Black Women’s Self-Esteem Emergency — I’m Republishing Angry Deva’s Post

Introduction To All Posts:

Black women’s problems with Black men started in Africa LONG before the arrival of the Arab man and the White man. 

Black men have been betraying Black women since BEFORE the White man ever came to Africa. If you haven’t already done so, please read the following 2 posts:

This Is An Ancient Betrayal - BM Have Been Betraying BW Since BEFORE The WM Ever Came To Africa, Part 1

This Is An Ancient Betrayal, Part 2 - African Art & Dance Document BM's ANCIENT & ETERNAL Betrayal of BW

And now on to today’s post.

Ladies, let THIS Facebook post by Angry Deva be a lesson:

I’m republishing Angry Deva’s Facebook post because the type of subtle confused thinking she describes is a hidden emergency! Too many African-American women are going around rejecting and destroying various blessings under the mistaken belief that they’re being “practical.”

Look at what this poor woman lost because she didn’t think highly enough of herself:

Angry Deva's: The Dark Divine Feminine

14 hrs · 

Dark Magic 101 Emergency:

A sister shared with me that her man proposed. She is upset that her ring cost him $10,000 and they are still renting. She feels like he should have put that money toward a down payment and gotten her a cheaper ring.

And now he doesn't want to marry her..... At all. With any kind of ring.

When I tell you all, the Feminine is Valuable and to be Valued? I mean that, it even applies to YOU!!! Honey, he doesn't even want to talk to her anymore. Because she cannot see herself as WORTHY of this $10,000 ring. He can't handle the idea of being with a woman who doesn't want her man to spoil her. He is already making great money, set to make even more and he wanted to invest in her. He already had a plan for their home investment; and she never bothered to find any of that out. Smh unprepared and under-prepared, vs savvy, cunning and stealth. The bw's self esteem issues and unwilingness to see herself as the FIRST, bites her in the butt.

Your ego is only a problem when it sabotages you. You need a big healthy ego, to be successful in anything. Insecurity breeds failure and contempt. As we see here.

Because of this, I am hosting a show tonight on the URGENT importance of REAL Dark Wisdom, and Occult Science. And I will be discussing which Dark Angel snatched her Good Fortune from her; for her dishonor of the First Cause and First Principle in my Dark Magic 101 class. Sign up here:

The fiasco Angry Deva described in this post is the result of the trickbag brainwashing that far too many Black women (African-American women in particular) have been subjected to. 

The masses of nonblack women would accept that $10,000 ring as what is DUE to them based on their personal VALUE as women. Even a pole dancer like Melania Trump. By contrast, most African-American women have been raised and brainwashed to not feel entitled to such things. And we call that particular deficit “being practical.” 

It’s the same warped thinking that has too many of us locked into false equality talk and thought patterns. I talked about this in the 2009 post The Sojourner's Path: Reject False Egalitarianism And Cultivate Your SUPERIOR Traits. [Some of y’all should take the time to browse the archives of the earlier BWE writers. We left them open for a reason. {smile}]

LIFE IS NOT FAIR OR EQUAL -- Everything And Everybody Are NOT The Same

The first thing that aspiring Sojourners must understand is that real life is not fair or equal. In fact, life is filled with naturally-occurring, lopsided ratios! In order to survive and thrive, we must position ourselves on the WINNING side of these ratios.

[. . . ] WHAT ALL OF THIS MEANS FOR AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN
1. Stop Pretending That These Ratios Don't Exist

No matter how much African-Americans weep, wail, and gnash our teeth, these skewed ratios will continue to dominate real life. Nature is filled with imbalances. Everybody is NOT the same. In any field, by any measure, there are only a FEW outstanding people. Whatever "it" is, there will be a sea of relativemediocrity with only a handful of standouts in either direction (good or bad).

A critical point about this angle is to look at what a group's "baseline" is. A group's collective baseline is how you measure that group's general success or failure. Some collective baselines are MUCH higher than others. There's the mediocrity of being a lower-middle class person when your ethnic group is mostly affluent. [Oh, you can probably guess which ethnic/religious group I'm thinking of.] And then there's the mediocrity of being a poor, fatherless, African-American person who was born out of wedlock. If the odds are that you'll be mediocre, would you rather be "mediocre" in the sense of the first group or "mediocre" in the second group?

Most African-Americans resist the reality of these ratios because we're used to being on the losing side of these numbers. In fact, we've embraced a collective "loser" identity. 

It never occurs to us that we have it within us to be SUPERIOR regarding anything that matters. It never occurs to us that we can be on the winning side of these ratios.

So, we have a mindset of trying to pretend that everything and everybody is the same. Pretending that everybody's "equal." So, we have a mindset of trying to coerce the "winners" into giving the "losers" (that would be us) large slices of their "pies." We want to try to force situations into an artificial, false veneer of "equality."

This is only a temporary solution to disparities and inequalities. It will always fail in the long-run because these ratios will always exist. And unless a group raises its collective "baseline," they will always be disadvantaged relative to others. They will continue to lose. Not only have African-Americans failed to raise our collective baseline, but we've allowed it to plummet.

