Warning:
This is a VERY long post that you might want to read in sections.
Weird
New School Ideas
Recent online conversations about so-called “Respectability
Politics” (RP for short) have shown me that some very weird ideas have become
normalized among many younger Western Blacks. I have to specify younger Western
Blacks, because I’ve never seen African colleagues, coworkers or acquaintances
heap scorn on respectable behavior. Maybe some Africans somewhere are joining
Western Blacks in scorning common sense and respectable behavior as so-called
RP. I’m just saying that I’ve never seen any Africans do that.
I’m not going to mince words in this post. I’m going
to say some things the plain way. I’m also going to quote some comments I’ve
recently made online about some of these weird new school notions. But before I
get to that, let me make a list of these peculiar, self-defeating ideas and
assumptions that I’ve been surprised to see underlying a lot of younger Western
Black women’s comments (and perceptions).
·
Weird
Idea #1- respectable,
sane, and civilized behavior is some kind of burden, equals making concessions
to White people, and equals appeasing White people. [Ignoring the fact that in
their pursuit of access to White vaginas, BM have been changing their behavior
to make themselves pleasing to White women for over a century.]
·
Weird
Idea #2 – the way an African-American (AA) woman shows her ethnic
and racial self-respect is to behave in an Unfriendly
Bordering On Hostile manner when among White people. [Ignoring the fact that in their pursuit of access to White
vaginas, BM dropped that Acting Unfriendly
Around White People routine 40+ years ago.]
·
Weird
Idea #3 – AA women’s opportunities to socialize, network,
date and marry in the outer world are as limited as they were 30+ years ago.
These
Weird Ideas Are Insult To Our Foremothers
Seeing comments that appear to be fueled by Weird Idea #3 upset me more than
anything else. Because it spits in the face of everything that our foremothers
went through in the U.S. For any AA woman alive today to sit up and pretend as
if she’s living under the same harsh circumstances as our foremothers is a
disgusting insult to all the AABW who came before us.
It also makes mockery of everything that AA women in
my age group (who were the first mass desegregation
generation) went through.
Unfortunately, the sort of
careful planning and preparation that apparently was done by AA adults whose
children integrated southern schools did NOT happen in terms of northern, big
city child pioneer integrationists. At least, not from what I could tell by
knowing a number of northern, big city child pioneer integrationists, including
several of my cousins.
Instead, what happened in the
Chicago-area (and in other northern big cities from what I’ve heard from
survivors among the child pioneer integrationists in my age group) is that
individual AA parents decided to move into previously all-White or overwhelmingly
White neighborhoods and suburbs without any sort of preparation or planning for
their children.
In many cases these AA parents
did so for ego-centric, showing off reasons. Such as the quest to be recognized
as the First Black to live in Fill In The Blank Place. That whole
Special Snowflake mental disorder is not a new thing. Many of them didn’t care
that their children were suffering and paying the price for their quest to be
the First Blacks (and often the Only Blacks) in Fill In The Blank Place.
Which is why off the top of my
head I can think of 5 Chicago-area child pioneer integrationists whose minds
were destroyed by the experience. One of whom is on psychotropic medications
after an adolescence, young adulthood, and middle age spent never having
established a healthy or stable lifestyle. AAs never talk about (or even admit)
that there were large numbers of AA child pioneer integrationist casualties
whose minds were destroyed by the experience.
I praise God that my parents were
quite happy to keep living in our all-Black, middle class neighborhood while I
grew up. I praise God that I had a foundation of a happy childhood spent
growing up in an all-Black middle-class neighborhood. That foundation of being
comfortable in my own skin came in handy when I first encountered large numbers
of Whites in my magnet high school and at the White college and law school I
attended.
What pisses me off the most about Weird Idea #3 is that I can tell that younger,
new school AA women are using that false idea as an excuse for their inaction.
As an excuse for their failure to take advantage of the opportunities that exist nowadays. I’m not
feeling any of that.
