Let's get back to our "regularly scheduled programming" about personal transformation, and practical steps toward living out our Wildest Dreams. I've been reading a fascinating book titled How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World by a Libertarian ideologue named Harry Browne. The book can be found at http://www.trendsaction.com/
I generally don't care for Libertarian politics or ideology, but after reading several references to the book I decided to check it out for myself. I'm happy I did. The author talks about a lot of things that are easy to forget under the constant barrage of dysfunctional, mass African-American, "new-school" culture.
Mr. Browne talks about what he calls "the despair trap" versus "the general market." My comments are in blue:
"The Despair Trap is the belief that other people can prevent you from being free. Despair isn't hard to come by. . . [i]f you've been trying to convince your friends and family to accept your way of life, you probably feel very misunderstood and unappreciated by now. [Khadija speaking: The unhappy reality is that the people around you who don't "get it" at this late date probably aren't going to make it as The Endless Night of Permanent Underclass Status For African-Americans becomes entrenched. Grieve for them---but not for too long. You have to keep it moving in order to survive and thrive!] How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World, Amazon Kindle Locations 1117-26.
Despite these kinds of problems, the goals of freedom and happiness are totally realistic. If they aren't being achieved, it's the method that's wrong, not the objective. [This is a critical point. There are so many vampires screaming at African-American women that it's somehow "wrong" for them to seek happiness and fulfillment. The vampires say this even though they are busy doing whatever they want to do. The vampires are typically NOT making the sacrifices that they demand of African-American women.]
You have to accept the world as it is. But that doesn't mean you should look at the people who oppose your ways and conclude that there's no chance to be free. The world includes much more than just the people you've been dealing with.
There are undoubtedly many, many people with whom you have nothing in common. But there are also plenty of people who see things in much the same way you do. If you haven't come in contact with them, it may be because you've unnecessarily confined yourself to those with whom you've been associating.
And it may be that you haven't discovered ways of finding the kinds of people who could add to your life, instead of detract from it. How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World, Amazon Kindle Locations 1126-35.
[It's impossible to overemphasize how VITAL it is for African-American women to STOP socializing in all-Black circles and settings. These are radioactve settings filled with degradation and spirit-breaking despair for any Black woman who goes there. I know that for many of us, these all-Black settings are all we know. And I know that many of us figure "better the devil we know."
I'm saying NO! The Damaged Beyond Repair (DBR) African-American males you encounter in all-Black settings are orders of magnitude WORSE than the general population of men in the outer world. Just open your eyes for a moment and look around. Look at how other ethnic and racial groups of men generally protect and provide for the women of their group. Look at how these other women and children are living. And then look at how totally unprotected African-American women and children are. I'll make it plain. At this point in time, things have deteriorated to the extent that: All-Black Settings = Death For Black Women. On many levels. Emotional death, spiritual death, and in ever-increasing numbers, physical death.]
The popular conventions of society might discourage you from breaking out of uncomfortable situations to find those people. Such hallowed traditions as one marriage, one career, one employer, staying in one place, etc., can cause you to feel that you must make the best of whatever situation you're already in.
But 'making the best' frequently means either giving up your own happiness or trying to change others. Neither way makes any sense.
You don't have to stay where you are. You can look for someone who doesn't have to be forced to love you, someone who will be enthusiastic about what you have to offer, someone who will help you get what you want because it will be in his self interest to do so.
You're in the Despair Trap if you believe that you have to stay where you are and work things out somehow. Or if you believe that you couldn't be any better off if you were to change your situation. Or if you think that the government or society can stop you from being free. How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World, Amazon Kindle Locations 1135-44 (emphasis added).
The General Market embraces personal relationships as well as commercial ones. All relationships are governed by market principles as individuals come together, exchange or share as appropriate, and work toward the advancement of their own happiness. The same principles apply to finding a friend that apply to finding a buyer for your product.
Within the General Market there's a whole world of potential relationships for you if you realize that you don't have to please everyone.
If you want a marriage partner who's compatible with your way of life, you don't have to prove to everyone that your way is right. You need to find only one person who meets your needs and who wants you as you are.
You don't need millions of friends; you only need enough to provide the companionship and shared interests you'd like to have. So it isn't important what the other people are like." How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World, Amazon Kindle Locations 1144-54 (emphasis added).
A Sojourner does not cast her pearls before swine. Instead, she finds and embraces the "market" that's best for her.
Are you seeking and embracing the market that's best for YOU?
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Yet Another Emerging, DISASTROUS Social Trend: Normalizing Single Adoption As "Plan B" For Black Women Who Haven't Married By 35
This essay is contained in my new book. I'm delighted to announce that The Sojourner's Passport site has launched! You can visit it at http://www.sojournerspassport.com/.
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Sojourner's Path: Reject False Egalitarianism And Cultivate Your SUPERIOR Traits
LIFE IS NOT FAIR OR EQUAL -- Everything And Everybody Are NOT The Same
The first thing that aspiring Sojourners must understand is that real life is not fair or equal. In fact, life is filled with naturally-occurring, lopsided ratios! In order to survive and thrive, we must position ourselves on the WINNING side of these ratios.
From The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less, by Richard Koch. My comments are in blue:
"The reason that the 80/20 Principle is so valuable is that it is counterintuitive. We tend to expect that all causes will have roughly the same significance. That all customers are equally valuable. That every bit of business, every product, and every dollar of sales revenue is as good as any other. That all employees in a particular category have roughly equivalent value. That each day or week or year we spend has the same significance. That all our friends have roughly equal value to us.
[Khadija speaking: African-Americans love to believe that "everybody's the same." And that "everything is the same," and that "things aren't any different in other places." This sort of thinking leads to our angry (really deranged) assertions that out of wedlock parenting is "equal" to married parenting. That a child having a "weekend only, telephone father" is "equal" to having an onsite 24/7 father who is married to one's mother. Well. . . umm. . . NO. This is not how real life operates. Not at all. Real life is filled with HUGE, natural imbalances. Real life tends to follow Pareto's Law.]
