Friends With Benefits (FWB) = Pump & Dump, Part 2

Please take the time to read Part 1 HERE.

My intention here is not about putting the following new school Black girl on blast. It's about giving some of you young'uns (and older women who should know better) the Christmas gift of awareness. 

The gift of NOT having to learn a lesson the hard and painful way (unlike the hard-headed young woman referenced in this post).

As I said in Part 1:

I applaud the patience Mrs. Dee Dee Russell-Lefrak demonstrates in the comments to THIS Facebook post, because I can’t be bothered talking to Suffering Yet Hard-headed AA Women anymore. These days, I simply step over and around such women.

Part of what has gone horribly wrong among the masses of modern day (mostly fatherless) AAs is that they give pleasing names to ugly circumstances. Such as this “Friends With Benefits” terminology. All of which really boils down to a woman allowing herself to be Pumped & Dumped. 

{rhetorical question} What [non-prostitute] woman in her right mind SIGNS UP to be pumped and dumped??!!??

Some of the silly pro-FWB talk in the comments to Dee Dee's post would be comical if the consequences and generations of AA suffering caused by this mess weren’t so severe and extreme.

Here's part of the comment section to Dee Dee's Facebook post I was referring to:

Kia Richards I love all the rhetoric people are giving about casual sex and not taking into consideration how those arrangements typical work out in real life

Like · Reply · 13 ·  March 23 at 9:03am

1 Reply

Logan Rogue I'm happy. We are both in the same page and that's we don't want a relationship and simply sex. It's sad that most black women are too insecure to own their sexuality to have casual sex or too irresponsible. I am only 22. I don't need a relationship and refuse to stay celibate. I guess I could charge my guys if I am that pressed, but fwb is awesome.

Like · Reply · 10 ·  March 22 at 3:51pm

Black Women With Other Brothers MOST BW don't even know how to use birth control hence the almost 80 percent out of wedlock. Why don't you think you are good enough to have a relationship with a man? Or is it that men just want you for sex but don't want to be your man?

Like · Reply · 17 ·  March 22 at 4:08pm

Kia Richards I knew a lot of girls like Logan in college. Now they are now on anti-depressants wondering why they are unable to make an emotional connections. As sexist as this sounds most men do not want to have long term relationships with women who have a history of promiscuity. Don't let these PC police put you in a trick bag. People may act and sound progressive in public by behind closed doors a lot of people are more conservative than they let on .

Like · Reply · 37 ·  March 23 at 7:57am

Black Women With Other Brothers Yours truly is best friends with the women who coined the term sex worker I've studied sex workers, swingers, the poly, trans, bisexual, etc. Guess what I saw? Most of that free love does NOT benefit most BW. How can you be an unpaid sex worker if you didn't learn how to date or see your Mother loved by your father?

Like · Reply · 15 ·  March 23 at 3:27pm

Natasha Finister Any man that is doing a FWB with a BW, doesn't want his sister or daughter being a FWB. Hmmm! What about that?

Like · Reply · 22 ·  March 22 at 3:59pm

Black Women With Other Brothers Thats right. \

Like · Reply · 2 ·  March 23 at 3:28pm

Logan Rogue The answer is simple. I don't want to stay celibate and I don't want a relationship. I'm traveling, stacking my money and have time to do what I want. I don't want to share these moments with a mate but with myself. I know I am very capable of a relationship, I just don't want one. But I also want to have sex. As long as I stay tested and practice safe sex, I don't have any problem just having sex with a guy(no matter the race). It's about personal responsibility really. I just wish black women would learn that concept. Tracking your period is not hard, buying condoms and birth control is cheap compared to baby stuff. Getting pregnant in 2015 is on purpose. Getting an Std/sti is a choice.

Like · Reply · 5 ·  March 22 at 4:16pm

Black Women With Other Brothers You know what? It sounds good on paper but of course and to each her own I'm still not buying itLogan Rogue decades of life in San Francisco, thee most sexually free city in the usa has taught me much. Have sex with yourself, I mean gimme a break every time you lay with a man you are taking a big risk and you know it.