Over the past few decades we've started saying things like "BMW = Black Man Working." What do these sorts of expressions say to the world about our baseline? Our collective's baseline is currently at ground level. And it will fall through the floor once the Endless Night of Permanent Underclass Status becomes entrenched.
2. Understand That "Equality Talk" Is A Subtle Trap

Equality talk is actually a subtle mental trap. If you really believe that"things aren't any better anywhere else," then you have no incentive to move anywhere to seek a better living environment. If you really believe that you're "the same" as everybody else, then you're not going to cultivate those traits of yours that are actually superior to the masses. And so on across the board.

All of this stems from embracing a mass loser self-identity. Equality talk is usually heard coming from losers who are trying to convince themselves that they have some merit. Winners don't talk that equality talk. Now, gracious winners might publicly engage in equality talk so as to not upset the losers around them; but that equality stuff is NOT their self-image. People who are winning feel that they have superior skills or traits that enable them to win. Losers feel that they were lucky to win.
3. Use These Ratios To YOUR Advantage. Embrace And Cultivate Your SUPERIOR Traits!

I often praise God for my parents. In terms of raising us, they were NOT for that false equality mess. Egalitarianism was not for their children. They never wanted us to be "equal" with anybody. They wanted our points of SUPERIORITY to shine brightly!

Ladies, stop thinking like losers who have to scramble for scraps! You can position yourself to be a winner who takes all! This applies across the board. From one's personal life to one's financial life. Keep in mind the fact that some people actually made a LOT of money during the Great Depression.

There are general things about us as Black women that are actually SUPERIOR to other women. You already know many of these traits, but somehow most of you don't take these things to heart and work with them to your advantage. I don't understand this behavior.

This includes surface beauty traits. You know that we generally age better than other women. You know that our complexions usually have a glow and vitality that others admire. You really KNOW that other people admire our curves! Non-Blacks have noticed and commented on all of this. Why don't YOU seem to know this? Why don't you cultivate these advantages?

[I know. . . Lord, I know it angers some of you, but I'm going to ask: Why persist in hiding your God-given curves under extra weight? I never said that it was easy. Don't you remember me complaining and whining every step of the way during the workout check-in posts? I'mstill complaining about being sore, tired, etc. I complain, but I keep working out.]

This includes inner beauty traits. Generally speaking, African-American women are resourceful. We are industrious. We are intensely loyal. The problem is that we've got all of these traits harnessed in support of unworthy causes, goals and people.

There are specific things about YOU as an individual that are SUPERIOR to most others. Are you ready to embrace and cultivate your superior traits? Are you ready to be a winner who takes all?

Ladies, don’t be like the woman in Angry Deva’s post. Instead—Embrace, cultivate and expect a SUPERIOR lifestyle!

“Just Hair” — NOT!

Breukelen Bleu recently held an extremely important (and uncomfortable/painful for many) conversation during THIS Facebook post. I would strongly urge you to read through the entire discussion.

Like many other readers, I also felt a combination of mixed emotions while browsing through the Chocolate Hair Vanilla Care (CHVC) site:

• sadness at how BW have failed to go THAT hard in celebrating their Black daughters’ natural hair texture;
• admiration at how this Becky has created an income stream from showcasing and celebrating her adopted Black daughter’s natural hair;
• pleasure at seeing the dozens of photographs of various hairstyles;
• curiosity about learning how to do the dozens of natural hairstyles featured in the photos;
• taken aback at the “hateration” comments from readers who (for understandable emotional reasons) completely missed the point of Breukelen Bleu’s Facebook post and comments.

When invited and challenged to provide some links to websites where BW have taken the showcasing of their daughters’ [so-called] 4-c texture hair to the SAME level as this WW, these dissenters couldn’t provide a single link thus far (at the time of publishing this post).

Side note—I can’t stand a [gay BM stylist-invented] hair classification system that puts the most authentically Black hair texture last with bone straight White/Asian-type hair placed at number one. I find it significant that so many BW have voluntarily adopted a hair classification numerical system that puts their hair last without any questions, concerns, or angst. Nobody stopped us from reversing those numbers and putting our hair FIRST among human equals.

Just like everybody else, I see the droves of Natural Hair Jihadi-BW drooling over (and trying to find the latest hair grease in hopes of acquiring) biracial-texture, loose curls that are NOT their natural hair texture.

I got a lump in my throat when I read this comment:

 

Yes, due to lack of knowledge about natural hair care and styles, there have been (and still are) legions of BW slapping unflattering, substandard hairdos on their daughters’ heads that they would never wear themselves. The contrast between that widespread pathetic state of affairs versus the CHVC Becky modeling the same hairdos she puts on her adopted Black daughter’s head is breathtaking.

Breukelen Bleu asked an important question during THIS Facebook conversation.

“. . . The question that I have for everyone - those who agree with my stance on this topic and those who dont...

WHY is that it takes BECKYS presence on the scene, before black women are willing to face some of OUR shit - like our "hair" shit? "Its Just Hair" until Lily White Jessica shows up, and then all of a sudden its of major importance? I been in this natural hair game for a long time - over two decades - and I have had MANY a heated discussion with black woman about why our hair is so important and why what we do with it DOES matter. I've even gotten kicked off of natural hair sites for trying to talk about the natural hair communities obsession with curl pattern and length. I sat and watch black women GO IN on Blue Ivy and her mother, Gabby Douglas, Willow Smith and a number of other little black girls who hair didnt meet our respectability protocols. Yet the ONLY time there seems to be all of this angst in favor of our hair being something 'special', is when a white woman shows up on the scene. [ ] . . . Ive done many posts on black womens relationship with our hair. Its interesting tho that the ones that always seem to get so heated, are the ones where Becky is some how present.