. . . That all problems have a large number of causes, so that it is not worth isolating a few key causes. [Oh, let's stop here for a moment. This is a critical point. This is a large part of why African-Americans love to believe that people are the same. This notion serves to obscure the TRUE source of many of the problems among us. These "people are basically the same" and "we're all equally responsible" delusions provide cover for those among us who are truly aberrant.
If we sought to isolate the primary causes of certain problems during our analyses, it would put an extremely unflattering spotlight on some of our cultural "sacred cows." Sacred cows such as the Black underclass, and the "young Black males" that we refer to in our political slogans.]
That all opportunities are of roughly equal value, so that we treat them all equally." The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less, by Richard Koch. Amazon Kindle Locations 203-14 (emphasis added).
Pareto's Law
From The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich, by Timothy Ferriss:
"Pareto's Law can be summarized as follows: 80% of the outputs result from 20% of the inputs. Alternative ways to phrase this, depending on the context, include:
80% of the consequences flow from 20% of the causes.
80% of the results come from 20% of the effort and time. [African-American women spend the bulk of their efforts on things and people that have the LEAST amount of impact. This is why we work so hard for so little. This misuse of effort and time applies to many situations.]
80% of the company profits come from 20% of the products and customers.
. . . The list is infinitely long and diverse, and the ratio is often skewed even more severely: 90/10, 95/5, and 99/1 are not uncommon, but the minimum ratio to seek is 80/20." The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich, by Timothy Ferriss, Amazon Kindle Locations 940-52 through952-62 (emphasis added).
[Yes, I agree that in real life the ratio is often extremely skewed---95/5 and 99/1. Real life has a lot of "winner take all" scenarios. For example, in terms of income, there are many fields where a few "superstars" within the field earn millions, and those ranked just beneath them (in terms of reputation) make only a comfortable living. Think of the likely difference in earnings between the author of the Harry Potter books and authors who are in the next lower tier of sales. Real life has MANY "winner take all" types of situations!]
People Are Usually Shocked When They Open Their Eyes To This
"The 80/20 Principle also asserts that when we know the true relationship, we are likely to be surprised at how unbalanced it is. Whatever the actual level of imbalance, it is likely to exceed our prior estimates. . . Teachers may know that the majority of their disciplinary troubles or most truancy arises from a minority of pupils, but if records are analyzed the extent of the imbalance will probably be larger than expected. We may feel that some of our time is more valuable than the rest, but if we measure inputs and outputs the disparity can still stun us.
Why should you care about the 80/20 Principle? Whether you realize it or not, the principle applies to your life, to your social world, and to the place where you work. Understanding the 80/20 Principle gives you great insight into what is really happening in the world around you." The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less, by Richard Koch. Amazon Kindle Locations 214-24 through 224-35.
Real Life Also Has Many Feedback Loops And Sensitive Dependence On Initial Conditions
Real life also has many positive and negative feedback loops. The rich get richer; the poor get poorer. Furthermore, real life is often extremely sensitive to initial conditions. This means that even small advantages or disadvantages at the beginning of a process can have a huge impact on end results. Think of it as similar to a ship navigating its course with a compass. If the the course chosen is off by only a few degrees at the beginning, it will be off by many miles the further it sails.
We see many examples of this in everyday life. Those of us with common sense know that a good beginning for our children's lives dramatically increases the odds of their future success. Shrewd women know that how they begin an interaction with a man will impact the entire relationship.
WHAT ALL OF THIS MEANS FOR AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN
1. Stop Pretending That These Ratios Don't Exist
No matter how much African-Americans weep, wail, and gnash our teeth, these skewed ratios will continue to dominate real life. Nature is filled with imbalances. Everybody is NOT the same. In any field, by any measure, there are only a FEW outstanding people. Whatever "it" is, there will be a sea of relative mediocrity with only a handful of standouts in either direction (good or bad).
A critical point about this angle is to look at what a group's "baseline" is. A group's collective baseline is how you measure that group's general success or failure. Some collective baselines are MUCH higher than others. There's the mediocrity of being a lower-middle class person when your ethnic group is mostly affluent. [Oh, you can probably guess which ethnic/religious group I'm thinking of.] And then there's the mediocrity of being a poor, fatherless, African-American person who was born out of wedlock. If the odds are that you'll be mediocre, would you rather be "mediocre" in the sense of the first group or "mediocre" in the second group?
Most African-Americans resist the reality of these ratios because we're used to being on the losing side of these numbers. In fact, we've embraced a collective "loser" identity.
It never occurs to us that we have it within us to be SUPERIOR regarding anything that matters. It never occurs to us that we can be on the winning side of these ratios.
So, we have a mindset of trying to pretend that everything and everybody is the same. Pretending that everybody's "equal." So, we have a mindset of trying to coerce the "winners" into giving the "losers" (that would be us) large slices of their "pies." We want to try to force situations into an artificial, false veneer of "equality."
This is only a temporary solution to disparities and inequalities. It will always fail in the long-run because these ratios will always exist. And unless a group raises its collective "baseline," they will always be disadvantaged relative to others. They will continue to lose. Not only have African-Americans failed to raise our collective baseline, but we've allowed it to plummet.
Over the past few decades we've started saying things like "BMW = Black Man Working." What do these sorts of expressions say to the world about our baseline? Our collective's baseline is currently at ground level. And it will fall through the floor once the Endless Night of Permanent Underclass Status becomes entrenched.
