Monday, July 13, 2009

A Standing Ovation For Faith's 2 Most Recent Posts

Faith, blog host of Acts of Faith In Love And Life (which is on my sidebar blogroll), is holding it down! With some help in the comments section by some of her astute readers like Anna (tertiary#anna), Felicia, and Brother Omi!

Please check out these two posts. And, since one of the individuals responsible for the dreadful Raising Him Alone {shudder} program is listening in to her blog discussions, consider sharing your thoughts about that program.

http://actsoffaithinloveandlife.blogspot.com/2009/07/society-does-not-actively-support.html

http://actsoffaithinloveandlife.blogspot.com/2009/07/national-brainwashing-plan-to-condone.html

As Faith correctly observes, "Telling women to expect to and prepare for raising children with no man present and no backup is like telling a five year old it's ok to go play in traffic."

It's a shame that most African-Americans have lost the ability to comprehend this very basic idea.

28 comments:

sistrunkqueen said...

Most black women will just get more defensive. They will try to condone this type of dysfunctional behavior. I notice on faith's blog that some of the comments were from single moms. They are struggling with all of these kids. Even with a husband it is hard.

Khadija said...

Sistrunkqueen,

I don't care if the women who have already messed up get defensive about their screw-ups. I've written off any woman who wants to aggressively defend her mistakes.

I'm more concerned about the AA women and girls who haven't already messed up. THESE are the people we need to focus on reaching. These are the people who can avoid the fate of the "screw-ups" if they are properly guided. If they are informed of the very real, WHOLESOME, AFFIRMING spectrum of options that they actually have once they stop confining themselves to what's available within the so-called Black community.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

ActsofFaithBlog said...

Thanks so much Khadija: I have many immediate goals and long-terms but you are also holding it down HERE. I also find letting go of some of the mentalities challenging! But since holding on to them doesn't work why try? Again this isn't about "judging" any woman in that situation it's about assessing how it has negative ramifications.

This isn't the Scarlet Letter BUT if I could I'd put a stamp on the millions of DBRs running around leaving heartache and cast-off children in their wake I WOULD. We all make mistakes. That OOW birth rate goes hand in hand with the HIV one and THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

If black women realized.....

a) most black men despise them
b) they are being used
c) there's a whole world out there

....our lives would be so much better. We'd be free from the chains of the great lie about the non-existent black community.

I have never realized this more than in this past week. I am grateful for the pain and disappointment I felt. It was a beautiful birth to a new mindset.

Felicia said...

I think the focus of our outreach needs to stay on the minority of black women & girls who are still salvageable.

Of course feelings are going to get hurt in this war for the minds, hearts, and souls of vulnerable, confused and conflicted black women & girls.

Just like there is currently a gender war between the sexes in the "bc" (a war that BW need to psychologically and physically LEAVE because they have NO business fighting with DBRbm when they can be fulfilled wives to NON DBRbm) there is also a war between those BW outside the Matrix and those (the majority) still within.

BW are going to have to choose their sides, move on, and be done with it.

We're not all on the same trajectory. It's as simple as that.

Birds of a feather flock together. You can't force a square peg into a round hole.

Pride cometh before a fall.

Many sistas are in FREE FALL.

IMO these angry (and hurt) BW - many of whom are single never married mothers - are desperately attempting to "save face".

They're trying to defend themselves against what they consider to be "charges made against them" by us BW outside of the Matrix.

But the thing is, this issue is LARGER than individual BW and the mistakes they personally made unknowingly by following the dictates of the so called "bc".

This issue has to do with ultimate FREEDOM for ALL BW. And THIS issue SUPERSEDES anything individual BW may or may not be going through.

We BW empowerment bloggers and commenters are not attacking never married single black mothers.

We're attacking a systemic FAILED SYSTEM/IDEOLOGY that is intrinsically anti-BW to the core.

A world view - perpetuated by the "bc" - that is DIRECTLY responsible for the majority of AA BW being in the HOLE their in.

We're attacking what and WHO is responsible for them being never married single black struggling mothers to BEGIN WITH.

We're not the enemy. We're the black woman's GREATEST ally. Whether the Matrix members realize it or not.

ak said...

Sistrunkqueen:

Most black women will just get more defensive. They will try to condone this type of dysfunctional behavior. I notice on faith's blog that some of the comments were from single moms. They are struggling with all of these kids. Even with a husband it is hard.



