Introduction To All Posts:
Black women’s problems with Black men started in
Africa LONG before the arrival of the Arab man and the White man.
Black men
have been betraying Black women since BEFORE the White man ever came to Africa.
If you haven’t already done so, please read the following 2 posts:
Addendum as of 6-13-16: For clarity, let me note for the record that I’m not
part of the Black witch scene; so I don’t know the inside details of whatever
disagreements are going on in those circles.
I’m also not vouching for any particular person, organization or faction within those circles. I’m not on any particular “side” regarding the Black witch scene. Because I have zero involvement in that.
What I *DO* know is that the anti-solidarity behavior patterns Angry Deva described in one of the posts I cited can be seen across ALL ideological and religious groupings and factions of BW.
Too many of us have the unfortunate habit of shading and disrespecting the BW who came before us in whatever type of activism work we’re doing. That’s what *I’m* talking about.
And now on to today’s post:
I’m also not vouching for any particular person, organization or faction within those circles. I’m not on any particular “side” regarding the Black witch scene. Because I have zero involvement in that.
What I *DO* know is that the anti-solidarity behavior patterns Angry Deva described in one of the posts I cited can be seen across ALL ideological and religious groupings and factions of BW.
Too many of us have the unfortunate habit of shading and disrespecting the BW who came before us in whatever type of activism work we’re doing. That’s what *I’m* talking about.
And now on to today’s post:
There have been a number of recent Black
woman-related online conversations that (in my opinion) require a shift in response
from those African-American Black women (AABW) who know better. I’m sure to say some things that will upset
and trigger some readers, but so be it. This is important. Lives are literally
at stake.
I
would rather see you upset, offended and angry with me and ALIVE; as opposed to
maimed or dead. Or your children maimed or dead.
A large part of this is generational. I’m old enough
to be many of you all’s mother. So, my perceptions of (and reactions to) the
online things that many of you do is bound to be VERY different from yours. If
you’re wise, you’ll consider what I’m saying. Instead of dismissing it out of
hand (which is what too many new schools do when they receive unflattering
feedback on their choices).
There are several interlocking topics:
Interlocking Topic #1 – The Monyae Elson Mess
This refers to the ongoing Facebook controversy over
a predatory self-proclaimed “pro-BW” “Black male feminist” calling himself Monyae Elson. See THIS and THIS about that mess.
It looks
like more than a few of the grown women who “got gotten” by this predatory male
gave him all the information he needed to zero in on their weak/wounded
points in order to take advantage of them:
A woman who blabs this type of information to men
obviously does not know the first thing about dating with dignity. Much less
about dating to WIN (however “winning” is defined by that individual woman). A
woman who tells a man—ANY man—that kind of Here
Are My Emotional Wounds-type of information is going to rack up many MORE
emotional wounds while dating.
Now, we’ve ALL been at a place in our development while
growing up where we just didn’t know any better about certain dating-related things. EVERY woman has been “got” in some way at least once in her
life. Let’s not pretend like we’ve never made I Genuinely Didn’t Know Any Better &
Nobody Guided Me Any Better mistakes at some point in our dating careers. Let’s not trip about that. That’s the nature of being an inexperienced girl
who simply doesn’t know any better. It’s also the nature of being an unguided
girl who grew up to become an unguided woman.
Unfortunately, most AABW don’t get good advice or guidance from their mothers and other older women relatives. As I said in a comment to THIS post over at Halima's blog:
Unfortunately, most AABW don’t get good advice or guidance from their mothers and other older women relatives. As I said in a comment to THIS post over at Halima's blog:
Khadija said...
Thanks for this post. Like all poisonous things that thrive in the darkness, this is one issue that needs to be exposed to the cleansing and disinfecting sunlight.
Here's my 2 cents (or pence--LOL!) from across the pond in the US:
I see a multitude of overlapping dysfunctions going on in the African-American collective when it comes to mother-daughter relationships. All of which operate to the daughters' detriment:
(1) Many AA mothers are giving their daughters advice that's totally obsolete. Strategies and world views that worked well enough many decades ago (before the AA collective became entrenched in underclass behaviors such as oow, mass paternal abandonment, etc.) are self-sabotaging poison in the modern environment.
These mothers are so BM-identified (and BM-son-identified in particular) that they never pay attention to how various trends affect their daughters. Everything these type of women say and do is ALL about lifting up BM in general and their BM sons in particular. When their daughters' needs are neglected and sacrificed along the way, it's "too bad, so sad."
(2) Many AA mothers are totally unfit to give anybody advice. These women were/are used and exploited themselves, and still haven't caught a clue. So they give their daughters the type of advice ("All men cheat,""Let a man be a man,""What did you do to provoke him to hit you?", etc.) that ruins their daughters' lives in the same way their lives are damaged.