2. Understand That "Equality Talk" Is A Subtle Trap
Equality talk is actually a subtle mental trap. If you really believe that "things aren't any better anywhere else," then you have no incentive to move anywhere to seek a better living environment. If you really believe that you're "the same" as everybody else, then you're not going to cultivate those traits of yours that are actually superior to the masses. And so on across the board.
All of this stems from embracing a mass loser self-identity. Equality talk is usually heard coming from losers who are trying to convince themselves that they have some merit. Winners don't talk that equality talk. Now, gracious winners might publicly engage in equality talk so as to not upset the losers around them; but that equality stuff is NOT their self-image. People who are winning feel that they have superior skills or traits that enable them to win. Losers feel that they were lucky to win.
3. Use These Ratios To YOUR Advantage. Embrace And Cultivate Your SUPERIOR Traits!
I often praise God for my parents. In terms of raising us, they were NOT for that false equality mess. Egalitarianism was not for their children. They never wanted us to be "equal" with anybody. They wanted our points of SUPERIORITY to shine brightly!
Ladies, stop thinking like losers who have to scramble for scraps! You can position yourself to be a winner who takes all! This applies across the board. From one's personal life to one's financial life. Keep in mind the fact that some people actually made a LOT of money during the Great Depression.
There are general things about us as Black women that are actually SUPERIOR to other women. You already know many of these traits, but somehow most of you don't take these things to heart and work with them to your advantage. I don't understand this behavior.
This includes surface beauty traits. You know that we generally age better than other women. You know that our complexions usually have a glow and vitality that others admire. You really KNOW that other people admire our curves! Non-Blacks have noticed and commented on all of this. Why don't YOU seem to know this? Why don't you cultivate these advantages?
[I know. . . Lord, I know it angers some of you, but I'm going to ask: Why persist in hiding your God-given curves under extra weight? I never said that it was easy. Don't you remember me complaining and whining every step of the way during the workout check-in posts? I'm still complaining about being sore, tired, etc. I complain, but I keep working out.]
This includes inner beauty traits. Generally speaking, African-American women are resourceful. We are industrious. We are intensely loyal. The problem is that we've got all of these traits harnessed in support of unworthy causes, goals and people.
There are specific things about YOU as an individual that are SUPERIOR to most others. Are you ready to embrace and cultivate your superior traits? Are you ready to be a winner who takes all?
The first thing that aspiring Sojourners must understand is that real life is not fair or equal. In fact, life is filled with naturally-occurring, lopsided ratios! In order to survive and thrive, we must position ourselves on the WINNING side of these ratios.
From The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less, by Richard Koch. My comments are in blue:
"The reason that the 80/20 Principle is so valuable is that it is counterintuitive. We tend to expect that all causes will have roughly the same significance. That all customers are equally valuable. That every bit of business, every product, and every dollar of sales revenue is as good as any other. That all employees in a particular category have roughly equivalent value. That each day or week or year we spend has the same significance. That all our friends have roughly equal value to us.
[Khadija speaking: African-Americans love to believe that "everybody's the same." And that "everything is the same," and that "things aren't any different in other places." This sort of thinking leads to our angry (really deranged) assertions that out of wedlock parenting is "equal" to married parenting. That a child having a "weekend only, telephone father" is "equal" to having an onsite 24/7 father who is married to one's mother. Well. . . umm. . . NO. This is not how real life operates. Not at all. Real life is filled with HUGE, natural imbalances. Real life tends to follow Pareto's Law.]
. . . That all problems have a large number of causes, so that it is not worth isolating a few key causes. [Oh, let's stop here for a moment. This is a critical point. This is a large part of why African-Americans love to believe that people are the same. This notion serves to obscure the TRUE source of many of the problems among us. These "people are basically the same" and "we're all equally responsible" delusions provide cover for those among us who are truly aberrant.
If we sought to isolate the primary causes of certain problems during our analyses, it would put an extremely unflattering spotlight on some of our cultural "sacred cows." Sacred cows such as the Black underclass, and the "young Black males" that we refer to in our political slogans.]
That all opportunities are of roughly equal value, so that we treat them all equally." The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less, by Richard Koch. Amazon Kindle Locations 203-14 (emphasis added).
Pareto's Law
From The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich, by Timothy Ferriss:
"Pareto's Law can be summarized as follows: 80% of the outputs result from 20% of the inputs. Alternative ways to phrase this, depending on the context, include:
80% of the consequences flow from 20% of the causes.
80% of the results come from 20% of the effort and time. [African-American women spend the bulk of their efforts on things and people that have the LEAST amount of impact. This is why we work so hard for so little. This misuse of effort and time applies to many situations.]
80% of the company profits come from 20% of the products and customers.
. . . The list is infinitely long and diverse, and the ratio is often skewed even more severely: 90/10, 95/5, and 99/1 are not uncommon, but the minimum ratio to seek is 80/20." The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich, by Timothy Ferriss, Amazon Kindle Locations 940-52 through952-62 (emphasis added).
[Yes, I agree that in real life the ratio is often extremely skewed---95/5 and 99/1. Real life has a lot of "winner take all" scenarios. For example, in terms of income, there are many fields where a few "superstars" within the field earn millions, and those ranked just beneath them (in terms of reputation) make only a comfortable living. Think of the likely difference in earnings between the author of the Harry Potter books and authors who are in the next lower tier of sales. Real life has MANY "winner take all" types of situations!]
People Are Usually Shocked When They Open Their Eyes To This
"The 80/20 Principle also asserts that when we know the true relationship, we are likely to be surprised at how unbalanced it is. Whatever the actual level of imbalance, it is likely to exceed our prior estimates. . . Teachers may know that the majority of their disciplinary troubles or most truancy arises from a minority of pupils, but if records are analyzed the extent of the imbalance will probably be larger than expected. We may feel that some of our time is more valuable than the rest, but if we measure inputs and outputs the disparity can still stun us.
