Sunday, August 28, 2016

Lessons Repeat Until They Are Learned

Introduction To All Posts:

Black women’s problems with Black men started in Africa LONG before the arrival of the Arab man and the White man. 

Black men have been betraying Black women since BEFORE the White man ever came to Africa. If you haven’t already done so, please read the following 2 posts:

And now on to today’s post.

Blog readers have brought the latest BW-related social media kerfuffle to my attention. I’ve seen various references to it online, but I didn’t see anything that I felt was worth additional commentary regarding this debacle until I watched Breukelen Bleu’s latest YouTube video WHO WAS AT THE GATE: A CASE STUDY(which is an educational case study about the MUCH larger issues behind the latest debacle). 

At the end of the video, Bleu makes the very real point that the first betrayal—that began thousands of years ago—that set Black women (BW) up to be in the extremely vulnerable, despised and oppressed position that we are now collectively in was BW’s betrayal of the sisterhood. It was BW’s mass betrayal of other BW in favor of Black males that set BW up for what Bleu refers to as “the Pimparchy” (BM pimp BW instead of doing the hard work of protecting, providing, producing and problem-solving that actual patriarchs do). 

THIS IS TRUE. And the question that Bleu asks throughout the video is on point: Yes, “who WAS at the gate?” in terms of protecting BW. And internally, far too many times, BW have NOT “been at the gate” to protect other BW from attacks. As I’ll explain later in this post, this failure/refusal to “be at the gate” protecting the other BW who have protected you is one of the dots that can be connected to this latest social media debacle “dot.” 

I’ll add another spiritual law tagline that I think BW need to keep in mind: Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

For the purposes of this post, I’ve decided to imitate certain aspects of the way Bleu discusses this debacle. I believe there were specific behavior patterns (as demonstrated in specific incidents that I’ll mention and give “receipts” to in links) that led up to this debacle. But my point is about the larger lessons to be learned, as opposed to the specific incidents themselves. 

So, in light of this decision, in this post I’ll make references to “the Girl Who Swirls” instead of calling out her name. Additionally, there’s no need to recite the details of the “debacle” because everybody knows what happened with that. 

*As the first point of bookkeeping, please note that Evia, blog host of Black Female Interracial Marriage ezine was the blogger who came up with the very descriptive phrase “perpetually surprised.” A phrase that perfectly sums up how many African-American BW react to BM’s repeated transgressions against BW.

**As the second point of bookkeeping, let me note for the record that I’m not a friend or supporter OR enemy of “the Girl Who Swirls.” I’m not her friend or supporter because she backstabbed me and some other early BWE writers several years back. 

Many of y’all in the reading audience are fans of “dark wisdom.” Given that fact, I just know that you won’t come at me with any of that silly “lightworker” mess (as you call it) expecting me to forgive the Girl Who Swirls’ betrayal of the early BWE bloggers—the same BW bloggers who helped her (in front and behind the scenes) promote her No Wedding No Womb campaign. Ummm, NO. You can’t possibly expect me to be dumb enough to do that. And you don’t have to be a dark wisdom supporter in order to reject being a patsy and a mark. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) taught that “a believer does not allow himself to be stung twice from one (and the same) hole.” 

I’m not a friend or supporter of “the Girl Who Swirls,” but I’m also not an enemy of hers. If I were an enemy, I wouldn’t have done the post This is NOT Legal Advice. As I’ve said over the years when it’s come up, I’m indifferent to her. 

So, with all of the above in mind, here’s my 2₵ about the “the debacle.” 

I don’t feel that “the debacle” was that huge a mistake in the overall scheme of things 

I’ve seen the headlines to the seemingly zillions of gloating YouTube videos that those who hate “the Girl Who Swirls” have made in the aftermath of her recent error in judgment. Yes, the decisions she made that led up to the debacle were some bad choices that ultimately led to a racist WM being “put on.” Maybe I’m missing something about this, but I don’t feel that this error in judgment or the related fallout constitute any sort of “comeuppance” or defeat. Here’s why: 

First, seeing BM race to reward some WM bum for bashing BW has been eye-opening for those BW who were still confused about whether or not BM as a collective are mortal enemies to BW. 

Second, NOBODY has done more to uplift, promote and make possible a proverbial king’s ransom of money for nonblacks than Black males. For just one example, many younger African-Americans don’t even know that Jennifer Lopez ($300 million net worth)  and Jim Carrey ($150 million net worth) were given their first big break by a negro male—Keenan Ivory Wayans ($65 million net worth), co-creator of In Living Color

I won’t even get into the countless additional examples of the negro males who “put on” and made Fergie ($45 million net worth), Pink ($70 million net worth) and a slew of other nonblacks very, VERY rich. The list is endless. There’s no comparison between the extreme wealth that negro males have consistently made possible for J.Lo, Jim Carrey and the rest of them versus whatever coins some WM bum has been able to get from YouTube after being publicized by “the Girl Who Swirls.” 

Come on, now. The bitter BM haters and BW handmaidens are reaching when they try to blow this incident up out of proportion to negro males’ long-term, documented track record of creating riches for nonblacks who denigrate Blacks. 

Refusal to accept feedback and correction leads to repeating lessons 

Effective activism requires mentors, or at minimum peers. Not fangirls who will cheerlead any goofy decision one makes (and who will usually turn on you later down the road). It also requires a willingness to take correction. When you refuse to take correction, you set yourself up to repeat various lessons over and over again. 