The same way I'm not feeling the so-called plight of those AABW actresses who are too lazy
to take advantage of the opportunities that literally didn’t exist for earlier
generations of Black actresses.
In
an age of video podcast TV shows, YouTube videos, digital film equipment, etc.,
modern day Black actresses don’t have any legitimate excuses for not producing
and creating an audience for their own content. These women are not trapped
into begging for other people to cast them in their productions the way
pioneers like Diahann Carroll and others were in previous generations.
How do I know that most
of this “our plight as AA women” talk
is an excuse for inaction?
Because in the time
that it’s taken me to write and indie publish 6 books*, a lot of y’all in various BW-centric audiences are STILL talking about what you’re “going to do.” [*The recipe ebook I
showed an Amazon royalty check for in THIS post, an ebook about homemade organic
beauty products, the Sojourner’s Passport book, and 3 romance books geared
toward WW romance novel readers.]
Comments During A Recent Discussion
Here are some
comments I made during a recent online discussion. Since this part is so long,
I’ve made the first sentence or two in each separate comment purple bold:
[Other Commenter],
You said (I’ve emphasized certain parts in bold):
—“On another note, I agree that respectability politics
is a good thing. If by respectability politics, you mean presenting yourself in
the best light possible at all times in
order to combat negative stereotypes associated with your racial/ethnic group.”—
I don’t understand why so many (mostly younger) Blacks
keep imposing THIS interpretation on respectable, sane, civilized behavior.
I don’t present myself in the best light possible in
order to combat negative stereotypes about my racial/ethnic group.
I present myself in the best light possible because THIS
is what works best (and feels most comfortable) for ME. I carry myself as a
respectable, sane, civlized person because I AM a respectable, sane, civilized
person. And I LIKE and ENJOY being a respectable, sane, civilized person.
Behaving in a respectable, sane, civilized manner isn’t
some kind of burden for me. It’s not a sacrifice for me. Which is what new
school Blacks make it sound like when they characterize respectable, sane, and
civilized behavior as some sort of appeasement of White people. I really don’t
get that false connection so many (mostly younger) Western Blacks make between
respectable, sane, and civilized behavior and White people and appeasing White
people.
Black folks who do that make it sound as if Blacks are
inherently depraved savages. Because if somebody perceives respectable behavior
as automatically equalling some sort of concession to Whites, or as a burden
(much less a heavy, unbearable burden) . . . what does that perception say
about that person’s natural
inclinations?
Behaving in a respectable, sane, civilized manner happens
to have positive side effects. Such as not confirming ugly stereotypes. Such as
the fact that respectable, sane, civilized behaviors and lifestyle choices tend
to lead to better outcomes in life. But those are positive side effects. I’m a
respectable, sane, civilized person because I enjoy being a respectable, sane,
civilized person.
[Blog Hostess],
Before I say anything else, let me thank you for hosting this conversation. I believe that being able to talk this issue through has helped a lot of folks (myself included) clarify their thoughts about all of this.
[Other Commenter],
You’re welcome!
Your comment has stirred up lots of memories and thoughts for me. :-)
First,
it’s it pitiful that one has to do all that “code switching” just to go
unharrassed among other AA Blacks at work. Because the real deal is that any AA
woman who doesn’t display at least a few ABC mannerisms in front of other AA
employees will be the target of open and active sabotage by those other AA
Black employees. It’s ironic—the vast majority of AAs at any job won’t
cooperate with each other to advance each other as a group (the way non-AA
others do). But they will get together to cooperate in dogging out another AA
Black coworker who doesn’t conform to their expectations of “Blackness.”
Second,
isn’t it so very interesting that—no offense intended—so many AA women like
your mother feel obligated to carry the torch for ongoing hostility to Whites?
Especially given that AA Black males made a point of dropping that
unfriendly-bordering-on-openly-hostile-to-Whites behavior around Whites DECADES
ago.
