From Sun Tzu's The Art of War Plus The Art of Small Business:
"Success in business requires one thing.
You must control people's perceptions.
If you are new, you must appear experienced.
If business is slow, you must appear busy.
If you are anxious, you must appear calm.
If you are worried, you must appear enthusiastic.
If competitors have a good idea, take it as your own.
When customers are uncertain, help them decide.
When competitors are good, you must be better.
When competitors are strong, find a different business.
If customer decisions are emotional, play to emotion.
If competitors are weak, make them overconfident.
If competitors win easy sales, make them work for them.
If competitors have partners, steal the partners away.
Go after competitors who don't expect competition.
Avoid competing in ways that competitors expect.
You will find an opportunity that assures profit.
Never pass it by."
Sun Tzu's The Art of War Plus The Art of Small Business, pg. 33.
The First Set of Perceptions You MUST Control Are Your Own
The first set of perceptions that you must control are your own as a Black business owner. Most of this revolves around checking yourself and your true priorities. What is more important to you---massaging your ego OR making the sale while providing excellent products and service?
It takes emotional discipline to have a colorless business and to maintain secrecy about it being Black-owned. This means that you don't get to puff your chest out and brag about how you're a business owner. This often means that you don't get the emotional payoff of visibly looking like The Boss.
But if you're in tune with reality, then you know that life is not fair and that you can't afford to behave the same way as non-Black business owners. That is, if your priority is to make the sale while providing excellence. The reality is that you won't even get the opportunity to provide excellent products and service to potential customers if they know that your business is Black owned.
So . . . what is the real purpose of having your business if you can't access customers because you insist upon "styling and profiling" as The Owner/The Boss? And how long do you expect to have your business if you function in this manner?
Staying in alignment with your priorities affects other decisions. Let's discuss an example from the world of non-fiction, self-publishing authors of how-to books: search engine optimization of book titles.
Search Engine Optimization of Book Titles: Do You Want To Be Elegant OR Do You Want The Maximum Number of Potential Buyers To Find Your Book?
From Aiming At Amazon by Aaron Shepard:
"When you aim at Amazon, it helps to consider your title as two distinct components. Focusing your book and attracting buyers is the job of the main title. The subtitle, on the other hand, has wholly different functions. First and foremost, it must make your book findable.
. . . If you've ever developed a Web site, you've probably heard of SEO---search engine optimization. This stands for planting keywords in your pages so that, when people search for something on Google or another search engine, your site will show up prominently in results. On Amazon, you do nearly the same thing by planting keywords in your subtitle.
Take my book The Business of Writing for Children. The full subtitle of this book is---let me take a deep breath---An Award-Winning Author's Tips on Writing Children's Books and Publishing them, or How to Write, Publish, and Promote a Book for Kids.
Unwieldy? Certainly---and not much of an ad for my writing skills, either! But take a close look at it. Now try to think of what search phrase you would personally use to tind such a book. You'll likely find that, whatever you come up with, all the words of that phrase are contained within that subtitle. Maybe not in the same order, but still there and ready to be found.
What does that mean on Amazon? When anyone searches for such a book, my competitors' books might show up a third of the time, or a half, or even more. But my book will come up almost every time. So, I will have that many more opportunities to sell my book."
Aiming At Amazon, pgs. 30-31 (emphasis added).
I had a serious problem with this when I first read it. It's contrary to my (ego-driven) preference for elegance in all of my business-related communications. But then I checked my priorities. The nonfiction book that I'm writing has a LOT of information in it that will help many consumers. People who have previewed chapters of my book have said, "I wish I had something like this before I did ___________." So I had to ask myself, "What's more important to me? Getting my book into the hands of as many buyers as possible? Or feeling good about having an elegant and witty book title?"
I also considered the fact that, as a consumer, when I chose to buy this particular book, I was focused on getting the information it provided and NOT the extreme tackiness of its subtitle. [The full title is "Aiming at Amazon: The NEW Business of Self Publishing OR A Successful Self Publisher's System for Profiting from Nonfiction Books with Print on Demand and Book Marketing on Amazon.com." {shaking my head} Lord have mercy. All of that is not on the front cover of the book, but it is on the first page after you open the cover.]
In order to succeed as a Black business owner, you must control perceptions. Starting with your own.
Are you willing to think through your own priorities?
Are you willing act in alignment with your TRUE priorities?
Are you willing to take control of your own perceptions of what you're doing?
Are you willing to do what's needed to take control of customers' perceptions of your business?
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The Art Of Black-Owned Business, Part 1: Circumvent Customer Resistance By Having A "Colorless" Business
This essay is contained in my new book. I'm delighted to announce that The Sojourner's Passport site has launched! You can visit it at http://www.sojournerspassport.com/.
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Please Join Me In A Round Of Geostrategy Nerd: What Comes Next For You and Yours?
Faith, blog host of Acts of Faith In Love And Life (which is on my sidebar blogroll), is holding it down! She's done yet another excellent post that I believe deserves your attention: http://actsoffaithinloveandlife.blogspot.com/2009/08/waning-political-clout-of-blacks-in.html
I talked about this waning of African-Americans' prospects in this country from a slightly different angle during the Charity Should Begin At Home series of posts: http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/09/charity-should-begin-at-home-part-1.html and http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/09/charity-should-begin-at-home-part-2.html
The bottom line is that African-Americans have collectively "blown it." Across a wide array of issues. Since African-Americans have already lost a series of essential battles, I believe that it's critical that those of us who survive shift our attention at this point. The masses of African-Americans will form a permanent underclass in this country. We need to stop focusing on the dead and dying. We need to focus on securing our own (and our children's) long-term interests as African-American survivors. I said the following in a comment to Faith's post:
"Faith,
Yes, our dwindling political influence WILL be yet another disaster for the masses of unprepared AAs.
Since we've lost the war to prevent AAs from becoming a permanent underclass in this country, I've been thinking about what comes next for those AAs who do manage to avoid this fate. Specifically, what comes next for the AA women that I've nicknamed "Sojourners."
I think it would be helpful for us all to ponder what strategic needs those few surviving/thriving AAs will have a decade from now. And how we might best position ourselves and our children to meet those needs.
This question is the LAST, remaining viable war that's left AFTER the various wars that AAs have already lost. We lost the war to prevent AAs falling into mass, permanent underclass status in this country. We lost the war to preserve the AA family. As you've noted here, we've lost the war to preserve (much less expand) our political influence in this country. We are losing the war to preserve our mass economic gains over the past few decades.
All of that is a done deal, and I believe we need to turn our attention to focus on the strategic interests of those of us who will survive and thrive.
I've been reading a book by Thomas Bass about the Vietnam War called The Spy Who Loved Us: The Vietnam War and Pham Xuan An's Dangerous Game.
To summarize the book: "Pham Xuan An was a brilliant journalist and an even better spy. A long-time correspondent for Time and friendly with all the legendary reporters covering Vietnam, he was an invaluable source of news and font of wisdom on all things Vietnamese. At the same time, he was a masterful double agent, a North Vietnamese intelligence agent...kept his cover in place until the day he died..."
The North Vietnamese sent Mr. An to the US in preparation for what they called "the war after the war." Meaning, the battle to preserve the victory that they (correctly) believed that they would eventually win over South Vietnam (and the foreign powers such as France and the US that were propping it up).
This meant that they were sending people like Mr. An to the US to study American culture (in order to better understand their future opponents---they sent him in the late 1950s, before the US seriously entered the Vietnam conflict---and at the point when they were still fighting the French!).
Thinking through "the war after the war" meant that they were already planning to have agents infiltrate the various worldwide Vietnamese refugee communities that would be created by their victory (they were thinking about this 20 years before their victory in the 1970s).
Those few AAs who survive and thrive also need to look to our future needs and interests. Peace, blessings and solidarity."
We often spend a lot of time talking about the African-Americans who are not going to make it. I'm NOT talking to (or about) the many African-American losers now. With this post, I'm talking to (and about) my fellow survivors and thrivers.
So far, I've been telling you what I think during the Geostrategy Nerd posts. I'm now inviting you to join me in a round of Geostrategy Nerd, and think through the following questions:
What comes next for you and yours during the next 20 years?
What are you preparing for your children that will give them a solid foundation? [Lord, God, please don't say "a good education." You know that this is now a minimum requirement that's needed to function in this society. So, a good education is a given. And you know that "a good education" is NOT enough by itself to give somebody a sturdy foundation.]