Why should you care about the 80/20 Principle? Whether you realize it or not, the principle applies to your life, to your social world, and to the place where you work. Understanding the 80/20 Principle gives you great insight into what is really happening in the world around you." The 80/20 Principle: The Secret to Achieving More with Less, by Richard Koch. Amazon Kindle Locations 214-24 through 224-35.
Real Life Also Has Many Feedback Loops And Sensitive Dependence On Initial Conditions
Real life also has many positive and negative feedback loops. The rich get richer; the poor get poorer. Furthermore, real life is often extremely sensitive to initial conditions. This means that even small advantages or disadvantages at the beginning of a process can have a huge impact on end results. Think of it as similar to a ship navigating its course with a compass. If the the course chosen is off by only a few degrees at the beginning, it will be off by many miles the further it sails.
We see many examples of this in everyday life. Those of us with common sense know that a good beginning for our children's lives dramatically increases the odds of their future success. Shrewd women know that how they begin an interaction with a man will impact the entire relationship.
WHAT ALL OF THIS MEANS FOR AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN
1. Stop Pretending That These Ratios Don't Exist
No matter how much African-Americans weep, wail, and gnash our teeth, these skewed ratios will continue to dominate real life. Nature is filled with imbalances. Everybody is NOT the same. In any field, by any measure, there are only a FEW outstanding people. Whatever "it" is, there will be a sea of relative mediocrity with only a handful of standouts in either direction (good or bad).
A critical point about this angle is to look at what a group's "baseline" is. A group's collective baseline is how you measure that group's general success or failure. Some collective baselines are MUCH higher than others. There's the mediocrity of being a lower-middle class person when your ethnic group is mostly affluent. [Oh, you can probably guess which ethnic/religious group I'm thinking of.] And then there's the mediocrity of being a poor, fatherless, African-American person who was born out of wedlock. If the odds are that you'll be mediocre, would you rather be "mediocre" in the sense of the first group or "mediocre" in the second group?
Most African-Americans resist the reality of these ratios because we're used to being on the losing side of these numbers. In fact, we've embraced a collective "loser" identity.
It never occurs to us that we have it within us to be SUPERIOR regarding anything that matters. It never occurs to us that we can be on the winning side of these ratios.
So, we have a mindset of trying to pretend that everything and everybody is the same. Pretending that everybody's "equal." So, we have a mindset of trying to coerce the "winners" into giving the "losers" (that would be us) large slices of their "pies." We want to try to force situations into an artificial, false veneer of "equality."
This is only a temporary solution to disparities and inequalities. It will always fail in the long-run because these ratios will always exist. And unless a group raises its collective "baseline," they will always be disadvantaged relative to others. They will continue to lose. Not only have African-Americans failed to raise our collective baseline, but we've allowed it to plummet.
Over the past few decades we've started saying things like "BMW = Black Man Working." What do these sorts of expressions say to the world about our baseline? Our collective's baseline is currently at ground level. And it will fall through the floor once the Endless Night of Permanent Underclass Status becomes entrenched.
2. Understand That "Equality Talk" Is A Subtle Trap
Equality talk is actually a subtle mental trap. If you really believe that "things aren't any better anywhere else," then you have no incentive to move anywhere to seek a better living environment. If you really believe that you're "the same" as everybody else, then you're not going to cultivate those traits of yours that are actually superior to the masses. And so on across the board.
All of this stems from embracing a mass loser self-identity. Equality talk is usually heard coming from losers who are trying to convince themselves that they have some merit. Winners don't talk that equality talk. Now, gracious winners might publicly engage in equality talk so as to not upset the losers around them; but that equality stuff is NOT their self-image. People who are winning feel that they have superior skills or traits that enable them to win. Losers feel that they were lucky to win.
3. Use These Ratios To YOUR Advantage. Embrace And Cultivate Your SUPERIOR Traits!
I often praise God for my parents. In terms of raising us, they were NOT for that false equality mess. Egalitarianism was not for their children. They never wanted us to be "equal" with anybody. They wanted our points of SUPERIORITY to shine brightly!
Ladies, stop thinking like losers who have to scramble for scraps! You can position yourself to be a winner who takes all! This applies across the board. From one's personal life to one's financial life. Keep in mind the fact that some people actually made a LOT of money during the Great Depression.
There are general things about us as Black women that are actually SUPERIOR to other women. You already know many of these traits, but somehow most of you don't take these things to heart and work with them to your advantage. I don't understand this behavior.
This includes surface beauty traits. You know that we generally age better than other women. You know that our complexions usually have a glow and vitality that others admire. You really KNOW that other people admire our curves! Non-Blacks have noticed and commented on all of this. Why don't YOU seem to know this? Why don't you cultivate these advantages?
[I know. . . Lord, I know it angers some of you, but I'm going to ask: Why persist in hiding your God-given curves under extra weight? I never said that it was easy. Don't you remember me complaining and whining every step of the way during the workout check-in posts? I'm still complaining about being sore, tired, etc. I complain, but I keep working out.]
This includes inner beauty traits. Generally speaking, African-American women are resourceful. We are industrious. We are intensely loyal. The problem is that we've got all of these traits harnessed in support of unworthy causes, goals and people.
There are specific things about YOU as an individual that are SUPERIOR to most others. Are you ready to embrace and cultivate your superior traits? Are you ready to be a winner who takes all?
Monday, July 6, 2009
The Sojourner's Path: Active Instead of Passive Living
Let's talk some more about personal transformation, and practical steps toward living out our Wildest Dreams. I've been reading a fascinating book titled How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World by a Libertarian ideologue named Harry Browne. The book can be found at http://www.trendsaction.com/
I generally don't care for Libertarian politics or ideology, but after reading several references to the book I decided to check it out for myself. I'm happy I did. The author talks about a lot of things that are easy to forget under the unquestioned routines of everyday life. And that's not even factoring in the learned helplessness that has become a large part of mass African-American, "new-school" culture.