I wonder why that is?”

One reader gave an answer (emphasis in bold):

o    Shakti Atn Ra Eugenia you're hilarious! That pic is everything. Breukelen I'm gonna hazard a response to your question based on my non existent psychology background. wink emoticon BW who found your original post problematic and who get up in arms anytime Becky makes an appearance in whatever the topic is, are being triggered. If you're an emotionally, psychologically, spiritually & mentally healthy BW, Becky's presence, her words, her whatever, shouldn't make you bat an eyelash. It should be a non factor. Who the fuck on planet earth is greater than ME? Not a goddamned body, so I govern myself accordingly. Many BW talk that talk but the truth is revealed just under the surface. Hurt feelings. Low self esteem. Obsessive external focus on what everybody else is doing, saying, etc.

Folks missing the message cause they got triggered by Becky's presence. Like she's the point. She's not. If anything, that site is a vehicle to a bigger point, but not the main point itself. Folks missed that because they're obsessed by her. That obsession is so pathological that they don't even see how deeply enamored they are by her & as a result project those feelings onto others claiming that those others are the one with the obsession. Psychology 101.

Anyhoo, it's obvious that many BW need serious help in many basic areas of the Game of Life. And I ain't mad about that cause that's intentional. And many of us aren't even aware of the war games to even begin to have basic defense against them. Like you said, those who are ready, will progress and will finally fucking WIN. Those who aren't ready? Oh well. Too slow, you blow.

6 · 9 hrs · Edited

I agree with the reader’s assessment that Becky’s presence or involvement is “triggering” for many BW. I also think there are some other aspects to this that haven’t been mentioned yet.

Nowadays, Becky is so very “triggering” for so many BW because African-Americans (and by extension, African-American BW) are literally at the end of the road. Nowadays, “the funk is uncut” for AABW. All the illusions previous generations of AA women used to comfort themselves and cushion the emotional blows received from a hostile world have been stripped from us.

The illusion that “we’re all in it together with BM” has been shattered by African-American (AA) BM’s past three decades of publicly denigrating BW.

The illusion that AABM had any affection or appreciation for BW has been shattered by the droves of BM who avidly sought access to White vaginas as soon as they were free enough to do so without being immediately lynched.

AABW’s ability to regroup from the outer world into the emotional comfort zone and safety net of marriage and wholesome family life has been destroyed by 40+ years of mass AA out-of-wedlock childbearing (= 40+ years of BM’s refusal to marry the BW they have sex with and impregnate).

In short, ALL the emotional sanctuaries and safe places that previous generations of AABW could use to rest weary and wounded spirits have been destroyed.

Anybody’s who been backed into an emotional corner by snarling wolves (the non-stop War On BW) is going to feel “triggered.” And will lash out in an attempt to protect themselves (and save face). And this is where the negative impact of BM comes into play.

The heavy, prolonged and ongoing damage that BM have done to BW’s psyches can’t be left out of these sorts of conversations. It’s like Chris Rock doing a mockumentary about BW’s hair issues while pretending not to know that BW seek so-called “good hair” in order to appeal to negro males like himself who place a premium on Whiter-looking women with so-called “good hair.”

The only validation of beauty that really counts for straight women and girls is that which they get from straight men and boys. Becky floats through life with self-confidence in her type of beauty because Becky’s beauty is validated by Brad (WM) AND by the various men of color that Brad has conquered, especially by conquered BM across the planet such as Tyrone, Delroy and Nnamdi.

AABW are the only women who are expected to somehow develop self-confidence and self-esteem in the total absence of their type of beauty being validated by the males of their group.

The bottom line is that any AABW who restricts herself to Black social environments will find herself backed into an emotional corner. Because such BW are seeking respect, appreciation and celebration from males (Black males) who are incapable of appreciating ANY BW who looks like a typical BW.*

[*Which touches on another important point Breukelen Bleu raised during another Facebook conversation. The vast majority of the “Black women” that have been celebrated among African-Americans over the decades don’t have the authentically Black phenotype. Including BW With 2 Black Parents Who Look Mixed like blue-eyed, light-haired Vanessa Williams. These “Black” women are considered beautiful by BM because they look closer to WW’s phenotype.]

The irony is that nowadays, BW’s authentic type of beauty (dark-skinned, 4-c hair, mainstream African type of nose and lips) is more likely to be appreciated by WM than by BM. Modern day AABW have to socialize and mingle with those men who appreciate our type of beauty. Odds are this is more likely to happen with WM than with BM (or other men of color who are often as color-struck as BM). We also need to do a better job of modeling self-love with our daughters and the other Black girls in our orbit.

I understand the BW who are “triggered” by Becky’s presence or involvement. Years ago, before I did the introspection and internal work taught by BWE, I was one of those BW. But being triggered and lashing out in pain is a widespread self-defeating cycle that AAs of both genders need to move past. I talked about this self-defeating behavior pattern in comments to a January 2013 post about BW's Mother-Daughter issues at Halima’s blog:

Khadija said...

Halima,

Thanks for this post. Like all poisonous things that thrive in the darkness, this is one issue that needs to be exposed to the cleansing and disinfecting sunlight.