As
a teenager, I recall hearing AA negro males at my magnet high school making a
point of openly saying that they liked ALL girls, irrespective of race. I don’t
remember them ever appearing to feel any need to show hostility to White folks.
And other AA Blacks didn’t try to check them about their lack of hostility to
Whites in general (and White girls in particular). THAT burden of being aloof
somehow was reserved for AA girls and women. And AA girls and women were the
only ones being “policed” by other AA Blacks over any perceived lack of displayed
hostility toward Whites.
It
all reminds me of a post by Halima:
Third,
I’m appalled to see how some very peculiar notions have taken root among so
many modern day Western Blacks. And I have to specify Western Blacks, because
I’ve never seen African Blacks scorn respectable behavior. Maybe there are some
of them doing that. I’ve just never seen or heard any African coworker or
acquaintance scorn respectable behavior. Just sayin.’
Fourth,
I’m amazed at how so many new school AA women have kept all these very strange
in the modern context notions going. Let me be more specific about what I mean.
It amazes me to see and hear so many young AA women still talking this blanket
hostility to Whites talk in the modern context. I was a teenager in the 1980s.
I’ve seen how much things have changed socially. I grew up in segregated
Chicago, and spent my teenage years and young adulthood in the U.S. Midwest. I
also have some cousins who are straight-up White-people-worshipping oreos for
real.
When
I was in high school, college and law school, it really didn’t matter how open
and friendly you were as an AA girl or young woman. The vast majority of Whites
in the Midwest would NOT respond appropriately. Because the vast majority of
them were NOT open to befriending ANY AA Black person, no matter how friendly
you were to them or around them. And the racist Whites vastly outnumbered the
non-racist Whites. So it took a LOT of courage for a non-racist White person to
genuinely befriend an AA person in the Midwest (especially in segregated
Chicago). Be “befriend” I mean any relationship or interaction that goes deeper
than surface acquaintances (beyond saying “Hi” and “Bye”).
Most
people of all races are cowards. Why would Whites go through all those extra
changes when there are plenty of their own people to socialize with, date, and
marry?
So,
during those 2 decades, I heard plenty of anguished tales from those relatives
who were the parents of my White-people-worshipping oreo cousins who STILL
literally had doors slammed in their faces when they tried to attend White
parties that the handful of non-racist White kids at their high school had
invited them to.
And
I saw things for myself during high school, college and law school: American
White boys/men would smile, look at, and admire the beauty of AA Black girls,
but only about 5% of them were brave enough to approach an AA Black girl*. And
of those American White boys/men who were brave enough to approach an AA Black
girl and ask her out, only about 2% of those males were bold enough to take
that Black girl home to their parents and family. Things are very different
now.
[*Also
factor in the non-friendly, closed, bordering-on-hostile behaviors that most
AABW are socialized to engage in regarding WM.]
I
don’t know what was happening on the east or west coast in the 1980s or 1990s.
I’m talking about what was going on in Chicago, other areas in the Midwest and the
rest of “Heartland America” (places outside of parts of L.A. and parts of NYC)
at that time (I had female AA friends who went to various colleges throughout
the country).
Another
difference: When I was in college, law school, and during much of my 30s,
non-racist/non-hostile White Americans were generally as clueless and oblivious
to racism as racist/hostile Whites. Unless there was a cross burning
somewhere—with a noose attached to it—the vast majority of
non-racist/non-hostile White Americans never really picked up on or noticed
racism unless and until they were prompted by Black folks’ outcry. And even
then, most of them were so insensitive that they just couldn’t perceive or
comprehend that anything was amiss unless and until there was a cross burning.
By
contrast, I’ve seen young (30 and under) non-racist White prosecutors—without
there having been any complaints or outcry or prompting from any Blacks in
their social circle—publicly lash out and go ALL the way off on other Whites
who said something they perceived as racist in their presence. I’ve also
watched groups of younger (30 and under) non-racist White prosecutors—again,
without prompting by any Black person—denigrate other White coworkers that they
perceive as being racist.