We can't all own businesses that we can pass down to our children or other loved ones. And we know that we CAN'T pass a job down to our loved ones. But we CAN accumulate other kinds of tangible assets. At a minimal level, we can accumulate things like U.S. Savings Bonds.
So, what exactly are you doing that's meant to last, and designed to do something concrete for yourself, and for loved ones who come after you? [This was the point of the recent post asking you the question, "What impact will your actions have on life 17 generations from now?"]
So, what's next? What will African-American survivors, thrivers, and Sojourners need to do next to properly position ourselves for the future?
For the next 5 years? For the next 10 years? And beyond?
I talked about this waning of African-Americans' prospects in this country from a slightly different angle during the Charity Should Begin At Home series of posts: http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/09/charity-should-begin-at-home-part-1.html and http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/09/charity-should-begin-at-home-part-2.html
The bottom line is that African-Americans have collectively "blown it." Across a wide array of issues. Since African-Americans have already lost a series of essential battles, I believe that it's critical that those of us who survive shift our attention at this point. The masses of African-Americans will form a permanent underclass in this country. We need to stop focusing on the dead and dying. We need to focus on securing our own (and our children's) long-term interests as African-American survivors. I said the following in a comment to Faith's post:
"Faith,
Yes, our dwindling political influence WILL be yet another disaster for the masses of unprepared AAs.
Since we've lost the war to prevent AAs from becoming a permanent underclass in this country, I've been thinking about what comes next for those AAs who do manage to avoid this fate. Specifically, what comes next for the AA women that I've nicknamed "Sojourners."
I think it would be helpful for us all to ponder what strategic needs those few surviving/thriving AAs will have a decade from now. And how we might best position ourselves and our children to meet those needs.
This question is the LAST, remaining viable war that's left AFTER the various wars that AAs have already lost. We lost the war to prevent AAs falling into mass, permanent underclass status in this country. We lost the war to preserve the AA family. As you've noted here, we've lost the war to preserve (much less expand) our political influence in this country. We are losing the war to preserve our mass economic gains over the past few decades.
All of that is a done deal, and I believe we need to turn our attention to focus on the strategic interests of those of us who will survive and thrive.
I've been reading a book by Thomas Bass about the Vietnam War called The Spy Who Loved Us: The Vietnam War and Pham Xuan An's Dangerous Game.
To summarize the book: "Pham Xuan An was a brilliant journalist and an even better spy. A long-time correspondent for Time and friendly with all the legendary reporters covering Vietnam, he was an invaluable source of news and font of wisdom on all things Vietnamese. At the same time, he was a masterful double agent, a North Vietnamese intelligence agent...kept his cover in place until the day he died..."
The North Vietnamese sent Mr. An to the US in preparation for what they called "the war after the war." Meaning, the battle to preserve the victory that they (correctly) believed that they would eventually win over South Vietnam (and the foreign powers such as France and the US that were propping it up).
This meant that they were sending people like Mr. An to the US to study American culture (in order to better understand their future opponents---they sent him in the late 1950s, before the US seriously entered the Vietnam conflict---and at the point when they were still fighting the French!).
Thinking through "the war after the war" meant that they were already planning to have agents infiltrate the various worldwide Vietnamese refugee communities that would be created by their victory (they were thinking about this 20 years before their victory in the 1970s).
Those few AAs who survive and thrive also need to look to our future needs and interests. Peace, blessings and solidarity."
We often spend a lot of time talking about the African-Americans who are not going to make it. I'm NOT talking to (or about) the many African-American losers now. With this post, I'm talking to (and about) my fellow survivors and thrivers.
So far, I've been telling you what I think during the Geostrategy Nerd posts. I'm now inviting you to join me in a round of Geostrategy Nerd, and think through the following questions:
What comes next for you and yours during the next 20 years?
What are you preparing for your children that will give them a solid foundation? [Lord, God, please don't say "a good education." You know that this is now a minimum requirement that's needed to function in this society. So, a good education is a given. And you know that "a good education" is NOT enough by itself to give somebody a sturdy foundation.]
We can't all own businesses that we can pass down to our children or other loved ones. And we know that we CAN'T pass a job down to our loved ones. But we CAN accumulate other kinds of tangible assets. At a minimal level, we can accumulate things like U.S. Savings Bonds.
So, what exactly are you doing that's meant to last, and designed to do something concrete for yourself, and for loved ones who come after you? [This was the point of the recent post asking you the question, "What impact will your actions have on life 17 generations from now?"]
So, what's next? What will African-American survivors, thrivers, and Sojourners need to do next to properly position ourselves for the future?
For the next 5 years? For the next 10 years? And beyond?
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Wildest Dreams Checklist: Are You Living For The Weekends, And Dead For The Rest Of The Week?
This essay is contained in my new book. I'm delighted to announce that The Sojourner's Passport site has launched! You can visit it at http://www.sojournerspassport.com/.
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Al-Walaa Wal Baraa, Part 3: Do You Have Any Loyalty To Yourself?
The other day, I was scrutinizing the Technorati statistics for my blog post tags. I was specifically looking to see what topics my posts were weighted toward. I have my own subjective impression of that, but I've been looking for objective metrics to analyze the blog's content.
Anyhoo, I was pleased to see that my subjective assessment was more or less correct: The blog tags with the largest number of posts were the posts tagged "Wildest Dreams." The single topic with the largest number of blog posts has been about African-American women turning their Wildest Dreams into reality. The topic with the next largest number of blog posts are those tagged "Save Your Own Life." Regarding this topic, the focus has usually been on leaving physically dangerous Black residential areas; leaving dead-end, soul-draining "helping professions;" maintaining one's health through physical fitness; and developing other income streams. These are all steps along the Sojourner's Path.
As much as I prefer to focus on these sorts of things, the reality is that none of this works when you don't have any loyalty to yourself, your values, or your own interests. This lack of loyalty to self is the underlying reason why so many African-American women are so easily pulled off course from turning their dreams into reality.
You can't be loyal to yourself AND loyal that which is anti-you at the same time. When you make room, make a way, and make it comfortable and cozy for people that are anti-you, then you are acting as their ally. If you are in an alliance with somebody who hates you, then you're actually in a state of war against yourself.
"And indeed He has revealed to
you in the Book that when you hear
Allah’s messages disbelieved in and
mocked at, sit not with them until
they enter into some other discourse,
for then indeed you would be like
them. Surely Allah will gather
together the hypocrites and the disbelievers
all in hell—" Holy Quran, 4: 140.
The Quran also warns the believers about what's really going on with the "haters":
"O ye who believe! Take not into your intimacy
those outside your ranks: They will not fail to corrupt you.
They only desire your ruin: Rank hatred has already
appeared from their mouths:
What their hearts conceal is far worse.
We have made plain to you the Signs, if ye have wisdom." Holy Quran, 3:118.
Do you while away the time with people who hate you?
Do you interact with people who hate you?
Do you remain in the company of people who insult you, and the things that matter most to you?
Do you cheese and grin with people who make mockery of your aspirations?
Most African-American women do the things I've listed above. Some do it because this behavior has become normalized among us. Some know better, and do it anyway out of social pressure. I can hear such women thinking, "If I walk away from everybody who verbally spits on me or my dreams, then I won't have anybody left around me." Well, then you need to work double-time to find some new people to associate with.
I submit to you that part of the reason why you haven't found people who would actually support you and your goals is because you've been "treading water" with folks who don't support you. Two objects can't occupy the same space at the same time. The "haters" around you are taking up space that could be filled with people who are actually compatible with you and your interests.
II. Do You Have Any Boundaries? Is The Space Within YOUR Immediate Presence A "Safe Space"? Are The Spaces That YOU Control Safe Spaces For You, And For Other African-American Women?
Most African-American women don't have any boundaries. We generally don't require the area within our immediate presence to be a "safe space." We also don't make the spaces that we control safe places for ourselves and for other African-American women.
This came up during a recent conversation hosted by Faith (blog host of Acts of Faith In Love and Life, which is on my sidebar blogroll). In this post http://actsoffaithinloveandlife.blogspot.com/2009/08/lessons-african-american-women-can.html), she made mention of a conversation over at another blog. What I found fascinating about the conversation that she made reference to is that a man who has previously voiced his disdain for African-American women was perfectly free and welcome to particpate in this conversation. As if he was a legitimate participant.