Yes and I'm tired of bw and bm getting defensive about their OOW kid situation. I think it's time for Khadija and Rev Lisa to have their own radio or TV show so that they can spread more ruth for preventative reasons for single bw and girls who are not pregnant thankfully yet.

CW said...

@Khadija & Others


Yes Faith has been on FIRE (even moreso) as of late...I pray this is like a true revival where EVERY BW catches it and spits the truth to every open ear...Obviously those who refuse to do so will continue to be lost...

STQ & others...keep doing what you are doing...When more BW begin seeing others living the BEST life possible, the ones with sense will want to know what we have in our lives...Khadija I am NOT ashamed to say that I have messed up in my life...But when someone is trying to educate me I will shuddup and listen...I will aggressively seek out the causes and find out where things went wrong...What I. can do next time, or start doing now...So there is no excuse for those who want to continue basking in ignorance...

I've also came from "Not ideal" circumstances...But i'll be d___ned if imma get behind my abuser/jailer/sinful condition and give him a pep rally...Selah

Khadija said...

Faith,

Thank you for your kind words; I truly appreciate it.

You said, "Again this isn't about "judging" any woman in that situation it's about assessing how it has negative ramifications."-

This is exactly the point. What we're collectively doing is literally KILLING us.

You said, "If black women realized.....

a) most black men despise them
b) they are being used
c) there's a whole world out there

....our lives would be so much better. We'd be free from the chains of the great lie about the non-existent black community."
-

Yes, I'm struck by how quickly AA women grasp this once their blinders come off. The real irony is that it usually takes an interaction with a DBRbm to yank the blinders off. And not the physically violent kind---BW chalk those sorts of encounters up to criminality.

No, what it often takes is clearly hearing the deranged statements of BM that one previously assumed were sane.

Such as the online conversation that you attempted to have with the educated, (presumably middle class) DBR Negroes who were publicly dissecting Venus Williams' anatomy. Such as the online conversations I had a while back on the Ruminations of a Racial Realist blog with purportedly "conscious" BM who are actually DBRs.

You see, these intellectual, "conscious," educated DBR AA males' CALLOUS DISREGARD for the very lives of BW is one of the greatest "recruiting sergeants" that ever existed for the AAW's empowerment movement.

My experience of clearly hearing for the first time, the absolute hatred underlying these Negroes' statements shocked me right out of Black Nationalism. I was AMAZED to see very few***in fact, less than 3***of these "conscious" Negro males respond with any sort of interest or concern when told of AA women's and children's suffering at the hands of BM. The rest of them verbally YAWNED after hearing about crimes against humanity such as the Dunbar Village Atrocity.

I realized that they had been expressing that sort of apathy toward BM's slaughter of BW and Black children all along. My political ideology had prevented me from hearing it.
Once that illusion was dispelled (the false notion that AA males and AA women are "all in it together"), the other illusions I held about the so-called Black community also disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Being outside of the Matrix was extremely upsetting at first. But it was also a rebirth for me as well. I'm thankful for it. It's changed the course of my life. For the better.

Khadija said...

Part 2

Felicia,

You said, "I think the focus of our outreach needs to stay on the minority of black women & girls who are still salvageable...BW are going to have to choose their sides, move on, and be done with it. We're not all on the same trajectory. It's as simple as that.

...But the thing is, this issue is LARGER than individual BW and the mistakes they personally made unknowingly by following the dictates of the so called "bc".

This issue has to do with ultimate FREEDOM for ALL BW. And THIS issue SUPERSEDES anything individual BW may or may not be going through.

We BW empowerment bloggers and commenters are not attacking never married single black mothers.

We're attacking a systemic FAILED SYSTEM/IDEOLOGY that is intrinsically anti-BW to the core.

A world view - perpetuated by the "bc" - that is DIRECTLY responsible for the majority of AA BW being in the HOLE their in.

We're attacking what and WHO is responsible for them being never married single black struggling mothers to BEGIN WITH.

We're not the enemy. We're the black woman's GREATEST ally. Whether the Matrix members realize it or not."
-

I co-sign 100%. What's the phrase one of my Christian AA "church ladies" uses for these sorts of situations? Something to the effect of "Let the dead bury the dead." I'm focused of helping salvagable AAW and girls from falling into these holes in the first place.
____________________

AK,

So, you're trying to sign me up for yet more activist work? TV or radio? Noooooooo! LOL!YOU (or anybody else who feels it's necessary) can do a tv or radio show!
______________________

CW,

You said, "Khadija I am NOT ashamed to say that I have messed up in my life...But when someone is trying to educate me I will shuddup and listen...I will aggressively seek out the causes and find out where things went wrong...What I. can do next time, or start doing now...So there is no excuse for those who want to continue basking in ignorance..."-

I've made mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes. But it's totally inappropriate to wallow in them. Or to try to lift them up as being somehow equal to the better choices that weren't made. That's CRAZY, ego-driven, and fundamentally destructive behavior.