I’m
saying all of this to say that it’s a TRAVESTY to see so many young AA Black
women needlessly cut their own throats and squander the MUCH more open social
networking, dating, and marriage opportunities that literally did NOT exist in
most areas of the U.S. when I was their age (at least not that I or any other
AA girls/young women I knew who went to college throughout the country at that
time were aware of).
Geez,
I hadn’t meant for my earlier comment to be THAT long—LOL! Please excuse me,
y’all.
One
thing I forgot to mention about the AA negro males at my magnet high school and
college who made a point of openly saying that they liked ALL girls,
irrespective of race.
In
terms of the ones I went to school with, even AFTER some of these negro males
“who love ALL girls” (not infrequently) got accused of rape by the White girls
they chased after and sexed—and/or physically attacked by these White girls’
fathers and brothers—other AA Blacks somehow never scolded or policed them for
their lack of hostility to Whites or for their openness to White girls. In
those instances, somehow ALL Black folks’ outrage became focused on the Cry Rape After She Got Caught Sexing A Negro
Male White girl or her racist White kinsmen. There was no “What Did YOU Do To Get
Yourself Caught Up?” victim-analysis such as what AAs routinely do whenever
something negative happens to AA women and girls.
Even
after these AA negro males got burned by White girls, they were NOT expected to
carry a torch of hostility toward Whites. These negro males were NOT expected
to be or demonstrate hostility toward Whites. That duty was somehow reserved
for AA girls.
It’s
a new day. There’s no self-interested reason for any AA woman to be engaging in
Sista Soldiering-style blanket hostility to Whites or other nonblacks. Or for
harboring the sorts of assumptions that go along with that behavior. All you do
when you do that is erase the “wiggle room” (as Evia calls it) that you might
need later on down the road.
For
the young-uns in the audience, here are a couple of links to the sorts of
things that would happen to Black folks who wandered into or around certain
neighborhoods in 1980s America—these 2 incidents are from 1980s New York City
(emphasis added in bold):
“Yusef
Hawkins (also spelled as Yusuf Hawkins, March 19, 1973 – August 23, 1989) was a
16-year-old African-American who was shot to death on August 23, 1989 in
Bensonhurst, a predominantly Italian-American working-class neighborhood in the
New York City borough of Brooklyn. Hawkins and three friends were attacked by a
crowd of 10 to 30 white youths, with at least seven of them wielding baseball
bats. One, armed with a handgun, shot Hawkins twice in the chest, killing
him.[1][2]
Hawkins
had gone to Bensonhurst that night with three friends to inquire about a used
1982 Pontiac automobile that was for sale. The group’s attackers had been lying
in wait for either African-American or Latino youths they believed were dating
a neighborhood girl.”
“One
African-American man was killed and another was beaten in Howard Beach, Queens,
New York, in a racially charged incident in December 1986 that heightened
racial tensions in New York City.
The
dead man was 23-year-old Michael Griffith, who was born on March 2, 1963 in
Trinidad and lived in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn. He was killed after being
hit by a car on December 20, 1986 as he was chased onto a highway by a mob of
white youths who had beaten him and his friends. Griffith’s death was the
second in a string of three infamous racially-motivated killings of blacks by
white mobs in New York City in the 1980s. The other victims were Willie Turks
in 1982 and Yusuf Hawkins in 1989.”
This
incident is from 1997 Chicago:
“For
the last few days, a parade of politicians and preachers have made their way to
the bedside of a comatose 13-year-old black boy to pray for his recovery and
for the city’s soul.
In
a storm of fists and feet, the boy, Lenard Clark, was beaten into a coma by a
pack of white teen-agers as he rode his bicycle last Friday on the edge of
Bridgeport, a neighborhood known here for producing mayors and racial
hostility. According to the police, the teen-agers later bragged about keeping
blacks out of the neighborhood.
