage. I never thought about daughters. I was young and stupid. I just assumed they'd be okay, like me. SMH
Anyway, one of these dark-skinned friends felt that I had walked into the hottest part of hell by marrying him. I remember thinking at that point that it was very sad for her to feel that way. But I now know a lot more about darkskin terrorism. So who knows what I would have done if I'd been in their shoes, knowing what I know now, which they knew at that point? Because I'm willing to do a whole lot to make sure that my children live well or at least not suffer. Luckily for me, I didn't feel I had to make that decision.
But I'm SO glad now that I don't have any daughters because the vast majority of AA women are not trying to re-train themselves and are NOT prepared to go for the jugular to protect these young black girls.
I think we're really down to the wire with this issue. Bw need to think long and hard about having children because too many of these children are suffering and there's no help in sight. Yeah, it's great to have cute little cuddly babies, but if the parent(s) are not willing to scorch the earth to keep their children from suffering, they shouldn't have them. Too many AA women are still in magical thinking land wishing and hoping for the best. PLEASE! Under the current circumstances where even Michelle Obama is being denigrated by black men and women due to her skin shade, this does not bode well for the future of MANY black females in this country--at least when they can't pass the brown bag and/or manilla folder tests.
Khadija~ your story on your client is deep. I know your experience infuses your writings, but I would like to learn more.
ReplyDelete*****
Once you stop consuming entertainment products from AA males in general (for example, some of y'all are still listening to music from DBR AA male artists, and watching their videos), your spirits will naturally rise.
I have always had broad music tastes, but in the last 10 years I have really stopped listening to black popular music. For a while, I worried that it might be "self-hatred".
I came to the honest realization that not only has black mainstream/popular music ceased to speak to my thoughts and feelings, it actually made me feel bad about myself.
At first, I felt like a simpleton for "feeling bad". But when I finally admitted that they are gleefully expressing open and naked hatred for my Black female being, I could no longer ignore the barbs and the body blows. Not all music has to have a "happy" message. However, listening to music is as much an outlet for expression as is the production. There is something cruelly sadistic about hatred expressed to a danceable (i.e. outlet) beat. Expressing "joy" by dancing to something that cheapens your existence is equally masochistic.
I remember an awards show back in the 90s that featured Marilyn Manson. The cameras flashed to the Black performers (Missy, Busta etc) who were sitting stony-faced, annoyed and disgusted at his "blasphemous" performance. I could not understand why SOME of us look down on/are afraid of a genre of music that does not degrade, demean or otherwise mock us.
Note: I'm not only talking about hip-hop (in which we were better off 20 years ago...how's that for progress). Mainstream "R&B" music (& video) is bad if not worse, in that it subtly erodes self-worth.
As a beautifully brown-skinned woman, I make it a point whenever I see a little dark/brown-skinned girl to look at her and smile, wave and/or comment how pretty she is to her parent(s). I do this because I was rarely told this growing up, though I was very conscious of lighter-skinned girls being called pretty/beautiful.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, all it takes is for one person to see you and acknowledge you for you to believe in your worth. I don't mean you should seek validation or worth outside of yourself, but when you are 'seen' as a human being, that simple affirmation can do wonders!
Peace
C4L,
ReplyDeleteI praise God that you escaped into abundant, joyous life!
____________________
Evia,
I cheerfully agree to (somewhat) disagree. LOL! You said, "Under the current circumstances where even Michelle Obama is being denigrated by black men and women due to her skin shade, this does not bode well for the future of MANY black females in this country--at least when they can't pass the brown bag and/or manilla folder tests."-
The future is dim ONLY for those AAW who continue to hitch their emotional and social lives to AA males! Much of this would be quickly solved by disconnecting from AA males.
Let me be blunt:
I don't understand why so many AAW are acting as if we're the ones that are in a weaker position. The vast majority of AA males only subsist because WE support them! WE are the life support that makes their existence possible! If/when AAW finally pull the plug on AA males, the vast majority of them will cease to exist.
AAW are the ones within the AA collective that are mostly functional. AA males CANNOT support their own needs. On any dimension, be it their protest march needs or anything else.
Why are so many of us acting as if we're the ones who are needy and RADIOACTIVE in a straight-up personal survival sense? AAW have the ability AND the resources to walk away into a healthier environments. Environments that are relatively free of RADIOACTIVE AA males.
There's still time for numbers of AAW to jump off the "soon to be permanent underclass" AA Titanic. At least for the moment. Because, as you noted, we're coming "down to the wire" with this situation.
_________________________
LaJane Galt,
Oh yes, I stopped listening to Black-oriented radio and most Black popular music in the 90s. I listen to a very few "Black" things (such as "house" music---but that's because it's electronic with very few words at all, and no cursing). I've migrated away from most so-called "Black" genre music to things like trance music, world music, and meditation music. I'm very careful about what I let into my mind.