I've found that it's much better for me to do an HONEST post mortem on what went wrong, with a focus of MY part in "what went wrong;" and resolve to do better in the future.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Sister Seeking, Miriam said...

I’ve been holding this in for some time now but I really feel the NEED to say/share:

To ***ALL*** the black woman empowerment bloggers, black woman interracial bloggers, and to ***ALL*** the likeminded/devoted readers I don’t know HOW you all have managed to do your work to this degree for so long considering the:

1-DEGREE of hatred, evil, and apathy projected at you
2-SLANDER, threats, and intimidation tactics
3-ENVY, jealousy, and SABOTOGE
4-Stalking, harassment, and BULLYING
5- EVIA and Khadija Were/are Right about the mass hatred for the middle class/upper-class—hell even the functional working class! You all were right about the entitlement attitude!

I hope folks are SEEING for themselves that other black women who don’t get it for whatever reason want to see YOU, and YOUR children in unimaginable pain. I’m DISTURBED by the deliberate wishing the EVIL EYE upon Faith.

Khadija, I e-mailed you snippets of the drama I was exposed to in my public sector job, which I gladly resigned from—and what a coincidence because it was at the same time you were asking other BW in the public sector helping professions to question why they were really there.

This issue of OOW, Black Nationalism, and hurting people hurting others, is what led to working conditions that ended up making me so sick, I had to go to a specialist. I couldn’t eat anything. My digestive system just completely shut down. I was trying to navigate so many issues that intersect, and was trying to do my best to stand out: not as the “Muslim such and such” or “ the black such and such”—BUT JUST ME you all. I wanted to stand as a polished, professional—not some black woman on I got to save the whole world mess. I entered that job with specific goals to eventually leave, but would use the money, contacts, and network to further my own personal agenda outside of that job. I had written plan, time frame, you name it.
I didn’t fully see or know it then, but my supervisor was and is one of those black women who hasn’t swallowed the red people, and left the war zone. From the time she first started, until I left, she was constantly trying to save the black community, and the black family by force-feeding “diversity”

and “multiculturalism” down the throats of leadership in our agency. After Obama was elected she went absolutely crazy. People could see it was not “diversity” but Black Nationalism, and power struggles ensued. The last straw for me was when she hired a single mother from welfare to work program. I’m continued...

Sister Seeking, Miriam said...

not against those programs, and I’m not against providing some way for women to be self-sufficient, but as soon as she hired this woman, I knew our work place was about to change for the worse for ever.

I had to go through a staffing agency to get hired, and work hard to prove myself. There was no special program that I could go through to get a job without having to compete like other people. My supervisor expressed in front my staff that she thought our culture was racist, dysfunctional, and unsupportive. But would act like a completely different person in front of the “white” people”. She manipulated every single dang holiday/festival/event to bend it to help women in situations of OOW, and a bunch of drama. Everything became about helping, and giving back to single black mothers( the majority whom kept had OOW). I spent my own personal money on this woman.

I finally snapped when my training, education, and career track was being “put on hold” so that this woman could find adequate childcare( which never happened ) because my supervisor approached the situation with the attitude that we were equal, and could rise together. I found my religion, and family structure being insulted, and attacked by my supervisor: ( Employee John doe is like that because their marriage i does not have gender roles frozen in time) I could go on, and on. Thankfully, I never believed her sorry behind in the first place, and worked hard to build relationships with the white people she claimed hated us. I finally confided in one very seasoned worker with heavy duty institutional knowledge about the abuse I was experiencing, and all of the drama I was being forced to hide/cover up. I left that job, with the most references I’ve ever had in my life. My supervisor bullied, intimidated, and manipulated me into serving her agenda which she was being pushed by others I’m sure. I found myself being beat over the head because I made responsible sexual choices, educational choices, and career choices. I was being shamed because I didn’t want to take responsibility for something that had nothing to do with me. I was accused of being self-righteous, and judgmental.( This makes me want to put my hijab right back on)

Khadija, the so called “evil white” people understood that I didn’t come from the same ilk when they met my husband, and saw WHO we are and WHAT we are about. They weren’t Islamphobic like she was either.