These
are tense times in Chicago. The beating of Lenard came on the heels of another
ugly but less serious racial incident two weeks earlier. During a high school
basketball game, dozens of students from a predominately white, Catholic boys
school taunted players from a largely black school with chants of ”Buckwheat.””
THIS
was the atmosphere in which teenage and older AA negro males were making a
point of publicly saying that they like ALL girls, irrespective of race.
Don’t
let anybody try to fool you into thinking that New York City, Boston, Chicago,
New Jersey or any other major Northern city was oh-so-different from the
dangers of backwoods Alabama in those days. THESE were the known risks that AA
negro males were willing to take in order to befriend, chase after, date and
sex White girls. Furthermore, AA negro males knowingly took these risks in
pursuit of White vaginas without any criticism whatsoever from other AAs after
they were beaten and/or killed during their pursuit of White vaginas.
I’m
telling y’all younger readers this so you can put it in perspective. AA negro
males dropped that Self-Othering Behavior/Acting Unfriendly & Strange
Around White People shtick DECADES ago.
AA
negro males have also always been willing and eager to literally risk their
lives in order to be friendly to White girls and WW.
AA
negro males have also always been willing and eager to behave in ways that
White girls and WW found pleasing.
So,
why in the world in 2014 (going on 2015) would YOU as an AA woman feel the need
to act strange, engage in self-othering behaviors, and do other weird things in
order to feel like you aren’t making some [imagined] “concession” to White
people?
With
all due respect, I feel that a lot of y’all are drawing the WRONG conclusions
from what I’ve been (unsuccessfully) trying to express. Let me try this again:
Modern-day
AA women and girls (who have their heads on right) are NOT “stuck between a rock and a hard place.” Instead, you have MORE
opportunities than EVER existed before for AA women and girls. Especially those
of you who are still in the prime of youth—when your “woman card” has the most
market value. If you choose to squander the opportunities you have in this day
and age, that’s on YOU and YOU ALONE as far as I’m concerned.
If
you’re trying to pretend that your social opportunities today are like the way
such things were 30-35 years ago (as an excuse for not seeking abundant life in
the outer world), that’s on you and you alone. I was there before. Things have
changed. Things are significantly different.
Any
AA woman who waits until there’s any sort “a solid and SUPPORTIVE community to
fall back on” before she seeks abundant life might as well curl and die right
now.
Because
there will never be any “solid and SUPPORTIVE community” among any sub-set or
sub-faction of AA Blacks. Including among the BWE readership. And y’all know
that. Because the bulk of YOU aren’t giving “solid” support to BWE activists
and readers who have businesses and products for sale. Stop tripping. Evia
already (correctly) called a lot of y’all out about that. Personally, I ain’t
mad about it (I know how my own people “do”); I just don’t like dishonesty.
That
notion of AA women and girls waiting for “a solid and SUPPORTIVE community”
before they do X,Y, Z is just another excuse for folks’ ongoing refusal to take
advantage of the opportunities that didn’t exist during my youth. I’m sorry, I
can’t let y’all slide with that excuse.
I
didn’t realize it during high school, college and law school, but there were
nuances to those racial beatings of AA negro males. The AA collective likes to
characterize those attacks as White hatred against ALL Blacks. I’ve come to
realize that this was actually about gendered sexual competition between males.
And about White male tribal protection of their tribe’s females from outsiders.
To
be blunt: WM and White boys didn’t want AA negro males sniffing around their
sisters’ and daughters’ vaginas. BM always describe their actions and issues as
being about “civil rights and such (and this is the story BM sell to BW), but
it’s always been about BM wanting access to White vaginas.
