The dynamics discussed in THIS recent Facebook post
over at the Black Woman Think Tank have previously been discussed in BWE
circles over the years. But I’ve never seen the message stated in such a
concise manner. It’s important enough that I strongly urge readers to read this
post right now—and the comments which are also extremely enlightening. And then
to forward the post to the AA women in your lives that you care about. It’s
just that important and to the point.
Evia has talked about how BW desperately choose to
believe that if they’re nice to (and mule and cape for) BM and others, then
these people will somehow automatically be nice to them. African-American (AA)
mammy mules continue to believe this even as they’re taken for granted, disrespected
and otherwise mistreated in a variety of ways. AA Sista Soldiers are Stuck On
Stupid in choosing to believe that if they continue to support BM then a Black
utopia will somehow be ushered into existence. Even though this has never
worked . . .
I know this intellectually. But I’ve still been
emotionally shocked at the spectacle of mammy mules and Sista Soldiers putting
their lives—and their children’s lives—at risk by manning the front lines at
protest marches and riots in Ferguson, Missouri. Various BWE bloggers have been
discussing the folly and downright madness of this:
I’m highlighting the BW Think Tank post above
because she’s talking about the utterly false, emotionally-charged beliefs at
the root of mammyism and Sista Soldiering. AND at the root of what has been
horribly wrong for a very long time with AA women’s interactions with BM in
general including their BM sons, nephews, etc.
It also reminds me of something a gentleman reader
of my blog mentioned to me during an email conversation: His experiences with
AA women have shown him that far too many AA women refuse to acknowledge
reality. Instead of reacting to reality, they
react to the way they believe things are supposed to be. Obviously, that
behavior pattern does not benefit AA women.
I’ve read recent online discussions in which the
mammy mules claim that they support BW risking their lives to march in Ferguson
because “What if it was my son, husband,
etc. that was shot down?” This is the same excuse the mammies and Sista
Soldiers habitually give for their endless muling in support of BM. I’ve always known
that particular stated motivation is a LIE, but I couldn’t quite put my
finger on what was underneath that particular falsehood until reading recent discussions
at the BW Think Tank Facebook page.
One
of the commenters to another recent post over there clearly stated the TRUE nature of the mammy mules’
relationships with their sons: It’s EMOTIONAL INCEST.
The
mammy mules are emotionally using their sons as replacements for the missing
sperm donor or husband.
That’s why there’s such a strong vibe of “That’s my MAN!!!” coming off the mammy mules’
statements whenever they mention their sons. I’ve always perceived that “off” and sick undercurrent to the way
most AA women talk about their sons. I’m just being totally candid here. Most
(not just many, but most) AA mothers I’ve seen talk about their sons do so with
the same emotional tenor in their voices that women tend to use when talking
about the men they’re in relationships with. It’s a strange and creepy thing.
The other thing that let me know the mammy mules
and Sista Soldiers were lying about what really drives
their urge to coddle and carry grown-azz males is that this behavior is NOT
rooted in love for these men. To truly love a man, a woman has to RESPECT him. And
really, healthy men don’t just want their women to respect them, they want
their women to ADMIRE them.
These mammy mules don’t truly love the BM they claim
to be marching for. Instead, they’ve got some sick and twisted obsessions that
they’re feeding with their behavior. Because by taking up mannish responsibilities,
the mammy mules are demonstrating that they DON’T respect BM—including their
sons, husbands, fathers, etc.—as men.
This is why that whole “What if it was your [Black] husband, son, father, brother, uncle,
nephew, etc. who was gunned down by the police?” argument was unfathomable
to me. As I said in my recent blog post, I STILL would not participate in a
protest nowadays.
It would be up to the surviving MEN in my family to handle the family business regarding the killing of a relative. It would never occur to me to try to usurp their role as MEN. Because I respect their manhood. [As to my male relatives who are simply biologically male, they have shown themselves to be unworthy of my concern. I don't spend much mental energy on unworthy individuals.]