It's interesting that a man who has disdain for African-American women, and states that he has very little in common with African-American women hangs out at African-American women's blogs. One may wonder, "Why in the world does he go out of his way to come around us at our blogs, since he has so very little in common with us?"
Well, . . . this man leaves comments at Black women's blogs in order to tell Black women about the disdain he has for us, to insult us, and yet is still a welcome participant at several Black women's blogs.
I don't fault him; he's only doing what he's being allowed to do in an atmosphere that has been made comfy and cozy for him. Furthermore, what he thinks about Black women is not particularly important to me. What is important, and is a point of concern for me, is the fact that he's still welcomed into these conversations at various Black women's blogs as if he's a legitimate participant.
Many African-American women bloggers apparently don't find anything . . . peculiar . . . about allowing somebody to freely pull up a chair in our blog "homes" . . . and insult African-American women. In other words, many of us are okay with our blogs NOT being safe spaces for Black women. I suppose because, you know, we have to be "fair" to people who have already voiced their disdain for us.
How other people operate their spaces is up to them, and is none of my business. [As the Isley Brothers sang, "It's your thing, do what you wanna do. I can't tell you, who to sock it to!" LOL!] That's not my point of concern. What I AM questioning is the mindset that makes this possible in the first place. I AM questioning the widespread mindset that perceives this sort of situation as "normal."
I believe that African-American women who want to survive and thrive must purge their minds of this particular mindset. That's why I'm discussing this concrete example. So that we can all reflect upon what loyalty to self looks like in various contexts.
I said the following over at Faith's blog:
"Faith, Please excuse the extreme length of this comment. I hope to amplify one angle of the point that you made in this post.
I believe AA women need to apply the same analysis that you suggested (of asking "What, if any, value does this individual provide to AA women?") across the board. That includes scrutinizing who it is that we bother to interact with. On any level.
During these online discussions, we're often unfamiliar with the people that we're talking to. Faith, this is what you alluded to when you confronted one BM commenter about his lack of a traceable commenter ID.
As you know, a lot of folks want to comment without any sort of accountability. So, they invent new, closed profiles that they use for leaving certain types of comments. They do this because they don't want anybody following up with them at their own blogs; or making reference to their commenting history (as I'm about to do below).
WARNING: I'm repeating the following for illustration purposes ONLY. Ladies, please DON'T waste your time or breath on this individual. Please DON'T run over to his blog or over to The Black Snob blog to argue or otherwise interact with him. Please ignore him in reference to this.
Keep in mind the following questions that I often wonder as I run across this particular individual commenting over at various AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN'S BLOGS:
1-Why does this man hang out at so many AA women's blogs? Especially considering how very little he says he has in common with AA women?
2-Do the women talking to him know this guy's history in terms of his remarks about AA women?
3-If so, why do they bother interacting with him?
I have a fairly long memory when it comes to nonsense, and I vaguely recalled seeing The Angry Independent commenter being specifically (somewhat humorously) referenced and called out at another BW's blog.
I managed to find his original post that elicited the friendly "call-out" from the other blogger. Here are some pertinent quotes from it: http://mirroronamerica.blogspot.com/2008/05/why-i-hate-being-black-no-899.html
[Audience Note: Since I've linked to it above, there's no need for me to repeat the part of my comment that quotes from this particular blog post, or from his comment over at The Black Snob. One can read his comments over at The Black Snob post that Faith linked to. ]
Again, why are so many of us interacting with this person online? Why is his participation in BW's blog conversations welcomed? Are we paying attention?
[I won't bother to ask whether or not the Internet Ike Turners or Black Unity fascists have ever confronted this particular BM (The Angry Independent) who entitled his blog post "Why I Hate Being Black No. 899". You know, since they're sooo concerned about maintaining Black unity...]
Ladies, other people [especially the Jewish community] have LONG memories in terms of people who insult them. Maybe we need to learn how to have long memories too. Peace, blessings and solidarity.
. . . My issue is that so many BW continue to welcome the participation of men like The Angry Independent in our conversations. As if he's a legitimate participant to discuss issues that are of concern to BW. So, somebody can hate us, but if he prefaces his hatred with "As much as I want to love Black women…………" then it's okay? This is what I find so amazing about some of these conversations.
As to T.O.: He has a right to spend his money and time on whoever he wants. The same way I have the right to totally ignore his problems if and when he has a "Skip Gates/OJ/Wesley Snipes/Michael Vick, etc. Experience." We're ALL free agents! LOL! Thanks for another great post. Peace, blessings and solidarity."
If you're going to successfully walk the Sojourner's Path, you must be loyal to yourself, your values, and your own interests.
Do you have any loyalty to yourself?
Is the space within YOUR immediate presence a "safe space"?
Are the spaces that YOU control, safe spaces for you, and for other African-American women?
Anyhoo, I was pleased to see that my subjective assessment was more or less correct: The blog tags with the largest number of posts were the posts tagged "Wildest Dreams." The single topic with the largest number of blog posts has been about African-American women turning their Wildest Dreams into reality. The topic with the next largest number of blog posts are those tagged "Save Your Own Life." Regarding this topic, the focus has usually been on leaving physically dangerous Black residential areas; leaving dead-end, soul-draining "helping professions;" maintaining one's health through physical fitness; and developing other income streams. These are all steps along the Sojourner's Path.
As much as I prefer to focus on these sorts of things, the reality is that none of this works when you don't have any loyalty to yourself, your values, or your own interests. This lack of loyalty to self is the underlying reason why so many African-American women are so easily pulled off course from turning their dreams into reality.
You can't be loyal to yourself AND loyal that which is anti-you at the same time. When you make room, make a way, and make it comfortable and cozy for people that are anti-you, then you are acting as their ally. If you are in an alliance with somebody who hates you, then you're actually in a state of war against yourself.
Other people fighting against you, plus you helping them fight against you = YOU LOSE.
I. Do You Have Any Loyalty To Yourself?
Most African-American women don't understand the above ideas. This is the underlying reason why so many of us are suffering. We're confused. We don't call the support that we give to people who hate us "being in a state of war against ourselves." We use other terms. We call it being "compassionate," being "loving," "rising above ___________," "being fair," and worst of all, we mislabel giving aid and comfort to people who hate us as "doing the right thing."
NO! Making room, making a way, and making it comfortable and cozy for people who hate you is not the right thing to do. It's the wrong thing! It's wrong to grin and cheese with people who hate you, and make mockery of the things that are most important to you. At minimum, you need to walk away from them while they're in the process of doing this.
The Quran warns about this:"And indeed He has revealed to
you in the Book that when you hear
Allah’s messages disbelieved in and
mocked at, sit not with them until
they enter into some other discourse,
for then indeed you would be like
them. Surely Allah will gather
together the hypocrites and the disbelievers
all in hell—" Holy Quran, 4: 140.
The Quran also warns the believers about what's really going on with the "haters":
"O ye who believe! Take not into your intimacy
those outside your ranks: They will not fail to corrupt you.
They only desire your ruin: Rank hatred has already
appeared from their mouths:
What their hearts conceal is far worse.
We have made plain to you the Signs, if ye have wisdom." Holy Quran, 3:118.
Do you while away the time with people who hate you?
Do you interact with people who hate you?
Do you remain in the company of people who insult you, and the things that matter most to you?
Do you cheese and grin with people who make mockery of your aspirations?
Most African-American women do the things I've listed above. Some do it because this behavior has become normalized among us. Some know better, and do it anyway out of social pressure. I can hear such women thinking, "If I walk away from everybody who verbally spits on me or my dreams, then I won't have anybody left around me." Well, then you need to work double-time to find some new people to associate with.
I submit to you that part of the reason why you haven't found people who would actually support you and your goals is because you've been "treading water" with folks who don't support you. Two objects can't occupy the same space at the same time. The "haters" around you are taking up space that could be filled with people who are actually compatible with you and your interests.
II. Do You Have Any Boundaries? Is The Space Within YOUR Immediate Presence A "Safe Space"? Are The Spaces That YOU Control Safe Spaces For You, And For Other African-American Women?
Most African-American women don't have any boundaries. We generally don't require the area within our immediate presence to be a "safe space." We also don't make the spaces that we control safe places for ourselves and for other African-American women.