Like · Reply · 19 ·  March 23 at 3:29pm

Logan Rogue Well. I know my life is good and happy and if that is dysfunction, so be it. I am a responsible adult who makes decisions based off what works for me. Should I remain sexless because I don't want a relationship? Heck no! Marriage/monogamous relationships is no surety that you won't contract an std/sti either. Secure women do what they want responsibly. We need to teach our sisters ways to control their reproduction health and to stop leaving it up to chance or to bummy men. Nothing wrong with fwb as long as they are both on the same page and responsible. It's not hard to be responsible. Black people just need to learn this.

Like · Reply · 7 ·  March 22 at 4:52pm

Black Women With Other Brothers Yeh yeh LOL you keep defending this lifestyle but if you are as fly as you say you are men would be kicking to put you on lock they would not allow you to just be their FWB. As a sexist womanist bohemian I teach young women that its ok to be CELIBATE till they learn to date correctly.

Like · Reply · 18 ·  March 23 at 3:32pm

Logan Rogue I don't want to date or court. I am only 22. I am still building on myself and the gifts and talents I have. I am way told young to settle downr and it is too soon for me to even consider kids or marriage. I am "mature" enough to have responsible sex and have no shame of the situation. If that makes me less than a sex worker, cool. 

But the root of black problems won't go away if we stopped hooking up. Black professionals are not struggling to raise successful kids, even as single parents. It's only when you are poor, uneducated and irresponsible that reproduction is a issue. If I got pregnant today, I'd be confident that my FWB would be a competent Co parent (this goes to carefully vetting PEOPLE I let around me. I don't have bummy friends, and don't date bummy people, so why would I have casual sex with a bum?) and that our child would have so much at their finger tips than the child born to a Walmart cashier and a mechanic who got married. S/n. This is not something I would do. EVER. I want kids while I am married so I will never carry to term a baby I don't want.

Just make sure you are fighting the right problem. While you feel the solution is to wait until you are married or in a long term relationship, I feel being responsible is key. Take responsibility of your reproduction. Get to know your body and use contraception. And I feel stronger now emotionally and mentally than when I was catering to a monogamous long term relationship. So, it really depends on the self esteem of the woman. Women with poor self worth rationalize irresponsible behavior (having kids while poor and in poverty regardless of relationship status, obesity, uneducated, unskilled, surviving in blackistan, etc). Me having casual sex is not ruining the community. Having kids you can't afford with DBR's in poverty is the problem.

Like · Reply · 6 ·  March 22 at 5:47pm

Kendra Moton I used to feel the same way you do about FWB until I got older and realized that all of the good guys, the ones that I wanted to be more with, they had no issues having no string sex with me but dated other women. Men, even at 22 yrs old, they know what they want and they will take advantage of any woman who is willing to just be fwb while they go and date women who don't settle. Also, trust me, thee are plenty of OOW babies and single mothers struggling who started out as FWB with men. I know several

Like · Reply · 9 ·  March 23 at 3:50pm

Chanda BackatOne McMillon Girl if its all like that your a young college student prime age! Get rid of those glasses and put an ad up on back page. I know your struggling financially. This way you can get money and meaningless sex.

Like · Reply · 1 ·  March 25 at 7:07pm · Edited

Kia Richards Logan Rogue you are a bio major right? THen you should know the impact oxytocin has on a woman's emotions. One of your casual hook up can cause a release of this bonding hormone and trust me when that happens you won't be neutral. I knew a lot of girls like you in college and they are singing a different tune at age 30.

Like · Reply · 10 ·  March 25 at 7:26pm · Edited

Chanda BackatOne McMillon Actually keep the glasses. Its interesting that she isn't going to carry a baby she doesn't want to term...Not that she won't get pregnant just not carry the pregnancy to term.

Like · Reply ·  March 25 at 10:58pm

Black Women With Other Brothers Some young BW really try to live the airy-fairy life portrayed on TV and videos and on social media. Most young BW really didn't have hip cool and experience older BW leading by example giving them advice that helps them fast track dating pitfalls. FBW does not work for fly young 22 years old Black girls because MEN TALK AND WILL TELL OTHER MEN YOU ARE A FREE WHORE and that is real talk! MEN GOSSIP! Chicks get PASSED AROUND for dinners and ish talking about how cool it is. Other Brothers are not dumb.

Like · Reply · 16 ·  March 26 at 4:57pm · Edited

 Ladies, take note of all this pro-FWB stupid stuff said by one of the commenters around nine months ago in March.

