It warmed my heart to see the pushback to a certain type of commentary during a recent post at the For Black Women Only Facebook page. Here are the relevant screen captures below:
Lifestyle optimization requires you to examine ideas from the vantage point of your own particular context and circumstances. This one statement will probably be a recurring theme in the blog posts here. It’s impossible to have an optimal lifestyle when you make critical life decisions based on other people’s circumstances. Listening to other people whose circumstances or interests are out of alignment with yours will throw your life into chaos and ruin.
This is the primary reason so many African-American women are living in misery and hardship. They’re programmed to think about other people’s (read: Black men’s, and the already-dead Black community’s) circumstances and interests, instead of their own. Or they’re taking positions that only make sense in the context of nonblack women’s collective life circumstances.
Unfortunately, this isn't the first time that outsiders have deliberately given African-Americans advice that they didn't follow for themselves. Many Jewish-Americans did the same thing throughout the 1960s. Jewish-Americans did not solve their problems with anti-Semitism by having protest marches. They solved their problems through education, and building Jewish businesses that could offer employment to Jewish people. However, whenever African-Americans attempt the same strategies, Jews (and other White Americans) have been quick to tell us that this is "separatism" and something that we shouldn't do.
The true test of what people really think is a good strategy is what they do for THEMSELVES. If somebody is telling you that you must do something other than what they did for themselves, watch out! And examine this person's motives. They probably don't wish you well.
I’m not going to call the woman’s name (or name the country), but there has been a BW blogger who (as I recall, I haven’t read her blog in quite some time):
(1) went to Western Europe,
(2) didn’t bother to even try to learn the language (even a few phrases go a long way—with folks who aren’t French (LOL!)—non-French people appreciate a guest making the effort to try to learn their language (the French are prickly about their language and culture, but on the other hand they have a lot of good stuff to be proud of),
(3) didn’t bother to try to learn the cultural expectations, which led to her having debates with minor government officials (a major NO-NO as a guest),
(4) ultimately had a “swirl” bastard baby over there, and of course signed up for the FOR-NOW generous government benefits,
(5) from what one could see in the photos she posted, routinely dressed in a revealing (and inappropriate—it’s best to dress conservatively when in somebody ELSE’s country) manner—-
—-and then wondered aloud in multiple blog posts Why, Lawd, why?” wasn’t she being treated with respect by the typical random “native” over there. As if it was a mystery. Maybe she was mystified, but I wasn’t as I lurked and read her blog.
Ladies, Please—for the love of God, DON’T do what this chick did (as I described above). Don’t ruin what might be a needed safe haven for sensible AA in the future!
Right now, AA women visitors are generally perceived as “exotic” and “nice” in these places. Don’t ruin it and give us a trashy image by engaging in the foolish behaviors this woman engaged in.