(3) Many AA mothers are straight-up envious of their daughters. And have the attitude of "I had it bad, and you should too." Quiet as it's kept, many AA mothers have attitudes that are similar to those of Arab mothers who support the so-called "honor" murders of their own daughters.
Back in the day when I used to participate in (dead BC) community type outreach activities, I would watch many AA mothers sabotage their daughters' ability to participate in anything that might lift their girls out of poverty and into abundant life. They would repeatedly "forget" to sign permission slips for their daughters to attend life-enhancing outings, tutoring, etc. Meanwhile, they somehow "remembered" to sign permission slips for their precious sons to participate in programs.
These mothers were transparent in their envy and rage at the idea that their daughters might have a chance to enjoy a better quality of life.
(4) Then you have the internalized colorism issues. Often a darker-skinned dysfunctional AA mother "hates on" her daughter if the daughter is lighter. Or the lighter-skinned dysfunctional AA mother "makes differences" between her daughters based on complexion (treating the lighter girls better).
In summary, there's a LOT of heavy-duty sickness going on between many (if not most) AA mothers treat and raise and daughters. The vast majority of AA mothers are setting their daughters up for suffering. Whether it's intentional on these mothers' parts or not, that's the bottom line effect of what they're doing.
At this point, self-actualizing AA women and teenage girls need to understand that their own mothers just might be one of their greatest enemies. It's a hurtful and disgusting thought; but folks need to face reality and act accordingly if they want to succeed in having a good life. *sigh*
Interlocking Topic #2 – BW’s Ongoing General Failure
To Actively Gather In Support Of Each Other
I ran across a series of Facebook posts by Angry
Deva the other day that struck a deep chord within me: HERE, HERE and HERE.
600 witches gathered together against that Stanford rapist.A black girl was raped by a more house man. Black witches did nothing.A black girl just shot herself in the head, because her black boyfriend posted a nude video of her to snapchat. Black witches did nothing.I say in a thread: "We are the Galaxy. We Fell when we began having sex with our Suns to create them. Think about our Milky Way Galaxy, she never f*cked a Sun to Create One. Before the men came, before we fell, we did not f*ck our sons/Suns to create them."Black witches take to threads. Black witches stir up pots. Black witches set their mouth against me; in ignorance. Never bothering to ask WHAT DOES THIS MEAN SIS?Notice a pattern? White women SHOW UP for their sisters. Black women rather go to WAR with black women who tell the Unadulterated TRUTH about men and patriarchy... Then stand up against the f*ckers raping and mf killing our sisters, our daughters.But... Carry on! DevaNation is here for Black Witches to Gather and learn how to use our power to win. Not to "heal" broken and damaged beyond repair black men. Not to ATTACK sisters because cognitive dissonance means we cleave to our ignorance and enforced inferiority complexes.DevaNation is the place for Witches from all around the globe to gather and raise power. For us to succeed, to be protected, to send our daughters off to college during "rape season" without worry. We will gather and work to change things for our good.
And we will stomp into the f**king mud every single traitor bytch who comes against us.The Dark Divine Feminine has returned. welcome to the New Age.
And this:
I'm up and pissed off about the lack of BLACK WITCH action against black male rapists. I'm disgusted that our community FAILS to spring to action for Black Girls and Women. Black women will RALLY to be on the front lines for GROWN MEN, they will rally us all to be the sacrifice for black male protection...but they ATTACK we sisters who do work to PROTECT the Black Daughter and Mother. They stand against us and never move against these damn men. So I'm doing a show on it now. its gonna be a long one yall. I'm pissed!
I'm broadcasting live on the air! Listen in now at http://tobtr.com/s/8976631.#BlogTalkRadio
She’s absolutely right about this messed up behavior pattern!
Let me give my preamble before I keep talking about
this particular topic—LOL! I am a Muslimah. Which means that I don’t practice
or approve of any occult traditions, practices or rituals. Not that those folks
who are believers in such things need my approval. For anything. But my philosophical
disagreement with occultism is not the point here.