This came up during a recent conversation hosted by Faith (blog host of Acts of Faith In Love and Life, which is on my sidebar blogroll). In this post http://actsoffaithinloveandlife.blogspot.com/2009/08/lessons-african-american-women-can.html), she made mention of a conversation over at another blog. What I found fascinating about the conversation that she made reference to is that a man who has previously voiced his disdain for African-American women was perfectly free and welcome to particpate in this conversation. As if he was a legitimate participant.
It's interesting that a man who has disdain for African-American women, and states that he has very little in common with African-American women hangs out at African-American women's blogs. One may wonder, "Why in the world does he go out of his way to come around us at our blogs, since he has so very little in common with us?"
Well, . . . this man leaves comments at Black women's blogs in order to tell Black women about the disdain he has for us, to insult us, and yet is still a welcome participant at several Black women's blogs.
I don't fault him; he's only doing what he's being allowed to do in an atmosphere that has been made comfy and cozy for him. Furthermore, what he thinks about Black women is not particularly important to me. What is important, and is a point of concern for me, is the fact that he's still welcomed into these conversations at various Black women's blogs as if he's a legitimate participant.
Many African-American women bloggers apparently don't find anything . . . peculiar . . . about allowing somebody to freely pull up a chair in our blog "homes" . . . and insult African-American women. In other words, many of us are okay with our blogs NOT being safe spaces for Black women. I suppose because, you know, we have to be "fair" to people who have already voiced their disdain for us.
How other people operate their spaces is up to them, and is none of my business. [As the Isley Brothers sang, "It's your thing, do what you wanna do. I can't tell you, who to sock it to!" LOL!] That's not my point of concern. What I AM questioning is the mindset that makes this possible in the first place. I AM questioning the widespread mindset that perceives this sort of situation as "normal."
I believe that African-American women who want to survive and thrive must purge their minds of this particular mindset. That's why I'm discussing this concrete example. So that we can all reflect upon what loyalty to self looks like in various contexts.
I said the following over at Faith's blog:
"Faith, Please excuse the extreme length of this comment. I hope to amplify one angle of the point that you made in this post.
I believe AA women need to apply the same analysis that you suggested (of asking "What, if any, value does this individual provide to AA women?") across the board. That includes scrutinizing who it is that we bother to interact with. On any level.
During these online discussions, we're often unfamiliar with the people that we're talking to. Faith, this is what you alluded to when you confronted one BM commenter about his lack of a traceable commenter ID.
As you know, a lot of folks want to comment without any sort of accountability. So, they invent new, closed profiles that they use for leaving certain types of comments. They do this because they don't want anybody following up with them at their own blogs; or making reference to their commenting history (as I'm about to do below).
WARNING: I'm repeating the following for illustration purposes ONLY. Ladies, please DON'T waste your time or breath on this individual. Please DON'T run over to his blog or over to The Black Snob blog to argue or otherwise interact with him. Please ignore him in reference to this.
Keep in mind the following questions that I often wonder as I run across this particular individual commenting over at various AFRICAN-AMERICAN WOMEN'S BLOGS:
1-Why does this man hang out at so many AA women's blogs? Especially considering how very little he says he has in common with AA women?
2-Do the women talking to him know this guy's history in terms of his remarks about AA women?
3-If so, why do they bother interacting with him?
I have a fairly long memory when it comes to nonsense, and I vaguely recalled seeing The Angry Independent commenter being specifically (somewhat humorously) referenced and called out at another BW's blog.
I managed to find his original post that elicited the friendly "call-out" from the other blogger. Here are some pertinent quotes from it: http://mirroronamerica.blogspot.com/2008/05/why-i-hate-being-black-no-899.html
[Audience Note: Since I've linked to it above, there's no need for me to repeat the part of my comment that quotes from this particular blog post, or from his comment over at The Black Snob. One can read his comments over at The Black Snob post that Faith linked to. ]
Again, why are so many of us interacting with this person online? Why is his participation in BW's blog conversations welcomed? Are we paying attention?
[I won't bother to ask whether or not the Internet Ike Turners or Black Unity fascists have ever confronted this particular BM (The Angry Independent) who entitled his blog post "Why I Hate Being Black No. 899". You know, since they're sooo concerned about maintaining Black unity...]
Ladies, other people [especially the Jewish community] have LONG memories in terms of people who insult them. Maybe we need to learn how to have long memories too. Peace, blessings and solidarity.
. . . My issue is that so many BW continue to welcome the participation of men like The Angry Independent in our conversations. As if he's a legitimate participant to discuss issues that are of concern to BW. So, somebody can hate us, but if he prefaces his hatred with "As much as I want to love Black women…………" then it's okay? This is what I find so amazing about some of these conversations.
As to T.O.: He has a right to spend his money and time on whoever he wants. The same way I have the right to totally ignore his problems if and when he has a "Skip Gates/OJ/Wesley Snipes/Michael Vick, etc. Experience." We're ALL free agents! LOL! Thanks for another great post. Peace, blessings and solidarity."
If you're going to successfully walk the Sojourner's Path, you must be loyal to yourself, your values, and your own interests.
Do you have any loyalty to yourself?
Do you while away the time with people who hate you?
Do you interact with people who hate you?
Do you remain in the company of people who insult you, and the things that matter most to you?
Do you cheese and grin with people who make mockery of your aspirations?
Do you have any boundaries?Is the space within YOUR immediate presence a "safe space"?
Are the spaces that YOU control, safe spaces for you, and for other African-American women?
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Table Talk For Activists, Part 7: An Open Letter To Black Women Bloggers, You Tubers, And Event Organizers
This essay is contained in my new book. I'm delighted to announce that The Sojourner's Passport site has launched! You can visit it at http://www.sojournerspassport.com/.
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
______________________________________________
I've already discussed the public handling of Internet Ike Turners in an earlier post. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2009/03/table-talk-for-activists-part-4.html Now, in light of subsequent events, I feel the need to mention some behind the scenes precautions that women who have an online presence need to take. Here's a comment that I made in response to one of Faith's recent posts (she's the blog host of Acts of Faith In Love And Life, which is on my sidebar blogroll). I've added links to several news stories:
"Well, first things first: I believe that every woman blog host and YouTuber needs to take security issues seriously. I remember reading a news story a while back about how women blog hosts across the board (and no matter how innocuous their subject matter) are so much more likely to be blog stalked and harassed by male readers. http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geu5Xo4H5KvfwA9uVXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEybzQ3Z2gwBHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMwRjb2xvA2FjMgR2dGlkA0Y4NjFfNzg-/SIG=12btiv5t8/EXP=1249915496/**http%3a//abcnews.go.com/GMA/Technology/story%3fid=3104264
Meanwhile, so many women (especially AA women) have been programmed to nervously laugh off male acts of aggression. For example, I'm thinking of a disgruntled BF reader at my blog who was angry when I made a comment about this a while back.
She characterized my comments as paranoid; and defiantly stated that she was not going to "live in fear," etc. In other words, she was not going to take online security issues seriously, nor was she going to take DBR-Black male commenters' online aggression seriously. She took this posture even though the hate comments from DBRBM had driven her off her own blog! Even though she shut down her own blog due to BM harassment, she ANGRILY ran to another BW's blog to badmouth me because I talked about security issues. The mind boggles.
All of this was before a young Black woman named Asia McGowan was murdered by a DBRBM who was spewing hatred toward BW on YouTube. He was spewing hatred in response to her innocuous YouTube videos. http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/2009/04/youtube-facebook-murder-black-woman-slaughtered-by-crazed-fellow-youtuber-and-facebook-stalker-detroit-police-ignored-warnings-by-youtubers/
[Incidentally, there's a BM website that hails this killer as a hero. I'm not going to name it. I don't give publicity to racist/violent/sexist sites.]
In any event, I strongly urge all women blog hosts to:
(1) Keep track of the trolls' IP addresses and geographical locations;
(2) Maintain a log of print outs of the trolls' comments (whether you publish them on your blog or not---you need to keep a file on these nuts);
(3) And most importantly, be prepared to call your local FBI field office, local law enforcement, and local law enforcement in the troll's jurisdiction THE MOMENT the troll submits a comment that you feel is in any way threatening!
In terms of this latest DBR-killer, it just goes to show that despite the seeming differences between various types of nuts (racists, DBRBM, sexists, religious fanatics, etc.), what they ALL have in common is that they HATE women. Peace, blessings and solidarity."