It occurs to me that so many Black women have been indoctrinated into being what has been termed self-sacrificing "gravediggers," that it might be helpful to repeat and discuss some of these ideas here (my comments are in blue). Mr. Browne said:
"I've been told so many times that freedom is just a fantasy, that you can't live that way in the real world, that there are too many daily commitments that have to be met, that in real life things are much too complicated to be able to do what you want and to enjoy yourself.
But who made your life complicated?
You did, of course. It wasn't society, the economic system, the people you consider to be nuisances, your parents, or anyone else.
Every complication in your life today is the result of something you've allowed to happen. You initiated it, or you consented to it, or you've allowed it to continue. You are where you are today because you've chosen to be there. And you can choose not to be there. [Khadija speaking: This idea is often a bitter pill to swallow. It's emotionally so much more comfortable to totally blame others. The problem with blaming others is that it means ceding control over your life's possibilities to these other people!]
You'll have to pay for past mistakes, but no mistake warrants a life sentence. You can telescope those payments into the short term and get rid of them quickly. [There's no need to accept any sort of life sentence. Even those prisoners with life sentences don't accept them. They're busy writing to volunteer groups trying to get their convictions overturned! Why should we be any less resourceful?]
You can get rid of bad relationships, meaningless obligations, negative commitments. You can do anything you want. You're free ---- if only you'll realize it. Only you can choose to make things better for yourself. You can decide to stop 'going along' with things that are handed to you. You can decide to live your life as the free person you are.
Don't tell me that it can't be done. There are too many people who've already done it.
No matter where you are now, you can unravel all the knots that you've woven into your life. [This doesn't mean that it'll be easy; but it can be done.] You can decide to be free. No one else has to be convinced ---- it requires only your decision and action." [Hear, hear!] Amazon Kindle locations 3831-41 through 3841-50 (emphasis added).
Mr. Browne talks about the various measures one can use to assess how you're spending the bulk of your time. One measure is whether your activities are active or passive:
"3. Active-Passive Labels. This approach is similar to the last one. It will help you to see if you're making things happen in your life ---- or if you're just going along with what others want. Label each activity active or passive. The active label applies to anything you have initiated, the things you do because you have decided they should be done. The passive label should be attached to those activities you do because someone else wants you to do them. [Which is the "gravedigger's" self-selected lot in life.]
. . . As you apply these labels to your weekly activities, designate passive those things you do only to preserve a relationship (even if it's a relationship you value) --- such things as conversations that bore you, favors, etc. As you look at the labels, you can see how much of your time is necessary to preserve the relationship ---- and that should tell you if the situation is as compatible as you'd thought it was. [Yes, when looked at this way, it's possible to discover that many situations we involve ourselves in are actually not compatible with our interests, values or aspirations.]
Look for relationships that don't require that you tolerate unpleasant things in order to maintain them. With the right people, you should be spending most (if not all) of your time doing things that please you, that make sense to you ---- the things you want to do. Compromises seem necessary only because of inappropriate situations. If you're involved with the right people, the word 'sacrifice' shouldn't even be in your vocabulary."
[This is somewhat extreme for my tastes. I'm willing to make non-catastrophic (and usually small) sacrifices for those I value. Although, once I consciously thought about it, I realized that I'm willing to do this about 15-17% of the time. To me, having to do stuff that you find unpleasant (but the other person actually likes) 20% or more of the time means that you're not like-minded enough to have a mutually enjoyable friendship, etc. with the person.] Amazon Kindle locations 3761-72 through 3772-81 (emphasis added).
Another thing I've noticed is that so many African-American women are literally afraid to explore activities that genuinely interest them, unless these activities are also popular with the masses of African-Americans. This is a crazy way to live. You miss out on a lot of things like that. You also miss out on meeting other Black folks who happen to share your interests.
[My ex, who is also interested in martial arts, talked about how I was the only Black woman he knew who took martial arts classes. (He's African-American.) I've heard similar comments from others. Which is strange on a practical level---considering how much physical danger African-American women are subjected to on a daily basis in Black residential areas.
Since I brought this up, let me stress the following: One of the first things you notice in martial arts classes with guy partners is just how physically strong guys are. Even the smaller men. So, be advised that Buffy The Vampire Slayer is pure fantasy. Not to mention that many predators work out every day while they are in prison. No normal person who takes time to work for a living can match that prison-level of physical conditioning. Normal people also generally can't match the "I've got nothing to lose" mindset of many ex-cons. Normal people have things that they care about, including their own lives. However, it's still possible for even small women to learn practical skills like how to get out of, and away from, various types of grabs and holds.]
This active-passive test is a good one for taking stock of one's daily life and the people in one's life. It's a good way to see if you're in a state of true fellowship with the people around you. This matters.
In fact, during the emerging Endless Night of Permanent Underclass Status For African-Americans, this will be a matter of life and death for Black women.
WHY THIS WILL SOON BE A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH
It's all connected. The extreme isolation of so many Black women's lives is a recurring theme and underlying factor in so many of the problems we collectively face. It's one of the reasons I've been so agitated about Black folks' prospects in the current economic crisis. During the First Great Depression we at least had strong family and community ties for mutual support. With a majority out of wedlock rate, there aren't many strong families. These women and children have NO male protectors and providers. Black residential areas have long since stopped functioning as communities. During this current crisis, many Black women literally have nobody to watch their backs.
This means that when something goes wrong, these women and their children are likely to end up in the condition that Min. Farrakhan has described as "naked, hungry, and out of doors."
Part of the reason for this is because many African-American women are investing the bulk of their energy into non-reciprocal relationships with people who must be appeased with these women's service. If these people only come around or interact with you when they want something, what happens when you have nothing to give? Answer: Silence and apathy while you transition into being "naked, hungry, and out of doors."