Sorry if I went on a tirade but Miriam is REJOICING, CELEBRATING, and EXHALING.
If you’re out there, just realize that people WILL fight you, and try to beat you into silence.
Well, I believe that Allah/God IS THE almighty. They plan but GOD is the best of planners. I REFUSE to be quiet, I REFUSE to CRY A SINGLE TEAR, A SINGLE TEAR, and I REFUSE to make a covenant with death. I’m divesting alright. You can best believe that, I’ve seen this up close, and personal. I don’t care about people who don’t care about me.

GET OUT of the black community. Put YOURSELF/FAMILY first. The masses of the BC WANTS to see you FAIL.

When you run into a mental, emotional, or physical block to your escape stand up and say: GET OUT OF MY WAY.
Miriam

Southland Diva said...

Wow, is it hot on Faith's blog or what? I did not see a place to comment of Faith's blog (my error I am sure) so I'll do it here.

I am the product of a single parent (mom) family. I think I've said before that my mom did a fabulous job. That said, I determined when I was very young (12 or 13) not to have a child without being married. I saw how hard my mom had to work and struggle to provide a decent life for me and my brothers. With the gift of 20/20 hindsight, I see how the lack of a proper male role model has impacted my life, especially in relationships.

I don't think single parenthood should be a goal anymore than I think marrying someone for the sake of saying you are married should be a goal. People do more research about buying a car or apparel than they do selecting a mate!

People sometimes make poor choices. Okay. Fine. Recognize the error and take positive steps to change!

Stop picking the same man over and over again (i.e. behavior, personality traits).

Stop settling for less than you deserve!!!

Start valuing yourself!!!

Start knowing/understanding yourself.

Self knowledge and self love are the first steps.

Peace

{Hey Khadija, my email is up on my comments now, so feel free to email me if you like! Oh and you don't know how proud I am you stopped by!!!***Ginormous smile***}

Sorry if you have to edit the above out in order to post the comment.

blackotome said...

i remember reading slave narratives and these men were in agony because they could not protect their wives and children. after emancipation they searched and sometimes walked miles and miles trying to find their sold off family...and now this.
I don't see why people are getting offended by you telling bw & gs to avoid single parenthood. Life is already hard enough, why do that to yourself?

sistrunkqueen said...

Sister Miriam
Kudos to you and other black women who escaped the black constructs/ I have an escape plan and am working at it day by day.

Foxycleopatra said...

IMO, most of the black women rallying against Acts of Faiths' stance are doing so for one of the ffg reasons:

1. They are single mums with OOW kids and want others to join them (i.e. misery loves company)
2. They are single mums/OOW and are refusing to see/accept the truth because they don't want to admit their mistakes
3. They are single/OOW and do not want to make the necessary steps to change themselves.

A few months ago, I came to the conclusion that I will no longer be bothering myself with black women but will instead concentrate on black girls and younger black women (late teens and early twenties). I can no longer be bothered any more with the older ones because as far as I am concerned, 'a fool at 40 is a fool forever'.

I have limited time and resources and so would rather spend it on those who I know I could have a greater effect on.

The black women who are sensible enough will listen but as the saying goes, 'you can take a horse to the river but you cannot force it to drink'. So I am more concerned ith prevention as opposed to cure. The kind of nonsense i have experienced from black women INTENTIONALLY trying to hamper my message is just ridiculous. I have encountered many more ikettes than I have ikes. I have chosen to target younger black girls to help prevent them from getting on this obscure dangerous path in the first place.



Re Raising Him Alone:
As far as i am concerned, this is complete BS. i will not even be mincing my words on this. Why is it that the two black males who started up the program cannot target their FELLOW black males? Instead, they want to prepare black women to raise the kids ALL BY THEMSELVES! If these two negro males really cared, wouldn't they try to get the deadbeat men to step up, try to prevent young black boys from turning into deadbeats and also preventing black girls and women from bedding these deadbeats in the first place?

Lastly, why is it 'raisng HIM alone'? What of the 'HERS'? This is further proof that in the farce that is the black community, the welfare of black girls is always put on the backburner if at all. Arent' black women's female children just as important as their male children?

COMPLETE BS!!

Khadija said...