Here's my 2 cents (or pence--LOL!) from across the pond in the US:

I see a multitude of overlapping dysfunctions going on in the African-American collective when it comes to mother-daughter relationships. All of which operate to the daughters' detriment:

(1) Many AA mothers are giving their daughters advice that's totally obsolete. Strategies and world views that worked well enough many decades ago (before the AA collective became entrenched in underclass behaviors such as oow, mass paternal abandonment, etc.) are self-sabotaging poison in the modern environment.

These mothers are so BM-identified (and BM-son-identified in particular) that they never pay attention to how various trends affect their daughters. Everything these type of women say and do is ALL about lifting up BM in general and their BM sons in particular. When their daughters' needs are neglected and sacrificed along the way, it's "too bad, so sad."

(2) Many AA mothers are totally unfit to give anybody advice. These women were/are used and exploited themselves, and still haven't caught a clue. So they give their daughters the type of advice ("All men cheat,""Let a man be a man,""What did you do to provoke him to hit you?", etc.) that ruins their daughters' lives in the same way their lives are damaged.

(3) Many AA mothers are straight-up envious of their daughters. And have the attitude of "I had it bad, and you should too." Quiet as it's kept, many AA mothers have attitudes that are similar to those of Arab mothers who support the so-called "honor" murders of their own daughters.

Back in the day when I used to participate in (dead BC) community type outreach activities, I would watch many AA mothers sabotage their daughters' ability to participate in anything that might lift their girls out of poverty and into abundant life. They would repeatedly "forget" to sign permission slips for their daughters to attend life-enhancing outings, tutoring, etc. Meanwhile, they somehow "remembered" to sign permission slips for their precious sons to participate in programs.

These mothers were transparent in their envy and rage at the idea that their daughters might have a chance to enjoy a better quality of life.

(4) Then you have the internalized colorism issues. Often a darker-skinned dysfunctional AA mother "hates on" her daughter if the daughter is lighter. Or the lighter-skinned dysfunctional AA mother "makes differences" between her daughters based on complexion (treating the lighter girls better).

In summary, there's a LOT of heavy-duty sickness going on between many (if not most) AA mothers treat and raise and daughters. The vast majority of AA mothers are setting their daughters up for suffering. Whether it's intentional on these mothers' parts or not, that's the bottom line effect of what they're doing.

At this point, self-actualizing AA women and teenage girls need to understand that their own mothers just might be one of their greatest enemies. It's a hurtful and disgusting thought; but folks need to face reality and act accordingly if they want to succeed in having a good life. *sigh*

3:12 p.m.

 During that conversation, other readers and I responded to comments from a “triggered”  reader:

Khadija said...

[Commenter],

Part 1

You said: "'Where are the fathers in this?.'

I think that is a question that NEEDS to be asked. Since you decided to only focus on the mothers, and used an example of what mothers who belong to a non-Black group of women are doing as some kind of example that should be imitated, I think this is a perfect time to bring up an issue that is simply not focused on by many in the BWE community unfortunately."

I'm sure Halima has her (more than eloquent) thoughts about all of this. Again, here are my 2 cents as a retired BWE blogger:

Generally speaking, I don't think that fathers can fully compensate for the lack of competent motherly guidance for their daughters. Similar to the way a woman can't really socialize boys into manhood the way an emotionally healthy man (preferably their biological fathers) can do so.

Yes, there are general "raising you to be a good and effective person" things that parents of both genders can do with children of either gender. And yes, there are certain male-psychology-based dating/vetting warning signs that a sincere and emotionally healthy father can warn his daughters about. However, it's just not the same as a girl being trained in effective womanly skills and strategies by her mother.

On top of the above, there are additional and unusual complications involved in raising Black girls to successfully navigate the modern-day world around them.

Many nonblacks (including nonblack fathers and/or stepfathers of Black girls) are either: (1) unaware of or (2) don't understand the bizarre dynamics of the various DBRBM-created minefields Black girls have to navigate. Because many of these nonblack men come from collectives that actually protect and lift up the girls/women in their group. So it's hard for these nonblack fathers and stepfathers to advise their Black daughters about the specific, bizarre, DBRBM-created, spirit-crushing situations that these men never anticipated.

Because they're unfamiliar with the bizarre dynamics of many Western Black cultures---cultures in which BW and Black children are routinely sacrificed for the whims of BM. Which is upside-down and backwards from the way most nonblack cultures operate. Normal cultures expect and demand that the men protect the women and children.

12:41 a.m.

Khadija said...

Part 2 of my reply to [Other Commenter]

In terms of Black fathers guiding their Black daughters through the minefields created by DBRBM's hatred of BW, that issue ties into another part of your comment when you said:

"First, your Jewish mother example. Jewish mothers DO NOT have to deal with the hatred of Jewish men. That right there is the crux of this problem of why BWE was even needed in the first place. Too many Black males simply HATE Black women & girls, and that has wreaked all kinds of havoc on the pysche of generation after generation of Black woman & girl. We can talk about what Black women "need" to do until we are blue in the face, but until the issue of Black male hatred of Black women & girls is fully & properly addressed, we will continue to see a myriad of problems cropping up for Black women & girls, such as the disfunctional relationship some Black mothers & daughters have with each other that you bought up."

Yes, it's true that women from most other racial/ethnic groups don't have to deal with hatred from the males of their groups.