Well, here's what the same commenter has to say now in response to another site's Facebook post (emphasis in highlighter):

Logan Rogue Just put a few bullets in their face and keep it moving. I have my ccw for this very reason. I used to live in constant fear that some dude would hurt me. Why? Because some dude hurt me! I live in Detroit, black man central, and they feel so effing entitled to your presence its not even funny. I've been chased home in my car, followed home when I used to ride the bus, even stalked and robbed by an "admirer". It's even worse now that I work a very public job and they know where I work! I've had guys sit at my store for HOURS just trying to talk to me wait for me to get off work to see if I will hang out and chill just because I was nice. It's not until I started insulting them and degrading them that got them to back off and even then hostility followed. It's like men and women can't be friends. It's has to be a hunter/prey relationship and I can't do it. I'm starting to learn that most of my male "friends" are simply wolves in sheep clothing, waiting for their turn out of the "friend zone" to score. I don't know why men feel so entitled, but I'm going to arm myself against any MAN who wish to do harm against me. My life will always mean more to me.

Like · Reply · 5 · 17 hrs

Here's what the same young woman probably STILL doesn't understand—even after suffering some of the consequences that Dee Dee (and other common sense commenters) point blank warned her about nine months ago:

As Dee Dee told her 9 months ago, men talk and gossip. Most likely what happened to this Logan girl is that word got out that she's the type of woman who has sex with no-strings-attached. THAT'S why the males around her are "waiting for their turn out of the 'friend zone' to score"!!!

You know, that same no-strings-attached Friends With Benefits sex that this same girl was loud-talking praising nine months ago when Dee Dee and other commenters tried to pull her coat to some common sense. If you're wise, you'll learn from this girl's mistake.

Ladies, if you want to date and marry (and if God forbid it ever comes to that, divorce) WITH dignity, follow The Rules.

Ladies, misery loves company. Any girl or woman who "disses" the dignified and traditional dating and behavioral strategies advocated in The Rules series of books is NOT your friend. Women who argue against The Rules don't wish you well. 

The Rules are NOT about playing games—that's what males who want to use you and their male-identified female handmaidens say.

The Rules are about a woman dating and marrying WITH dignity. The Rules are about a woman preserving and protecting her dignity and her heart.

You can be wise enough to take heed of traditional, proven strategies that maximize your odds of securing a happy marriage (if that's what you want).

Or you can be hard-headed, ignore proven common sense advice, and learn basic life lessons the hard way by getting your own feelings hurt.

The choice is yours.

This Is An Ancient Betrayal - BM Have Been Betraying BW Since BEFORE The WM Ever Came To Africa

Time for a quick history lesson that some of you may find interesting. I recently had the following exchange in the comment section to THIS excellent post at the Not Your Girl Friday blog:

·         Khadija Nassif

December 9, 2015 at 6:35 am

Moriah,

I think think AA Black folks’ mass addiction to singing “Kumbaya, My Lord” to other so-called “people of color” (Latinos of all races including Black Latinos; Arabs, Asians, etc.)—who, in my observations over the years, tend to be WORSE anti-Black racists than most modern day White Americans—mostly has its roots in the ideologies promoted by the BM of the Black Misleadership Class.

Furthermore, I believe that the BM Black Misleadership Class has consistently promoted this toxic, false and ultimately self-defeating “rainbow coalition” ideology for many decades because of their great thirst for access to nonblack vaginas.

Frankly, this mass BM willingness to throw their own group and race under the bus in their pursuit of nonblack vaginas predates contact with European slavemasters and colonialism. It’s an ancient behavior pattern that goes back *at least* over 1,000 years. It’s how the Moors “worked the Black out” of their bloodlines and ultimately bred themselves out of existence starting over 1,000 years ago.

·         onelesssoldier

December 10, 2015 at 7:10 pm

Furthermore, I believe that the BM Black Misleadership Class has consistently promoted this toxic, false and ultimately self-defeating “rainbow coalition” ideology for many decades because of their great thirst for access to nonblack vaginas.

Frankly, this mass BM willingness to throw their own group and race under the bus in their pursuit of nonblack vaginas predates contact with European slavemasters and colonialism. It’s an ancient behavior pattern that goes back *at least* over 1,000 years. It’s how the Moors “worked the Black out” of their bloodlines and ultimately bred themselves out of existence starting over 1,000 years ago.