_________________________
SouthlandDiva,
You said, "As a beautifully brown-skinned woman, I make it a point whenever I see a little dark/brown-skinned girl to look at her and smile, wave and/or comment how pretty she is to her parent(s). I do this because I was rarely told this growing up, though I was very conscious of lighter-skinned girls being called pretty/beautiful."-
{raised fist salute} I do the same thing.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
"And it is definitely true that many American people (whites and blacks) do NOT know how to relate to an AA woman who is married to a wm when you defy that stereotype of being the jovial, hugging-everybody bw who tries to solve everybody's problem or save everybody's children or when you're non-Oprah-ish. Respect to Oprah, but I'm not that type of AA woman"
ReplyDeleteI remeber reading an article once by Janet Langhart Cohen (she's married to former Sec. of Defense, William Cohen). She said that she was 'cautioned' several times by her bosses at a t.v station because ww found her intimidating. Partly because she was pretty, but then again, I hardly ever see a situation where an unattractive woman is hired to present/report news. She didn't understand what they meant. After alot of 'complaints' by viewers (her bosses were kind enough to let her know the complaints came pretty much exclusively from the white female viewers), she got fired. It turns out, she didn't fit the image they had of how a black woman should behave and didn't like the idea that this positive image of this woman was being broadcast to millions. She said that the bosses even advised her to 'speak more black' and lose the refined demeanour (I'm not sure I even know what a ghetto demeanour would be). Her partner even proposed to her several times but she said she would only marry him AFTER he retires because she knew that voters wouldn't still like him if he had a black wife (as they'd be less uncomfortable with a succesful wm with a black girlfriend).
They were once at a political event and one senator(wm) asked her husband which of her parents were white. He replied that neither were. Her husband then asked why he thought she had a white parent(she's also light-skinned), the senator replied..."because she's just so intelligent". He didn't even relise what he had just said. It's later on that her husband then told her of this encounter. When I read it, I couldn't even get annoyed at the foolish politician who had made the remark. When negroes continue to insist on pushing every half-other being upwards and forwards as the best that blacks could offer, and at THE EXPENSE OF BLACK PEOPLE, I can not continue to hold it against white folks if they start to think it as well!
"Let me give some further context to this. My hairdresser is the salon OWNER. She doesn't give out her cards to help "Becky, Ming Lee," etc. She gives them out to help these Black GIRLS avoid the trauma of walking around looking crazy because of their hair.
ReplyDeleteShe also gives her cards out to "Sheniquas" when she sees their all-Black daughters looking crazy with unkempt hair. With some of the Sheniquas, she'll offer a discount. This isn't about helping Sheniqua, either. It's about helping raise the spirits of these various neglected Black girls. Whether they're being neglected by Becky, Ming Lee, or Sheniqua. It's humiliating, especially for a girl, to walk around with a bird's nest on her head."
Even though the comment came after yours, I didn't really have the hairdresser you mentioned in mind when I said it. What she did just looks more like a smart business opportunity than anything else. What I was talking about were the negro women who would take it upon themselves to somehow show these non-black mothers of these biracial children that they know more about how to raise the child than the mother. Some months ago, a conversation occurred on one of these bw-ir sites about how some of these non-black women can be very racist even to their kids especially their daughters, and how they would pet their half-whatever sons but not be as enthusiastic about their half-this or half-that daughters. Some posters started to wonder how they could help these "poor little biracial girls" who are being mistreated by these non-black 'witches'. People started offering up suggestions. I then asked them why it was their business. I also inquired as to whether any of them had similar concerns for the little black girls who were eing mistreated by their black mothers. Once again, no reply. They were able to express so much concern over the wellbeing of the biracial children that negro males have with other women, but for some reason, try and get them to express the same concern when that little black girls hand wasn't held, or when her brothers were given extra over her, or when her parents didn't play as much with her in the swimming pool (or some other random mundane issue)etc., OR the more grave issue of skin-shade hate some little black girl received, all of a sudden, it became a small issue and they viewed whatever bad thing that happened to the little black girl as 'the norm.'
"I do recognize my somewhat priviledged "spot" in all of this. [Although women like me have been replaced as fetishes by Becky, JLo, Lupe, and Ming Lee.] However, I oppose the evils of skin shade racism across the board.
ReplyDeleteThat means opposing it even when the perpetrator has been a victim of it herself. Sometimes, victims are ALSO perpetrators. We've seen this in the sexual abuse context. ANYBODY who is a perpetrator needs to be stopped. Whatever the original source of their EVIL behavior.-"
I agree. I'm not going to 'excuse' a paedophile just because they were a victim of it temselves! I see this as no different, especially as I 'd expect these types of women to know the truly negative effects such things can have since they may have experienced it themselves.
JaliliMaster,
ReplyDeleteYou said, "Even though the comment came after yours, I didn't really have the hairdresser you mentioned in mind when I said it. What she did just looks more like a smart business opportunity than anything else."
Oh yes, I know what you meant. I just wanted it to be clear that the salon owner isn't in that category. In her case, it's a smart business move coupled with genuine concern about Black girls. She's dealing with a health struggle right now, but I expect her to ultimately succeed in her goals of expanding into other areas (such as opening the bed and breakfast that she's been planning).
Peace, blessings and solidarity.