But here's my concern when people speak of "addressing" BM's lethal hatred of BW: I don't see it ever being effectively addressed. And waiting around for it to be addressed seems counterproductive to me. There's not going to be any REAL justice or accountability imposed on BM for their genocidal behavior towards BW and Black girls.

There won't be any equivalent to the Nuremberg trials for the BM (c)rappers and others who created "Radio Rwanda" music and videos which play a large in creating the mass devaluing of Black female lives.

There won't be any tribunals in which Rev. Hot Comb and others are required to account for their "activism malpractice" regarding the physical survival of BW and girls.

Judging from BW's online discussions about Chris Brown, Ar-ruh Kelly, and other BM savage brutes, Notorious BM Celebrities Who Physically Attack and/or Molest BW & Black Girls won't even suffer real economic loss because of their genocidal anti-BW hatred.

Most BM haven't and WON'T ever "address" BM's genocidal hatred of BW and Black girls. I can think of several reasons for this (self-interest, cowardice, etc.). At this late date, the reasons don't really matter to me. Waiting for BM to address any of this is akin to waiting for BM to protect and provide for Black children: Never gonna happen in any significant numbers. And a lot of Black female lives will be lost or diminished while waiting around for something that won't happen.

Ditto for waiting for the masses of BM-identified BW to "address" any of this. A lot of BW's and girls' lives will be lost and diminished while debating with these BM-identified Black female collaborators.

To my way of thinking, the best thing is to advise and assist as many BW and girls as possible to GET AWAY from anybody and everybody (including their mothers if the "shoe fits") who devalues them and their lives.

I don't see it as "blaming BW." I see it as recognizing the reality that many (if not most) Black mothers are too BM-identified, too indoctrinated, and/or too unhealthy to be automatically trusted to guide their daughters into abundant lifestyles. Many (if not most) Black girls are orphans for all practical purposes.

12:52 a.m.

Khadija said...

Part 3 of final reply

My sister, where have you been that you don't already know that ALL of the things you've accused the BWE community of not addressing have already been discussed---YEARS ago and repeatedly ad nauseum?

One major difference between BWE activism and other BW's blogs is that most BWE bloggers are not going to spend years going around in circles with empty venting (about DBRBM) that leaves BW in the same spot they were in before they started venting. Fixating on venting about DBRBM is a waste of precious time.

BWE blogs tend to move beyond identifying THE source of most of BW's problems (DBRBM) to formulating and implementing escape strategies.

I'm NOT saying that you said this, but I want to make my position clear: I disagree with complaints about BWE blogs that essentially say: "Stop talking about practical escape strategies and the ways in which BW can stop being complicit in their own oppression so we can endlessly vent about DBRBM." Endlessly ruminating over the many physical atrocities and spirit-murders committed by DBRBM is a distraction and diversion from what should be the point---helping more BW and girls Escape From Blackistan and find their way into abundant life.

3:29 p.m.

Khadija said...

I feel compelled to add another observation. It's something for the silent audience to consider.

I've seen these particular dynamics before. I saw them waaay back in the day when I would attend Nation of Islam (NOI) lectures. Most of the AAs in the audience would get all excited and happy when the speaker from the NOI would (truthfully) talk bad about racist Whites and put White America in general "on blast."

But these same Black audiences would get sullen---and in some cases, actually angry with the NOI ministers---whenever the NOI ministers talked about SELF-correction and the HARD WORK each individual Black person needs to do to free themselves from being so very vulnerable to the whims of people who hate Black people.

Meanwhile, the NOI ministers would tell folks that the purpose of the lectures was to give listeners the tools to free themselves (properly applied work and self-correction). Not to supply entertainment by verbally blasting oppressors.

If somebody's pushed you into a ditch, then it's going to take hard work (climbing) and self-correction (stop digging the hole deeper) to get out of that ditch.

Sitting around screaming and shrieking "They pushed me into this ditch! It's ALL their fault!!" is not---and will never be---a substitute for the hard work (climbing) and self-correction (stop digging the hole deeper) needed to get out of the ditch. No matter how loud the person screams. No matter how angry the person gets while screaming.

We've seen this proven over the decades (actually over a century) with Black males. Black males' general refusal to do any hard work or engage in any self-correction is why BM consistently remain at the very bottom of every multiracial country BM live in. While other nonwhites do the work and self-correction needed for them to keep moving on up.

While negro males sit around endlessly shrieking about "de evil WM" everybody else is moving on up into the Promised Land. The example set by negro males is NOT anything that any sensible person would imitate.

It's been my observation that the BWE escape plan works when you actually work the plan. There's a difference between talking about the escape plan and actually working the escape plan. One major part of the escape plan is to disconnect from, and stop fixating on, negro males.

Those BW who actually work the BWE escape plan generally find much more peace of mind and a higher quality of life. Each individual BW has to decide for herself whether or not she's willing to actually work the escape plan.

2:40 p.m.

I repeat: Sitting around screaming and shrieking “They pushed me into this ditch! It's ALL their fault!!” is not—and will never be—a substitute for the hard work (climbing) and self-correction (stop digging the hole deeper) needed to get out of the ditch. No matter how loud the person screams. No matter how angry the person gets while screaming.

AAs in general (and AABW in particular) need to get past this self-defeating behavior pattern. Part of that process is being willing to ask and contemplate the hard questions that BW like Breukelen Bleu have been asking.

THANK YOU Breukelen Bleu for shining some cleansing and disinfecting sunlight on these issues!