Khadija that’s very interesting and something I had no idea happened. I think younger black women would do well to listen to this as we weren’t around to see most of this happen. I know you have written in depth about bm leaders who end up dating/ marrying non black women but have you wrote any post specifically on what you’re talking about now? Or are you planning to in the future. I think this is important conversation for younger black women to have because a lot of us don’t realize (the reasons behind) certain “black” everyone’s welcome policy only go one way. And that they rarely benefit black women.

·         Khadija Nassif

December 11, 2015 at 12:54 am

OLS,

I’ve mentioned the historical fact of BM selling out their own people in pursuit of nonblack vaginas in passing (with specific reference to the Moors) in this post:

http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2015/10/the-scales-fell-from-african-american.html

But this ancient problem with BM even predates the Moorish empire in Spain, al-Andalus (which was from 711-1492). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Al-Andalus This BM behavior pattern is what made it possible for ancient Black Egypt to turn brown and then finally tan and off-White (Arabian).

The ancient BM betrayal behavior pattern is 2-pronged:

(1) BM consistently failed to treasure and protect the women of their race (BW). Instead, they sold, traded and bartered BW to outsider men for a pittance. From the very beginning of recorded time, royal African negro males of multiple eras and kingdoms allowed outsider males to marry their daughters and other women of their nation. Arab men used this strategy of marrying into African royal/chieftain families to gain an economic and political foothold into various ancient African societies.

This behavior pattern is the very opposite pattern of what winning, conquering men do! From the book, Destruction of Black Civilization: Great Issues of a Racefrom 4500 B.C. to 2000 A.D, by Chancellor Williams:

For in Egypt, as elsewhere, it was a one-way sexual process. The ‘master race’ always kept its own women ‘sacred’ and secluded behind the walls of their homes. They were not allowed to go outside except under guard. African women had no such restrictions or protection. They were fair game for the men of all races, and for them it was always open season. [pg. 73]

(2) Whenever in positions of in power and/or affluence, BM consistently fixate on accessing nonblack vaginas.Back to the Moors: Conquering rulers typically demand tribute from the people they conquer. Usually conquerors want the conquered people to pay them in the form of gold, luxury items, animals or other goods. What sorts of “treasures” did negro male Moors demand from conquered White Spain? Answer: Access to 100 virgin White vaginas per year.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tribute_of_100_virgins

Note that the Emir mentioned in the above entry, Abd al-Rahman I was the product of Ancient African Male Behavior Pattern #1—his father was an Arab and his mother was a so-called Berber (read = African) woman. History is typically “whitened.” Instead of describing folks as Africans or Black, other descriptions are used such as “Berber.” [There are such a people known as Berbers, but for all we know this Emir’s mother might have been as racially Black as the modern day Black-looking Arabs I saw when I went to Egypt before Mubarak was overthrown.]

Which leads to the next ancient historical pattern: The majority of the mulattoes/biracials created by Ancient BM Behavior Patterns 1 & 2 have consistently—and viciously—worked AGAINST the interests of Black people. An example of this is Tippu Tip.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tippu_Tip

His mother was Arab and his father was a “coastal Swahili” (read = negro male). One can see from his photograph that he was a Black as midnight. But this negro male kept himself busy as a slave trader who preyed on the fully-Black Africans!

From ancient Egypt to now—in various historical eras and in various countries—most half-Black and part-Black mixed people have consistently acted as a hostile race within the Black race. From the same book I mentioned above:

For while the white man has mingled his blood with non-white peoples from times immemorial, in no other people was the outcome a hostile ‘race’ within a race. [pgs. 319-320]

The reason for this consistent outcome is that from the very beginning, African people and descendants of Africans have never had any firm boundaries with other folks. We just looove sharing our stuff with outsiders. A customer review of Mr. Williams’ book mentioned this:

There is a reoccurring theme in this book. Indigenous Africans gain power and indigenous Africans lose power. That statement sums up this book briefly. Mr. Williams goes into detail to explain how a black Egypt could be viewed by the world as being white. The answers to this question can be found starting with chapter two entitled Ethiopia’s Oldest Daughter: Egypt. In this chapter, he proposes “the mulatto problem” which I feel is key in understanding how the face of early Africa was changed. When other groups of people came in from the east the Africans allowed them to assimilate into their culture. There were many interracial unions, which allowed for a mixture of kin. This mixture of kin is what lead to the demise of the total black African state. Time and time of again people who did not have a natural birth right to any African state were allowed to do so based on marriage or kinship. This is why Mr. Williams study shows how indigenous African flip-flop control of power so frequently. Whenever indigenous African took control of Egypt the power was relinquish due to an interracial unions or kinship not to mention the violence and acts of war. Again, in many ways this scenario is a reoccurring them throughout this book. The early African inability to hold on to what was natural his has cause others to question whether he should be given any credit at all. Mr. Williams traces what happen and he gives excellent details.