Ladies, an Internet Ike Turner has already KILLED a young African-American woman. He wasn't the only Internet Ike Turner that's capable of, and eager to commit, violence against women. There are others. Many others.
While browsing through various blogs, I can see that many of the African-American women commenting online haven't really let this sink in. There is still hesitation in their voices about calling law enforcement on those Internet Ike Turners that make threats. It's as if you don't want to acknowledge that many of these nuts would like to physically harm you.
Many of you want to minimize the threat by pretending that it's all about a particular Internet Ike Turner's mental illness. And yes, from what readers have sent me of their ramblings, several of them are clearly mentally ill. But in focusing on any particular Ike's probable mental illness, you're missing the main point. The main point is that the Internet Ike Turners are threats. Threats to be managed by proper security precautions and techniques. To a woman who is wounded, maimed or killed by an Internet Ike Turner (like Asia McGowan) does it matter if they're mentally ill? NO, it doesn't matter.
A secondary point that many women want to fixate on is that the mentally ill Ikes are encouraged and supported by a viciously sexist African-American subculture that supports violence against Black women and girls. Modern African-American culture supports, encourages, and excuses all sorts of violence against Black women and girls. From the sexual molestation of Black girls that R. Kelley's Black fans support, to the beating of women that Chris Brown's Black fans loudly support. Does any of this matter to a woman who is wounded, maimed, or killed by an Internet Ike Turner? NO, it doesn't matter.
Ladies, focus on what matters! What matters is taking proper security precautions for your online and offline activities. I would strongly urge you to take the steps I've outlined above in terms of your online work.
In terms of any offline gatherings that you sponsor, I would strongly urge you to hire security. From what I've been told, several Internet Ike Turners are making threats of physically disrupting future events sponsored by and for African-American women. You need to take these threats seriously and prepare for them.
As an additional step, I would urge event organizers to hire a private investigator to film and photograph EVERY Black male that:
(1) Seeks entry into the event (since they have no legitimate reason for being there unless they are an invited speaker); and/or
(2) loiters around outside the event; and/or
(3) appears to be watching who's going in and out of any event that you're sponsoring.
Some of the Internet Ike Turners might not be bold enough to try to physically crash your event; but some of them will want to conduct hostile surveillance on the Black women who attend your event. You need to watch the people who are watching you. This is what law enforcement agencies do in terms of filming activists at protest marches.
Ladies, get real about your own safety and the safety of your guests.
Everyone, I can't thank you enough for your ongoing encouragement and support; I truly appreciate it. Your support is what made this possible. And here's a special shout-out to my web designers at Educo Web Design. They're nice people to deal with, and they do outstanding work!
Peace and blessings,
Khadija Nassif
______________________________________________
I've already discussed the public handling of Internet Ike Turners in an earlier post. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2009/03/table-talk-for-activists-part-4.html Now, in light of subsequent events, I feel the need to mention some behind the scenes precautions that women who have an online presence need to take. Here's a comment that I made in response to one of Faith's recent posts (she's the blog host of Acts of Faith In Love And Life, which is on my sidebar blogroll). I've added links to several news stories:
"Well, first things first: I believe that every woman blog host and YouTuber needs to take security issues seriously. I remember reading a news story a while back about how women blog hosts across the board (and no matter how innocuous their subject matter) are so much more likely to be blog stalked and harassed by male readers. http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geu5Xo4H5KvfwA9uVXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEybzQ3Z2gwBHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMwRjb2xvA2FjMgR2dGlkA0Y4NjFfNzg-/SIG=12btiv5t8/EXP=1249915496/**http%3a//abcnews.go.com/GMA/Technology/story%3fid=3104264
Meanwhile, so many women (especially AA women) have been programmed to nervously laugh off male acts of aggression. For example, I'm thinking of a disgruntled BF reader at my blog who was angry when I made a comment about this a while back.
She characterized my comments as paranoid; and defiantly stated that she was not going to "live in fear," etc. In other words, she was not going to take online security issues seriously, nor was she going to take DBR-Black male commenters' online aggression seriously. She took this posture even though the hate comments from DBRBM had driven her off her own blog! Even though she shut down her own blog due to BM harassment, she ANGRILY ran to another BW's blog to badmouth me because I talked about security issues. The mind boggles.
All of this was before a young Black woman named Asia McGowan was murdered by a DBRBM who was spewing hatred toward BW on YouTube. He was spewing hatred in response to her innocuous YouTube videos. http://www.whataboutourdaughters.com/2009/04/youtube-facebook-murder-black-woman-slaughtered-by-crazed-fellow-youtuber-and-facebook-stalker-detroit-police-ignored-warnings-by-youtubers/
[Incidentally, there's a BM website that hails this killer as a hero. I'm not going to name it. I don't give publicity to racist/violent/sexist sites.]
In any event, I strongly urge all women blog hosts to:
(1) Keep track of the trolls' IP addresses and geographical locations;
(2) Maintain a log of print outs of the trolls' comments (whether you publish them on your blog or not---you need to keep a file on these nuts);
(3) And most importantly, be prepared to call your local FBI field office, local law enforcement, and local law enforcement in the troll's jurisdiction THE MOMENT the troll submits a comment that you feel is in any way threatening!
In terms of this latest DBR-killer, it just goes to show that despite the seeming differences between various types of nuts (racists, DBRBM, sexists, religious fanatics, etc.), what they ALL have in common is that they HATE women. Peace, blessings and solidarity."
Ladies, an Internet Ike Turner has already KILLED a young African-American woman. He wasn't the only Internet Ike Turner that's capable of, and eager to commit, violence against women. There are others. Many others.
While browsing through various blogs, I can see that many of the African-American women commenting online haven't really let this sink in. There is still hesitation in their voices about calling law enforcement on those Internet Ike Turners that make threats. It's as if you don't want to acknowledge that many of these nuts would like to physically harm you.
Many of you want to minimize the threat by pretending that it's all about a particular Internet Ike Turner's mental illness. And yes, from what readers have sent me of their ramblings, several of them are clearly mentally ill. But in focusing on any particular Ike's probable mental illness, you're missing the main point. The main point is that the Internet Ike Turners are threats. Threats to be managed by proper security precautions and techniques. To a woman who is wounded, maimed or killed by an Internet Ike Turner (like Asia McGowan) does it matter if they're mentally ill? NO, it doesn't matter.
A secondary point that many women want to fixate on is that the mentally ill Ikes are encouraged and supported by a viciously sexist African-American subculture that supports violence against Black women and girls. Modern African-American culture supports, encourages, and excuses all sorts of violence against Black women and girls. From the sexual molestation of Black girls that R. Kelley's Black fans support, to the beating of women that Chris Brown's Black fans loudly support. Does any of this matter to a woman who is wounded, maimed, or killed by an Internet Ike Turner? NO, it doesn't matter.
Ladies, focus on what matters! What matters is taking proper security precautions for your online and offline activities. I would strongly urge you to take the steps I've outlined above in terms of your online work.
In terms of any offline gatherings that you sponsor, I would strongly urge you to hire security. From what I've been told, several Internet Ike Turners are making threats of physically disrupting future events sponsored by and for African-American women. You need to take these threats seriously and prepare for them.
As an additional step, I would urge event organizers to hire a private investigator to film and photograph EVERY Black male that:
(1) Seeks entry into the event (since they have no legitimate reason for being there unless they are an invited speaker); and/or
(2) loiters around outside the event; and/or
(3) appears to be watching who's going in and out of any event that you're sponsoring.
Some of the Internet Ike Turners might not be bold enough to try to physically crash your event; but some of them will want to conduct hostile surveillance on the Black women who attend your event. You need to watch the people who are watching you. This is what law enforcement agencies do in terms of filming activists at protest marches.
Ladies, get real about your own safety and the safety of your guests.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Wildest Dreams Checklist: "Good Luck And Fine Quality For 10,000 Years"
Lately, I've been paying close attention to the overheard conversations of the African-Americans I randomly encounter at work, in restaurants, in stores, walking down the streets.
I'm rediscovering why I usually tune out such things.
When did we become so uncompromisingly . . . small? When did we become satisfied with living LOW- and NO-impact lives?
On one level, I suppose that this is to be expected from people who are barely making ends meet. What's the excuse for members of the so-called "talented tenth"?
Our thoughts are . . . small.
Our dreams are even smaller.
There is no ambition.
There are no grand visions of making a lasting mark during one's life.
What happened to us?
