Thursday, February 12, 2009

Wildest Dreams Check-In, Week 6

Today is Day 38 of the Power 90 Program.

The Awful Truth

I'm tired. Especially when I end up working out after some very long days at work. I'm sore. From doing the maximum number of suggested reps, and the advanced cardio workouts. I'm irritable. About feeling deprived because of the nutrition plan.

I've had a couple of (not very satisfying) days of rebellion against the nutrition plan. I've been not-so-secretly pleased about the recent lack of fresh Brussels sprouts in the nearby grocery stores. This has provided a semi-legitimate excuse to not have my daily anti-cancer juice. The fresh Brussels sprouts were back when I went shopping today. So, I'm back on the juice. {sigh}

Gold Stars

I soldier on with the workouts. I have a huge stock of anti-cancer sencha green tea that I faithfully drink everyday. [There's no plausible excuse for not drinking it.]

What's going on with you? How are your Wildest Dreams (of any type, not just fitness/health related) coming along?


Beverly said...

Hey! (waving) About your nutrition plan. Have you thought about eating what you like, I mean the foods you really like; but just in really small portions?

That might help you not feel deprived. I've been vegetarian (I stopped counting the years after 13) for many years and have found that it's not a problem because I only became vegetarian AFTER I genuinely developed a distaste for all meat, including fish.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

Good Day Khadija:

Sorry to hear about your struggles but thank you for the honesty. If you watch these "transformation" shows where people diet/exercise/makeover it's all presented as a nice little package of seamless effort and not a constant striving/stopping/reinstating effort. So thanks for "keeping it real", lol!

I'm preparing to make a locale change. I've thought about it for 2 years but my feet were like lead. I've been afraid because I wasn't sure exactly what I was doing. Having ideas but not necessarily knowing how to best implement them and not getting any support to accomplish them I can see why I'd want to stay put. But that's not growth.

I've been wanting to do this but I didn't want to be running away from anything. I also have needed a perspective shift. I also realize I haven't navigated my way through supremacist work environments well - but of course I realize I had no one teaching me how to so why would I have assumed I could do it automatically.

Some of that had to do with self-worth/uneven emotional contract with family/my growth as a person. We can't change our pasts but we can take steps to ensure a better future. I will also need to embark on a nutrition/fitness regime. I just need to accept that I can do these things w/o being "perfect" first. I can strive for excellence and I want to be able to attract people and situations that will allow me to continue moving forward.

Khadija said...

Greetings, Beverly!

That doesn't really work well for me---things "get good" and I want the full portion! LOL!

I can do the microscopic portion trick with foods that I only moderately like. But not with stuff that I luuuve. *Smile*

Greetings, Faith!

I also dislike documentaries, etc. that make stuff look like a seamless path with no peaks and valleys. It's totally dishonest; and I believe that it serves to discourage people. Folks start to think, "What's up with me? That other person did 'it' without all of this drama."

I saw your earlier comment over at Rev. Lisa's house, and was mulling over a reply. This is another reason why I'm delighted that you stopped by today. I can say what I was thinking right here. *Smile*

With most of my "Wildest Dreams" efforts, I don't know what I'm doing! There's really no template for what any of us are doing as AA women in this era.

No one else has ever faced the set of circumstances that AA women are facing right now. So, their answers and solutions don't really "fit" current circumstances. Some answers might be responsive to a portion of what's going on. But, only a portion.

This means that's there's no template. Which means that none of us truly knows what we're doing. Some people just sound more confident than others. [They got their "bluff" in first. LOL!]

Try not to spend much time brooding over what feels like "lost" time. I know exactly how this feels because this is one my biggest problems when it comes to non-helpful mental habits. I spend a LOT of time brooding over my past mistakes. It's not healthy; and it doesn't lead to anywhere I want to go.

Ultimately, I repeat to myself that I made the best decisions I could with the information that I had. I did the best that I could. Which is still qualitatively better than what many others are doing.

You did the best that you could. Which is still qualitatively better than what many others did, or are doing right now.

I don't know where you are age-wise, but try to be thankful for "waking up" whenever you did.

One problem often associated with being middle-aged is the feeling that there is more life behind than what is left ahead to be experienced. Many days, it feels as if the sun has already set.

I see a LOT of mentally exhausted, drained, and broken middle-aged AA women at work, in my family, and around in general. I can see the complete exhaustion in their eyes. I can see the defeat in their eyes.

As time passes, and AA women's collective quality of life worsens, I'm beginning to see the same exhaustion and defeat in the eyes of younger and younger AA women.

I REFUSE to go out like that. So, I keep moving toward my goals. Even when I don't really know what I'm doing.

I also praise God for my health. One of my best friends has been dealing with long-term debilitating health issues for over 5 years. Along with pain-management issues. As a result, her physical world has become very small and filled with doctor's appointments, medications that make her drowsy, and physical pain.

She soldiers on with her goals as best she can, even though her room for maneuver is very, very small. She still goes for daily walks around her block using her walker. She's a minister, and she stills visits and prays with shut-ins who are even more debilitated than she is. How can I do any less with all of the blessings that I currently enjoy?

I am saying all of this to say that you are definitely NOT alone in your struggles. From the beginning, I have never claimed to be a guru. I have my own struggles. I'm figuring it out as I go along. As long as I'm moving closer toward my goals, that's good enough for me! LOL!

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

JJ said...

As for me, I've been doing the best I've ever done with home workouts. My endurance and stamina has increased markedly, and I'm starting to show muscle tone, particulaly in my arms.

I bought some better shoes with more support as my knees starting hurting, and my diet has always been moderate.

I have been going to see a naturopath and am on an effective vitamin regime.

Emotionally, I've been working thru quite a bit of the eye-opening and confirming stuff I've read on your and Lisa's blogs.

Nobody here talks stuff like "unequal emotional contracts", "emotional discipline", "being the best YOU", etc.

I've had piece-meal approaches to these concepts before stemming of my own intiative and wisdom, but it has been a breakthrough for me to read your writings that put things so succinctly and comprehensively.



Sister Seeking/Miriam/MaryAnn said...

Salaam everyone,

I'm learning that some times what might look like failure or a problem could be an opportunity for something better in disguise.

Thank you.

Khadija said...

Greetings, JJ!

Thank you for your kind words about the blog. I truly appreciate it.

Keep up the good work with your efforts! {raised fist salute}

Greetings, Sister Seeking/Miriam!

Yep. One has to be prepared to turn every situation to one's advantage, as much as possible.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Tracy said...

Hey Khadija!

Two of my wildest dreams are about to come true!

I started a diet and exercise program back in September and as of this week I have lost almost 60 pounds! This Saturday is my birthday, and I will be at my lowest weight (under 200) and size (size 14) in over 15 years. So keep up the good work - yes it is painful and frustrating sometimes, but the results will come!

Second wildest dream - After getting laid off this past January, I have taken up writing and am working on two books to submit this summer! Wish me luck! Good luck to you too!

Khadija said...

Greetings, Tracy!

YES!YES!YES! Now that's what I'm talking about! {raised fist salute}

I'm delighted to hear about your victory. May the victories keep coming your way!

Peace, blessings and solidarity.