[Addendum: FYI, it's been brought to my attention that Ms. Bleu apparently deleted the Facebook post that I referenced in this post (for those who are wondering about the links that don't work anymore).]

I’ve Changed My Mind About Two Major Issues

After watching the fallout regarding the recent Curly Nikki mess, I’ve changed my mind about two major issues that affect African-American Black women’s (AABW) interests. First, I’ve changed my mind about remaining silent about the growing pattern of younger AABW bloggers backing away from the term “Black.” Let me emphasize that I don't think younger AABW bloggers are doing this as a conscious, fully thought-out, or deliberate choice. I have the impression that it's something they gravitated to without really thinking about it.

Second, I’ve changed my mind and concluded that the vast majority of AABW can’t afford any attempts at nuance when considering biracial issues. For the sake of younger AABW’s mental health, ALL biracials (whether they’re individually loyal to AA Blacks or not) must be removed from our “African-American Black” category and placed in a totally separate category.

I believe these are intertwined and interlocking issues.

Younger AABW’s Curious Choice to Give Their Online Spaces and Conferences Titles Like Breaking Brown, Blogging While Brown, Brown Sistagirls, Etc. Instead of Breaking Black, Blogging While Black, Black Sistagirls, etc.
Please note that I’m not singling out any particular blogger or writer. There are a lot of AABW using “Brown” instead of “Black” when giving a title to their online presence. I’m mentioning these titles as examples of what I’m talking about.

The labels we choose when describing ourselves say a lot about our levels of consciousness and level of comfort in our own skin. AAs have historically had a tortuous relationship to identity. Our kidnapped ancestors started off self-identifying as members of whatever African ethnic group they were members of. That African tribal identity was deliberately destroyed via mass torture and rape. Despite a few holdouts, such as the founders of the African Methodist Episcopal Church (which was founded in 1816), our ancestors abandoned the label “African.”

Instead, most of our ancestors began to self-describe as “Negroes” or “colored.” Until the mid- to late 1960s, to be called “Black” was a slur among most African-Americans. With the exception of the Nation of Islam who referred to AAs as “Asiatic Black men and women.” Unfortunately, hypocrisy tainted their efforts at claiming the label “Black” and reclaiming racial self-respect, which I’ll discuss later in this post. Most of our efforts as reclaiming ethnic and racial self-respect and pride are tainted with hypocrisy. It’s a human frailty, but there are some other poisonous ingredients.

When I was a small girl during the 1970s, AAs used the terms “Afro-American” and “Black” interchangeably to describe ourselves. A couple of decades later, AAs started using the terms “African-American” and “Black” interchangeably.

It literally took CENTURIES for us to get the word “African” back into our mental self-description.

Likewise, it literally took CENTURIES for us to get comfortable with self-describing as “Black.”

Also keep in mind that whatever terms we used to self-describe our racial and ethnic group were used by both AA men and women. There was unity and a perceived shared interest in those labels.

Something has changed over the past decade or so. I’ve noticed that younger AABW are running away from the label “Black” and instead using the term “Brown” in giving titles to their online presences. Up until now, the label “Brown” was claimed by Latinos in the U.S.

Latinos are now self-identifying as “White” (and for a variety of political and demographic reasons, American White folks are cooperating with Latinos describing themselves as such). AABW are calling themselves “Brown” online. AABM are still calling themselves and their online spaces “Black.” Do you see the change with this? Do you see the divergence between AABW and AABM in this matter?

It looks like this is  largely a generational thing. Younger AABW who’ve grown up during the hip-hop and c/rap era had their self-images formed by the 30 Year War On BW. When you stop to think about it, it’s no wonder young AA Black women are running away from calling themselves “Black” to using the term “Brown.”
 
For the past three decades, AABM in hip-hop and c/rap have been actively degrading Black womanhood in favor of lighter and Whiter women. This rabidly anti-BW poison has permeated throughout modern AA culture. All these younger women know (and have internalized) is an atmosphere of downright rabid gendered racism. All they know is Black women being openly devalued and degraded by the toxic modern AA culture created by hip-hop and c/rap’s warped values. By contrast, younger AA Black males don’t feel mental pressure to run away from self-describing as “Black men” because their identity as Black males has not been under heavy attack from the AA collective.

AABW in my age group are relatively blessed. We were already teenagers when that hip-hop and c/rap mess started up. By the time hip-hop c/rap emerged, our self-image had already been formed by other, mostly healthier cultural influences. Unlike younger generations of AAs, we also grew up listening to our parents’ records. And listening to our parents’ older siblings’ records. So we were familiar not just with the Black music of our era. We were also familiar with the Black music our parents and their older siblings had listened to when they were teenagers.

My teenage friends (male and female) and I hated hip-hop c/rap; and saw it for the talent-free, self-degrading garbage that it was from the very beginning.

We were also repulsed by hip-hop and c/rap on an aesthetic level. We liked music that involves acoustic instruments and musicians who can either actually sing or play instruments. We liked coming from a people who (prior to the hip-hop c/rap age) could harmonize and sing a cappella at the drop of a hat. We were not at all impressed by the influx of no-singing, no-instrument-playing "musicians" yelling and cursing over recordings of other people's melodies and beats.