I look at this and contrast it with examples of other people who made marks that have endured for generations. People who had long-term, grand visions. Visions that were "built to last."
The next time you see a bottle of Kikkoman soy sauce, please be aware that this family-owned Japanese company has existed for 17 generations. Kikkoman started as a small, regional soy sauce business in 1630, using a recipe invented by the widow of one of the samurai of Prince Hideyori. The firm began exporting soy sauce in 1868. Centuries of Success: Lessons From the World's Most Enduring Family Businesses, pg. 27.
The next time you see a Kikkoman bottle, please be aware that the characters for the brand name "Kikkoman" can be translated as "good luck and fine quality for 10,000 years." That's quite an ambitious vision for one's business! The Mogi family also carefully considered the values that they wanted to pass on to future generations of the family and family business.
"In the late 1700s or early 1800s the Mogis established a family constitution institutionalizing their cooperative effort to concentrate talent and experience in shoyu [soy sauce] manufacture at Noda. Among other things the short document noted:
'Sincerity first and profits will follow. Neglect neither . . . Avoid luxury and cultivate simplicity and earnestness . . . Attend to your health. Eat simple foods no different than those taken by your employees . . . Twice a year call a family meeting; praise family members according to their character and not according to their profits.' "
http://www.soyinfocenter.com/HSS/kikkoman.php
Are the effects of your choices "built to last"?
Will the effects of any of your choices endure?
Are you building anything that is intended to last?
What impact will your actions have on life 17 generations from now?
I'm rediscovering why I usually tune out such things.
When did we become so uncompromisingly . . . small? When did we become satisfied with living LOW- and NO-impact lives?
On one level, I suppose that this is to be expected from people who are barely making ends meet. What's the excuse for members of the so-called "talented tenth"?
Our thoughts are . . . small.
Our dreams are even smaller.
There is no ambition.
There are no grand visions of making a lasting mark during one's life.
What happened to us?
I look at this and contrast it with examples of other people who made marks that have endured for generations. People who had long-term, grand visions. Visions that were "built to last."
The next time you see a bottle of Kikkoman soy sauce, please be aware that this family-owned Japanese company has existed for 17 generations. Kikkoman started as a small, regional soy sauce business in 1630, using a recipe invented by the widow of one of the samurai of Prince Hideyori. The firm began exporting soy sauce in 1868. Centuries of Success: Lessons From the World's Most Enduring Family Businesses, pg. 27.
The next time you see a Kikkoman bottle, please be aware that the characters for the brand name "Kikkoman" can be translated as "good luck and fine quality for 10,000 years." That's quite an ambitious vision for one's business! The Mogi family also carefully considered the values that they wanted to pass on to future generations of the family and family business.
"In the late 1700s or early 1800s the Mogis established a family constitution institutionalizing their cooperative effort to concentrate talent and experience in shoyu [soy sauce] manufacture at Noda. Among other things the short document noted:
'Sincerity first and profits will follow. Neglect neither . . . Avoid luxury and cultivate simplicity and earnestness . . . Attend to your health. Eat simple foods no different than those taken by your employees . . . Twice a year call a family meeting; praise family members according to their character and not according to their profits.' "
http://www.soyinfocenter.com/HSS/kikkoman.php
Are the effects of your choices "built to last"?
Will the effects of any of your choices endure?
Are you building anything that is intended to last?
What impact will your actions have on life 17 generations from now?
Monday, August 3, 2009
Geostrategy Nerd: The Federal Government Is Giving You A Hint
The participants at this think tank have been discussing the need to escape Black residential areas since the post from 11/18/08 entitled "All Colored People That Want to Go To Kansas, On 9/5/1877, Can Do So for $5.00." http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/11/all-colored-people-that-want-to-go-to.html Leaving these Black residential areas is literally a matter of life and death for African-American women and children.
As many Black women's empowerment bloggers have noted, conditions within these majority-Black residential hellholes will only get worse as time goes on. In fact, the federal government is talking about razing sections of 50 economically depressed cities like Detroit, and letting nature reclaim the bulldozed districts! I would expect that most of these cities have substantial African-American populations. Whatever the outcome of this plan, it won't be a pretty picture. The time to get out is NOW.
Here's the beginning of the Telegraph.co.uk news story at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financetopics/financialcrisis/5516536/US-cities-may-have-to-be-bulldozed-in-order-to-survive.html :
"US cities may have to be bulldozed in order to survive.
Dozens of US cities may have entire neighbourhoods bulldozed as part of drastic "shrink to survive" proposals being considered by the Obama administration to tackle economic decline. The government is looking at expanding a pioneering scheme in Flint, one of the poorest US cities, which involves razing entire districts and returning the land to nature. Local politicians believe the city must contract by as much as 40 per cent, concentrating the dwindling population and local services into a more viable area."
Here's a link to a blog post discussing the story:
http://www.inhabitat.com/2009/06/22/us_government_may_bulldoze_50_cities_create_more_green_space/
From the blog post:
"It seems virtually everyone——from Wall Street bankers to small business owners——has been affected by the economic downturn. Now, the recession’’s latest victims may be American cities. The Obama administration is reportedly considering plans to raze sections of 50 economically depressed US cities, condensing these towns’’ shrinking populations and city services to smaller areas. The plan, dubbed ""shrink to survive,"" may seem kooky, but it could be big news for environmentalists: In many cases, bulldozed districts would be returned to nature via forests or meadows.
. . . The list may surprise some, as it contains major metropolises like Philadelphia, Detroit, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, and Memphis, as well as other former industrial hotspots. Kildee and some government officials believe that downsizing these economically depressed cities will provide citizens with greater quality of life and more efficiently utilize city services."
Right. Sure. This is about green space, and the remaining inhabitants' quality of life. No, it's more like pulling the plug on a dead patient.
As many Black women's empowerment bloggers have noted, conditions within these majority-Black residential hellholes will only get worse as time goes on. In fact, the federal government is talking about razing sections of 50 economically depressed cities like Detroit, and letting nature reclaim the bulldozed districts! I would expect that most of these cities have substantial African-American populations. Whatever the outcome of this plan, it won't be a pretty picture. The time to get out is NOW.
Here's the beginning of the Telegraph.co.uk news story at http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/financetopics/financialcrisis/5516536/US-cities-may-have-to-be-bulldozed-in-order-to-survive.html :
"US cities may have to be bulldozed in order to survive.
Dozens of US cities may have entire neighbourhoods bulldozed as part of drastic "shrink to survive" proposals being considered by the Obama administration to tackle economic decline. The government is looking at expanding a pioneering scheme in Flint, one of the poorest US cities, which involves razing entire districts and returning the land to nature. Local politicians believe the city must contract by as much as 40 per cent, concentrating the dwindling population and local services into a more viable area."
Here's a link to a blog post discussing the story:
http://www.inhabitat.com/2009/06/22/us_government_may_bulldoze_50_cities_create_more_green_space/
From the blog post:
"It seems virtually everyone——from Wall Street bankers to small business owners——has been affected by the economic downturn. Now, the recession’’s latest victims may be American cities. The Obama administration is reportedly considering plans to raze sections of 50 economically depressed US cities, condensing these towns’’ shrinking populations and city services to smaller areas. The plan, dubbed ""shrink to survive,"" may seem kooky, but it could be big news for environmentalists: In many cases, bulldozed districts would be returned to nature via forests or meadows.
. . . The list may surprise some, as it contains major metropolises like Philadelphia, Detroit, Baltimore, Pittsburgh, and Memphis, as well as other former industrial hotspots. Kildee and some government officials believe that downsizing these economically depressed cities will provide citizens with greater quality of life and more efficiently utilize city services."
Right. Sure. This is about green space, and the remaining inhabitants' quality of life. No, it's more like pulling the plug on a dead patient.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
True Fellowship, Part 3: An Extended Reader's Money Quote From Evia
The Reader's Money Quote is a statement that is of such insight and importance that it merits frequent and loud repetition. These Reader's Money Quotes are from Evia, blog host of Black Female Interracial Marriage Ezine http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/. Evia and I had the following exchange during a recent post (my comments are in blue):
Evia said:
However, on the topic of REAL "friends," well I think volumes could be written about that because there are virtually no rules anymore. Therefore, lots of people are very UN-likeminded until the meaning of friendship. To one person, it means something totally different than it may mean to another person, yet both people are using the same word. This causes lots of confusion and disappointment.