SisterSeeking/Miriam,

Ahhh...you've seen what comes with the territory of telling the plain truth about our condition.

And through work, you've also seen the harm that's done when folks "help" entitlement-mentality-"Sheniquas" WITHOUT requiring these women to meet some basic standards (in terms of behavior, work attire, work product, etc.).

Gina raised a good question on the WAOD cross-post thread---what do folks think the so-called AA community will look like when the OOW rate reaches 95%?

I don't concern myself much with the people who want to aggressively defend dysfunction. They are very similar to the avid communists that are left across the world---time has passed them by. Other, more dynamic, ideologies have replaced them (such as political Islam, etc.).

These people who are aggressively defending OOW and other forms of dysfunction right now will be saying the same things and making the same, failed recommendations in a few years when the AA OOW rate hits 90+%. The infotainment hustlers (I just love that phrase) such as Michael Eric Dyson, etc. will be saying the same, failed things as the crisis become PERMANENTLY entrenched.

What they're saying is the political equivalent of "dusties" music. The difference is that "dusties" can be extremely enjoyable. As ENTERTAINMENT. NOT when it comes to making life & death decisions in the context of modern circumstances.

In fact, this pattern is the main reason why I stopped listening to the local Black-owned talk radio station (WVON). The hosts and callers are repeating the SAME conversations, nostrums and slogans I remember hearing 20+ years ago on that station! Whenever I tune in just to check on them, I see that they're having "dusties" conversations.

I say let all these people repeat their AA political "dusties scratch mix" of obsolete, FAILED ideas in peace. While those of us who are willing to make changes move forward into a better future. For ourselves and our loved ones.
______________________

SouthlandDiva,

You said, "People sometimes make poor choices. Okay. Fine. Recognize the error and take positive steps to change!"-

Exactly!
________________________

Blackotome,

Because some of these folks don't want to admit (even to themselves) that they've made some bad moves.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Khadija said...

Foxycleopatra,

You said, "IMO, most of the black women rallying against Acts of Faiths' stance are doing so for one of the ffg reasons:

1. They are single mums with OOW kids and want others to join them (i.e. misery loves company)
2. They are single mums/OOW and are refusing to see/accept the truth because they don't want to admit their mistakes
3. They are single/OOW and do not want to make the necessary steps to change themselves."
-

Yep, this is a perfect summary of what that's about.

I also agree with you that often "there no fool like an old fool."

You said, "Re Raising Him Alone:
As far as i am concerned, this is complete BS. i will not even be mincing my words on this. Why is it that the two black males who started up the program cannot target their FELLOW black males? Instead, they want to prepare black women to raise the kids ALL BY THEMSELVES! If these two negro males really cared, wouldn't they try to get the deadbeat men to step up, try to prevent young black boys from turning into deadbeats and also preventing black girls and women from bedding these deadbeats in the first place?"
-

Yes, "Raising Him Alone" {shudder} is absolute rubbish. My take on why these guys chose not to target their fellow males or to teach Black girls not to sleep with miscreants is: (1) BW and Black girls are NOT important to them (I love the way Faith put it---"BM are just NOT that into BW and girls"; and (2) these guys KNOW that BM are NOT going to respond to any call from anybody to do better. So they don't even bother to approach AA males with the concept of doing better. They know.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

anna (tertiary#anna) said...

@Khadija,

I appreciate your comment. Honestly, the discussion hit a raw nerve that I didn't even know was there. A few days before the discussion, I was thinking of conversations between the various sperm donors I know and the family that's left to pick up the pieces.

And I was also thinking about things like single parenting, marriage, adopting as a single person and feeling like a two-parent household was as tangible as unicorn fur. I felt so defeated.

And then the conversation started and I began to really examine what I thought and why. It made me so angry. Instead of defeated, I felt robbed.

I hate being angry. But anger is useful: it provides momentum that can be used to make change. I don't know if this is where I take the red pill, but the fire coming out of these blogs is lighting a path for me.

Things are becoming more clear, and I'm starting to see the dangers in situations that I used to think I could ignore. I'm starting to realize the urgency of things that I must do. I can only thank all of you for what you all are writing and doing. It is truly life changing.

Khadija said...

Anna,

You're welcome; and THANK YOU for your input and feedback during these conversations. I always learn a LOT from the readers---this is a dynamic process.

It's interesting. Even though I believe that every BW's "taking the red pill" experience is unique, I do see some common elements with what others are describing. I'm seeing references to some things I felt along the way, but couldn't articulate at the time.