This is why it's important to build true, reciprocal fellowships with as many people as possible. The odds of having that sort of relationship are increased if the relationship is built around genuinely shared interests and values. You're more likely to meet people who share your interests and values when you actively pursue your genuine interests. Instead of only participating in activities that are "approved of" by mass, popular Black culture.
For further reading, see True Fellowship, Part 2: Breaking Bread. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/10/true-fellowship-part-2-breaking-bread.html
I generally don't care for Libertarian politics or ideology, but after reading several references to the book I decided to check it out for myself. I'm happy I did. The author talks about a lot of things that are easy to forget under the unquestioned routines of everyday life. And that's not even factoring in the learned helplessness that has become a large part of mass African-American, "new-school" culture.
It occurs to me that so many Black women have been indoctrinated into being what has been termed self-sacrificing "gravediggers," that it might be helpful to repeat and discuss some of these ideas here (my comments are in blue). Mr. Browne said:
"I've been told so many times that freedom is just a fantasy, that you can't live that way in the real world, that there are too many daily commitments that have to be met, that in real life things are much too complicated to be able to do what you want and to enjoy yourself.
But who made your life complicated?
You did, of course. It wasn't society, the economic system, the people you consider to be nuisances, your parents, or anyone else.
Every complication in your life today is the result of something you've allowed to happen. You initiated it, or you consented to it, or you've allowed it to continue. You are where you are today because you've chosen to be there. And you can choose not to be there. [Khadija speaking: This idea is often a bitter pill to swallow. It's emotionally so much more comfortable to totally blame others. The problem with blaming others is that it means ceding control over your life's possibilities to these other people!]
You'll have to pay for past mistakes, but no mistake warrants a life sentence. You can telescope those payments into the short term and get rid of them quickly. [There's no need to accept any sort of life sentence. Even those prisoners with life sentences don't accept them. They're busy writing to volunteer groups trying to get their convictions overturned! Why should we be any less resourceful?]
You can get rid of bad relationships, meaningless obligations, negative commitments. You can do anything you want. You're free ---- if only you'll realize it. Only you can choose to make things better for yourself. You can decide to stop 'going along' with things that are handed to you. You can decide to live your life as the free person you are.
Don't tell me that it can't be done. There are too many people who've already done it.
No matter where you are now, you can unravel all the knots that you've woven into your life. [This doesn't mean that it'll be easy; but it can be done.] You can decide to be free. No one else has to be convinced ---- it requires only your decision and action." [Hear, hear!] Amazon Kindle locations 3831-41 through 3841-50 (emphasis added).
Mr. Browne talks about the various measures one can use to assess how you're spending the bulk of your time. One measure is whether your activities are active or passive:
"3. Active-Passive Labels. This approach is similar to the last one. It will help you to see if you're making things happen in your life ---- or if you're just going along with what others want. Label each activity active or passive. The active label applies to anything you have initiated, the things you do because you have decided they should be done. The passive label should be attached to those activities you do because someone else wants you to do them. [Which is the "gravedigger's" self-selected lot in life.]
. . . As you apply these labels to your weekly activities, designate passive those things you do only to preserve a relationship (even if it's a relationship you value) --- such things as conversations that bore you, favors, etc. As you look at the labels, you can see how much of your time is necessary to preserve the relationship ---- and that should tell you if the situation is as compatible as you'd thought it was. [Yes, when looked at this way, it's possible to discover that many situations we involve ourselves in are actually not compatible with our interests, values or aspirations.]
Look for relationships that don't require that you tolerate unpleasant things in order to maintain them. With the right people, you should be spending most (if not all) of your time doing things that please you, that make sense to you ---- the things you want to do. Compromises seem necessary only because of inappropriate situations. If you're involved with the right people, the word 'sacrifice' shouldn't even be in your vocabulary."
[This is somewhat extreme for my tastes. I'm willing to make non-catastrophic (and usually small) sacrifices for those I value. Although, once I consciously thought about it, I realized that I'm willing to do this about 15-17% of the time. To me, having to do stuff that you find unpleasant (but the other person actually likes) 20% or more of the time means that you're not like-minded enough to have a mutually enjoyable friendship, etc. with the person.] Amazon Kindle locations 3761-72 through 3772-81 (emphasis added).
Another thing I've noticed is that so many African-American women are literally afraid to explore activities that genuinely interest them, unless these activities are also popular with the masses of African-Americans. This is a crazy way to live. You miss out on a lot of things like that. You also miss out on meeting other Black folks who happen to share your interests.
[My ex, who is also interested in martial arts, talked about how I was the only Black woman he knew who took martial arts classes. (He's African-American.) I've heard similar comments from others. Which is strange on a practical level---considering how much physical danger African-American women are subjected to on a daily basis in Black residential areas.
Since I brought this up, let me stress the following: One of the first things you notice in martial arts classes with guy partners is just how physically strong guys are. Even the smaller men. So, be advised that Buffy The Vampire Slayer is pure fantasy. Not to mention that many predators work out every day while they are in prison. No normal person who takes time to work for a living can match that prison-level of physical conditioning. Normal people also generally can't match the "I've got nothing to lose" mindset of many ex-cons. Normal people have things that they care about, including their own lives. However, it's still possible for even small women to learn practical skills like how to get out of, and away from, various types of grabs and holds.]
This active-passive test is a good one for taking stock of one's daily life and the people in one's life. It's a good way to see if you're in a state of true fellowship with the people around you. This matters.
In fact, during the emerging Endless Night of Permanent Underclass Status For African-Americans, this will be a matter of life and death for Black women.
