Friday, December 25, 2015

Friends With Benefits (FWB) = Pump & Dump, Part 2

Please take the time to read Part 1 HERE.

My intention here is not about putting the following new school Black girl on blast. It's about giving some of you young'uns (and older women who should know better) the Christmas gift of awareness. 

The gift of NOT having to learn a lesson the hard and painful way (unlike the hard-headed young woman referenced in this post).

As I said in Part 1:
I applaud the patience Mrs. Dee Dee Russell-Lefrak demonstrates in the comments to THIS Facebook post, because I can’t be bothered talking to Suffering Yet Hard-headed AA Women anymore. These days, I simply step over and around such women.
Part of what has gone horribly wrong among the masses of modern day (mostly fatherless) AAs is that they give pleasing names to ugly circumstances. Such as this “Friends With Benefits” terminology. All of which really boils down to a woman allowing herself to be Pumped & Dumped

{rhetorical question} What [non-prostitute] woman in her right mind SIGNS UP to be pumped and dumped??!!??

Some of the silly pro-FWB talk in the comments to Dee Dee's post would be comical if the consequences and generations of AA suffering caused by this mess weren’t so severe and extreme.
Here's part of the comment section to Dee Dee's Facebook post I was referring to:

Kia Richards
Kia Richards I love all the rhetoric people are giving about casual sex and not taking into consideration how those arrangements typical work out in real life

Logan Rogue
Logan Rogue I'm happy. We are both in the same page and that's we don't want a relationship and simply sex. It's sad that most black women are too insecure to own their sexuality to have casual sex or too irresponsible. I am only 22. I don't need a relationship and refuse to stay celibate. I guess I could charge my guys if I am that pressed, but fwb is awesome.
Black Women With Other Brothers
Black Women With Other Brothers MOST BW don't even know how to use birth control hence the almost 80 percent out of wedlock. Why don't you think you are good enough to have a relationship with a man? Or is it that men just want you for sex but don't want to be your man?
Kia Richards
Kia Richards I knew a lot of girls like Logan in college. Now they are now on anti-depressants wondering why they are unable to make an emotional connections. As sexist as this sounds most men do not want to have long term relationships with women who have a history of promiscuity. Don't let these PC police put you in a trick bag. People may act and sound progressive in public by behind closed doors a lot of people are more conservative than they let on .
Black Women With Other Brothers
Black Women With Other Brothers Yours truly is best friends with the women who coined the term sex worker I've studied sex workers, swingers, the poly, trans, bisexual, etc. Guess what I saw? Most of that free love does NOT benefit most BW. How can you be an unpaid sex worker if you didn't learn how to date or see your Mother loved by your father?

Natasha Finister
Natasha Finister Any man that is doing a FWB with a BW, doesn't want his sister or daughter being a FWB. Hmmm! What about that?
Logan Rogue
Logan Rogue The answer is simple. I don't want to stay celibate and I don't want a relationship. I'm traveling, stacking my money and have time to do what I want. I don't want to share these moments with a mate but with myself. I know I am very capable of a relationship, I just don't want one. But I also want to have sex. As long as I stay tested and practice safe sex, I don't have any problem just having sex with a guy(no matter the race). It's about personal responsibility really. I just wish black women would learn that concept. Tracking your period is not hard, buying condoms and birth control is cheap compared to baby stuff. Getting pregnant in 2015 is on purpose. Getting an Std/sti is a choice.
Black Women With Other Brothers
Black Women With Other Brothers You know what? It sounds good on paper but of course and to each her own I'm still not buying itLogan Rogue decades of life in San Francisco, thee most sexually free city in the usa has taught me much. Have sex with yourself, I mean gimme a break every time you lay with a man you are taking a big risk and you know it.

Logan Rogue
Logan Rogue Well. I know my life is good and happy and if that is dysfunction, so be it. I am a responsible adult who makes decisions based off what works for me. Should I remain sexless because I don't want a relationship? Heck no! Marriage/monogamous relationships is no surety that you won't contract an std/sti either. Secure women do what they want responsibly. We need to teach our sisters ways to control their reproduction health and to stop leaving it up to chance or to bummy men. Nothing wrong with fwb as long as they are both on the same page and responsible. It's not hard to be responsible. Black people just need to learn this.
Black Women With Other Brothers
Black Women With Other Brothers Yeh yeh LOL you keep defending this lifestyle but if you are as fly as you say you are men would be kicking to put you on lock they would not allow you to just be their FWB. As a sexist womanist bohemian I teach young women that its ok to be CELIBATE till they learn to date correctly.

Logan Rogue
Logan Rogue I don't want to date or court. I am only 22. I am still building on myself and the gifts and talents I have. I am way told young to settle downr and it is too soon for me to even consider kids or marriage. I am "mature" enough to have responsible sex and have no shame of the situation. If that makes me less than a sex worker, cool. 

But the root of black problems won't go away if we stopped hooking up. Black professionals are not struggling to raise successful kids, even as single parents. It's only when you are poor, uneducated and irresponsible that reproduction is a issue. If I got pregnant today, I'd be confident that my FWB would be a competent Co parent (this goes to carefully vetting PEOPLE I let around me. I don't have bummy friends, and don't date bummy people, so why would I have casual sex with a bum?) and that our child would have so much at their finger tips than the child born to a Walmart cashier and a mechanic who got married. S/n. This is not something I would do. EVER. I want kids while I am married so I will never carry to term a baby I don't want.