In her latest post, Faith makes reference to a previously-unexplained "sullen" feeling. Yep, I recall feeling that way. Check!-

You've made reference to going from feeling defeated to feeling as if you had been robbed. Check and check! Yes, most folks are angry campers when they realize that they've been subjected to a long-term series of life-muggings. [As Beverly said in a recent comment, I've "been there, done that, and paid the price" for it. Check!]

You said that you're "starting to see the dangers in situations that" you used to think you could ignore. Check, check and check!-

I'm still irritable about the time that I lost in the Matrix, but I'm also grateful that I stumbled out at all. I've known BW who died while still within the Matrix.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

Nathifa said...

I just wanted to say Thank you to you, Evia, Faith and WAOD . You are doing valuable work and your efforts to reach other black women out there is working. The conversation on WOAD is disturbing. I did not know there were so many black women who feel the need to defend black male child abandonment. I too have a child OOW. I do not need to defend and condone it. I just have decided to do better. I cannot pretend that having to do everything on my own such as homework, driving to and going to after school actitivtes, calling out of work if my child is sick, and doing all the cooking and cleaning,going to work all day and then coming home to a child who wants to play takes a toll on a person. Sometimes I find my self thinking of five things at once because I have to do too many things. I'am educated and have decent job so I do not have financial stress but having another income would help me to have more of a safety net. The women who are not financially stable have to make choices between food, clothes and paying the bills. And what about taking their child on vavcations. Some kids never leave their community. These things cause black women to age prematurely, have stress, high blood pressuure, tired and physicaly ill not able to effectively parent or cope with life. I have decided to do better. I have moved to a community that has a good school system and is safe. I have not dated any more brothas who have a record, are not working, uneducated, unskilled, do not value marriage and family and do not share my value system. I'am now open to dating qualtiy men period of any race. I will not fall for give a brotha chance any more if that brotha is not a qaulity man. I'am not putting black males down but I refuse to be told that I have to settle for less or to lower my expectations.If I find a qaulity black man great if I find a qaulity non- black man that's good too.I joined a book club and was told by my so called black females friends that sounds white. Well I did not know reading was for Whites only. I just have decided to make postive changes in my life. I like to travel. So I have started to take one trip abroad with my female frineds and one wirh my son. I just decided to start doing things that make me happy.I feel more free and less stressed out. Once you start letting go of toxic people you move through life more easliy. I'm happier now and I know I deserve to be happy. I'm still growing and learning but I just wanted to thank you for your truth, honesty and love for black women and children.You are making a difference.

DeStouet said...

Anna,

Your very last comment was dead on. You was able to articulate some of the things I've been feeling. Thank you for carefully choosing your words, and at the same time, helping me put a finger on some of the emotions I've been feeling.

Khadija,

I've been following that post over at Gina's, and the two posts over at Faith's, and what is unbelievable to me is that there still hasn't been a man to chime in and side with us. OR voice his opinion on the entire issue.

Is there not a man amongst us that can see what you ladies are saying? Is there not a man that is serious about caring for, tending to, and providing for his family that reads these blogs and is willing to give his input.

I am starting to believe (as I've heard mentioned here a few times) that the few black men who are providers for their family are too busy keeping their families out of harms way to say much of anything, and the rest of them are in fact, benefiting from what is taking place in the AA community.

Khadija said...

Nathifa,

You're welcome; and thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate it.

You said, "I too have a child OOW. I do not need to defend and condone it. I just have decided to do better. I cannot pretend that having to do everything on my own such as homework, driving to and going to after school actitivtes, calling out of work if my child is sick, and doing all the cooking and cleaning,going to work all day and then coming home to a child who wants to play takes a toll on a person.

...The women who are not financially stable have to make choices between food, clothes and paying the bills. And what about taking their child on vavcations. Some kids never leave their community. These things cause black women to age prematurely, have stress, high blood pressuure, tired and physicaly ill not able to effectively parent or cope with life."
-

THANK YOU for speaking the "real deal" about single parenthood. So many of us are so focused on protecting the wounded egos of those who have already been involved in OOW (as either parent or child).

Focusing on the "feelings" of those whose lives are already touched by OOW ignores the fundamental reality of this type of situation. This "raising them alone" situation is INHERENTLY fraught with great hardship and high risks. For both the mother AND most importantly, the child(ren).