My father and other male relatives who are MEN would
be deeply insulted if any woman—much less a woman who’s kin to them and knows
them—acted as if they can’t play their position as men.
The other important thing about Breukelen Bleu’s post is that she’s pointing out the
importance of looking at matters the way men see them. Too many AA women refuse
to do that, and stay losing as a consequence. Back to that “What if it was your [Black]
husband, son, father, brother, uncle, nephew, etc. who was gunned down by the
police?” argument that I found incomprehensible: That
argument didn’t compute with me because I know the REAL message the men in my
family would receive from my actions if I was crazy enough to go into combat for them.
Again, I’m going to be real and say this the rough
way. The REAL message that men receive when mammy mules put themselves on the
front lines for them is: “I feel that you’re
a punk-azz b*tch who can’t handle your own business. So I—as a woman—have to step
in and handle it for you.” THAT is the message that men receive
from that she-male mammy mule and Sista Soldier behavior. That message p*sses
men off.
That is one of the underlying reasons why unemployed
and underemployed negro males resent, hate, and often beat the women who are
foolish enough to financially prop them up. Men don’t like getting an allowance
from a woman. A weak, trifling, no-value male will live off a woman, but he
still resents the situation. And he’ll take that “allowance” that Boo-Boo The
Fool gives him and spend it on romancing another woman who won’t spend money on him. A woman who doesn’t take up the man’s
role.
Most men have different emotional needs from a
relationship than what most women want from a relationship. As Breukelen Bleu notes, BW need to stop
superimposing women’s thought patterns on men.
Also stop being the “Day 1 Chick” who nurtures and
dates struggling men. [Head-scarf flutter in salute to commenter over there
named Elizabeth who shared this link. Like I said, the comments are as
informative as the post.]
The widely-observed pattern is that as soon as they
get where they want to be in life, men dump the women who were with them before
they became successful. This pattern applies on the individual level. It also
applies on the group level.
A weak male (or group of males) will use a woman who’s
foolish enough to take on manly responsibilities and prop him up while he
struggles. But he doesn’t respect her. He doesn’t like her. He doesn’t value
her. He certainly will never love such a woman. In fact, he usually comes to
hate such a woman (or group of women).
Here are some “movement” examples that most AA women
either don’t know or refuse to acknowledge:
- Complaints from BW that W.E.B DuBois only used light-skinned women with naturally wavy hair as cover models for The Crisis Magazine.
- Walter White of the NAACP dumping his Black wife of 20+ years for a White South African woman.
- Dr. King cheating on Coretta with WW. All of which was audiotaped by Hoover's FBI, which tried to use these tapes to blackmail Dr. King into committing suicide.
- Elijah Muhammad cheating on Sis. Clara Muhammad with dozens (if not hundreds) of mostly light-skinned women (and underage girls).
- The Black Panthers' focus on having sex with non-Black women, as well as their extreme chauvinism. For those who don’t know about this, I would refer people to “A Lonely Rage: The Autobiography of Bobby Seale.” It's . . . eye-opening. In ways that Mr. Seale probably didn't anticipate when he wrote it.
- Rev. “Baby Daddy” Jesse Jackson cheating on his wife. My mother kept an old magazine interview with Rev. Jackson from the early 1970s where he's quoted as saying “variety is the spice of life” when asked about his marriage (thereby publicly disrespecting and humiliating the wife who was with him when he had nothing).
The mammy mules and Sista Soldiers who think BM are
going to appreciate or reward them for their support are delusional. The mammy
mules and Sista Soldiers are also lying to themselves about what truly
motivates their choices. They claim they do what they do out of love for the
males in their lives. The mammy mules don’t love the BM in their lives; they’ve
got some sick and twisted obsessions that they’re feeding with their behavior.
Again, stop being the “Day 1 Chick.” You want to be
The Spoils that a man wins AFTER he has achieved success.
ADDENDUM. Especially don't be like the fool below, who is obviously Too Stupid To Live.
ADDENDUM. Especially don't be like the fool below, who is obviously Too Stupid To Live.