For ex. when I was in college I had what I considered a close girlfriend. Everything was fine until she went into the hospital to have some surgery. She was there for a couple of days. She NEVER told me she was going into the hospital!! I only found out later when she came out. I was devastated! We talked about it afterwards and she said she didn't understand why that even bothered me. OMG!!
My take on this is that when you go into the hospital for surgery, you should WANT those people who are close to you to know about it and BE there for you. So when she didn't tell me about her surgery, IMO based on my background, that was an indication that she didn't consider me a close friend. That also told me that if I went into the hospital, she wouldn't consider it important to be there for me either. These are MAJOR values differences, and I knew at that point that we would most likely never be really "close".
However, both she and her mother had been born and raised in NYC (Harlem) and had taken on the whole array of NYC "individualistic" values whereas, I grew up on a rural farm down South and had "communal" values from that background, so our backgrounds were VERY different. It wasn't her fault and it wasn't mine. That was the first experience that made me realize the importance of VALUES and likemindedness and how they determine whether people will get along with each other satisfactorily and have a mutually satisfying relationship. I'm not saying it can't be done. I'm saying it's a lot more difficult.
And this has nothing to do with ethnicity or race because I've met continental African women and white women with whom I've bonded almost instantly, whereas I've met AA women who I know I could never bond with.
This is a very clear example of why people from very different thought systems and value systems cannot jell, in many cases. There are so many unspoken expectations and assumptions that will usually trip them up.
So I have **sisterfriends**, **friends**, and then I have a variety of acquaintances. A sisterfriend is a friend of the 1st degree. A sisterfriend is the type of friend who could live with me indefinitely. I would go all out for her and her children to the extent that I could, without harming myself. She is, in a sense, my "sister" with the full meaning of the word. I would expect her to do all of the same for me.
At this point in my life, I put energy into cultivating sisterfriends, and I've had a moderate degree of success. I'm finding women who also relish this type of REAL relationship. It requires HONEST talk though about your needs. You cannot make assumptions. You have to tell a potential sisterfriend the biggies that you expect and she does the same and then you both have to decide whether you're willing to come through for each other.
I think AA women need friends, but due to the massive breakdown of the fledgling AA culture which eats away at even supposedly close-knit family relationships, I think that every AA woman REALLY needs at least 2 sisterfriends and 3 or 4 would of course be a lot better. That would make a typical AA woman feel a lot less vulnerable, alone. A sisterfriend is a type of insurance.
You know there's a 95% that she'll be there for you when your "friends" and acquaintances call to give you excuses as to why they can't be there for you in whatever way. Also, you're her sisterfriend too. So the sisterfriend relationship requires obligations and responsibilities.
Human beings are not islands. We have been wired to need a variety of others.
Evia, I'm happy you talked at length about friendship. The topic is the very FIRST thing that I'm going to get back to in detail in August. It's the FIRST order of business for August.
. . . You're being very gracious. I grew up in Chicago (as did my parents), and that person's behavior sounds CRAZY to me (for somebody who calls themself a friend). The harsh reality is that there are a LOT of improperly socialized, SAVAGE AAs out there. You described one of them.
And I think it's a very good thing that you mentioned the reciprocity implications involved in this sort of crazy behavior. A so-called "friend" who does not expect you to be there for them does NOT expect to be there for you!
. . . [T]oo many AA women try to rely on their husbands and boyfriends to supply ALL of their emotional needs. Not only is that unhealthy (one person simply can't supply ALL of another person's emotional needs). But it also sets women up to be extremely needy and vulnerable in their relationships with men.
It also sets them up to be utterly destroyed by divorce/break-up. I've seen this happen over and over to women who felt that they didn't need friends or sisterfriends because they "had a man." It's NOT a pretty picture. In fact, I've been observing a BW coworker like this who's in the middle of a mini-breakdown right now because she threw away what few friendships she had as soon as she "got a man." Meanwhile, her ex-boyfriend held on to his friendships with "his boys" throughout their relationship. Now that he's broken up with her, she's almost catatonic.
I don't feel particularly sympathetic to her. She got what she created for herself.
Khadija, re my college chum and your comments above, this was a very eye-opening experience for me--having Freda as a "friend." She had been raised not to trust black people because her mother, a hard-working black woman had had a hard life. The mother was a very bitter bw. She had been preyed on by a good-looking, sweet-talking, womanizing bm. He impregnated her mother and abandoned her. To her mother's credit, she had pinched pennies to send my friend to a private girl's school in NYC and then Freda went on to college, which is where I met her.
Freda came from a very different background than me. She grew up around lots of predators, and with barely any protection from them. Her mother worked 2 jobs all of her life and provided a clean,comfortable home, but there was no time for Freda. Freda had been molested a couple of times while she was a teenager.
My childhood wasn't perfect, but I grew up in a safe environment surrounded by various adults in my extended family watching over me, protecting me. At the time, I thought they were TOO protective, but now I know better. I also always got enough attention from adults. It certainly sounds like you also had a bunch of people who protected you and were there for you.
Even today, I don't think Freda has ever gotten over some of those childhood experiences and the LACK that was in her life during critical periods.
So after my initial hurt, I just accepted her as she was and knew that we could never be "close."
Evia, Thanks for explaining the history behind your college chum. I knew there had to be something SERIOUSLY wrong with that person. It's NOT normal to act like that regarding somebody you call a real "friend."
Yes, I was also BLESSED to grow up being protected and loved by many, many adults around me. Unfortunately, that sort of emotional and physical security are becoming unknown among AA children.
There are a LOT of sociopaths among our people. These bizarre attitudes toward friendship (like what you described about your college acquaintance), and the inability to form close friendships are a part of that syndrome.
That's why I was horrified by some of the statements made during the True Fellowship discussions (which I'm going to revisit in August). I was shocked and appalled to see people say out loud, in public, statements like "I don't want any friends." That's mentally SICK. For real. And it's the kind of statement that I hear from sociopathic clients. IIRC, the inability to make or keep friends is one of the DSM-IV-listed symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder!
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
We already know what the problems are. We know that the social fabric among our people has been destroyed. We know what extreme isolation and non-reciprocity can lead to for African-American women and other Black women. http://longbench.wordpress.com/2008/07/03/esmin-green-died-alone/
I don't want to keep talking about the problems. We already know what's wrong. I'm tired of seeing the conversation pattern that exists at many African-American blogs: People go round and round over the problems. If somebody offers concrete, actionable suggestions, these suggestions are ignored in favor of engaging in yet another round of (often insincere) hand-wringing.
For example, I recently watched a heckler-troll at another blog (who is apparently angry with the idea of African-American women divesting from dangerous and non-reciprocating scenarios) completely ignore the list of concrete actions that I suggested she could take in support of an 8 year old Liberian girl who was recently gang-raped by four boys.
She had used this girl's suffering to try to score a debate point against divestment; and I responded by giving her a list of actions that she could take in support of this girl, since she claimed to be concerned about this particular child. Actions that nobody is stopping her from doing, such as: (1) reaching out to the local prosecutor’s office, and local victim advocacy groups to find out what specific needs this little girl might have right now, and (2) coordinating donations for this little girl.
Instead of taking up the mantle of ACTION, this woman repeated her already-answered question by asking the blog host, "The Arizona authorities are taking care of the child, what do you suggest should be done next?" As if it's a reasonable assumption that ALL of the child's needs (including long-term needs) are being met by "the Arizona authorities." Right. Sure.
How quickly people wriggle out of assuming any responsibility whatsoever for taking action! This is the same type of bad-faith nonsense that "Internet Ike Turners" like to engage in (falsely professed concern about issues that they have NO intention of doing anything about).
Let's STOP playing these sorts of games with the life and death matters that are facing us. It's time to revisit some solutions. It's time for people who are sincere and serious to take concrete actions in support of their values. Part 2 of the True Fellowship series mentioned several concrete actions we can take to create true fellowships in our lives. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/10/true-fellowship-part-2-breaking-bread.html
Over the months, I've been delighted to hear periodic updates from a reader and fellow blogger named ForeverLoyal (her blog is at http://foreverloyal.wordpress.com/) about the concrete steps that she's taken to enhance her relationship with a close friend.
It's really up to each one of us.
Evia said:
However, on the topic of REAL "friends," well I think volumes could be written about that because there are virtually no rules anymore. Therefore, lots of people are very UN-likeminded until the meaning of friendship. To one person, it means something totally different than it may mean to another person, yet both people are using the same word. This causes lots of confusion and disappointment.