Since, unlike modern AAs, we were familiar with our parents’ generation of Black music, we automatically recognized the stolen melodies, refrains, and beats the c/rappers were yelling over. And we knew the original versions of these stolen songs were qualitatively so much better than the ripped-off, c/rap version.

As a teenager who played the piano and flute and appreciated the craftsmanship that goes into composing music, I was particularly disgusted by all the “biting” involved in hip-hop c/rap. When you don’t have any talent, you have to bite off real musicians’ work.

But we ultimately allowed ourselves to be silenced by other AAs who accused those AAs who disliked hip-hop c/rap of being “bougie.”

Prior to the Curly Nikki debacle, I had decided not to say anything publicly about how so many AABW were running away from calling their online endeavors “Black” to using the term “Brown.” I didn’t want to say anything potentially divisive unless it was truly necessary. The Curly Nikki episode showed me that it’s necessary to say something about this.

I wasn’t so much shocked by what Curly Nikki did. I had mistakenly assumed that she had built up her own brand. I didn’t know that she had been a Trojan horse for a White-owned media entity from the very beginning. The pattern of White-controlled entities using Black faces to lure Black consumers is not new. I discussed this pattern in terms of upstart cable TV stations during THIS post:

Sojourners know that the traditional opening strategy for many upstart, minimal-quality cable TV networks is to pimp the AA consumer zombies. These networks use cheap, low-quality Black-oriented programming to build an initial audience of faithful AA consumer zombies.

After establishing a stable base audience of AA consumer zombie-viewers, the cable network uses the financial base created by AA slave viewers to develop more expensive programming designed to appeal to their true target audience: White viewers.

Once the new network develops a stable of programs favored by a sizeable audience of White viewers, the network then discards the AA consumer zombies and the Black-oriented shows used to attract AA consumer zombies. The network throws the slaves away like yesterday's trash. Two good examples of this strategy are the WB Television Network and UPN.

I wasn’t shocked at Curly Nikki. I was shocked to see so many AABW caping—hard—in support of that WW’s choice to insert herself into AABW’s “natural hair” issues. I couldn’t believe what I was reading from these Cape-Wearing AABW.

Not only are many of these younger AABW numb (as veteran Common Sense blogger Evia has noted), but they also have NO affirming sense of self. When you don’t have any affirming sense of self, it’s impossible to have boundaries with other people. When you don’t have any affirming sense of self, you try to latch onto somebody else’s identity. By hook or crook. It’s all interrelated.

I never liked or wanted to do anything to encourage the AABW Natural Hair Jihadis because I always knew there was a rotten core of hypocrisy underlying their non-stop screeching about how their natural hair styles reflected elevated, self-affirming consciousness levels. First of all, these women use a hair typing system that puts straight WW’s and Asian women type of hair at #1. While the more typical hair textures and curl patterns found among BW are at #4. What’s up with that? Yet again, we’re buying into something that positions somebody else as first and #1.

While these hypocritical natural hair fanatics were berating other BW for wearing processed or straightened styles, they were doing the same thing. The only difference is that the natural hair fanatical hypocrites called their relaxer type products “pudding,” etc.  

This type of hypocrisy among the most strident “Blacker Than Thou” types is an old pattern. We saw it with all the 1960s-era Black-talking BM activists who chased and married WW. The Nation of Islam also has this problem. While they (correctly, in my view) criticized AA Christians for worshipping the image of an Aryan Jesus, here’s some photos of “Master” Fard Muhammad. The old NOI taught that “God came in the person of Master Fard Muhammad.”

 

 

The idea of rejecting the historically inaccurate, Aryan images of God that the slavemaster taught our ancestors to worship is a good one. The idea of rejecting the servile identities the slavemaster forced upon our ancestors is a good one. The problem has always been with the execution of these good ideas. The same applies to the modern day Natural Hair Jihadis. The underlying idea of affirming your own natural beauty and your own natural hair texture is a good one. As always, the problem is with the execution.

The problems with the execution crop up because AAs have a tendency to import the same old, self-hating thinking into any new and good idea. So, instead of teaching AAs to rally around “Black,” the old NOI was latching onto somebody else’s identity by saying “Asiatic Blacks.” Instead of celebrating our own natural hair textures, many of the modern day Natural Hair Jihadis and followers have been latching onto (and using zillions of products in an attempt to achieve) somebody else’s hair textures—hair textures and curl patterns that are typically only natural for mixed-race women.

Let’s be clear: I wore my hair in a natural and braids during the height of the 1980s Jheri curl era. I wore my hair in these natural styles without using any so-called curl activator-type products. My natural naps were on display in all their unaltered glory. These modern day Natural Hair Jihadis aren’t doing anything new. And they’re doing these natural styles at a point in time when these styles are in fashion. It does not require courage to wear natural hair styles nowadays. In other words, most of the current day Natural Hair Jihadis are following a fad and are NOT on any sincere “hair journey” toward acceptance of their natural hair textures.

Which brings me to why we must—without any nuance—remove Black biracials from our AA Black category. I still have the concerns I raised in THIS post. But after I saw the multitudes of AABW who were caping hard in support of White and other women inserting themselves into AABW’s natural hair issues and spaces, I reconsidered my views.

Because I grew up under different circumstances, I’m not numb like so many younger AABW. I can tell the difference between a pimp slap and a caress. I can see and maintain boundaries between myself and others. I can maintain my own positive sense of self while dealing in nuances. Most AABW can’t. Especially not most younger AABW. This ties into the replacement and erasure of BW that I discussed HERE. It’s all related. And I now see that it’s also generational to a large degree. I agree with the comments that Evia made in the comment section to THIS excellent post.