The point is that Angry Deva is absolutely correct—White
women SHOW UP for their sisters. With a quickness. Black women DON’T. Oh no, collectively we do anything but gather together in cooperation:
I did a show, I have been asking why black witches didn't unite to come against the black male rapists.In the last 4 days, 3 different black women have created their own groups and pretended they weren't inspired by what I said. I even got into a discussion with one black woman who tried to convince This Oracle that she wasn't vamping my ideas and energy.This is why the black community is a joke and why people can do WHATEVER they want against black women. Black women are sorry af and unable to humble themselves and band together. Instead, we have bunches of black women who want to pretend they are equal to the Wise Teachers and Wise Elders. They honestly think we are all the same because we are black and have black yoni's.The black community is doomed. Because black women would rather attack and steal from we who are Powerful than join us against our enemies. Black women, more often enough than not, are the enemy. We can change this if we choose to.12 white witches gathered to hex the Stanford rapist. 600 more joined with them to stand in solidarity.One black witch, me, stands up and says why aren't we organized? Why don't black witches respond to these heinous attacks against the black Feminine?Women don't stand with me. They stand against me and form groups to spite me.That's fine. But make sure ya ass is in them groups doing the work.And ya welcome for the inspiration, even though you gonna lie and say it was a coincidence. I am a True Witch. We know betta, liar.
Lawd have mercy—too many of us collectively do this
same mess across the board! It doesn’t matter what tradition or religion is
involved.{exasperated eye roll}
I took the time to listen to her podcast and took notes. I don’t let ideology blind me to what can be some
life-enhancing and possibly life-saving words. When I hear something that speaks a
powerful truth about the fortunes and fate of Black women, I listen
up!
Angry Deva made a lot of important points during
that podcast. I would urge you to also take the time to listen to it. Here are
some of the “money quotes” that I made notes of:
There’s a “problem
with the infrastructure of Black sisterhood.”
“We
don’t look out for each other the way that we should.”
She talked about how “we need to be real about where people are.”
Meaning, much of the heavy-duty life-enhancing and
life-saving information and strategizing to benefit BW needs to be behind a pay
wall to weed out the BW who are simply not anywhere near ready for that
information. To weed out the [majority of] penis-pandering BW who will run to violate
confidentiality and share our secret strategies with the penis in their life.
As she said at 1:18:49 into the podcast (please
excuse any mistakes in my transcription of this portion):
“Them sisters can never be in the circle. We gotta sideline them until they come up a little. And tell them, ‘Until you can grow, you can’t have access to this because it’s too much for you. I’m not going to be responsible for giving an infant steak. You need a little Similac, honey.’ And we need to be real about where people are.”
I understand the folks who were somewhat annoyed with the grown
women who “got gotten” by that Monyae Elson character. Yes, as grown women they
should’ve known better than the multiple self-defeating choices they made while
interacting with him.
But instead of being harshly critical of them, it would’ve
been better to recognize where those poor women’s mentalities are at, and offer them
some “Similac.”
Instead of pointing them to BWE sites that they are NOT ready
to receive, I believe it would’ve been better to refer them to The Rules and Baggage Reclaim and call it a
day.
Interlocking Topic #3 – New School Black Women’s
Strange Cluelessness & Stubbornness About The Risks Of Online Carelessness,
Online Dating & Online Oversharing
There are certain sites that I regularly read, such
as Mrs. Dee Dee Lefrak’s Black Women With Other Brothers Facebook page. And
then there blog posts and pages that readers send to me. Well, here’s a recent
post by Dee Dee:
Warning! One of my ladies was passed over at her dream job because she got researched and her Facebook activities showed her to be using "racist language and hate speech" I warned her about using the N-word denigrating black men while using her legal first and last name and it all caught up with her some of you have been chatting with her!There is benefit from being anonymous in FB of course you cannot expect to be taken as an authority except by gullible people though. You can't have it both ways and there is no free-speech I see so many black women acting like complete lunatic's using their legal first and last name anyway aren't most black households led by black women also known as the breadwinners?Some of you sassy chicks with your egos on fleek-- ha ha! -think it's cute to be using what some corporations consider hate speech?? You're going to learn the hard way that you should've gotten a therapist instead of using Facebook to vent.And speaking of other brothers since this is a swirly page men are smart they are clicking over and reading all the threads where the black women are cursing like sailors and going off like unbalanced lunatics and many of them continue to be involuntarily single as the years roll-on wonder why that is?Stop being a groupie think for yourself look out for your future nobody else cares if you curse yourself out of a job!Dee Dee Lefrak, founder BWWOB
Dee Dee told y’all right! At first, I wondered why does somebody even have to tell any grown person something like that? And then I realized that it’s partially generational: New
schools tend to have a different (and frankly, dependent and dysfunctional in
many ways) relationship to these electronic gadgets than middle-aged folks in
my age group.
People in my age group were raised to be hyper-aware
of any and all “paper trails” we create. We were raised with the idea that—if you
wouldn’t feel comfortable seeing it on a billboard, then DON’T put it in writing or let it be recorded. And to assume that
anything that was put in writing or recorded would eventually end up being offered for public consumption (one way or another, with or without consent).
That same attitude tends to carry over into our online activities.