WHY THIS WILL SOON BE A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH
It's all connected. The extreme isolation of so many Black women's lives is a recurring theme and underlying factor in so many of the problems we collectively face. It's one of the reasons I've been so agitated about Black folks' prospects in the current economic crisis. During the First Great Depression we at least had strong family and community ties for mutual support. With a majority out of wedlock rate, there aren't many strong families. These women and children have NO male protectors and providers. Black residential areas have long since stopped functioning as communities. During this current crisis, many Black women literally have nobody to watch their backs.
This means that when something goes wrong, these women and their children are likely to end up in the condition that Min. Farrakhan has described as "naked, hungry, and out of doors."
Part of the reason for this is because many African-American women are investing the bulk of their energy into non-reciprocal relationships with people who must be appeased with these women's service. If these people only come around or interact with you when they want something, what happens when you have nothing to give? Answer: Silence and apathy while you transition into being "naked, hungry, and out of doors."
This is why it's important to build true, reciprocal fellowships with as many people as possible. The odds of having that sort of relationship are increased if the relationship is built around genuinely shared interests and values. You're more likely to meet people who share your interests and values when you actively pursue your genuine interests. Instead of only participating in activities that are "approved of" by mass, popular Black culture.
For further reading, see True Fellowship, Part 2: Breaking Bread. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/10/true-fellowship-part-2-breaking-bread.html
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Don't Miss Out On Marriage Due To Fighting A Cultural War That Black Men Abandoned Over 40 Years Ago
This essay is contained in my new book. I'm delighted to announce that The Sojourner's Passport site has launched! You can visit it at http://www.sojournerspassport.com/.
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
Friday, July 3, 2009
Open Panel Discussion: Let's Talk About Leadership, And Where Do We Go From Here With Black Women's Empowerment Activism?
These topics have come up during a recent blog discussion. I feel that they are deserving of a separate open-panel discussion of their own. So, please feel free to add your thoughts.
Here are my thoughts about this:
I feel that African-American women (AAW) don't need "leaders" in this context. We need consciousness-raising. We need to learn how to have minds that are open enough to re-think what we've been doing.
The life-saving, life-enhancing ideas that various Black women empowerment bloggers have been discussing are really quite simple, and founded on common sense. All that's required to put them into use is a willingness to reconsider some things, and change some self-defeating behaviors.
I'm somewhat confused by the mental resistance and the "stuck points" that some AAW seem to have with all of this. Especially with the weight issues---I just don't understand why seeking validation of the "pity party" is more important than life itself.
In my case, I took the time to re-examine my ideology (and what I was doing) shortly after I was presented with new information (the Dunbar Village Atrocity & Aftermath, various blog essays, etc.). After reviewing all the new ideas and new information I had come across, I decided to change course. It was painful, and I grieved over the loss of the previous ideas I had found certainty in. But I'm better off for it.
It's one thing to carefully consider new ideas or information and THEN reject them after thinking it over. It's something else to keep going around a mental "spin cycle" with the same stale thoughts---as if one had never seen or heard the new information. I don't understand that sort of behavior. Especially when the status quo is NOT doing anything positive for a person.
I think that our people's previous models of "leadership" are obsolete and frankly, unworkable in our particular context. [For a variety of reasons that we can discuss in greater detail, if anyone is interested.] In terms of our empowerment/consciousness-raising activism, I think what would be best is an "open source" model of activism.
Here are some links that explain the ideas behind "open source" warfare, etc.
www.pastpeak.com/archives/2006/01/global_guerrill.htm
http://www.d-n-i.net/fcs/robb_opensource_war.htm
Here are my thoughts about this:
I feel that African-American women (AAW) don't need "leaders" in this context. We need consciousness-raising. We need to learn how to have minds that are open enough to re-think what we've been doing.
The life-saving, life-enhancing ideas that various Black women empowerment bloggers have been discussing are really quite simple, and founded on common sense. All that's required to put them into use is a willingness to reconsider some things, and change some self-defeating behaviors.
I'm somewhat confused by the mental resistance and the "stuck points" that some AAW seem to have with all of this. Especially with the weight issues---I just don't understand why seeking validation of the "pity party" is more important than life itself.
In my case, I took the time to re-examine my ideology (and what I was doing) shortly after I was presented with new information (the Dunbar Village Atrocity & Aftermath, various blog essays, etc.). After reviewing all the new ideas and new information I had come across, I decided to change course. It was painful, and I grieved over the loss of the previous ideas I had found certainty in. But I'm better off for it.
It's one thing to carefully consider new ideas or information and THEN reject them after thinking it over. It's something else to keep going around a mental "spin cycle" with the same stale thoughts---as if one had never seen or heard the new information. I don't understand that sort of behavior. Especially when the status quo is NOT doing anything positive for a person.
I think that our people's previous models of "leadership" are obsolete and frankly, unworkable in our particular context. [For a variety of reasons that we can discuss in greater detail, if anyone is interested.] In terms of our empowerment/consciousness-raising activism, I think what would be best is an "open source" model of activism.
Here are some links that explain the ideas behind "open source" warfare, etc.
www.pastpeak.com/archives/2006/01/global_guerrill.htm
http://www.d-n-i.net/fcs/robb_opensource_war.htm
Thursday, July 2, 2009
The Last Embers Of A Dying Flame: Will YOU Make It Out Before Darkness Falls?
This essay is contained in my new book. I'm delighted to announce that The Sojourner's Passport site has launched! You can visit it at http://www.sojournerspassport.com/.
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
The Sojourner-Artist: Have More Than One Iron In The Fire
I recently read the following blog post from a literary agent: http://bookendslitagency.blogspot.com/2009/06/more-thoughts-on-re-pitching-agents.html Among other things, she said: "I’ve always taught that if you have made significant changes to your book for one reason or another you should definitely consider re-pitching agents. " However, she added that she often worries about how pleased many aspiring authors are to hear this particular suggestion. She went on to say:
"I will tell you right now, if you don’t learn to move on, to write the next book and query the next book and write and query the next book after that you will never be published.