Males
tend to not have any illusions about other males’ real agendas. The same way
women aren’t fooled by other women’s agendas. So WM and White boys were never
fooled by AA negro males’ “civil rights” talk. They knew the real deal–and knew
BM’s real motivations for trying to socialize with Whites–from jump street.
I
didn’t realize it at the time, but these racist beatings and attacks were
mostly a gendered war between AA negro males trying to access White vaginas and
WM trying to protect the women in their group from that. Because another harsh
reality is that AA negro males have a widely observed and known pattern of
paternal abandonment of the children they sire, along with a host of other
sub-par paternal deficits.
This
battle between AA negro males and WM has nothing to do with AA women. AA women
don’t have a horse in that particular race, and don’t have a dog in that
particular fight. Most AA women and girls didn’t realize this nuance back in
the day. Because this was sold to us as blind attacks on ALL Black folks (who
were supposedly all in it together on the same team), not a gendered sexual
competition between males.
My
point is that since AA negro males weren’t too proud to make all sorts of
behavioral concessions to White people (including risking death) to chase and
please White girls, why are YOU worried about feeling like you’re making
concessions [to White people] if you carry yourself in a respectable way?
Most
AA women and girls in my age group fell for the okey-doke. There’s no reason
for you young-uns to fall for the same okey-doke. There is no “team.” There is
no “us.” By now, the so-called Black community has made it perfectly plain that
they will never support you. BM have made it perfectly plain that they will
never support you. Each AA woman and girl has to go her own way. And stop
waiting for anybody else to actively support you.
No,
it’s not “fair.” Life is not fair. And yes, nonblack women have it much easier
because they have active support from the men in their group PLUS active
support from BM.
It
is what it is. Circumstances and opportunities for AA women are better now than
they’ve ever been before in the U.S. If you fail to take advantage of these
opportunities–because you’re waiting on support that in your heart you know
will never come from any large group of Blacks (including from the audience of
BWE readers)–that’s on you, and you alone.
[Blog
Hostess],
I’m
greatly relieved to hear that I misunderstood what you were saying, and that
the issue wasn’t being framed in terms of waiting on support. Praise God! I
must admit that I worry about that sort of thing, because AAs have a long-term
habit of imposing the same old self-defeating interpretations on new ideas.
We’ve done that with every previous new idea/solution AA activists have come up
with.
I’m
very, VERY thankful for this era’s greatly increased opportunities for AA women
and girls.
Addendum.
In my view, AABW in my mother’s generation (and older generations) didn’t tell
younger AABW the plain truth. About many things. In bulk, they stayed silent
about anything that reflected poorly on BM. In bulk, they didn’t look out for
their daughters’ best interests (the way a “typical” Jewish mother actively
looks out for her daughters’ best interests).
Instead,
most of them (some knowingly, others unknowingly) sacrificed their daughters’
and other BW’s daughters’ best interests on the altar of “supporting our young
BM.” I don’t do that. When I speak about AA women’s issues, I tell the
plain truth as I honestly see it. Whether folks get angry or not. I keep a clear
conscience.
Forty-plus
years of mass AA out of wedlock (oow) childbearing and the mass fatherlessness
created by oow have allowed lots of weird ideas to take root among modern day
AAs. Fatherless new school folks can get angry at people like me who point this
out. But it is what it is. A lot of AABW are drowning, or barely treading water
at best. These weird ideas are a large part of what has AABW drowning.
Another
thing that keeps a lot of AABW drowning or barely treading water is their
refusal to take action. And their inclination to twist everything around into
an excuse for their refusal to take action. I understand that a lot folks want
different results without having to actually do anything different. Which is
fine. Keep doing the same thing. Please just stop complaining about the getting
the same (negative) results that you’ve always gotten while doing those same
things. Own your choices—instead of complaining about the fruit your choices
bear.
If
you want to find abundant life, stop talking and start doing. Nowadays there
are opportunities for AABW that never existed before. If you’re serious about
living well, you won’t squander these opportunities.