By contrast, many younger people tend to act as if they think
their online statements and conversations are somehow private. It’s like they
don’t understand that the internet is PUBLIC. And that anything they say online is being
said in public.
Another example is the Phone-Distracted Walking that I see every day. Even though I see it every day, it always amazes me
to see so many people walking around with their heads down looking at their phones instead of
paying attention to where they’re walking and to the nearby traffic.
It’s like they genuinely don’t understand that it’s
physically dangerous to NOT pay attention to where you’re going. And then they’re
surprised when they run into other people or get hit by traffic. All of which
seems self-evident to me. But I didn’t grow up with a bunch of electronic
gadgets attached to my hands, ears, or hip. I grew up in an era in which people paid
attention to (and interacted with) the real world around them.
Now I’m really going to step on some toes:
Online Dating Is Inherently Dangerous For Women
Online dating is inherently dangerous for women. For
two main reasons: (1) It takes away your ability to use your women’s intuition
before being blinded by the emotional attachments that women (and not
men) are quick to form when they’ve been conversing with a man over a
period of time. And (2) it takes away from the measure of Basic Identifying Information accountability of being introduced
to/meeting someone while socializing in the public physical presence of others
who are participating in the same social event.
I’m not saying that online dating is instant
death for women. Although, it *can* be that. I’m saying that online dating gives extra advantages to male
predators.
Here’s a comment from Lipstick Alley about point #1 (emphasis in shades of blue):
Re: Mother of Three Kids Missing After Going On an Online Date
I’ve also read accounts of predatory men being a “no
show” at the public place in which they were supposed to meet the woman for
their first real life date. And then secretly following that same woman back to
her home.
As to point #2, when you meet somebody in let’s say
. . . a cooking class (or some other event that people have to register and pay
for—usually with a credit card matching the name they gave to the event
organizer), it’s less likely that they’re going to give you a totally fake
name. Because there’s the built-in level of accountability of having registered
and paid for the class under their real name. And of most likely having used
their real name when introducing themselves to the instructor and others in the
class—all of which usually happens in the physical presence of all the other
participants.
I hope you can see the difference between this and conversing online with a man for days, weeks and months and getting the
false feeling of knowing something real about that individual.
The grown
women who “got gotten” by that Monyae Elson character mistakenly thought they
knew him. They mistakenly thought they were in some type of relationship with
him. They don’t know basic dating information such as the reality that FAST FORWARDING is a huge red flag. As the Baggage Reclaim writer states:
I have countless emails from readers telling me stories of guys (and women) who moved the initial dating period along at high speed. From declarations of falling in love and ‘I love you’ when they’d barely known them a hot minute, conversations about babies, marriage, moving in, meeting parents and being whirled around like a show pony amongst friends, or hearing about how ‘Everyone is so eager to meet you’, to high intensity liaisons with persistence, great sex, average sex, and multiple phone calls, texts, emails, and letters in a bottle, all of these people have been whizzed at high speed through the early crucial stage of dating.It’s called Fast Forwarding and it’s a technique where someone sweeps you up in a tide of intensity when they’re pursuing you and you’re dating them that you end up missing crucial red flags.They either disappear when they start to feel panicky about the fact that you will want, need, and expect in line with the great show they have been putting on. Or…they just revert to the ‘real them’, ripping the rug from under your feet and replacing hot with cold and someone who you barely recognise.
These women also weren’t hip to the
scumbag technique of FUTURE FAKING. These women developed feelings for the
[turned out to be false] self-presentation that he portrayed that were waaaay
out of proportion to the miniscule amount of information they had about him.
Unlike men, women are way too quick to think they know some strange man simply
from conversing with him over time.
Ladies, you need to be able to use your feminine intuition from Day 1 with a new man. BEFORE you start feeling a false sense of familiarity with him. Intuition works best with in-person interactions. The same way these women got their
feelings hurt sexing some strange man they “met” online (and developed too-quick feelings of familiarity with) is the same way they
could’ve lost their lives.
Online Publicity & Notoriety Is Inherently
Dangerous For Women & Children
There’s the recent tragic example of Christina Grimmie. {long sigh} Who knows exactly how long that particular freak had been fixating
on this poor young woman?
For those of you who persist in flossing photos of
your kids online, who knows how many freaks are fixating on YOUR children this very moment?
You have no way of knowing that. But you should know
that by putting images of your children online you’re encouraging the literal thousands
of freaks that exist online to become obsessed with YOUR children.
It only takes one freak to take action to give you
regrets for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, some of y’all are hardheaded
and so focused on attention-seeking, “Likes”
and clicks that you’re offering up your own children as human sacrifices to
your ego.
Some of y’all are going to keep flossing your kids
online until you get them maimed or killed by a stalker.