Just make sure you are fighting the right problem. While you feel the solution is to wait until you are married or in a long term relationship, I feel being responsible is key. Take responsibility of your reproduction. Get to know your body and use contraception. And I feel stronger now emotionally and mentally than when I was catering to a monogamous long term relationship. So, it really depends on the self esteem of the woman. Women with poor self worth rationalize irresponsible behavior (having kids while poor and in poverty regardless of relationship status, obesity, uneducated, unskilled, surviving in blackistan, etc). Me having casual sex is not ruining the community. Having kids you can't afford with DBR's in poverty is the problem.
Kendra Moton
Kendra Moton I used to feel the same way you do about FWB until I got older and realized that all of the good guys, the ones that I wanted to be more with, they had no issues having no string sex with me but dated other women. Men, even at 22 yrs old, they know what they want and they will take advantage of any woman who is willing to just be fwb while they go and date women who don't settle. Also, trust me, thee are plenty of OOW babies and single mothers struggling who started out as FWB with men. I know several
Chanda BackatOne McMillon
Chanda BackatOne McMillon Girl if its all like that your a young college student prime age! Get rid of those glasses and put an ad up on back page. I know your struggling financially. This way you can get money and meaningless sex.
Like · Reply · 1 ·  March 25 at 7:07pm · Edited
Kia Richards
Kia Richards Logan Rogue you are a bio major right? THen you should know the impact oxytocin has on a woman's emotions. One of your casual hook up can cause a release of this bonding hormone and trust me when that happens you won't be neutral. I knew a lot of girls like you in college and they are singing a different tune at age 30.
Like · Reply · 10 ·  March 25 at 7:26pm · Edited
Chanda BackatOne McMillon
Chanda BackatOne McMillon Actually keep the glasses. Its interesting that she isn't going to carry a baby she doesn't want to term...Not that she won't get pregnant just not carry the pregnancy to term.
Black Women With Other Brothers
Black Women With Other Brothers Some young BW really try to live the airy-fairy life portrayed on TV and videos and on social media. Most young BW really didn't have hip cool and experience older BW leading by example giving them advice that helps them fast track dating pitfalls. FBW does not work for fly young 22 years old Black girls because MEN TALK AND WILL TELL OTHER MEN YOU ARE A FREE WHORE and that is real talk! MEN GOSSIP! Chicks get PASSED AROUND for dinners and ish talking about how cool it is. Other Brothers are not dumb.
Like · Reply · 16 ·  March 26 at 4:57pm · Edited

 Ladies, take note of all this pro-FWB stupid stuff said by one of the commenters around nine months ago in March.

Well, here's what the same commenter has to say now in response to another site's Facebook post (emphasis in highlighter):
Logan Rogue Just put a few bullets in their face and keep it moving. I have my ccw for this very reason. I used to live in constant fear that some dude would hurt me. Why? Because some dude hurt me! I live in Detroit, black man central, and they feel so effing entitled to your presence its not even funny. I've been chased home in my car, followed home when I used to ride the bus, even stalked and robbed by an "admirer". It's even worse now that I work a very public job and they know where I work! I've had guys sit at my store for HOURS just trying to talk to me wait for me to get off work to see if I will hang out and chill just because I was nice. It's not until I started insulting them and degrading them that got them to back off and even then hostility followed. It's like men and women can't be friends. It's has to be a hunter/prey relationship and I can't do it. I'm starting to learn that most of my male "friends" are simply wolves in sheep clothing, waiting for their turn out of the "friend zone" to score. I don't know why men feel so entitled, but I'm going to arm myself against any MAN who wish to do harm against me. My life will always mean more to me.
LikeReply517 hrs
Here's what the same young woman probably STILL doesn't understand—even after suffering some of the consequences that Dee Dee (and other common sense commenters) point blank warned her about nine months ago:

As Dee Dee told her 9 months ago, men talk and gossip. Most likely what happened to this Logan girl is that word got out that she's the type of woman who has sex with no-strings-attached. THAT'S why the males around her are "waiting for their turn out of the 'friend zone' to score"!!!

You know, that same no-strings-attached Friends With Benefits sex that this same girl was loud-talking praising nine months ago when Dee Dee and other commenters tried to pull her coat to some common sense. If you're wise, you'll learn from this girl's mistake.

Ladies, if you want to date and marry (and if God forbid it ever comes to that, divorce) WITH dignity, follow The Rules.

Ladies, misery loves company. Any girl or woman who "disses" the dignified and traditional dating and behavioral strategies advocated in The Rules series of books is NOT your friend. Women who argue against The Rules don't wish you well. 

The Rules are NOT about playing games—that's what males who want to use you and their male-identified female handmaidens say.

The Rules are about a woman dating and marrying WITH dignity. The Rules are about a woman preserving and protecting her dignity and her heart.

You can be wise enough to take heed of traditional, proven strategies that maximize your odds of securing a happy marriage (if that's what you want).

Or you can be hard-headed, ignore proven common sense advice, and learn basic life lessons the hard way by getting your own feelings hurt.

The choice is yours.