Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Stop Getting It Twisted - Pay Attention To The Money And Resource Trail

Former blog readers often send me links to various online discussions going on among African-American women. This is how I became aware of recent blog discussions about a Black male actor named Michael Ealy's recently-revealed secret marriage to a nonblack woman (from her looks and name, she's probably Pakistani, Indian or Afghan). Since I don't support or watch African-American-oriented "coon show" entertainment products, I previously had no idea who Michael Ealy is.

Some other questions came to me when reading some of these conversations. Why are so many African-American women still reading anything put out by Messence? Haven't they figured out by now that Messence is not a friend or ally to Black women?  Why do so many Black women persist in spending their money to support African-American-oriented "coon show" entertainment products like Think Like A Man? Why do so many Black women invest emotionally into becoming fangirls for the Black male actors involved in these flicks? Haven't they figured out by now that most of the Black males involved in such projects aren't checking for Black women--and never were?

It seems to me that most of the African-American women's online conversations about this deliberately skip over the only thing I find significant about any of this: the money and resource trail. African-American women are in the collective condition they're in because they use their money and other resources to support people and entities that don't support them. It's very simple: You suffer when you support people and things who don't and won't support you.

I agree that when a person is happy they're better equipped to be happy for others' good fortune. I agree that the mostly self-imposed "Black men are my only romantic option" mental prison is what's underlying some Black women's venomous reactions to (yet another) prominent African-American man marrying a nonblack woman. I agree that African-American women shouldn't even be paying that kind of attention to what Black males are doing. I believe that more African-American women should take a page from African women (and Asian women), and pay attention only to those people, places and things that are adding value to our lives. Among other things, this means paying attention to how we spend our money.

Which brings me back to the current online discussions about Black women consumers' reactions to Michael Ealy's marriage to a nonblack woman. Instead of talking about the vast sums of money foolish African-American women consumers invest into people and businesses who will never support them, a lot of folks are focusing on Black women's "jealousy." To frame the conversation this way is to deliberately miss the point. As far as I'm concerned, the point is that too many Black women persist in investing money and emotional energy into non-reciprocating persons, products and businesses.

If Mr. Ealy really did hide his marriage to the Pakistani/Indian/Afghan woman, the odds are that he did so to protect his ability to continue receiving money from Black female consumers. He probably knows that as a Black male actor, a lot of his potential income depends on African-American women consumers. He's not worried about Black women's emotional "jealousy," he's worried his continued access to Black women consumers' money.

Because he knows that in general, Pakistani/Indian/Afghan women like his wife don't and won't spend their money to sustain his acting career. He knows that Pakistani/Indian/Afghan women:

  • didn't and won't spend their money to support his role in Barbershop
  • didn't and won't spend their money to support his role in Barbershop 2
  • didn't and won't spend their money to support his role in Think Like A Man
  • didn't and won't spend their money to support any particular project he's involved in!
The same way Asian women didn't, don't, and won't spend their resources on supporting or worrying about Wesley Snipes. And so on. Black male entertainers aren't totally brain dead. They know a large portion of their money---past, present and future---comes from Black women consumers. Everybody pays attention to the HUGE money trails flowing from Black women consumers. Everybody that is, except Black women themselves.

These issues have been discussed in the past. Here are some gems from other bloggers that are worth pondering.

First, a comment that Evia made to an earlier post at this blog:

Khadija, I had never heard of Van Jones either until I heard bw talking about him a few days ago, saying he was being attacked by "de evil wm." The second I heard what his position was, I would have bet a very huge amount of money that he either dated non-bw exclusively or that he was married to a non-bw.

There IS a pattern here, yet so many bm think they're duping others by claiming they just "fell in love" with a non-bw. Well, they actually are duping the masses of AA women, but no one else. So many gaslighted bw will go around like zombies saying, "Well, love is just love" or "You can't help who you love," when it comes to AA men. That's another form of bm protection. I mean, if that's TRUE and bm can't help who THEY love, then why is it that so many AA obviously can stop themselves from loving wm?

PREDICTION: I want any bw reading this to just know that virtually ANY bm who she knows who is upwardly-mobile IS on his way to a non-bw if it's at all possible. He may be your son, your brother, cousin, young man at your church, but IF he's upwardly mobile, he more than likely is going to share his upward mobility with a non-bw. I'm not talking about those "struggling" or defeated bm; I'm talking about the ones who more than likely are going to do okay.

Knowing this, you, as an AA woman, need to decide how much you're willing to invest in creating a non-bw's comfortable lifestyle because whatever you do to help him, he's going to share it with her--if it's within his environment to do so.

It's not the non-bw's fault though; it's mainly bw's fault for not demanding reciprocity from bm and for continuing to invest in the well-being of others while her own daughters perish.

You may not care about that, but don't act surprised about any of this because it doesn't make bw look smart--since other folks can clearly see the pattern. If you haven't seen this pattern, ask yourself why you haven't.

This is not about bw's "attitude" and nothing to do with bw having "too much education," or any of the usual excuses that AA males give.

These males PREFER non-bw, which is their perogative as long as they don't get any investment, support, or protection from bw. That's the critical piece here: the MONEY TRAIL. Bw--GET SHREWD! Always follow the money trail! Do not invest in lifting up a bm unless he knows there are strings attached and only if you're going to be able to collect.

If we were to look into this man's past, we would see where it was mainly countless bw's time, energy, money, guidance, and protection that put him in his position. We definitely know that it wasn't any other group of women who lifted him up.

As an aside, regarding the complaint that many bm give these days that bw have/pursue too much education, isn't it just obvious that there are PLENTY of AA women who have never set foot in a college? Just google the stats. Yet these male do NOT pursue those women to marry EITHER. I never hear bw rebut that paper-thin excuse by pointing that out.

Also, there are PLENTY of AA women who like to cook and would love to be stay-at-home-moms. They would not be fighting any man over a job. These women WANT to play the woman's traditional role as long as the man can and will play the male's traditional role. Yet AA males constantly complain that AA women don't know how or won't cook and/or don't want to play the traditional role. Bw never rebut that paper-thin excuse either.

From my viewpoint and experience, AA women don't ask for much AT ALL compared to other groups of women I've lived among. Just talk to wm and African men about what ww, African women, and other groups of women require from them.
September 13, 2009 2:07 PM
And second, this deep and nuanced post Reinterpreting Wesley Snipes from Black Girls Rule! Among other things, she notes:
One of the main reasons that black women have often reacted with such knee-jerk resentment to IRRs is precisely because, too often, black men’s preference for non-black women is expressed in terms of such women possessing a “lightness” and “ease” that black women do not—a lightness that, to the extent it exists, comes at least in part from not having the same kind of struggles with our society that black men try to escape by pursuing non-black women, and, of course, from having a level of support as women from their men that black women have not enjoyed. To be rejected not only because you bring the same involuntarily shouldered burdens to the relationship as the man, but also the additional burdens of his neglect, hostility and exploitation, has often been too much for black women to bear.

It's well worth reading in its entirety.
At the end of the day, it's up to each individual African-American woman to decide how much of her various resources she will invest into supporting people who don't support her. I prefer to support the people who support me.