I would refer everyone to Chancellor Williams’ book. I haven’t read it in over a decade, and from what I recall the book tends to gloss over BM’s culpability in all of this. Nevertheless, it’s the best comprehensive overview of why Africans and the Black descendants of Africans always lose and can never consistently retain control of their power or resources.

http://www.amazon.com/Destruction-Black-Civilization-Great-Issues/dp/0883780305

Food For Thought About The Black Women Who Are Protesting Over Laquan McDonald

Edited To Add The Following From THIS post:

Several prominent Chicago youth organizers—all of them Black women, and the majority of them queer—were physically assaulted on Black Friday during the hugely successful shutdown of the Magnificent Mile in honor of Laquan McDonald.

The religious leaders and community elders who called for the demonstration rallied early in the day at the Water Tower in the Loop. Several youth organizations—BYP100, FLY and Assata’s Daughters—were invited to participate, and appeared in several photo ops with Jesse Jackson Sr. and other public figures, the majority of them men.

As organizers began to address the crowd, several well-known Black elders forced their way to the front, pushed youth organizers back from the mic, and one man actually began elbowing a young, Black, queer woman in the face. Minutes later, when one of the heads of BYP confronted the elder, he swung on a second Black woman, shouting sexist and homophobic slurs, and a small scuffle ensued.

In the wake of the altercation, youth organizers performed their own mic check to address the crowd, then promptly left the march—some to treat injuries, while others simply felt deeply unsafe and disrespected.

The Black, queer women targeted in this attack were the same ones who had been clashing with police in the streets all week, including the night the video of Laquan was released. They were the same organizers who had staged and been arrested in the shutdown of the IACP conference in Chicago last month. They were the youth who have been working tirelessly to lift up the name of Rekia Boyd, and who created a seamless campaign to fire Dante Servin, the officer who killed her. They were the same youth who have been instrumental in organizing for and ultimately winning a trauma center for the South Side, and who led the original Black Friday shutdown of the Magnificent Mile in 2014.

In short, they were badass, Black, queer, young women who have orchestrated and overseen long-term campaigns for Black lives in the city of Chicago with little to no support from the male elders who attacked them.

And now here’s my original blog post below:

I've said most of what I have to say about these sorts of matters in earlier posts, including the post African-American Women: If You’re Wise, You’ll STAY NEUTRAL In the Police Vs. Black Male Conflict.

Regular readers can guess what I think about the protests currently going on in my hometown (Chicago) over the police shooting of Laquan McDonald. You can also guess what I think about gullible, naïve, and ultimately Sexual Predator-Protecting Black activists’ idiotic notions of a so-called “transformative and restorative justice process.” So there’s no need for me to spend a lot of time talking about all of that.

But I came across some Facebook posts that I wanted to bring to your attention. The posts speak for themselves, and provide plenty of food for thought for those African-American women who still feel sympathetic about protests on behalf of Black males who are shot by White police and other nonblack men. Without further ado, here they are:

Sarah Daoud

November 27 at 2:52pm · 

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault
Please share widely, but do not tag the survivor.

To BYP 100 and the larger community of Chicago activists:

As you may know, I recently disclosed that I am a survivor of a sexual assault perpetrated by your co-chair and regarded community organizer, Malcolm London. I came forward during the intense social media campaign surrounding his recent arrest at a demonstration for Laquan McDonald.

While I understand the campaign was necessary for the movement, and for Malcolm’s safety, having my social media bombarded with images of the person who harmed me accompanied by descriptions of him as a hero and upstanding human was nothing short of traumatizing. So I decided to share my story.