No agent and no publisher wants an author for only one book, and if you spend years reworking and re-pitching that same book you’re not making yourself a very marketable or publishable author." (emphasis added)
Even though I groaned when I read this last part (after all, it's HARD work to write just ONE book), it does make sense. People in general are accustomed to perceiving their goals in a "gonna fly now-Rocky" context of the one prize fight, the one hit song, or the one blockbuster novel that will propel them to the top of their field. Very few people contemplate the sustained effort it takes to create a body of work.
So, what does this mean to me? It means that after I finish the first draft of my novel, I'll set it aside for a while and write some short stories that I can enter into writing competitions. And then I'll start my second novel after I finish revising the first one. Onward and forward.
In most contexts, it's not good to depend upon one thing. This has been noted throughout the ages. As Baltasar Gracian said in his 1637 book, The Art of Worldly Wisdom:
"Double Your Resources. You thereby double your life. One must not depend on one thing or trust to only one resource, however preeminent. Everything should be kept double, especially the causes of success, of favor, or of esteem. . . Thus as nature gives us in duplicate the most important of our limbs and those most exposed to risk, so art should deal with the qualities on which we depend for success." The Art of Worldly Wisdom, pg. 54.
"I will tell you right now, if you don’t learn to move on, to write the next book and query the next book and write and query the next book after that you will never be published.
No agent and no publisher wants an author for only one book, and if you spend years reworking and re-pitching that same book you’re not making yourself a very marketable or publishable author." (emphasis added)
Even though I groaned when I read this last part (after all, it's HARD work to write just ONE book), it does make sense. People in general are accustomed to perceiving their goals in a "gonna fly now-Rocky" context of the one prize fight, the one hit song, or the one blockbuster novel that will propel them to the top of their field. Very few people contemplate the sustained effort it takes to create a body of work.
So, what does this mean to me? It means that after I finish the first draft of my novel, I'll set it aside for a while and write some short stories that I can enter into writing competitions. And then I'll start my second novel after I finish revising the first one. Onward and forward.
In most contexts, it's not good to depend upon one thing. This has been noted throughout the ages. As Baltasar Gracian said in his 1637 book, The Art of Worldly Wisdom:
"Double Your Resources. You thereby double your life. One must not depend on one thing or trust to only one resource, however preeminent. Everything should be kept double, especially the causes of success, of favor, or of esteem. . . Thus as nature gives us in duplicate the most important of our limbs and those most exposed to risk, so art should deal with the qualities on which we depend for success." The Art of Worldly Wisdom, pg. 54.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Tools For The Writer's/Filmmaker's Craft: "Selling Your Story In 60 Seconds"
I'm reading an extremely helpful book for the budding storyteller: Selling Your Story In 60 Seconds by Michael Hauge. http://www.amazon.com/Selling-Your-Story-Seconds-Guaranteed/dp/1932907203/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246419408&sr=1-1
As he points out, "If you're a writer or filmmaker who wants to connect with an audience, who wants to touch as many people as you can with your work, you must devote time and energy to the marketing process, just as you do to your craft. . . You've got to get your work read, which means you've got to put yourself out there in a positive, committed way and make people aware of your talent." pg. xxi.
This principle applies to more than the arts. It also applies to entrepreneurship in general. From what I've seen and read, one of the main causes of small business failure is the lack of a (sound) marketing strategy. People fall in love with their product or service without giving a single thought to the question, "How am I going to sell this?" It seems to me that it's best to think of the marketing aspect from the very beginning.
I also agree with the author that you only have a short amount of time to make a successful initial pitch. People settle into a general attitude about things or ideas fairly quickly. I've seen this with juries.
As I mentioned in an earlier post:
"Most of the current work created by African-American women promotes the status quo ENTRAPMENT of African-American women and girls. Often, those few works that promote the freedom of movement of an individual Black female author have the negative side effect of blocking the path for others. We need Sojourner-Artists. We need art that promotes and protects the Sojourner's Path by showing the possibilities that are available for African-American women and girls. We need art that encourages African-American women and girls to seize these possibilities." http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2009/05/sojourner-as-artist-extended-readers.html
If we are going to have the African-American Women's Arts Movement that we desperately need, then we have to be at the top of our game as Sojourner-Artists.
Read, learn, and Get Busy!
As he points out, "If you're a writer or filmmaker who wants to connect with an audience, who wants to touch as many people as you can with your work, you must devote time and energy to the marketing process, just as you do to your craft. . . You've got to get your work read, which means you've got to put yourself out there in a positive, committed way and make people aware of your talent." pg. xxi.
This principle applies to more than the arts. It also applies to entrepreneurship in general. From what I've seen and read, one of the main causes of small business failure is the lack of a (sound) marketing strategy. People fall in love with their product or service without giving a single thought to the question, "How am I going to sell this?" It seems to me that it's best to think of the marketing aspect from the very beginning.
I also agree with the author that you only have a short amount of time to make a successful initial pitch. People settle into a general attitude about things or ideas fairly quickly. I've seen this with juries.
As I mentioned in an earlier post:
"Most of the current work created by African-American women promotes the status quo ENTRAPMENT of African-American women and girls. Often, those few works that promote the freedom of movement of an individual Black female author have the negative side effect of blocking the path for others. We need Sojourner-Artists. We need art that promotes and protects the Sojourner's Path by showing the possibilities that are available for African-American women and girls. We need art that encourages African-American women and girls to seize these possibilities." http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2009/05/sojourner-as-artist-extended-readers.html
If we are going to have the African-American Women's Arts Movement that we desperately need, then we have to be at the top of our game as Sojourner-Artists.
Read, learn, and Get Busy!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