For ex. when I was in college I had what I considered a close girlfriend. Everything was fine until she went into the hospital to have some surgery. She was there for a couple of days. She NEVER told me she was going into the hospital!! I only found out later when she came out. I was devastated! We talked about it afterwards and she said she didn't understand why that even bothered me. OMG!!
My take on this is that when you go into the hospital for surgery, you should WANT those people who are close to you to know about it and BE there for you. So when she didn't tell me about her surgery, IMO based on my background, that was an indication that she didn't consider me a close friend. That also told me that if I went into the hospital, she wouldn't consider it important to be there for me either. These are MAJOR values differences, and I knew at that point that we would most likely never be really "close".
However, both she and her mother had been born and raised in NYC (Harlem) and had taken on the whole array of NYC "individualistic" values whereas, I grew up on a rural farm down South and had "communal" values from that background, so our backgrounds were VERY different. It wasn't her fault and it wasn't mine. That was the first experience that made me realize the importance of VALUES and likemindedness and how they determine whether people will get along with each other satisfactorily and have a mutually satisfying relationship. I'm not saying it can't be done. I'm saying it's a lot more difficult.
And this has nothing to do with ethnicity or race because I've met continental African women and white women with whom I've bonded almost instantly, whereas I've met AA women who I know I could never bond with.
This is a very clear example of why people from very different thought systems and value systems cannot jell, in many cases. There are so many unspoken expectations and assumptions that will usually trip them up.
So I have **sisterfriends**, **friends**, and then I have a variety of acquaintances. A sisterfriend is a friend of the 1st degree. A sisterfriend is the type of friend who could live with me indefinitely. I would go all out for her and her children to the extent that I could, without harming myself. She is, in a sense, my "sister" with the full meaning of the word. I would expect her to do all of the same for me.
At this point in my life, I put energy into cultivating sisterfriends, and I've had a moderate degree of success. I'm finding women who also relish this type of REAL relationship. It requires HONEST talk though about your needs. You cannot make assumptions. You have to tell a potential sisterfriend the biggies that you expect and she does the same and then you both have to decide whether you're willing to come through for each other.
I think AA women need friends, but due to the massive breakdown of the fledgling AA culture which eats away at even supposedly close-knit family relationships, I think that every AA woman REALLY needs at least 2 sisterfriends and 3 or 4 would of course be a lot better. That would make a typical AA woman feel a lot less vulnerable, alone. A sisterfriend is a type of insurance.
You know there's a 95% that she'll be there for you when your "friends" and acquaintances call to give you excuses as to why they can't be there for you in whatever way. Also, you're her sisterfriend too. So the sisterfriend relationship requires obligations and responsibilities.
Human beings are not islands. We have been wired to need a variety of others.
Evia, I'm happy you talked at length about friendship. The topic is the very FIRST thing that I'm going to get back to in detail in August. It's the FIRST order of business for August.
. . . You're being very gracious. I grew up in Chicago (as did my parents), and that person's behavior sounds CRAZY to me (for somebody who calls themself a friend). The harsh reality is that there are a LOT of improperly socialized, SAVAGE AAs out there. You described one of them.
And I think it's a very good thing that you mentioned the reciprocity implications involved in this sort of crazy behavior. A so-called "friend" who does not expect you to be there for them does NOT expect to be there for you!
. . . [T]oo many AA women try to rely on their husbands and boyfriends to supply ALL of their emotional needs. Not only is that unhealthy (one person simply can't supply ALL of another person's emotional needs). But it also sets women up to be extremely needy and vulnerable in their relationships with men.
It also sets them up to be utterly destroyed by divorce/break-up. I've seen this happen over and over to women who felt that they didn't need friends or sisterfriends because they "had a man." It's NOT a pretty picture. In fact, I've been observing a BW coworker like this who's in the middle of a mini-breakdown right now because she threw away what few friendships she had as soon as she "got a man." Meanwhile, her ex-boyfriend held on to his friendships with "his boys" throughout their relationship. Now that he's broken up with her, she's almost catatonic.
I don't feel particularly sympathetic to her. She got what she created for herself.
Khadija, re my college chum and your comments above, this was a very eye-opening experience for me--having Freda as a "friend." She had been raised not to trust black people because her mother, a hard-working black woman had had a hard life. The mother was a very bitter bw. She had been preyed on by a good-looking, sweet-talking, womanizing bm. He impregnated her mother and abandoned her. To her mother's credit, she had pinched pennies to send my friend to a private girl's school in NYC and then Freda went on to college, which is where I met her.
Freda came from a very different background than me. She grew up around lots of predators, and with barely any protection from them. Her mother worked 2 jobs all of her life and provided a clean,comfortable home, but there was no time for Freda. Freda had been molested a couple of times while she was a teenager.
My childhood wasn't perfect, but I grew up in a safe environment surrounded by various adults in my extended family watching over me, protecting me. At the time, I thought they were TOO protective, but now I know better. I also always got enough attention from adults. It certainly sounds like you also had a bunch of people who protected you and were there for you.
Even today, I don't think Freda has ever gotten over some of those childhood experiences and the LACK that was in her life during critical periods.
So after my initial hurt, I just accepted her as she was and knew that we could never be "close."
Evia, Thanks for explaining the history behind your college chum. I knew there had to be something SERIOUSLY wrong with that person. It's NOT normal to act like that regarding somebody you call a real "friend."
Yes, I was also BLESSED to grow up being protected and loved by many, many adults around me. Unfortunately, that sort of emotional and physical security are becoming unknown among AA children.
There are a LOT of sociopaths among our people. These bizarre attitudes toward friendship (like what you described about your college acquaintance), and the inability to form close friendships are a part of that syndrome.
That's why I was horrified by some of the statements made during the True Fellowship discussions (which I'm going to revisit in August). I was shocked and appalled to see people say out loud, in public, statements like "I don't want any friends." That's mentally SICK. For real. And it's the kind of statement that I hear from sociopathic clients. IIRC, the inability to make or keep friends is one of the DSM-IV-listed symptoms of Antisocial Personality Disorder!
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
We already know what the problems are. We know that the social fabric among our people has been destroyed. We know what extreme isolation and non-reciprocity can lead to for African-American women and other Black women. http://longbench.wordpress.com/2008/07/03/esmin-green-died-alone/
I don't want to keep talking about the problems. We already know what's wrong. I'm tired of seeing the conversation pattern that exists at many African-American blogs: People go round and round over the problems. If somebody offers concrete, actionable suggestions, these suggestions are ignored in favor of engaging in yet another round of (often insincere) hand-wringing.
For example, I recently watched a heckler-troll at another blog (who is apparently angry with the idea of African-American women divesting from dangerous and non-reciprocating scenarios) completely ignore the list of concrete actions that I suggested she could take in support of an 8 year old Liberian girl who was recently gang-raped by four boys.
She had used this girl's suffering to try to score a debate point against divestment; and I responded by giving her a list of actions that she could take in support of this girl, since she claimed to be concerned about this particular child. Actions that nobody is stopping her from doing, such as: (1) reaching out to the local prosecutor’s office, and local victim advocacy groups to find out what specific needs this little girl might have right now, and (2) coordinating donations for this little girl.
Instead of taking up the mantle of ACTION, this woman repeated her already-answered question by asking the blog host, "The Arizona authorities are taking care of the child, what do you suggest should be done next?" As if it's a reasonable assumption that ALL of the child's needs (including long-term needs) are being met by "the Arizona authorities." Right. Sure.
How quickly people wriggle out of assuming any responsibility whatsoever for taking action! This is the same type of bad-faith nonsense that "Internet Ike Turners" like to engage in (falsely professed concern about issues that they have NO intention of doing anything about).
Let's STOP playing these sorts of games with the life and death matters that are facing us. It's time to revisit some solutions. It's time for people who are sincere and serious to take concrete actions in support of their values. Part 2 of the True Fellowship series mentioned several concrete actions we can take to create true fellowships in our lives. http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2008/10/true-fellowship-part-2-breaking-bread.html
Over the months, I've been delighted to hear periodic updates from a reader and fellow blogger named ForeverLoyal (her blog is at http://foreverloyal.wordpress.com/) about the concrete steps that she's taken to enhance her relationship with a close friend.
It's really up to each one of us.
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