As you may know, I’m an “old school” AA woman from a certain place and time, so it’s always been easy for me to connect all the dots. But the question that has stymied me since the time I started blogging is WHY is it that so many younger AAbw and similar bw of all income classes and educational levels CAN BE COUNTED ON to act suicidal in so many situations as if it’s a reflex. As y’all point out, even when they’ve been told over and over the smarter or reasonable way to flip the script, they still CHOOSE to make suicidal moves. Even when they’re taking their last gasp, they still make suicidal moves!

So, my approach to this mystery is the same one that scientists use in studying lower life forms to determine why water animals, might for ex., crawl out of the water–to die on land-deliberately. I’m NOT trying to offend anyone but I think that it’s time to “study” these very detrimental choices that SO MANY AA women make and dig out–no matter the underbelly of it–what’s really going on. I call it a death wish. I notice, too, that the bw who do these things rarely ever speak up and say exactly WHY they’re doing them–and some of them do know why. “Low self-esteem” has been worn out!

So, in the last year, I’ve been trying to drill down deep to find out what’s at the bottom of this “death wish.” We’ve got to be brutally frank about this because AA women don’t have much more time. We’re seeing this more clearly now.

I’m convinced that ONE reason they do it is because negative attention (slave movies, reality shows, etc.) is better to them–than no attention at all. And I believe that some darker bw live life vicariously through their lighter friends or lighter other women. That, to them, is better than nothing. AAs have NEVER dealt ruthlessly with the massive colorism that sits in the heart of the typical AA man, and it IS AA men who are the chief makers and distributors of this poison. so it will continue to kill the spirits of many black females since they WILL be rejected in favor of lighter-whiter women.

. . . One of the key reasons I’ve been able to pinpoint for some of this suicidal behavior is that the bulk of AA women feel VERY alone and apart from other WOMEN, as well as men. That’s the #1 reason they’ve stated to me for why they continue with the BAU (business as usual). They feel unsupported and virtually hopeless that things will change.They don’t feel they have anyone at their back and I think this is because they really don’t have anyone at their back. And this has occurred for a number of reasons but we can see some of this online, where bw (who need each other the absolute most will attack and tear each other to pieces psychologically, if they can.) This is because “hurt people hurt people.”

. . . @neurochick, Yep, I know–from interacting with various younger AAbw, that something profound occurred to large segments of them that caused many of them to become numb, and to completely doubt their value.

This replacing of Nina Simone by Zoe Saldana and the whole replacement thing could NOT have occurred in the 70s and 80s. Nina, herself, would have ripped her clothes off in Times Square, if necessary, to bring worldwide attention to her being replaced. LOL! Let’s face it-there were more than enough clueless bw back then, BUT there would have been way more than enough LOUD, unceasing protests from enough of us. A great WRONG is occurring with this replacement campaign, but judging by the overall silence, the bulk of AAbw can’t “feel” that wrong occurring. Like I said, they seem to be numb. Not only do I “know” it’s wrong, but I also FEEL it.

Insofar as going to see any of these movies where AAbw aren’t being lifted up–and spending money on them, the fact is that spending money on anything sends a clear message of APPROVAL and/or that we just don’t care. That’s the message that is being received. And if we don’t care or do approve, then we should never be surprised or not even bat an eyelash when that thing comes back to bite us in the butt. We can’t have it both ways. If there were ample roles for AA women–roles that we could be proud of–I wouldn’t have a problem with supporting selected one of these movies, but there aren’t. And self-preservation is the FIRST law.

I don’t claim to have all the answers. I don’t understand the mindset that makes it possible for so many AABW to cape in support of WW and others intruding into AABW’s natural hair spaces. I just don’t get that at all.

But I do know that AAs are in freefall and moving backwards in terms of self-respect, self-acceptance, and self-love. I do know that AABW rejecting “Black” in favor of “Brown” is not going to help AABW in either the short term or the long run. I believe it would be better actively work on affirming one’s actual self. The first step is to disconnect from the poisonous, anti-BW media that so many of us continue to lap up.

I suppose many women would justify this self-description by saying that they're simply noting their actual skin color. My response would be to note that “Black” (like “White” for persons of European descent and “Brown” for Latinos) has been a short-hand, political racial self-description. The point was not to delineate everybody’s actual skin color. Few European-descent Whites are actually White, many of them have alabaster skin tones with varying degrees of pink undertones.

The other thing about AABW formally self-describing as “Brown” based on actual color is that it opens the door to yet more fragmentation. Because if I picked a self-descriptor based on my actual color, I’d end up calling myself “Beige.” Once we open those floodgates, it’s guaranteed that lots of other formerly “Black” AA women will be calling themselves beige, tan, manila folder and anything else that’s not Black. Foreign-origin Blacks will increase their efforts to avoid the “Black” label by self-describing based on their African, Latino or West Indian ethnicity only. There are nuances to all of that that I discussed HERE.  

AABM have already retrogressed by staging 30+ years of 1800’s-style quadroon balls in their music videos and movies. Do we as AABW really want to join AABM by working our way back . . . step by step . . . (from Black to Brown to whatever the next lighter descriptor will be) toward self-describing as “colored”?