 I’ve been blessed during my BWE activism to have some peers that have corrected me behind the scenes. They’ve caught my hand a couple of times and have prevented me from making what would have been some extra errors in judgment. [Everybody has made at least a few mistakes in every endeavor they’ve participated in.] But this worked because I was willing to consider good-faith critiques and take correction from my peers.

Looking in from the outside, it seems pretty clear to me that either “the Girl Who Swirls” doesn’t have any blogging peer advisers that she consults with on a regular basis before making some of these decisions or she’s not listening to them (not willing to take critique and correction from them).

Here’s my train of thought with all of that: 

When “the Girl Who Swirls” engaged in a pattern and practice of sitting back and passively allowing BWE opponents to use her blog comment section to denigrate BWE bloggers’ and our work, she was NOT “standing at the gate” to protect her BW-centric blogger colleagues. Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

When “the Girl Who Swirls” refused to accept private feedback and correction about this behavior pattern, she was NOT “standing at the gate” to protect her BW-centric blogger colleagues. Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

When “the Girl Who Swirls” without my permission published a highly-edited (edited by her) portion of my private reply email conversation with her, she was NOT “standing at the gate” to protect her BW-centric blogger colleagues. Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

When “the Girl Who Swirls” refused to accept feedback and correction about the folly of giving one-sided support to the Redtails movie that erased BW from their own history, she was NOT “standing at the gate” to protect her fellow BW. Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

When “the Girl Who Swirls” did all of the above and put on a big show of publicly playing victim [with some revisionist history about what had actually happened between her and several early BWE bloggers] for her blog audience, she was NOT “standing at the gate” for BW. Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

Most importantly in terms of not having to repeat lessons: 

When “the Girl Who Swirls” did all of the above, she broke fellowship with multiple BW-centric blogging peers and THREW AWAY a source of good-faith feedback that would’ve prevented her from having to learn so many BW-centric activism lessons the hard way! 

Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

Like I said, it seems pretty clear to me that either “the Girl Who Swirls” doesn’t have any peers that she consults with on a regular basis before making some of these decisions or she’s not listening to them. Because if she did, she would STOP endangering her children’s lives by flossing photos of them and giving her huge numbers of deranged haters so many personal details about where her children can be found. Now, THIS is a lesson that I hope and pray does not have to repeat. 

As I said, I’m not a friend, supporter OR enemy to “the Girl Who Swirls.” I’m indifferent to her. I’m somebody who will never put myself in a position for her to backstab me again. She’s never apologized or done anything to try to “make right” regarding the above-mentioned transgressions. I’m not going to get “stung from the same hole” twice. But I do care about the safety of children. Especially the safety of Black girls and young women.

“The Girl Who Swirls” has already complained in the past about the male perverts who’ve sent in disgusting comments about her oldest daughter. Since she knows those malicious freaks are out there, why does she continue to give them so much information about her children? If any of y’all in the audience are truly friends with “the Girl Who Swirls,” then I hope you’ll urge her to STOP putting out so much information about her children. Every time I see somebody flossing their children online, I say a prayer for those children’s safety. 

Anyhoo, similar dynamics apply across the board. Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

I recall being disappointed years back to see a number of long-time BWE blog readers who ran out to support the Redtails movie that erased BW from their own history. These readers just couldn’t comprehend why BWE writers took issue with BW supporting that movie. When the topic came up for discussion, some of them even played dumb and pretended not to know what basic ideas like reciprocity and BW putting their interests first meant. Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

The lessons repeated with various Anti-BW Hate Campaigns Disguised As Movies such as Straight Out Of Compton. The lessons repeated, and some of these same women finally caught a clue by the time it came to the BM director-rapist’s movie Birth Of A Nation. Praise God! 

We ALL live and hopefully learn. We ALL have human frailties (as I discussed in THIS post). 

Sometimes people don’t have the emotional resources to entertain negative feedback and correction. Sometimes people are too caught up in youthful arrogance to entertain negative feedback and correction. 

I know for myself that I find the youthful arrogance routine to be triggering (as they say in modern psychobabble talk). I find it triggering because it has taken me YEARS to clean up and correct a life-damaging 20+ year detour created by the absence of active guidance from my mother. As Rev. Della Reese correctly said in one of her sermon podcasts, “Learning life lessons by trial and error is hard on the body and soul.” It’s so much better to learn by good guidance and mentoring. So, I don’t understand the degree of youthful arrogance that Young (& Usually) Suffering BW display. As a teenager and young woman, I listened to and was thankful for the few pearls of good guidance that the older women around me gave. 

The TL;DR version of my my 2₵ about the “the debacle.” 

The so-called debacle is not that bad. Not at all like the way Bitter BM Haters and their Handmaidens want to pretend. 

Seems to me that the debacle is most likely the result of either: (1) not having any blogging peer advisors that she consults with on a regular basis before making some decisions; or of (2) not listening to them (an unwillingness to take critique and correction from them). 

Refusal to accept good-faith feedback and correction leads to repeating lessons. 

Lessons repeat until they are learned. 

We ALL live and hopefully learn. 

As noted in THIS post, The BWE movement’s message has become mainstream and has WON. There’s no going back to the way things were pre-BWE.