I’m also not vouching for any particular person, organization or faction within those circles. I’m not on any particular “side” regarding the Black witch scene. Because I have zero involvement in that.
What I *DO* know is that the anti-solidarity behavior patterns Angry Deva described in one of the posts I cited can be seen across ALL ideological and religious groupings and factions of BW.
Too many of us have the unfortunate habit of shading and disrespecting the BW who came before us in whatever type of activism work we’re doing. That’s what *I’m* talking about.
And now on to today’s post:
Unfortunately, most AABW don’t get good advice or guidance from their mothers and other older women relatives. As I said in a comment to THIS post over at Halima's blog:
Khadija said... Halima,
Thanks for this post. Like all poisonous things that thrive in the darkness, this is one issue that needs to be exposed to the cleansing and disinfecting sunlight.
Here's my 2 cents (or pence--LOL!) from across the pond in the US:
I see a multitude of overlapping dysfunctions going on in the African-American collective when it comes to mother-daughter relationships. All of which operate to the daughters' detriment:
(1) Many AA mothers are giving their daughters advice that's totally obsolete. Strategies and world views that worked well enough many decades ago (before the AA collective became entrenched in underclass behaviors such as oow, mass paternal abandonment, etc.) are self-sabotaging poison in the modern environment.
These mothers are so BM-identified (and BM-son-identified in particular) that they never pay attention to how various trends affect their daughters. Everything these type of women say and do is ALL about lifting up BM in general and their BM sons in particular. When their daughters' needs are neglected and sacrificed along the way, it's "too bad, so sad."
(2) Many AA mothers are totally unfit to give anybody advice. These women were/are used and exploited themselves, and still haven't caught a clue. So they give their daughters the type of advice ("All men cheat,""Let a man be a man,""What did you do to provoke him to hit you?", etc.) that ruins their daughters' lives in the same way their lives are damaged.
(3) Many AA mothers are straight-up envious of their daughters. And have the attitude of "I had it bad, and you should too." Quiet as it's kept, many AA mothers have attitudes that are similar to those of Arab mothers who support the so-called "honor" murders of their own daughters.
Back in the day when I used to participate in (dead BC) community type outreach activities, I would watch many AA mothers sabotage their daughters' ability to participate in anything that might lift their girls out of poverty and into abundant life. They would repeatedly "forget" to sign permission slips for their daughters to attend life-enhancing outings, tutoring, etc. Meanwhile, they somehow "remembered" to sign permission slips for their precious sons to participate in programs.
These mothers were transparent in their envy and rage at the idea that their daughters might have a chance to enjoy a better quality of life.
(4) Then you have the internalized colorism issues. Often a darker-skinned dysfunctional AA mother "hates on" her daughter if the daughter is lighter. Or the lighter-skinned dysfunctional AA mother "makes differences" between her daughters based on complexion (treating the lighter girls better).
In summary, there's a LOT of heavy-duty sickness going on between many (if not most) AA mothers treat and raise and daughters. The vast majority of AA mothers are setting their daughters up for suffering. Whether it's intentional on these mothers' parts or not, that's the bottom line effect of what they're doing.
At this point, self-actualizing AA women and teenage girls need to understand that their own mothers just might be one of their greatest enemies. It's a hurtful and disgusting thought; but folks need to face reality and act accordingly if they want to succeed in having a good life. *sigh*
“Them sisters can never be in the circle. We gotta sideline them until they come up a little. And tell them, ‘Until you can grow, you can’t have access to this because it’s too much for you. I’m not going to be responsible for giving an infant steak. You need a little Similac, honey.’ And we need to be real about where people are.”
Re: Mother of Three Kids Missing After Going On an Online Date