There's NO back-up built into the "raising them alone." Isn't the key word in this concept---"ALONE"?

Gina made an excellent point on the WAOD thread when she pointed out that a lot of us are depending upon the family stability created by marriages from THREE generations ago (grandparents and great-grandparents)!

As far as I'm concerned, that "village" rhetoric is just some more empty talk. There is NO village. There are only elderly and exhausted grandmothers that many of us want to heap more burdens on. There's NOBODY waiting in the wings to replace these grandmothers & great-grandmothers because the generations that followed are not forming the stable marriages that they had as the family bedrock.

Folks need to STOP lying about this mythical village. We burned the village down decades ago.
There are a very few scattered huts left. That's about it.
_________________

DeStouet,

You said, "I've been following that post over at Gina's, and the two posts over at Faith's, and what is unbelievable to me is that there still hasn't been a man to chime in and side with us. OR voice his opinion on the entire issue."-

So you noticed that too? *Smile* I believe:

(1) Some of the few interested BM are reluctant/scared to jump into the middle of that firestorm over there;

(2) Some of the few interested BM have their hands full just trying to protect their families from the deadly influence of mass AA "hip-hop-crack house" culture;

(3) Most BM are not emotionally invested into worrying about the state of the former AA family. Most of them just don't care about it; and they like the status quo (having an unmarried, desperate, "surplus" population of BW to be used for The Booty Call Corps).

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

rainebeaux said...

Nathifa: from one single parent to another, thank you for your inspiration.

I didn't expect any males to speak up because...well, my co-parent (babydaddy, sperm donor--pick one) wouldn't have.

When I'm done escaping from the melanized Escape from New York (aka Englewood) and my internal/external overhaul is complete, I fully intend to pay it forward. Thank you Khadija, Faith, Evia, et al for your service.

Khadija said...

Rainebeaux,

You said, "When I'm done escaping from the melanized Escape from New York (aka Englewood) and my internal/external overhaul is complete, I fully intend to pay it forward. Thank you Khadija, Faith, Evia, et al for your service."-

You mentioned "the melanized Escape from New York". {chuckling} Isn't it amazing how so many of these dystopian movies capture the atmosphere that exists in many Black residential areas RIGHT NOW? Other folks have to imagine an "official" catastrophe in order to see themselves living in the environments that many AA women live within right now(everyday physical danger, dog-eat-dog mentalities, etc.). Hmmph!

Thank you for mentioning that you're going to pay it forward. That's one of the reasons why my conscience will be clear when I stop "preaching" to focus on other pursuits.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

arthur said...

..there still hasn't been a man to chime in and side with us..

Had to bite my tongue a time or two ... but I judge this discussion is not for me, right Khadija?

Khadija said...

Arthur,

You said, "Had to bite my tongue a time or two ... but I judge this discussion is not for me, right Khadija?"-

Correct. As I've mentioned before, it's extremely disruptive when non-Blacks interject themselves into extremely sensitive internal conversations about AA issues. And, regardless of their intentions, whatever they say will backfire and be used against whatever position they are attempting to support.

It's an extreme example, but I think it communicates the dynamics underlying these situations: NO American politician of ANY political party wants an endorsement from Bin Laden. NO American politician of ANY political party wants to hear Bin Laden expressing agreement with ANYTHING s/he is saying.

This is because Bin Laden's seeming agreement or endorsement will be used to discredit whatever the politician is saying. Even if Bin Laden's statement happened to be factually true, such as "The sun rises in the east."-

Arthur, in these sorts of discussions, anything and everything you said would be construed as "racist" and used as ammunition AGAINST whatever view you were supporting. To put it bluntly, for many of us, you are automatically "Bin Laden." So yes, it's best for non-Blacks to stay out of that type of conversation. And you were wise (as I've always observed you to be) to bite your tongue for that particular firestorm.

Peace, blessings and solidarity.

focusedpurpose said...

Khadija-

hi sis. i can't find the right thread. darn it!

i wanted to address the comment i made about sisters always being too something and it being a good time to poke at a sister. the world does this and other sisters do as well.

i will come back when i can really go through and find where i am trying to post. lol!

blessings sis,
focusedpurpose

focusedpurpose said...

Khadija-

feel free NOT to post that last comment. lol!

good night sis. i will come back soon.

blessings in abundance,
focusedpurpose

Khadija said...

FocusedPurpose,

Good Morning, Sis! I look forward to your return visit. *Smile*

Peace, blessings and solidarity.