While I didn’t plan or expect my disclosure to become as public as it did, I appreciate the swift and largely loving response I received from all over the country, as well as the seriousness with which your organization is regarding this issue. BYP, thank you for contacting me so quickly and starting your internal accountability process immediately upon Malcolm’s release. And while I am looking forward to speaking with you in person, I believe that true accountability cannot begin unless the entire community is aware and involved in holding our leaders to a standard that will keep us safe. That is why I am writing this letter.

The assault happened three years ago on this exact day. I had met him a few days prior at an event and he asked me if I wanted to go see a movie after I’d finished Thanksgiving dinner with my family. On the way to the movie, we talked about his activism and my role as a sexual health and assault educator on my college campus. He told me sexual violence prevention was something he was really passionate about and I felt relieved to finally be around someone who understood. Because I thought he was a safe person, I disclosed to him that I had been assaulted a few months prior and that I was in the middle of a court process that was equally as traumatizing as the assault itself. He seemed outraged and concerned. I felt like I could trust him.

After the movie, he asked to come up to my apartment for coffee and I obliged because I thought he needed it to stay awake during his drive home. But when I offered it to him he said he didn't actually want any, and just wanted an excuse to come upstairs. He made a few sexual advances, and each time I asked him to stop. I was clear that I did not consent, and I thought he got the picture that he’d made me uncomfortable. But because it was late, at some point I dosed off and I woke up with Malcolm’s fingers in my vagina. (For those who are unaware, unconscious people cannot consent to sex.) I immediately asked him to leave and once he was gone I told him what he did was an act of sexual violence. He was apologetic, but did not understand why what he did to me was assault. To this day, he still refers to what occurred between us as “a misunderstanding.”

As someone who works with survivors of sexual violence and has dedicated much of my time to educating people about the history of rape in the Black community, I know my story is far too common. Black and Brown women are abused at the hands of men of color and we’re told to stay silent about our experiences in order to “help the movement.” And as Black and Brown women, we carry the community on our backs and will do anything to protect our sons, brothers, and fathers even when they are harming us. I’ve had Black survivors tell me that they didn’t press charges against their attacker because they “didn’t want to put another Black man in the system.” Prominent Black male leaders like Huey Newton have abused their power raping Black women and we erased those women’s stories out of history.

When I came forward this week, there were activists who messaged my friends saying that sharing my story was damaging to the community, and that I needed to be quiet until Malcolm was released because it was inconvenient timing. But liberation isn’t convenient, or easy. We don’t get to say “Hold up while we free these people real quick and then we’ll come back for the rest of you,” which is in essence what Black women have been told throughout history. Solidarity is for Black men and white women, not us.

As a Black woman, the idea of a “safe space” is currently a fallacy for me. I am not safe out in the world, I am not safe in my own community, and I am not even safe in activist spaces around people who claim to be working towards my liberation. You can’t fight for me while I’m awake then rape me while I’m asleep. I want be a bigger part of the movement, I want to join protests, I want to organize, but I can’t do that when the person who hurt me is a figurehead in those spaces.

I doubt I'm the first person who hasn't felt safe in communities because of violent masculinity and coercive sexual scripts. I doubt I'm the only woman Malcolm has harmed. We’re keeping important voices of Black and Brown women out of the movement because they are scared to join. Liberation for some is liberation for none.

We can’t trust the justice system to protect us or to hold perpetrators accountable– that much is clear. So, we need to work towards a way to do that ourselves. By sharing my experience, my short term goal is to come up with a system by which we can hold people in the organizing community accountable when they hurt people, and to educate folks both before and after harm is done. And maybe that system can turn into inspiration for ways we can protect the community at large without police. I’m not exactly sure what that looks like yet, but I am looking forward to working with you to figure out a plan.

Sincerely,

Kyra

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BYP 100

November 28 at 9:14am · 

We have been made aware of a sexual assault allegation involving a BYP100 leader. As an organization rooted in a Black queer feminist framework, we take reports of sexual assault extremely seriously. When this allegation came to our attention, we immediately embarked on our accountability process. We are committed to seeing it through. The BYP100 member has been placed on a mandatory membership hiatus. BYP100 has initiated a course of action involving both parties to assess next steps. Our next steps will be centered in a transformative and restorative justice process, rooted in compassion, accountability and a belief that no one is disposable. We ask that throughout this process that no one resorts to victim blaming, conspiracy accusations or any other defamation against the intentionally unnamed party who brought forth the report.